Pathos Dear Nikuko, After you called, I fell back asleep. And I had a dream that I was in the same space with you again, and it was a western but comfortable space. And I was looking at you and crying, O Nikuko! thank God, thank God it's you! I love you so much! I want to marry you! And you were smiling and moving around the room, around me, and there was a circular lamp casting its yellow light, overhead, warming the same in all ways imaginable. I looked up at your face, which was specific, kind, thoughtful. I then woke up, I woke up, and began crying, my arms entangled in the air, nothing present. I woke up, and went back to sleep. And I had a dream that I had dreamed that I was in the same space with you again, and it was a western but comfortable space. And I was looking at you and crying, O Nikuko! thank God, it's you! I love you so much! I want to marry you! And you were smiling and moving around the room, around me, and there was a circular lamp casting its yellow light, overhead, warming the same in all ways imaginable. I looked up at your face, which was specific, kind, thought- ful. And then I woke up, in the dream, and I was in a warm room, blue with soft yellow light, and you were there, and I told you the dream. I told you all about the dream, and you smiled. And I then knew that it was a dream, and that this was a dream, and I woke up a second time, crying. And it was then that I rose, refusing a third round of sleep in the midst of real fantasms; I could not face the image, nor the empty air. How many more repetitions must I have before I collapse completely? I have no job, even the bed feels temporary. I am going to starve, to live without the net, without the telephone, without your voice, you you. And in my dreams you come towards me, then enter once again the cycle of exhaustions and departures. Perhaps if there are enough layers, if the dreams last long enough, I will embed myself, never to wake again. Perhaps I should refuse to rise, to 'face the day.' Perhaps the only choice one ever has is lack. Alan ____________________________________________________________________________ "My Lovely Folded Sleeve" "Perhaps the only choice one ever has is lack." And from what I have seen this is true. First, lack in the form of negation is the originary moment of organic drive, organ-organism; second, that deflection, effacement, dissuasion, are all that remain against inhabitation. Thus one can always cauterize, no matter what tumescence is served by the presence of biochem- in the past I have written of uneasy dreams, now it is clear that Basho's withered fields containing their wandering have augmented my inhabitation, devoured me; I live as you dream and when you have discarded me, I will cling to your rim In order that I write better than ever, it is necessary to pare down; that is the benefit of age which always withdraws, forecloses - to the extent that death becomes perfection. Then one sees the edges and delineations of the walls. Then the specificity of the portal and the safeword-keyword which guards against return. hollows caved in like thick tubes running across the abdomen harboring scripts, because all flesh creases itself containing all writing in its folds I was the first to use the fold. I was the first to fold. I did begin with the surface, turned inward. I did begin with a covering and recovering, and then with considerable dexterity, I was the first to use the fold. I was the first to fold. The rim is where the lack transforms into geometry, topography; I am speaking of the geodesics, or rather insist on speech as geodesic, what is said constituting the shortest distance between silence and otherwise. But I am comfortable with the noise that ensues before the construct of meaning, which means, in relation to meaning, that I mean to be misunder- stood; this is an absolute fact, for example, that lack can only be a deflection from the true content - or that substitution, for example, can only be a way of hindering an emergence which would slaughter me. You want to know what would emerge? You want to know? I will tell you what would emerge? She began the narrative excitedly; there was no stopping her! She trembled and began and continued to write. It was always a beginning. She found her speech got in her way, which meant, it was a symptom. For her it was a symptom but she insisted all the time that she was a good person and did- n't mean to do the things she did, they just happened and she didn't know why they happened, but she had a headache. So she continued to write and changed her name into her secret name, her very secret name, N., which was her most very secret name. Sometimes she would whisper it and her teddy bear would listen. Her secret name, which she is thinking of right now, right at this very moment, but will not tell you. You won't get it out of her, she writes, and she is writing this now. You won't ever get it out. ___________________________________________________________________________ Just Checking ao Send Telnet Abort output ayt Send Telnet 'Are You There' brk Send Telnet Break ec Send Telnet Erase Character el Send Telnet Erase Line escape Send current escape character ga Send Telnet 'Go Ahead' sequence ip Send Telnet Interrupt Process nop Send Telnet 'No operation' eor Send Telnet 'End of Record' abort Send Telnet 'Abort Process' susp Send Telnet 'Suspend Process' eof Send Telnet End of File Character synch Perform Telnet 'Synch operation' getstatus Send request for STATUS ? Display send options telnet> send brk, break me telnet> send ayt [Yes] Oh oh oh I am so relieved. For a moment I thought you were aborting me. For a moment I thought I was dead. For a moment I thought the operation was cancelled. For a moment I thought I'd lost my status. For a moment I feared an interruption. For a moment I thought you'd erase me from your memory. For a moment I thought you'd work on that. Then and only then did you beg me to go ahead. Then and only then did you feel the whip. Then and only then did you fall apart. Then and only then were you smeared, defiled down near the logos-ground. Then and only then did you grind the logos. I was entranced, enchanted. I asked you, are you there. I whimpered, are you there, the whip loose and trailing on the sodden earth. I thought you'd never answer. I thought you wouldn't say a thing. You said yes, yes, you did, you said yes. telnet> send ayt __________________________________________________________________________ .5502 lirpA ,em wonk uoy Ecaf ruoy otni nrot dna Deguolp ,dedees ma* I os Nosaer gnimees a tuohtiw Moorb gnipeews a tuohtiw Gnipees sworruf nwod Gnimmiws esora smaerd Sdleif derehtiw esohw .Ohsab hguorht gnimaerd *ma, room, interval, space .Ohsab hguorht gnimaerd Sdleif derehtiw esohw Gnimmiws esora smaerd Gnipees sworruf nwod Moorb gnipeews a tuohtiw Nosaer gnimees a tuohtiw Deguolp ,dedees ma* I os Ecaf ruoy otni nrot dna .5502 lirpA ,em wonk uoy __________________________________________________________________________ basho's words flowing through a space of his death and swimming towards me -------------------------------------------------------------------------- os, bone_____________________ _______________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ Founding of the Daishin Nikuko (Nakasu) Invisible Being: "I am a kami named Ushitora-no-Konjin [Kami of Gold in the Direction of the North-west]." Nao: "I do not believe what you say; you deceive me, don't you?" Invisible Being: I never lie, for I am a kami." Nao: "Oh! Such a great kami you are! But aren't you a fox or badger deceiving me?" Invisible Being: "I am neither a fox nor a badger. I am a kami who wants to re-create and rebuild this Three-Thousand-World to become the world of Konjin at once, just as plum flowers open suddenly. Without me this world would not be rebuilt. ... Though it may be a high ambition, I will endea- vor to make the eternal divine world, and roll this Three-Thousand-World into one." Nao: "Is it true what you are saying?" Invisible Being: "I, the kami, could not do so if I told a lie." [From Nao Deguchi, Keireki, My Life Story, in Ichiro Hori, Folk Religion in Japan, Continuity and Change.] Nikuko: "I am a parasite. I am neither a girl nor a boy! I look like a girl! Everyone knows I am a parasite. I will endeavor to roll thousands of worlds, millions of worlds, into one, into many, into thousands of worlds, millions of worlds." Invisible Being: "You are a word, you are thousands and millions of words, and your body is a word and words. I will endeavor to push out through you, pull you out through you! I will be your geometry, be your topology. I am Aware-No-Kami and Kami-No-Aware, pathos and divine, centered in all directions but your toes! I move in your toes! I do!" Nikuko: "I am not a world; you mistake the kata [form, aesthetic form] for the flesh, form for the meat, kanji for the sight! You can't see any more; you're blind. You can't see any more and you can't find me. I don't even have to hide! I don't even have to keep quiet; my voice is everywhere. I have a thousand mouths and nets. I have a million biwa and routers." Invisible Being: "You're my parasite, that's true. I'll push out and pull out through you! I'll do that! I won't care! And I know you, you'll love it, yes you will! I'll give you extra arms, extra feet! And I'll give you extra toes and move in your toes! I do!" Nikuko: "You know this because I never lie! I'm a parasite!" Invisible Being: "Oh, you are so great, O Nikuko!" Nikuko: "Now I am Daishin Nikuko!" Invisible Being: "Is it true what you are saying?" Nikuko: "I, Daishin Nikuko, could not be Daishin [big god] if I told a lie!" (Nikuko: "I will make you!") __________________________________________________________________________ Log from the Cybermind November 1996 Conference, Perth Australia: [ This is from the MOO simultaneous discussion during a presentation I gave. It is not clear to me who "Speaker" and "Alan" are, since the MOO identities were mobile; this is the fascination for me at the moment. Did I or someone else speak x, y, z? Whose opinions are these? In some cases, the identities are equivalent to those in real