What? I don't know. I'm gonna hang out tonight I got I've got to work on, uh, Sally's thing. Sally Silver. Um, I'm sorry I'm just trying I'm trying to get get things so that, you know, I can no see see everything I'm disappointed. I'm really just dying. Look at this. See if I go back this is where I got to the other day before the damn thing crashed in my cache. Now it now it won't go anywhere. That's great. Excellent. Alright, I'm gonna get going. Anyway I, you know, I'm gonna get going. Here, I'll walk out with you. Why where wanna lock the animal up? I had the most depressing time with Jody, oh man, I was just I felt like I was just gonna just gonna fuckin slit my wrists. She's so depressing. It make me feel bad about my life, you know when you're around someone like that? Oh, you know, this is not working out and she wishes she the only thing she wants is to get one piece in a group show in New York and, oh god, it was just one sob story after another it was terrible, Cheryl, really I had the worst I'm just so depressed. Cause I don't know cause she just, you know, she's no good or others are better or, you know, the same old sob story. Just trying to show slides and she wants to show Paul Ha her slides and Paul Ha didn't didn't respond and I mean it's just like cut your wrists. Yeah, I like her work. I think her work's good, you know, it's just her whole, like, thing was just so many and just so groany and oh, I'm just so depressed, really. Between that and my mother I feel like I'm just about to die. Um, because she she has a show in L.A. and she's like, I don't understand. I show in L.A., you know, it's just like the same old fucking many story and, ugh, she's just so ugly I can't look at her. She's so unattractive! Like she's kind of like an excess of male hormones. Oh, it just depressing I'm so depressed. She's got like facial hair and she's got like like cold sores. Oh, she's hideous and she's like hard looking, I mean she looks like a man! She looks like a mixture of a man and a monkey! Dreadful! Ugh! I'm sorry I've been in a really bit of a bitch-assed mood for the last, uh, 34 years. How do you like what I said to my mother today I said everything was great until Margie was born. Ugh, my mother's insane! Ugh, I, you know, anyway I'm just I have to do Sally Silver's poster and I told her that I'd have it done for her by like this weekend and I haven't even started cause all I did today was padiddle with my computer I got absolutely nothing accomplished with it, you know, it was just like, you know, all they actually they found out why, you know, you have to push the button three times for it not to start. I didn't get Open Transport so I can't look at I can't look at your... Yeah, I can't see your piece. I'm Mr. Fucking Web, yeah, no this is bad. Maybe at sometime, maybe a year from now everyone will be able to see it. I don't even know where to get the goddamned Java browser. The only Java browser I could find is the one that crashes my machine so I go and I try to get like like all the machine all pumped up so it can see it and of course then they say that system 7.5.3 is no good on your machine so I said well all I need is Open Transport 1.1. Well, we can't do that until we straighten out your memory problem. They give me third party memory it turns out just like your same problem and that's why my machine wouldn't start you had to push the button three times to get it to go. So, in other words, I'm back to where I started now I'm running with 8 megs less of memory less of RAM than I was this morning and nothing's changed. They didn't put Open Transport 1.1 on it cause it was determined that 7.5 my system was not 7.5.3 compatible right now there's got to be more fixes, no Cheryl, I don't even know if that one Java browser and all it does is crash the machine so until I get Open Transport 1.1 on my machine which is probably not gonna be until some time next week, I can't look at it and even then it may be iffy. You're so far, you're so avant-garde. You are so avant-garde that that that you're light years ahead of everyone out there. I don't know if that's such a good thing. Come, let's go. I I wanna blow some steam off and kick some ass. No, I yeah, I wonder I'd like to call John I got his address I'd like to ask him what browser he's using. Netscape 2.0.1 does not come with Java browser. I can't get the Java to go on it at all so it's really frustrating. I mean this will all work out, you know, but I mean I'm basically basically this is a typical cyber day where where you scramble and scramble and at the end of the day you've got, like, nothing to show for it. Nothing has been accomplished here. Just a lot of frustration and anxiety. Ha, once you start talking about it it becomes like like a like a like alcoholic's confessional and everybody still everybody starts to, you know, like say what trouble they're having too, you know, like nobody wants to talk about it until, oh. In the meantime Jon Gams never called, never heard from the man. He says to me until, oh that's right we gotta call her, uh, what could we give her? They never buy us a present, so. Yeah, no, we should just call her tonight and say happy birthday. I'm gonna go to depressing Aikido. I'm gonna slit my wrists after this day, babe. After my mother, Jody Zellen, and Aikido I'm going I'm headed to