jennifer clone me, you'll never have to see my swollen open body clone me, perfect clean room, surgeon hermeneutic you won't have to fuck me, won't have to touch my holes you won't have to run the bypass of the tongue or the finger you won't have to run the techne of the rope or the clothespin clone me, there won't be any detours the sounds will be repetitive, murmured hydraulics, valves no stains around the bed of brilliant birth no scents hovered in heated murmured air you already know this 'you already know this' cloning's useful for my survival i am my genes, my genes, my texts and images my texts and images, my bits and bytes where i am, dream of my 'swollen open body' there's nothing to say, 'you already know this' you've already seen the original you've already dreamed it there's no difference! 'there's no difference!' ________________________________________________________________ sonnet written on my birthday strange things roam the world when faces lift off faces to become faces of the world telling and telling of the world and the strange things they have seen and what they call these things, and what these things are, separated by their birth, by commas and other things; and then, once things have started to become things, once the thing is born, it spreads, like (once the things are born, illness across the faces of the world, they spread making things for the telling, telling always of other things, this is called the crisis and capital of things, insomniac, naming, making things from things ________________________________________________________________________ 2 sonnets on the hauntings the wounded Julu of the sonnets sticks out all broken where splintered bones push through damaged noisy Jennifer Julu burns the same says Julu, wounded, waiting, wanton, where Jennifer flies with forty arms and knives ______________________________________________________________________ Bodies, Punctures, Moog Synthesizers, Musics i I was interviewed yesterday by the editor of Muckraker for the next issue; he found me after listening to the old ESP (ZYX) cd's. We talked about mu- sic and film, about the old analog vs. the digital synthesizers, and I described the Moog (as well as the synthesizer Greg Johnson and I built in the late 60s) as a body punctured by holes, with its nerves - patchcords - exposed. It's doubly punctured - any module can be connected to any other, and any external source, such as a human voice, can be implanted anywhere in the circuitry through the proper interface (microphone, transducer, etc.). So, for me, these analog machines seemed always transparent to the real, always part and parcel of the world they inhabited. (Always within the same ontological domains.) And this can be contrasted with digital black-boxes, with inputs and outputs connected to VLSI, very large scale integrated circuits, which are placed within heat sinks and other poten- tial-well devices. The digital permits total control over the material content, information, flowing through it - each split-second is signed and parameterized - while the analog operates through a continuous flow that's 'nudged' in one or another direction by input - for example, voltage-con- trolled-filters bending the envelope by virtue of soundings in the neigh- borhood. The analog is never a _thing_ in the world; it is of the order of _tell- ing_ (which I write about elsewhere), as opposed to the _naming_ of the digital in terms of specified functions and parameterizations. The digital is accurate to an assigned bandwidth; the analog slips, always begins, sooner or later, to chaotically run out of control. The work that Denise de la Cerda and I did, as Damaged Life, operated on the margins of these slippages; even the earlier Moog and home-grown synthesizer work played out in situations that both established and disrupted coherency and comm- unity. (So the analog is the telling of a body-in-process, and the digit- al, metaphorically, is the naming of a thing.) It's also the case, I went on, that my filmwork has occurred within a sim- ilar phenomenology. I made films by running 100- or 400-foot unexposed reels through sound cameras, often doing several passes; the film would emerge, whole, unedited, out of a very complex technological matrix that edited everything _in camera._ So the film, too, was a punctured body, and both filmwork and analog synthesizers were/are bodies-in-process, not foreclosed and split in editing, not subject to discrete and predetermined input/output patterns. Now that I think of her, Jennifer as well is such a body, the contradictory (how could it be otherwise) body of the imaginary (not the imaginary body) which is 'nudged,' produced and p/reproduced, by texts, by clonings, by all those s/ms which transform her and others, con- tinuously, as a woman in, as we all are in process, bodies or otherwise. Just