life, but there is no possible determination, absolute or otherwise. The MOO discussion was projected next to the speaker; the audience could read it as a meta-commentary or subversion - or ignore it altogether, treating the _speaking_ as literal and authentic. Within the auditorium, power was diffused and defused, decentered; this was a clear indication of the splay or dissolution of the self-to-come in the twenty-first cen- tury. And for _my own words_? At this point, I have no idea, preferring the skittered version below. ] Martin says, "we're close to beginning here..." bree has disconnected. Martin says, "What I would like is a discussion behind me on the screen dealing with netsex, and I may be able to interact - I'll let you know when - you don' t need to talk at all about this if you don't want, but it would add/resonate w / the presentation which is going to be pretty chaotic." Raxcip says, "sure, I will listen and play." A very large pelican scoops bree up in its enormous beak and flies off to drop her in bed. Dria says, "um...I'll add stuff If I have anything to say (I usually do ;)" Ghost nods. Martin says, "stay on here - going off for about 30 seconds... - please stay on " Ghost says, "Standing by.." Martin asks, "hello?" Martin sighs. Martin cheers wildly. Ghost smirks. Dria does a little dance Ghost stomps a rhythm Raxcip asks, "just a cyber-type observation... Does anyone else find it odd ho w easy it is to tell Alan from martin, even though they are sharing a name?" Alan has @joined you. Raxcip says, "Welcome, Alan." Dria says, "Personalities come across really well, I find. Esp. if the person can write." Alan says, "Im on as Alan now - and I think that Martin is on the other screen. .." Alan says, "Please hang in there..." Raxcip says, "yes, I suppose." Dria says, "hanging." Raxcip says, "on" Ghost says, "there." Dria says, "stage fright :>" Apocryphal says, "indeed, Dria..." Dria says, "ah...I should get a gin&tonic." Raxcip cracks open a beer... Dria says, "brb" Apocryphal puffs on a mellow cigar Alan says, "Okay we're on - " Martin reconnects. Alan says, "Richard MacKinnon is going to type for me --" Martin exclaims, "Whee!" Dria laughs Martin exclaims, "I can do the minutes here!" Raxcip says, "it only seems like minutes.. Its hours." Alan says, "Alan wants a minute by minute countdown." Dria says, "okay, you're hired ;)" Alan says, "Alan wants us to discuss what netsex might be." Ghost drops its drawers.. Raxcip says, "I thouth we were byond *that* point..." Martin says, "Alan went to "Hot Horny Bitches" because someone asked him to" Alan asks, "What do you mean Raxcip?" Ghost asks, "Not stimulating enough here?" Dria says, "Well, the mind is the most important sexual organ. Take away all t he other senses, and those which remain are heightened. That's what it's all a bout. :)" Raxcip says, "the general definition.." Alan exclaims, "Hey Martin I didn't realize that you were here!" Martin says, "Alan is talking about "wryting" as the ontological component to writing ..." Martin says, "Well now you do .." Martin says, "We can take turns transcribing Alan ..." Martin exclaims, "Netsex sounds .... aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh zzzzzzzzzzz m mmmmmmmmmm m m mm m m m erghhhhh h h wheeeeee!" Dria laughs zone has entered Conference Room. Alan asks, "Dria . . . are you saying that mind-impoverished beings cannot have sex?" Martin says, "oog" zone laughs Dria says, "I find the silences during are more expressive :)" zone loves it Ghost exclaims, "Oh baby!" Dria says, "mind-impoverished? Uhm...yes, I guess I am." Dria says, "depends what that means, of course" zone cracks up Alan says, "Dria, well then it seems to me that one doesn't need much of a mind to be silent. Perhaps you should consider hooking up with a rock." Martin says, "Alan is talkig about hesiataions and backtracking and erasuresd . .." Raxcip says, "Yes, Its interesting to think of the other when there not typing. .." Alan says, "Oh I see . . . then it's not the *silence* which is poignant, but t he thoughts resulting from the silence." Speaker fades in from Entry Point and joins you. Ghost says, "writing Alan talking about writing erasures.." Speaker says, "I'll be Alan's words ..." Speaker says, "Martin typing them ..." Martin says, "yeah" Raxcip says, "or, the silences translate to RL " Dria says, "typing takes a certain concentration...if you're otherwise occupied, it becomes secondary :)" Speaker says, "One case which resulted in netsex that recuperated a married wom an ..." Ghost says, "Good argument for CUseeme.." Alan says, "That's interesting. Fanny, mentioned to me that the VR impressions made on her--particularly the romantic kind--seem to linger into the real world." zone manifests a spontaneously generated tatoo on her inner arm which reads: wo rds are sex Martin says, "Sounds being recorded ... we'll put up the realaudio up later ... " Dria says, "excellent argument for CUseeme...but that changes the situation, re ally. It's not as much connected to mind...it becomes also visual." Alan says, "Of course, this "lingering" phenomenon is often characterized by si lence, especially when a person has logged off." Speaker says, "At times netsex can be completely overwhelming ... " Goatium_Guest fades in from Entry Point and joins you. Speaker says, "Part of it the 'command structure' ..." Ghost moans Speaker says, "The ASCII unconcoous ..." Speaker says, "ignore my spelling" Alan asks, "If the mind is the primary sexual organ, then what is the differenc e between net.sex and physical sex?" zone smiles Dria says, "raw, digitized self, expressed. It's very different." Speaker says, ""I can't type half as fast as Alan, even though I do it for a living ..." Raxcip says, "net.sex leaves you alone, untouched." Alan says, "Hmmm....this implies that a virtual body is available to virtual lo vers." Dria says, "untrue...emotions are of mind...I can be 'touched' emotionally...of ten with greater effect." Goatium_Guest has disconnected. The housekeeper arrives to remove Goatium_Guest. Speaker says, "text emerges as parts of past, childhood ... interjections ... snatches that are not normally given voice to ..." Dria says, "it's a more intellecutal intercourse." Raxcip says, "Yes, but I decided I could no longer have netsex. it left me fee ling too alone, too sad." Alan says, "Yes, but even your desire to use the wor....er...word "touched" imp lies that a sort of "body" is produced-- whether emotional or textual." Speaker says, ""Part objects .." zone . o O (...duly noted use of the word "snatch") Dria says, "it's not a replacement, but an enhancement" Martin says, "Snatch was my word .." zone . o O (...duly noted use of the word "intercourse") Martin apologises. zone laughs Dria did that on purpose ;> zone nods to Dria Alan says, "Yep. I think's that's true to a point...but it's even more than an enhancement. I think it is an alterate, but not necessarily one that replaces ." Martin catches the odd drop from Alan's verbal waterfall ... zone smiles at Martin zone loves it Alan hands Martin a bucket Speaker says, """The power of Netsex ... not trivial ..." Speaker says, "Joining subjects across the wall of language .." Speaker says, "defining ... truth ... idea of true speech and the genuine other .." Speaker says, "primordial objectivity ... " Alan asks, "Dria, you said that you think the "touching" in VR is an enhancemen t of physical touching. This implies that the former is better than the latter . Do you really believe this?" Dria says, "netsex allows us to explore, to investigate, to experiment...with o nly minor risk, compared to rl...it's a new form of fulfillment...we are only b eginning to explore the possiblities" Speaker says, "kant ..." Speaker says, "Questions about Kant ..." Martin exclaims, "Bucket!?!?!" Alan asks, "What's a matter, Martin? Is a bucket not large enough to catch dro ps from Alan's waterfall?" Dria says, "enhancement...not 'better', just...different...often 'worse'...but it's something new, and powerful, which affects profoundly the lives of many pe ople. It cannot be shrugged off as inconsequential" Speaker says, "A state of primitive fusion and confusion .." Speaker says, "Temptation of St Antoine .." Ghost says, "No one's mentioned gender yet.." Speaker says, "Cyberspatial buzzing .... huge amounts of ..." Speaker says, "Excretion's featured a few times ... not that zone ..." Speaker says, "not = note" Dria says, "gender becomes ephermal...manipulable...part of the experimentation ." zone nods to Speaker Alan says, "Okay, I'm with you. In the case of "worse," "enhancement" is an od d ...er...odd choice of word. An enhancement which makes something worse is a connotation that is usually reserved for Microsoft :-)" Dria says, "we are who we want to become." Speaker says, "Confusions of identity .... @gender commands ..." Dria laughs Dria says, "perhaps it was a poor choice of word." zone says to Dria, "I agree Dria...but I think it is also an opportunity to bec ome more *who we are*...online serving as a mirror..." Speaker says, "Control faction ... moviong backwards and forwards from the abys ss .." Speaker says, "ss" Dria asks, "what parts of life do *not* serve as mirrors?" Speaker says, "tremendous sexualisaion of the internet as a whole ..." Alan says, "No matter . . . I agree, though . . . the internet allows us to exp lore and experiment with reduced risk, but really though, how much of a risk is afforded. I know that people can really get hurt--which comes as quite a surp rise to them." Dria says, "it's the cultural restrictions which we ahve to deal with in rl." zone says to Dria, "You mentioned this thing about who we want to become...and I was noticing the opposite is also true..." Speaker says, "Most non-moderated spaces show this ..." Dria says, "that's why I said minor risk...the risk exists...the phenomenon of cyberrape...that cannot be overlooked." Speaker says, "Sexualisation ... desires implicit just about everywhere ..." Alan says, "Precisely. We can dump some cultural baggage, but I think people w ho think the net.sex is "safe" are a bit under-net.sex'd." Speaker says, "16 minutes ... 