the grave. Yeah, I got that on tape, pal. OK, goodbye. I'll see you I'll be home probably around eleven or something I'll just see you later. Have fun at Richard's. See ya. Yeah, I need some time, OK? Not again. Signing off, goodnight now. Oh god. Fat boy Kenny G. was. How you doing? Cheryl why didn't you get something newer? So, why don't you just put that one of my grandfather and me in? Yeah. Oh, man, I was so fat, wasn't I? Cheryl, put those old old pictures away those are those are depressing. How about just this one? This this e e thought it's nice to have just one of both of us but. That's a good idea. That's a good idea. Hi, did you go to Richard's? And then what did you do? I gotta have a little food. I haven't eaten I just. OK, good. Yeah, you can actually write a little something there. That's funny we don't we used to take a lot of pictures we just don't anymore. Oh boy, alright. Alright. Alright. How'dja do at Richard's? What hap what was depressing the scene or the work or both? Well, tell. How were the paintings? That's such a Suzanne Joelson comment, Cheryl. You just struck me as Suzanne. Yeah, right like more of that what I saw, right. Yeah. Yeah so they're really all and enormous sized? And was the response good? Oh, that's good, that's really funny. That's a nice frame, man, it really is pretty. Right. Right. Oh, I hate them. I can't stand them. Like I like I always say where's the artist? Where's Richard there? I mean, it's a pose, it's just such a pose that I just there's nobody there. For some facility. You know, we have the Stephen Courbois, you know, whatever style these types decide to paint in they always seem to be able to do it however they never bother to ask what what what is it that's being done? Right? Yeah, well it couldn't be more opposite of what you do, huh? Yeah. Yeah. That looks great Cheryl! Ha ha, it's very abstract. Stop it through the top. And who was there? Why does that strike us as so funny? It really does. So, we have the same identical sense of humor, it's so funny. We both think it's funny, don't we? She's not gonna be able to make out what it is at first. It looks very abstract. Oh, that's really funny. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's it's really. What the fuck do I want that book for? That piece of shit. It would make a nice greeting card for my grandmother but it art, you know. Cheryl, we have the same humor. Yeah, so who all was there tell me. Now why was Jerry and Roberta there remember she was just just hating those paintings. Oh, I can't stand her in public. Why I mean I understand it but. What thing? Oh, he was there? Oh, did he say you did a good job, though? Oh, well, I never even realized he was there. Was he nice? Was Jerry nice to you or are they just a little weird in public, aren't they? Jerry's sort of a little too nice and yet not nice at all. And she, of course, is just really cold. Right? That's that's my reading of it. Huh? Yeah, they're good. They're very sweet. So who all was there, who else? Alix? Like Kevin? Does she look fat too? Oh Carl looks really bad. I saw him at Andrea's thing. Yeah. You see Andrea? Yeah, Graham's a good guy. Who say he was gay? Remember someone had just been to his studio. Was it Andrea? She thought, in the end, he was gay? Hello Kenny. So what did the Yalie crowd say to you? They didn't talk with you? He's all talk and no action. What ever happened to his big school? He's an asshole. You know, for years. I don't like him. Bullshit. Yeah. He's a flatterer. Flattery doesn't get you something. Well maybe we'll see. Maybe they'll want her. Maybe not. Who else did you talk to? Same weirdness, huh? Well what I get a sense from Richard, and it's sort of sad, hold on. I get a sense like this. Well, back when we first me him, although the work that he was doing wasn't deeply content it had some sort of a sense of avant about it in some way, you know? There was something he was pushing for. He didn't know what it was but, you know, those works, while they might have, you know, they were what they were but at least they had a sense of trying to do something new. Then Richard kind of goes into this long decline as he begins drinking, um, he tries to go for content that's not really his, this kind of heavy metal stuff and they're not successful, you know, and he sort of just slides away, you know, and I think a lot of that is career and drink. You know, and then he kind of picks stays out of things and picks himself back up and kind of like a in some weird security blanket, the kind of card that Richard always held was that he was an amazing painter, like the portraits of the junkie and stuff. Um, he wanted so bad to be loved and to be respectable that he played that card which he had which is essentially the same card he had in high school, you know? And in a sense, he's not really doing a whole lot different that he was doing when he was painting the junkie. Remember the model who was a junkie? Yeah. And so, he's kind of back where he was in high school or just going into Yale and he gets lauded for what you do in high school. But, you know, the sense of anything is just gone. It's very sad. It's like. I forgot about that whole body which I dismissed. That was bad, yeah. No I mean I think originally there was something going on there but he's so confused, so scared. Yeah.