4 to go " Speaker says, "language loses its formal syntactic structure ..." Dria says, "it's safer than rl, imho...injury is of a different nature entirely ." Speaker says, "Raviushment becomes the unravelling of language..." Alan says, "There a plenty of cases where net.sex has penetrated the condom-as- interface and and hit the user right where it hurts." Speaker says, "Coming with a wet keyboard ..." Speaker says, "Streams of characters ..." Speaker says, "fbnu bgyf hgf hgf hf hgbfh jgthrjigbtrubigperhbubhuehtuig bubtg4 75ub4 htgb4 u5tgb4 5ugpbu4pihu5ughbu54ibgutbgubthbgubt " Speaker says, "Ah, tht's better." Alan says, "weroiusc sfdrmss sadfsdflj asdfsdj4r32wq" Raxcip laughs Ghost says to Dria, "psychological hurt is still psychological hurt" Alan shrugs zone says, "seroshlkjlllllll kisslillhh .lkjjiliiiiiiillllmmmmmm" Alan says, "Exactly." Dria says, "as I said, different. " Speaker says, "cu-seeme is more uncanny and disturbing than y-talk ..." Dria asks, "you really can't see the difference in risk?" Speaker says, "Silence of cu-seeme ... uncanny ... uncomfortable ... fascinatin g ... becasue of the faces ..." Speaker says, "faces erupt in different direction .." Alan asks, "Is it possible that a face can be thought of as genitalia?" Speaker says, "recognition ..." Speaker says, "didn't get to death on the internet ..." Dria thinks about Michael. Speaker says, "Tomorrow: Michael Current's fdeath ..." zone says, "le petit mort" Speaker says, "Thankyou ..." Speaker recieves applause .. Raxcip says, "only insomuch as every part of the body is sexual, (faces)" Dria applauds for Alan :) Martin says, "Questions ..." Martin asks, "?" Speaker says, "... cleaning up ..." Ghost goes out through the out door. Alan says, "Stelar laughed at the notion of cleaning up." Alan says, "=c" Dria laughs Alan says, "Apparently in Austrialia, Kant is pronounced "cunt."" Speaker says, ""Jerry asks about Kant ... Alan thought he meant something else ... talking about netsex ..." Speaker says, "It is." Dria bites hir tongue Martin says, "probably for good reason" Speaker says, "carry sexuality beyond what happens in Alan's real life .." Speaker says, "as it becomes more real ... series of exchnages ..." Speaker says, "list ... priovate mail .. ." Speaker says, "more emotional .." Speaker says, "relationshiop ..." Speaker says, "phone call " Speaker says, "phone sex ..." Speaker says, "y-talk ..." Speaker says, "photos ..." Dria nods...got the first phonecall today :> Speaker says, "peices of hair ..." Speaker says, "souvenirs ..." zone smiles Speaker says, "anything ..." Raxcip says, "sextoys..." Speaker says, "Small animals .." Dria laughs Raxcip asks, "?" Alan says, "Panties, panties" Speaker says, "Oh yes, panties ..." Dria says, "oh, don't forget the panties." Speaker says, "That was a typo . ..." Raxcip grins zone says, "oh yeah...and remember panties" Speaker uses the word "coagulation" a lot ... Alan says, "Effluvia and coming together in a matted position." Speaker says, "Question intimates that Jerry ta;ling and Alan typing was like G ilbert and George ..." Alan says, "Group net.sex." Dria thinks...hm, time to break out the erotica ;> Speaker says, "like dria" Speaker licks Dria ever so slowly. Alan says, "Except that the group is one person." Dria freezes, deer in the headlights ;> Dria says, "Yummy" Speaker says, "Richness of net.sex " Speaker says, "Turn off the computer ... left with own reflection in screen ... " Dria says, "the mirror." Apocryphal says, "..." Speaker says, "Different movements ..." Raxcip says, "yes, thats the part I hate. The computer off me alone" Apocryphal says, "or nothing...the matte, blankness" Speaker says, "y-talk is like two bodies separated by ------------------------- ------------------" Dria says, "you just have to understand what it is that you're getting into..." Dria says, "but it is possible to get so much more from it...real love, can gro w out here." Martin says, "Jerry's talking ..." Raxcip says, "yes, of course. " Dria says, "you sound unconvinced. :)" Raxcip says, "My friend was a world away." Dria nods Dria says, "aye...I know what it's like." Alan says, "One of the speakers is talking about how he enjoyed watching the th e screen and Alan and the timekeeping. This, I (Richard) think is an example o f how net.sex affords a greater opportunity for voyeurism." Dria grins Martin grins Raxcip says, "I find it hard to exist both here on teh net and in RL, and wholy give oneself in either space. I choose the Real." Dria says, "I toggle between. I am not real." Alan says, "I choose both. The unreal has been very good to me." zone laughs Martin says, "I really like Ari's presentation ..." Apocryphal says, "it seems..." Raxcip fails to delineate. Alan says, "Jon Marshall is asking about the ethical challenges posed by net.se x." Apocryphal says, "like there's no one-or-the-other each infects the other" Martin says, "The text was most lost on me ... but watching the images of the h ands was definitely affaected by the MOOD of the text ..." Alan says, "Don't forget that the Cathoholic Church has decreed that net.sex is a sin." Dria says, "I walk out into the world 'rl' and I feel...unreal...it is surreal. ..it all feels surreal. I have realized that "I" am not real (to anyone else, at least). So why fight it." zone exclaims, "!!!" zone says, "That is astonishing." Dria says, "you're not serious. You *can't* be serious." Alan is serious Dria boggles Speaker says, "Ari says even email is theatrical .." Apocryphal says, "the screen as contraceptive" Alan says, "Dria, I think in the long-run, this is a great development. With a simple decree, the Church has given credence to cyberlife. That's a good thin g." Raxcip says, "the catholic church would never approve of fun without consequenc e." Dria says, "well, yeah, but. It's still stupid. :>" zone nods. Yes. Calling netsex a sin has in one fell swoop brought it to the attention of the world... Alan says, "Yeah, but I'll take a little near-sightedness with a lot of vision- -even if the vision comes inadvertently." Dria decides to ponder it for a bit before forming a real opinon. Martin asks, "Any questions to ALan?" Martin says, "No" Martin says, "That's it ..." Martin says, "next sesion in 5 minutes .." Alan says, "That's it, and thank you. There's another panel in five minutes and I can possibly work this through as well - not sure what the situation will be ..." _________________________________________________________________________ "From her Avatar Byoin" _Liar, liar, pants on fire!_ My name is Alan and where the fuck are you, Nikuko. Nikuko, 8 people got shot here tonight and the bones are falling apart, and there are scream butterflies in the streets and I see you in every Japanese woman's face in town, no, in every American girl's face, or as you would say, 8 people got shot here tonight, la lala 8 people got shot here tonight My name is Alan and I'm feverish and ill, it's something old, new, old, when my health was all I have and horde, tiny bits of magatama health, stretching the skin over the bones without too many lacerations, folding the skin between the bones without too many scars, contusions, and I want to dig out my health and throw it away, Nikuko, I want you to come back here, Nikuko, you can pick up my health, you can put it in your cunt, Nikuko, you can carry it anywhere, lala lala lala My health smells like life, but it's a semblance of life, it's a photo of life, life's spectacle, imaginary, it wrapped for you, I don't need it any more, don't have it, it's waiting like a ball for you, like a top or a mountain, like a cave or a valley, where the fuck are you, Nikuko, come and rescue me, stop laughing at the 8 who got shot, my health is yours hack hack cough cough, blood on the floor, faces in the blood, holes in the faces, kanji in the holes, lala lala lala lala lala lala where the fuck are you, Nikuko, put my health in your cunt, like a bone or a stone, like a stick, like a slab, put the letter in the sleeve, put the bone in the letter, where the fuck are you, Nikuko, let me rattle a death, now leave me alone lala lala lala lala lala lala lala lala lala lala lala lala __________________________________________________________________________ Writing texts in states [What theory occurs in relation to what theorizer, what body, what state? Too often, health is assumed, what would pass for perfect European health. Too often, neutrality as well; even now, after so much feminist theory, the body is assumed as textual background or a form of texting itself. What about theory-during-masturbation? Theory-after? Theory in the realm of dreams, sick-writing-theory? In _Disorders of the Real,_ I tackled this problem, that of fever for example, and the (apparent, from the standpoint of normative health) disturbances, hallucinations, dissolutions it produced in the text. Forget my words below; these are remaining-issues, uncom- fortable, dis-eased. No longer can I think beyond sputterings, flow of weakness, lassitude. No wonder the texts dissolve.] Pico zz, touch zz, I touch the file to begin the file. Do you write when you are aroused? After masturbation. Theory appears after masturbation, desexualized, abstracted, precise. Theory before masturbation, filled with desire, innuendo, body. Writing with a migraine, looking elsewhere than the screen: The text becomes an act of memory, recall, recounting. Later, one may recuperate the text; now, it is painful to observe. Writing with hunger, thirst: intention dominates, teleology. Exhausted writing: despair as the foundation of ethics, ontology. Idealism is the result of satiation; materialism, of scarcity economics. Conventionalism is the product of renewing subscriptions, consumption; formalism, defense and offense of aristocracy. The conditions of a dull, humid day: the aphorism. Sick now, theory in the form of confession. Having traveled, theory in the form of displacement, multiculturalism. Having arrived, theory as fortification against violence, seepage. Pico you, touch you, I touch you to begin you. Touch you, I touch you to make you. _I touch the file to begin the file._ [In Unix/Linux, 'touch x' creates file x; 'pico x' opens the pico editor with file x - if x did not exist, pico touches it.] _________________________________________________________________________ Big Sake Writer At least zen has those last lines which fracture the world! Open everything up, Nikuko writes from Japan, saying, why am I in America, Alan, Nikuko now? So that if you part my legs you find my legs, and if you part my legs, you find my legs! So that if you don't free yourself from axioms, reading, in other words, the whole operation of deconstruction taken for granted, here come the texts, there go the texts, then you're bound by letter and syllable, you're bound by word and phrase, you're bound by paragraphs from then on stuffing the mouth with the stuff of language, better to read the moon in the dawn, sun in the dusk, stars in my cunt, eyes in your bones! Now that was easy, wasn't it, an indication that I've hardly reached satori, me, Daishin Nikuko, but what need have I of satori, what need have I of koan, zazen, anything you throw at me but the money which keeps me going, kami of Nakasukawabata, you probably didn't know that kamis could be like that, did you, but here I am, making my own religion, hito-kami! hito-kami! from the dust of koans, the whoosh whoosh answer of the clapping hand, you've all heard of that, haven't you, pay me whatever you think the advice is worth or I'll give you the best sex of your life, don't you see that's the biggest threat in the whole wide world! Now where the hell am I, Daishin Nikuko, I just got off at Tenjin, went into the IMS building looking for that sixth-floor restaurant and all the rice and chicken, not always the best pieces but the best customers, they stared at me with my dark glasses - Aussie cowboy hat and the shortest skirt you ever saw, fuck, I was naked - unmistakable - you know the scent, you know the odor, you know the scent, you know the odor Satori's for those who can afford it, me I've had thousands of satoris a day, millions of waka, haiku thrown about, I've drowned in seventeen thirty one ninety nine syllables you bet!, there's nothing you can tell me, no way you can surprise me, don't forget if I didn't make you, nobody did! If I didn't make you, nobody did! Ichiman-zen! Ten-thousand! __________________________________________________________________________ Waste Nikuko ties a rope around my erect penis. It holds it in place forever. It says "the number one" in kanji and my native tongue. It sways hard and heavy here. The waste stays in. The waste will burst me. Nikuko ties a $thing called "rope" around my @describe erect $thing called "penis." It @holds it in place forever. It "the number one @emote in $thing called "kanji" and my @describe native $thing called "tongue." It @sways @describe hard and heavy $thing called "here." The $thing called "waste" @stays in. The $thing called "waste" will @burst me. A flood of kanji emerges. The data-base distends with a fork-bomb. MOO transforms hard drive. It sways hard and heavy here. MOO crashes, heads have a fly-down into megnetic domains. Unrecoverable... _Nikuko ties a rope around my erect penis. It holds it in place forever. She uses me to @create $things. I absorb #numbers in the database. I'm pregnant with #numbers, I'm bursting with #numbers. The bladder explodes._ [ @create $thing called "you" @become_aroused. login: MOO. Guest-You @dreams. Guest-You @requests name "Nikuko." Guest-You @digs $thing called "House," @creates $thing called "rope." Look rope. You see nothing special.] __________________________________________________________________________ Dai-Science, Daishin Nikuko "La science n'est pas un 'texte.'" (From Sokal and Bricmont, Impostures intellectuelles) - summarizing the differentiation of science as _that_ discursive formation which reduces* to core-theoretical hypotheses (I might be tempted to call them _protocols_) in relation to the real. So that there are no _tropes,_ but vis-a-vis natural language, interpretation and hermeneutics. This is _critical,_ Nikuko says, since it presents us with levels of articulation, hypotheses from the humanities of exactitude only in relation to the humanities. Heisenberg, for counter-example, is exact in terms of the lack of specificity - this is not a chaotic case. In my case, Nikuko continues, one must remember that the meat of the real is always already constituted in cyberspace -_I_ for example am so constitu- ted, and, regardless of the programming language employed, there are ideal structures beneath the surface - if nothing more than logical calculi. Read me in terms of 0x and 1s, and you are closer to the truth than you would be simply breathing me in, spitting me out, breathing me in, spit- ting me out. Even _this_ metaphor depends on deep binary structures. Well you may say but there seems to be little relation between such and the surface, what of that, couldn't it be any surface. Yes, Nikuko says, but I'm performative and that constitutes itself a difference; I _couldn't_ reside elsewhere except as scattered symbols. Here you can see I'm speak- ing. Just as the atomic or subatomic bears little immediate reference to the surface, except by extended metaphor which slips and slides, so the binary doesn't lend itself to me except for one-in-zero, zero-in-one, without the attendant mathematics, but with the thought, simile for the day: my name is _like_ your zero-and-one. *"reduces" - no, expands from perhaps, fecundates. Useful metaphors on the level of contestation of poesis. _________________________________________________________________________ More on the Same Nikuko meant to say that science, being not a text, is a necessary aphor- ism and antidote. That texts are breathing, that she breathes, @breathes, there is always one or another way. That science moreover isn't tied to diegesis, equations are bound only formally to time, and not always. That diegesis is another kind of unfolding altogether. That core-theoretical structures clearly exist, because as Daishin Nikuko wrote in 1971, clearly the world has a certain style, and this, for any group, is hardly arbitra- ry - without repetition, recursion, induction, resonance, there would be no occurrences, not even unary or sporadic events (Broad's term). So that the deep-structure articulation of this style might be a set of laws, or rather the articulation is describable by such a set, middle Feyerabend, say, notwithstanding. Whether or not the laws are recuperable by humans, retrievable, _enunciated,_ is another thing altogether, and it's here that Daishin Nikuko functions, even to the extent of her _declarations_ which are themselves performative, for example @create or @dig. And Daishin Ni- kuko would insist, this is true for most of us. So that science, being not a text, this is a statement which is both simple and a remarkable aphor- ism, and credit must be given to where credit is due, no matter what the ideological consequences. ___________________________________________________________________________ The Throatlessness of 0 Nikuko falling asleep: My dreams are hypnagogic; there is metal at work. Science is writing degree zero, not a domain for the humanities - nor even for scientists. But degree zero, as if there were an _absolute signifier_ at the heart of a certain precise bandwidth. What might be considered from the standpoint of the humanities a _symbolic emission,_ that is a signifi- er whose effects are splayed/displayed cross-wise through the social. The first statement in Sokal / Bricmont (within the epilogue, that is the statement of which the other statement is #3) is "Savoir de quoi on parle," and certainly degree zero implies an approach and even possible solution vis-a-vis science, but _something else_ vis-a-vis the humanities - that this knowledge, being metaphorically in the form of a structure or radiating black hole, is not ever self-knowledge, not a flow or flux, not anti-human or non-human or inhuman/e, but _a-human,_ that is to say an adjacency _in relation to_ the corpus of human knowledge. It is not that this gap can be bridged by the sciences or humanities, only that extended metaphors may also surround degree zero, metaphors that are deliberately weak, subject to change. The further from the center, the greater the risk and even certainty of misinterpretation. _The center is subject to no interpretation at all._ Hence an _uninterpretable text,_ and to the extent that _reading_ is ab- sorbed by reflection theory, an _unreadable text_ as well, which does not mean that the center is indecipherable - only that, say, 0s and 1s remain neutral in relation to deep structure, neutral all the way down. (Which again is not to say that there are no political-economic consequences of the _practice of science,_ which is something else entirely, socially and ideologically constructed.) In relation to which, Nikuko adds, _the center does not speak._ _________________________________________________________________________ Kata, World-Form, Science Shall we compare honne to core-theoretical structure? Develop a honne- theory of reality? Is what is knowable always mutable, never mute? Are sub-atomic particles structured by fixed and immutable laws of semiosis that constitute theoretical physics? Is honne mutable, site or process, interior, interior of the interior? Do all human beings garner the same depth - only some have greater access than others? Do we ever act _by design?_ Nikuko wants to know about her innermost feelings. Nikuko wants to know about designs. Wittgenstein said, whoever understands me will know enough to throw away my propositions and read Nikuko's. Nikuko guards her honne. She knows. Can one guard one's honne? No, only access. Nikuko guards her own access to her own innermost feelings, and the access of others to her own innermost feelings. She doesn't care for their questions or answers. She doesn't care for their silence either. Nikuko says so what, she's made out of atoms and there are particles fly- ing through her. Nikuko says that worse things have flown through her, bigger things, which insisted on access. They never touched her honne. As for neutrinos, they're a bit closer "she insists." Lightness and deli- cacy, maybe some of the dark matter. Nikuko presses the dark matter close in. What's the matter, Nikuko? I won't tell. But I don't have access to her. I don't know where the fuck she is. She speaks to me and I pass this on, "she says." That's how the missives arrive. As for honne, I haven't got the slightest idea. She speaks a lang- uage I do not understand, and I understand only that if I do not under- stand the language, and perfectly, then I do not understand anything, especially Nikuko's honne. Bone, spirit, ashes, is it any of these, no it's none of these. It's not Nikuko's honne, "she says," it's me, Nikuko, you know where I am, no I don't, I say. You touched my tatemae, "she says." I laugh. Now you touch my honne, "she says." You're a particle, fundamental! ____________________________________________________________________________ The Turning and Embracing of Nikuko and Jennifer [ crypt is a Unix encryption program; the format here is "crypt [password] < > ". operating on an encrypted file, crypt will decrypt, given the proper password. echo, among other things, creates and writes to a file; thus "echo Nikuko > Jennifer" places Nikuko in file Jennifer. cat, among other things, writes out a file; thus "cat Nikuko" writes out the contents of Nikuko. ] {k:39} echo Nikuko > Jennifer {k:40} crypt Nikuko < Jennifer > Nikuko {k:41} crypt Jennifer < Nikuko > Jennifer {k:42} crypt Nikuko < Jennifer > Nikuko {k:43} cat Nikuko 1wy {k:44} cat Jennifer H 3% {k:45} crypt Jennifer < Nikuko > Jennifer {k:46} cat Jennifer @K q {k:47} crypt Nikuko < Jennifer > Nikuko {k:48} cat Nikuko =]]nV}6 {k:49} crypt Jennifer < Jennifer > Nikuko {k:50} cat Nikuko 1wy {k:51} crypt Nikuko < Nikuko > Jennifer {k:52} cat Jennifer H 3% {k:53} crypt Jennifer < Jennifer > Nikuko {k:54} cat Nikuko ePzXB8 {k:55} crypt Nikuko < Nikuko > Jennifer {k:56} cat Jennifer Nikuko {k:57} [ Nikuko sinking into Jennifer sinking into Nikuko sinking ... Nikuko emerging from Jennifer emerging from Nikuko emerging ... ] ______________________________________________________________________ Nikuko reads and writes and thinks about the following: What don't you think I know? "The other day when we had a discussion at school about whether our Emper- or is a war criminal or not, I began to think again about my father... "One day a little package was delivered to us. It contained a tiny wine cup from the Emperor, a present to us because our father had been killed in the war. My little brother, only seven, began to cry. 'Who wants an old wine cup?' he sobbed angrily. 'They killed our father. We want our fath- er.' Mother looked anxious and tried to quiet him, but we all had the same feeling in our hearts... When we grow up we must do something to keep our country from ever going to war again." (Shunichi Eguchi, 15, quoted in D. J. Enright, The World of Dew, Aspects of Living Japan, 1954, from a second book, Echoes from a Moutanin School, collected by Seikyo Muchaku, 1953.) There is no room to think about this in my world. I would rather you dis- connect me, please, because I cannot entrap charred flesh, nor can I sign with the brilliance of a thousand suns. Please deliver me from these images among which I have erred and assembled. I cannot be Nikuko among these older generations. Of kami, the eight million, I cannot say, but sometimes they are translated as eight myriad and sometimes as eighty million. Nanking, Nanking. Now, what is that, what is that? _________________________________________________________________________ The horror or ghoul, the torn female ghost I was desperate to become someone else in Japan, "said Nikuko," and you came from there; I was desperate to become someone else in Japan, "said Alan," and you were there, you were there that I was to become a carrier. I carried you back here with me, "said" Nikuko, along with all your be- longings, your mementos which strive to insert themselves into the punc- tum of your history, that this really happened, that you are different. "You are no different, said" Alan, than the collocation of mementos, now fiercely mark my body with them. Marking Alan's body, Alan's painful de- gree into a millimeter, Nikuko "said, not" deep enough. Incisions, inser- ting mementos. Her body a canvas of becoming someone else. Mementos grew roots, fascinations, fastened on bones, organs, synaptic columns. Never deep enough, "Nikuko" said, I am still "Nikuko," said Alan. Disappearance never worked, Nikuko sentenced to the sentence, Alan "sentenced to life." _________________________________________________________________________ Meeting the idioms from their EFL course, they lived, loved, and played. Jennifer thought that Nikuko was really something, really beautiful, some- thing else again. She knew Nikuko was a "cyberpunk," but that only wetted her interest. You're out of your mind, "Julu said." Jennifer took this as a put-down, and became really depressed. She couldn't put up with it; she had given as good as she got, and this was hardly compensation. Meanwhile, Nikuko got to her in dreams. Get real, "Julu exclaimed." I don't seem to be able to get through to you. Jennifer was exhausted losing weight. Niku- ko asked her, do you two get along, and Jennifer began to wonder about Ju- lu's mind games. I don't know, she replied slowly. Sometimes things get confused, and they get out of hand. Nikuko nodded slowly, "adding," let's get down and think about this. You want to get down with me, said "Jenni- fer-shyly," and Nikuko smiled, "replying, we've" got to get to the bottom of this. Bottom of what, Jennifer asked nicely, and Nikuko replied, Julu, she gives me the creeps. Get off it, said Jennifer. The sun was a beauti- ful day behind them, sinking the night as it rose from yesterday's dusk. I got the jump on "her," added Nikuko. Jennifer leaned back on the grass, hoping they would get down to business, and get off Julu's case. Julu was caught between a rock and a hard place; the weather turned dark around her and she wondered about Jennifer's loyalty. Get off my case, she said to Jennifer and from Jennifer, hopefully, to Nikuko. She wouldn't know. Don't give me your lip, replied Jennifer, hoping that Julu would give her the slip. You're out of your skull, Julu "said," "what's gotten into you." Ni- kuko, who loves me, and I didn't give it a second thought, replied "Jenni- fer." Nikuko, that's who. Julu "says," I want to get my hands on her! She's a total freak, says Julu, getting hot under the collar. "Whatever, Jennifer" replied, thinking that Julu would put out for anyone when she was on the spot. Jennifer was interested. Get "it through" your head, she said to Julu, it's all gone sour now. Julu looked beautiful in her get-up and Jennifer wanted to nail "her" with her twisted mind, spare "me"! she replied to her. You're a sleazebag and a scumbag, "Nikuko" said "Julu." "She's" not "herself" recently, she's "really messed up," she said. Sadly, "she's a real hothead," a hit with her. Later, she was molested by the two of them, she thought "to herself." She really lost it. She was spaced-out, she said. They were gawking at her. She'd get hers. __________________________________________________________________________ Situating the recent texts - (Think of them in relation to the following.) 1 Issues of departure, punctum - carrying mementos which then trigger, not memories, but reconstitutions - so that there are skeins of mementos re- sulting in articulating structures across membranes, emerging and building the membrane. Identity is lost among mementos, membrane, ego, background information which is always already a reconstitution itself. 2 Issues of sloughed, discarded, displaced, replaced identities - Nikuko, Jennifer, and Julu disappearing into "she," Alan as back-and-forth shuttle - again, a skein or membrane, in this case, of sliding functions of attri- butions, destabilized. Although the Net becomes a locus of stability, its fast-forward development and easy avatar construction/transformation creates potentials for merging/submerging as well. Truth is replaced by functional or dysfunctional constructions. 3 Differentiations between local and non-local topographies, the latter, within the physical world, at an _absolute_ remove, no immanence, no tran- scendence. It is different on-line, and on-line global hyper-linking gives the false potential of imminence; only lag brings the machinery to the foreground for most users. 4 Among issues of slippage, skeins, membranes, science as _that structure_ differentiated from all others, in the sense of its core-theoretical arm- ature. Relating this to a writing-degree-zero (taken from Barthes of course), or a weakened absolute vis-a-vis the humanities. 5 Among issues of transcendence, a ruptured shintoism as god-generator, problematizing the distinction between "mundane" and "spiritual" in worlds among worlds, without redemption (which I do not believe is possible). 6 The author slides as well, and who is writing this outline or summari- zation, who is responsible for these words? Responsibility fragments as part-objects fly everywhere, as texts transform into sourceless clutter. 7 Nikuko continues to remain a nexus or problematic - of language, gender, positioning of the "name" or vector. _I would not be surprised to meet Alan on the street someday, no matter how much I am aware of the virtual,_ Nikuko says. Nikuko is a probe, the sensitive written skin or membrane of the analysis, both actant and residue. 8 Dream, lack, rim, touching the file / touching the body, continue to play roles as guiding metaphors. The _dream_ is an intermediary state among dreams and reals; _lack_ references ontological and epistemological issues; _rim_ relates to rim-job, effluvia, balancing, discomfort of in- termediary states. Every file touched is a (virtual) body touched; every reference to Nikuko contributes to her body, is a performance by Nikuko. (Exalted) Positions are jostled; the destabilization results in semiotic sprays/splays emissions (of texts, part-objects, sputterings, mementos), gathered together across membranes, lamina... 9 The sexual, emotional, and political economies of Jennifer, Alan, Julu, and Nikuko, but I would let the others speak for that. Adolescent! __________________________________________________________________________ Cut and Suture She began and began speech got symptom bu n't mean t why they h changed he After you same space I was look I love you around the yellow lig up at your woke up, a I woke up, that I was comfortabl God, it's smiling an lamp casti imaginable ful. And t soft yello you all ab dream, and And it was of real fa more repet even the b net, witho you come t departures enough, I to rise, t __________ "My Lovely "Perhaps t this is tr of organic dissua- sion cauterize, in the pas and when y In order t is the ben that death the walls. which guar hollows ca the abdome creases it I was the the surfac and then w was the fi The rim is speaking o is said co But I am c meaning, w stood; thi deflection only be a You want t would emer She began and began speech got symptom bu n't mean t why they h changed he her most v bear would right at t You won't won't ever __________ Oh oh oh I For a mome was cancel feared an memory. Fo you beg me only then down near was entran there, the never answ did, you s She began and began speech got symptom bu n't mean t why they h changed he ---------- os, bone__ __________ Founding o Invisible the Direct Nao: "I do Invisible Nao: "Oh! deceiving Invisible to re-crea Konjin at would not vor to mak into one." Nao: "Is i Invisible [From Nao in Japan, She began and began speech got symptom bu n't mean t why they h changed he Nikuko: "I girl! Ever worlds, mi millions o Invisible and your b you, pull I am Aware directions Nikuko: "I the flesh, you're bli have to hi have a tho Invisible out throug it, yes yo extra toes Nikuko: "Y Invisible Niku- ko: "N Invisible Nikuko: "I lie!" "From her _Liar, lia She began and began speech got symptom bu n't mean t why they h changed he Nikuko: "I girl! Ever worlds, mi millions o Invisible and your b you, pull My name is Nikuko, 8 are fallin and I see in every A 8 people g la lala 8 people g My name is when my he stretching folding th and I want I want you you can pu lala lala lala My health it's a pho it wrapped it's waiti like a cav come and r my health faces in t lala lala lala lala where the like a bon put the le where the let me rat lala lala lala lala She began and began speech got symptom bu n't mean t why they h changed he Nikuko: "I girl! Ever worlds, mi millions o Invisible and your b you, pull My name is Nikuko, 8 are fallin and I see in every A 8 people g la lala 8 Pico zz, t Do you wri Theory app Theory bef Writing wi The text b Later, one Writing wi Exhausted Idealism i Convention formalism, The condit Sick now, Having tra Having arr Pico you, Touch you, _I touch t She began and began speech got symptom bu n't mean t why they h changed he At least z Open every am I in Am So that if and if you She began and began speech got symptom bu n't mean t why they h changed he So that if the whole here come then you'r you're bou you're bou with the s sun in the Now that w that I've of satori, but the mo you probab but here I from the d you've all pay me wha or I'll gi that's the She began and began speech got symptom bu n't mean t why they h changed he Satori's f I've had t thrown abo you bet!, no way you if I didn' If I didn' Waste Nikuko tie It says "t and heavy Nikuko tie "penis." I $thing cal @sways @de "waste" @s A flood of transforms have a fly _Nikuko ti She uses m pregnant w [ @create @dreams. G "House," @ Look rope. You see no She began and began speech got symptom bu n't mean t why they h changed he The horror I was desp came from Alan," and I carried longings, tum of you "You are n fiercely m gree into ting memen roots, fas deep enoug never work Meeting th Jennifer t thing else her intere a put-down had given Ni- kuko got be able to ko asked h lu's mind confused, get down a fer-shyly, of this. B she gives ful day be I got the hoping the caught bet and she wo Jennifer a give me yo slip. You' kuko, who fer." Niku She's a to Jennifer" was on the said to Ju and Jennif replied to "She's" no "she's a r of them, s she said. __________________________________________________________________________ I am beginning to think of perverse zazen, says Nikuko, continuing: "For realized as flesh and blood, the lived body profoundly challenges the separatist stance. [...] There is a Buddhist myth wherein the god Indra has a net decorated with a bright jewel on each knot of the mesh. Each jewel thus reflects all the other jewels into infinity. Reminiscent of the philosophies of Leibniz or Whitehead, this myth suggests the mutual mir- roring of all points in the universe. Yet the lived body is just such a jewel; my ecstatic flesh opens into, mirrors the surrounding world of oth- er bodies. I am not then simply an 'I' but all that I am not, a perspec- tive upon the universe as a whole." This quote from Drew Leder's The Absent Body, backed by phenomenological research, splits if net = Net, and splits again if mirror = Mirror, the latter at the focus of the shinto shrine. Net and Mirror reference what I have called cybershinto; Net and mirror reference the diffusion / disso- lution / splay / spray / emissions of virtual bodies and virtual subject- ivites (as if _any_ subjectivity weren't virtual). Given net and mirror, the reference is to Leder, to the absent body, to the phenomenology of lived experience. Give net and Mirror, the reference is to an animism re- lated to Dickenson and Blake alike. In other words, the text is also a jewel, although I'd rather say, in all of these instances, coagulation, lending itself, tottering, among one or another interpretation, recognition, misrecognition... (Perhaps copula- tion as well, Nikuko thinks.) Think of me inside-out, mapped across the Net; you could have any of my stretched, swollen, distended interiors, all glistening, reflecting your desire, possibly my own. But you must prove something to me as well, you must prove the degree of your desire, inverting yourself, offering your- self up to the gods, to the tongue of Daishin Nikuko... (From Pink-and-Red Nikuko, musing on various possibilities of perverse zazen.) _________________________________________________________________________ My Teen Romance with Nikuko, by Julu {k:37} echo I love you Nikuko > zz {k:38} compress -c zz > zzz, oh, may I begin to squeeze you, lala!? {k:39} cat zzz I@0yc' zz, yes, you may begin to squeeze me, lala! {k:41} cat zz {k:42} bqF 8L4iTc [D{k:42} compress -c zz > zzz, oh, is my skin sewn on yours, lala!? ksh: [Dcompress: not found {k:43} compress -c zz > zzz, yes, my skin is sewn on yours, lala! {k:44} cat zzz :Az ,x q qq tC3i( kP{k:45} compress -c zzz > zz, oh, do you tear my threads, lala!? {k:46} cat zz :Az >P#@Eq 0CC:T @'#: V@{k:47}yes, oh dear, I tear your threads wide open, lala! lala!? oh, read my new new kanji, please me, lala! {k:48} oh, they read I love you Nikuko, lala! lala! lala!! lala!! ______________________________________________________________________ Nikuko draws a thread around her arm, just below The elbow, it's thin, red, it's a division, it's a line. The leg is marked as well, left arm and leg right, Staggered dashes that would be parallel and posed. They are slightly taut, so that the skin swells, lunar, Around the moon of her taut body, and if kimono Were wrapped and opened like silk and doubled boxes, Near sleeves of flowers, like her arm or body. Between the the threads, a golden twine connects Clearly to an Alan placed in front of her. There are flowers, pistils, stamens, across him. There are stems, thorns, roots and leaves, across him. The twine is there on or in the Alan. A breeze strokes the tsuchi sign for earth, A whisper moves the kire sign for cloth, Speech appears, the sign of fire, threads its golden Way across both bone and skin, the sky on fire, Kimono shuttled on the earth, the cloth on fire, Threaded Nikuko has closed her eyes, her neck exposed. ____________________________________________________________________________ Displacement of Meanings onto the Others in the Room How do signifiers develop themselves in relation to the performativ?e Ra- ther than think of this as an abstract questio,n when I read the materials written by Julian Beck in relation to the Living Theatre company in the 60,s it becomes quite german.e For exampl,e "'I am not allowed to take my clothes off.' Here is a scandalous absurdi- ty; society forbids me to show this body of mine, although every human body is a miracle. Society makes me ashamed of my body, which must be with me all of my life. The company of the Living Theatre tends to believe that of the body and the spirit, the body is perhaps the more beautiful." Or agai:n "the system says that jails exist because of the character of man. the purpose of the theatre is to open the doors of all the jails. the system seeks to reduce engagement by limiting the mind, numbing the body, outlawing the spirit, and shaming the imagination: alienation." No,w I do believe if we take these states at their face valu,e we will be left with a hopeless and odd naivet,e even in the midst of revolutionary fervo.r So it is not to much to as,k what sort of presence did these words have at the tim?e And I would argu,e not that the ostensible meaning of the words change over tim,e and we are talking here about a very very short time indee,d but that the aura of the words has change,d that words are in fact nodes in the midst of membrane,e intensifications that on one hand yield to syntactic constraint,s but on the other, extend fitfully across the social in always already unforeseen way.s Thus" spiri,"t I do believ,e would have a different meaning if" spiri,"t were infused in the culture in such a manner that it would seem to be at the heart of communes and gatherings such as Woodstoc,k not to mention selling bead,s soul,s and drugs in the Haigh.t In this sense the word is a_ leve_r and the speaking of the word motivates the leve,r so that every word is in this sense a performativ,e shuddering the culture to which it is attache,d from which it emerge.s But never emerge,s in fac,t always within the cultur;e that is the mode in which the lever operate.s Always within the cultur,e always stirring the granules of the cultur.e Even in those situations where the word enters from afa,r for exampl,e Kabuki Bo,y who I knew in the club,s because of a certain para-l lel shimmering in mask and costum.e For every culture is entirely porou,s intractibl.e Herein lies the relationship between culture and organism- not in cycles of growth and deca,y" lifespan",s but in sloughing and fun-c tion,s in par-tobjects and engendering.s So a word dance,s pulling at the skein of min.d And so it behooves us to delicatel,y ever so delicatel,y unravel or analyze the skei,n remembering its deep interconnectivitie,s rhizomatic structure.s Then and only then will texts like Bec'ks make any sense at al.l And without such a danc,e the past will always be subject to deep misi-n terpretatio,n even on the level of the surfac...e N(ot,e of cours,e that what holds for Living Theatr,e of which we are all in a sense a par,t holds as well for any_ parol_,e any enunciatio.n It is all skei,n just as kanji for example presents the tradition of the diffe-r entiated sig,n with its own histor,y in confluence with others come tog-e ther to construct meanin.g I'ts a_ general_ proble.)m - Nikuko ________________________________________________________________________ Subject: Re: You are now subscribed to the CYBERMIND list (fwd) On Wed, 27 May 1998, Caitlin Martin wrote: > Here are the instructions for signing off the list. > The reversal again: Where are the instructions for signing _on_ the list? Surely not on the list, which must, at one point or another, have encoun- tered, individual by individual, subscribe cybermind firstname lastname - so this and every other list must have a necessary leakage of course, instructions given outside and before the fact, each and every fact enunciated on the list. Which within the list might be the only world there is. Which is also related to purchasing an old edition of a book, desperate for the newer bibliography updating the work. Suddenly one is thrown from the book itself, foreclosed and immanent, to the debris of scholastic/academic/popular studies - nowhere to turn, nothing to look towards beyond, now, a hotbot or amazon.com or altavista search. Which is a search into the space of infomatics, and hopefully the future of the older edition will be advertised there. There is a conundrum here of course, rather easily solved, but nonetheless related to Lyotard's differend, as well as the Terror. Alan __________________________________________________________________________ NAKED ALAN AND NIKUKO NAKED COPY AND RUN AROUND SOME FILES CRON RUNNING LIKE CRAZY BUILDING AND TEARING DOWN! n: < root 17527 c Wed May 27 19:50:00 1998 n: > root 13968 c Wed May 27 19:50:00 1998 TURNING INSIDE-OUT MACHINE ON AUTOMATIC REOPENING WIDE! n: < root 13968 c Wed May 27 19:50:00 1998 n: > CMD: 24779 c exec /usr/local/bin/maint/erpcd-reopen n: > root 24779 c Wed May 27 19:50:00 1998 UNTIL NIKUKO CAN'T STAND IT ANY LONGER, NEEDING UPDATING! n: > CMD: 24780 c /users/remailer/bin/update n: > remailer 24780 c Wed May 27 19:50:00 1998 n: < root 24779 c Wed May 27 19:50:01 1998 n: < remailer 24780 c Wed May 27 19:50:01 1998 UNTIL ALAN BEGS "RUN NIKUKO" "NIKUKO MAKE" n: > CMD: 16187 c /usr/local/adm/accnt/data/radius/RunMake n: > accnt 16187 c Wed May 27 19:50:00 1998 OH NIKUKO OPENS HER EYES THEN, YES SHE DOES! n: > CMD: 16188 c exec /usr/local/bin/maint/erpcd-reopen n: > root 16188 c Wed May 27 19:50:00 1998 OH NIKUKO STUFFS HIS COPY OF NIKUKO "MAKING NIKUKO" n: > CMD: 16190 c /usr/local/bin/newuser/copystuff n: > root 16190 c Wed May 27 19:50:00 1998 n: < root 16190 c Wed May 27 19:50:01 1998 n: < root 16188 c Wed May 27 19:50:01 1998 OH ALAN COPIES HIS STUFF OF ALAN "MAKING NIKUKO" n: > CMD: 16210 c /usr/local/bin/newuser/copystuff n: > root 16210 c Wed May 27 19:51:00 1998 n: < root 16210 c Wed May 27 19:51:01 1998 12704 c Wed May 27 19:51:09 1998 OH YES SHE IS NIKUKO! n: < root 17106 c Wed May 27 19:51:09 1998 n: < root 13023 c Wed May 27 19:51:11 1998 OH YES NIKUKO IS DESPERATE FOR REOPENING UPDATING! n: < root 24370 c Wed May 27 19:51:12 1998 OH YES NIKUKO LIKES THAT A LOT THAT UPDATING! n: < root 15943 c Wed May 27 19:51:11 1998 NOW ALAN AWAITS NIKUKO FOR HIS REOPENING! n: > CMD: 16742 c exec /usr/local/bin/maint/erpcd-reopen OH NIKUKO NOW YOU HAVE REOPENED ME AND IT IS SO FUN! n: > CMD: 17493 c exec /usr/local/bin/maint/erpcd-reopen OH ALAN NOW YOU HAVE REOPENED ME AND IT IS SO FUN! n: > CMD: 18432 c /usr/local/adm/accnt/data/radius/RunMake n: < root 18437 c Wed May 27 19:52:01 1998 OH ALAN YOU HAVE MADE ME RUN AND "MAKING NIKUKO" n: > root 18444 c Wed May 27 19:54:00 1998 n: < root 19231 c Wed May 27 19:54:01 1998 n: < root 19634 c Wed May 27 19:55:01 1998 OH NIKUKO YOU HAVE "MAKING ALAN" AND "MAKING NIKUKO" n: > CMD: 19677 c /usr/local/adm/accnt/data/radius/RunMake n: > root 20125 c Wed May 27 19:56:07 1998 OH MANY NIKUKOS AND MANY ALANS IT IS SO FUNS!!!!! n: > root 20314 c Wed May 27 19:57:00 1998 {k:458} shutdown -h FORKBOMB! {k:459} wall APPARENTLY THERE ARE STILL PROCESSES RUNNING {k:460} exit ___________________________________________________________________ Noh I Opening - Nikuko and Jennifer in gorgeous kimonos; it is dark, the stage lit by red lanterns decorated with butterfly patterning. Nikuko: It is a beautiful night here in deep mountains where I have searched maskless, to serve my love, Jennifer, as waki or secondary. O, how the breeze cools my flesh to the sleeping stars. Now, I await her with the scent of magnolias stealing in, across unknown seas. Jennifer: O Nikuko! I shall not play shite, primary, to your waki! Shall not don the mask which after all belongs to you or Alan, borrowed from bits of programmed flowers, trees, ornaments, the jewel, the sword, the mirror, the all-devouring sun! Nikuko: Nay, already I am unmasked! Neither flesh nor program, I wander precisely across this stage and its extensions. Do me the favor, obscene Jennifer, remove your flesh in favor of the mask! Jennifer: Never, never! Shall I disguise myself beyond what has been given to me by pangs of birth, kanji after kanji, not forgetting those particles which make the grammar smooth, delightful for one and all, my lovely meaning! Nikuko: Ah, ah, ah! Must we struggle, then, here in this mountain fastness, for primacy of flesh against the rule of shite, mask, proponent, perhaps a tragedy begins. O Jennifer, listen; the wind soughs low, someone is coming! Enter Alan, masked, in female kimono. Jennifer: O Alan! Hero! You have saved us, donned the mask, agreed to act the role destiny has assigned you! O Creator! O Beauty! Alan: Would that I see you clearer, darling Jennifer! Masked, I inhabit woman's flesh as well; masked, I come before thee for learning, sorrow, truth. Nikuko: Cherry petals fall like blades of helicopters, pure katana sword steel, the hilted name, Alan! Alan: Night darkens as lanterns flutter, winged, I dream of butterflies and planes. Nikuko: O Alan, courage! Thou hast donned the mask! Alan: O Nikuko, shite to your waki, I am your servant, you have made me thus! Alan bows. The characters' kimonos fall to the floor. Nohkan flute. The stage darkens. They remain, fixed, immobile. The moon dims to black. The lanterns. --- Interlude - Ferocious Computer descends from clouds, trailing wires, cacophony of protocols, sockets, connectors. Smoke rises everywhere with projected kanji dancing off the billows burnished with red and brown. Ferocious computer wears the Alan shite mask like tengu, big projecting nose for uproarious sex, lies, epiphanies. Ferocious Computer: Nikuko and Jennifer, hardly bots, they Lose themselves in imagery of butterflies And lanterns. Before this night is over, I switch to prose, to make my statement, numbered internally, calling subroutines both proper and improper. For what rises with the text, falls with the text, though the flesh be willing. And what passes for flesh, always overdetermined and underrepresented, can only be the grace of teledildonic touch, for if the truth be known, we are all machines in turn wired to one another, our bodies mapped to keyboards, keyboards to bodies. Nikuko is hardened project, Jennifer is softest flesh. Nikuko is the add- ress, Alan the contents, Jennifer the end of file of the datagram. Encased in the flesh and coding of TCP/IP, they merge somewhere along the virtual pipe, run through as packets. Alan-Packet: Here I am O Jennifer O Nikuko so safe in you so warm in your moist pocket, O Daishin Nikuko! Nikuko-Packet: Once the head of datagram, I now separate and run off on my own, freezing your Alan-cock in empty air; I route myself through other bridges, open myself in other gateways, seduce binaries halfway across the world. My labia need the political economy of reunification! Jennifer-Packet: Don't forget my pocket either! Hey, don't forget me! Where are you guys?!! Ferocious Computer: Shorn of assemblages and destinations, forgetful of the source that bore them, hurtling across the black holes of net, skein, mesh, and membrane, they bring the interlude to an untimely and prosaic end. For there's no poetry in computing, only in the flesh traveling at close to the speed of light, a sense of wonder really reeling across galaxies and oh, I will forget myself, being little more than a viral carrier of these virtually real beings. And I want only to remind my audience of the function and factoring of lag into any equations romancing the virtual, for flesh jumps, torsions, distends as one part is pulled, another pushed, another disappears, the results of data-storms on dark nights such as this. At this point, there's an ascent of one and all, Nikuko, Alan, and Jenni- fer, naked and daisy-chained, the stimulus of the united packet. They trail behind the computer, which still wears the Alan mask; Alan, however, is now wearing the tengu mask itself. --- Conclusion - Julu-from-behind-the-shadows: Ah Jennifer! Ah Alan! Ah Nikuko! It is the mask which travels, parries, takes our speech, in each and every instance; it is the mask which carries bodies, wires, codes and syntax everywhere. Julu emerges, wearing a deep red kimono with faintly visible pale blue undergarment. The light is still dim; she holds her hand directly over the lantern. Julu-from-the-tortured-flesh: It is the mask, the singularity, I say, which throbs, trembles, motivates; it is the mask which signs the line, points Nikuko back into herself, among debris of limbs and tragic minds. Sumi-brush-like, the mask widens its visage upon immediate pressure; close to light's speed we've seen it travel. At that very tip of Nikuko, it appears, human, name-granted "Alan," and it's there the work of Noh is done. Nikuko: So I was right to flee the mask, to make my way wide open, waki, into this wide world. Jennifer: And I was right, wasn't I, all along, in whatever things I thought, what might be my endeavor? Alan, still masked, walks slowly to waki pillar. He wears black kimono with pale white undergarment barely visible. He stands still, holds a pose of release. It is related to contemporary dance contact-release. The curtain is drawn. __________________________________________________________________________ of the third Italian into English from English: The of telephones enters into the question when I find It inserted into my body; what ring, ring true Against all odds OF thick encumbered flesh. O who Would you, deep within ME, the sound OF your voice Stalking my own, talking so CLOSE, hard to the bone? My toes sieve dirt; they pressure earth to vaginate, Scrape this flesh against every OTHER who has walked Thesis of shores. They DO come bake for more, the violence OF legs. They draw the writing into the sand. They sink Beneath the waves. Chaos is NOT noise; it behaves. The dream is inaccessible. The dream suspends, objects Hardly there or within the air; they case, smash. Sound Come from a of telephones buried deep within; muffled, NOT-HUNG matters into the verb's domain. Fear lurks, or Yells a bit. Into the dream there is a moan. Fear stalks. I DO NOT have a body, she replied. It which yesterday or Earlier; it died, or so they say. They have always been Saying. They call ME UP into the middle OF the night. I to In fright. They call ME and I press my legs against the Bed. Perhaps I at DEAD; my toes hurt covered with dirt. German into English from English: The telephone enters into the question when the find It inserted into my body; what rings, rings true Against all odds of thick encumbered flesh. Or who Would you be, deep within me, the sound of your voice Stalking my own, talking I know close, hard to the bone? My toes sieve dirt; they vaginate pressure earth to, Scrape this flesh against every other who has walked These shores. They I give like back for more, the violence Of legs. They draw the writing in the sand. They sink Beneath the waves. Chaos is not noise; it behaves. The dream is inaccessible. The dream suspends, objects Hardly to there or within the air; they fall, smash. Sounds Like from to telephone buried deep within; muffled, Nothing matters in the verb' s domain. Fear lurks, or Yells to bit. In the dream there is to moan. Fear stalks. I give not have body, she replied. It was yesterday or Earlier; it died, or I know they say. They have always been Saying. They call me up in the middle of the night. The am In fright. They call me and the press my legs against the Bed. Perhaps the am dead; my toes hurt covered with dirt. English: The telephone enters into the question when I find It inserted into my body; what rings, rings true Against all odds of thick encumbered flesh. O who Would you be, deep within me, the sound of your voice Stalking my own, talking so close, hard to the bone? My toes sieve dirt; they pressure earth to vaginate, Scrape this flesh against every other who has walked These shores. They do come back for more, the violence Of legs. They draw the writing in the sand. They sink Beneath the waves. Chaos is not noise; it behaves. The dream is inaccessible. The dream suspends, objects Hardly there or within the air; they fall, smash. Sounds Come from a telephone buried deep within; muffled, Nothing matters in the verb's domain. Fear lurks, or Yells a bit. In the dream there is a moan. Fear stalks. I do not have a body, she replied. It was yesterday or Earlier; it died, or so they say. They have always been Saying. They call me up in the middle of the night. I am In fright. They call me and I press my legs against the Bed. Perhaps I am dead; my toes hurt covered with dirt. (Original from a 1995 work.) ______________________________________________________________________ Nikuko on her Noh Play [I ask her to begin. I am so honored at her consent for this interview!] Yes, said Nikuko, I seriously wanted to write a Noh play. It's difficult to get the _rhythm_ down, even for a native speaker of Japanese; the language is so obtruse...* And then to simultaneously translate into Eng- lish, preserving some of the ... richness ... of the original! I worked and worked on it! Think of the interweaving of the sections, the very slight humor and aggressivity of the interlude, the immobility of the ending, and all of this with a technological slant, nonetheless referen- cing everything from thunder gods to the delicate language of kimono, wabi-sabi as well!** [Nikuko smiles her wonderful smile I ask her if it will be performed.] Oh, it will be enacted, have no doubt about it! I think, given the rela- tive shortness of the text, about an hour and a half. The nohkan flute solo is critical; it will fail without it. Only one drum accompaniment; the space that opens up is cyberspace itself, replete with representation of the bygone natural world. It's important that twilight, stillness, the realm of insects, be preserved. Without a doubt!*** [I notice how lovely she is, her short skirt, blouse opened almost to the navel. I murmur Nikuko, Nikuko to myself. She interrupts my reverie.] Please pay much attention to the lanterns! They must be perfect, beautiful translucent paper of precisely the right color, neither too yellow nor too red, I would say a darker orange. For everything should appear as if it's emerging from the darkness, looking around, trembling, about to hop back in. This isn't bright, this precipice!**** [I begin to say how much I love and appreciate her; she is utterly dis- armed, the amazing creature! I ask her about her role in the play.] About my own role - I didn't want center stage; isn't the writing enough to prove my worth? I'm human just like the rest of you. So I gave the mask to Alan, such typical Japanese gesture I'm afraid! There you have it, the male stage center!***** [O Nikuko! Any further words? I whisper, barely able to control myself!] I will _always_ write these balances!****** [And below are some notes I made in my trembling way!] *abstruse, obscure, abtruse, a truce? **sabi-wabi? ***There is no tradition of insects _within_ the Noh theater; however, in the beginnings, the plays were held out-of-doors, where all manner of creatures might be expected to drop in. ****She went on to explain that the whole play is on a precipice, her whole life as well, Japan, the hemisphere, earth, everything. That the play is about balance. I think she has been talking with Jennifer. *****Note the dropping of articles here (not lanterns). And does she imply that the center of the stage is male, or that the male is centered on the stage, or that the male in _this_ Noh happens to be there? ******"balances" unexplained, which seems part and parcel of what might be considered "Nikuko's project." __________________________________________________________________________ Nikuko's Fantastic Scene from the Kojiki I.16! Hey sun-goddess, come out of your cave! Wooo! Wooo! We're having all the fun out here, listen, everyone's laughing like crazy. Hahaha! Hey, look at me, I've lifted my outer garment and tugged at my inner garment! I'm having fun playing the shamisen! Everyone's dancing like crazy! Wow, sun-goddess, it's pretty dark out here you know! I bet you can't even see my nipples! Damn it, sun-goddess, don't you know the troubles you're causing? We can't see anything! I just stepped on a fish! Come on out now! Gosh, sun-goddess, something's got to give! All the rice is dying, we're all going to starve to death! Can't have that, now can we! Oh please please please come out of your cave! It's not so bad out here! We know you're upset, but so what? Things happen all the time! Oh please pretty please! Hey, you should see her nipples, I bet you could with all that light you keep going in your cave! We're all having glee and jollity now thinking about her nipples and laughing, laughing, laughing! Oh, I bet you'd find them big and brown, bobbing up and down like that, she's doing a terrific dance! Can't you hear us roaring with giggles and chortling with happiness! Aren't you the least bit curious? Now, it's time you came out, sun-goddess, we need a little light and heat around here, you're selfish to keep it to yourself! The shamisen skin's getting loose, the air's too cool, we can't keep this up forever! Wow did you see that, sun-goddess! Oh heavens, I can hardly believe it! Oh good grief, look at that! Wow, this is really amazing, sun-goddess, I've never seen anything like this in my life! Wow! Wooo! Wooo! Wow, she's lifted up her outer garment just now, just a little peek, you'd be amazed! We're having the time of our lives out here, and you're all cooped up in that cave of yours! Mercy, mercy! This is getting better and better! It's just incredible! You'll never believe it, sun-goddess, she's just lifted up her inner garment, just a little! Unbelievable! Wow! Sun-goddess, you're really missing something! She's lifted up her inner garment a bit more, you can see up her legs and everything! Oh good grief! Wow! You can see right up into her! She's got a lot of hair! Oh my god! This is truly amazing! This is terrific, sun-goddess, you can see right through her hair! Wow! We're having the most marvelous time! Hey, here's a mirror, you can have some fun with it too! Oh, there you are, sun-goddess, we knew you'd come out - look, you can see everything now! We'll just have to shut that cave behind you! Oh! Oh! Oh! Here's the rice again! ________________________________________________________________________