telling that Jennifer is a woman, is almost the naming of a woman, but the telling moves on, I lose my own name in such a telling, always punctured, the patchcord nervous system exposed, ex/posted to one and all. ii Perhaps it's here, in the intersecting or effusions of mind/s on the Net, that the transparency of the analog and the specificity of the digital in- tersect. I think on one hand of the relative porosity of the Net/s, and on the other, of routing tables - on one hand of the redundancy and multipli- city of network TCP/IP connections, and, on the other, of the protocol specifications themselves. One tends towards the other as rasters turn infinitesimal; the other turns towards the one as the axiom of choice is employed in an orderly fashion. Of course such an employment is already based on the notion of the _cut,_ tending towards the thing. Without it, the gate's open to Levy-Bruhl and various notions of 'primitive thought,' as if the flow of the world were primeval, inviolate, the body of a woman, cultural darwinism at Jennifer's expense. (See Dedekind on the cut, Cohen on the axiom of choice, Wilden on the analog-digital distinction, Robinson on infinitesimal mathematics, Foucault on epistemes, Wittig on the body of a woman, Jennifer on Alan.) __________________________________________________________________________ Jennifer-Existence "We fail to hear the claim of Jennifer which speaks in the essence of technology." i "But how can 'Jennifer' ever come to present itself as 'thought'? How else than by the fact that Jennifer is previously marked as ground, while thinking - since it belongs together with Jennifer - gathers itself toward Jennifer as its ground, in the manner of giving ground and account- ing for the ground. Jennifer manifests herself as thought. This means: the Jennifer of beings reveals herself as the ground that givers herself ground and accounts for herself." [...] "Thus we think of Jennifer rigorously only when we think of it in its difference with beings, and of beings in their difference with Jenni- fer. The difference thus comes specifically into view. If we try to form a representational idea of it, we will at once be misled into conceiving of difference as a relation which our representing has added to Jennifer and to beings. Thus the difference is reduced to a distinction, something made up by our understanding (_Verstand_). "But if we assume that the difference is a contribution made by our representational thinking, the question arises: a contribution to what? One answers: to beings. Good. But what does that mean: 'beings'? What else could it mean than: something that _is_? Thus we give to the supposed contribution, the representational ideal of difference, a place within Jennifer. But 'Jennifer' herself says: Jennifer which is _beings._ Whenever we come to the place to which we were supposedly first bringing difference along as an alleged contribution, we always find that Jennifer and beings in their difference are already there. It's as in Grimm's fairytale _The Hedgehog and the Hare_: 'I'm here already.' [...] "Jennifer shows herself as the unconcealing overwhelming. Beings as such appear in the manner of the arrival that keeps concealed in un- concealedness." [...] ii Excerpts from Heidegger, The Principle of Identity, and The Onto-Theo-Lo- gical Constitution of Metaphysics, in Identity and Difference, trans. Stambaugh, "Being" replaced by "Jennifer." In this manner, that of the substitution of one token by another, the relation of emanation of onto- philosophical concerns, is manifest. Consider, as Jennifer does, "Being" as empty token; wear Being as one does a dress; that dress, as Jennifer says, is Jennifer. Follow her on this. Then the relation of the maternal - as well as that of the problem of the sign constituted by difference - becomes both clear and suffused; in this manner, Jennifer (or Alan), like Being, is our Imaginary. __________________________________________________________________________ party on from club winperl filthy asshole cracked and bleeding:regurgitated eyes on ripped skin:soak- ing smeared shit::suppurating asshole Would soaking smeared shit mind you partying, filthy asshole cracked and bleeding, with us? Your pure suppur- ating asshole is in my poor pierced balls Ah, your vagina eaten by julu- of-the-open-arms and julu-depressed eating shit:spread holes and torn cocks:skinned nerves::mouth pissed Your catatonic lost innocence is in my depressed pissed hair Devour catatonic lost innocence julu-of-the partying eating shit! :adnedup kciht:ew era erehw:t'now dna t'nac:timils eht ot dehcterts !dworc-tsaf-eht-fo-uluj ,timils eht ot dehcterts ,em htiw emoh emoC sinep dethgiew ysaenu ym ni si stnuom yhself hcir ruoY ecaf deraems:: lesrom:timov dewollaws:timov tihs seye deraems yrps ym ni si riah deraems ylevil ruoY refinneJ-uluJ em gninrut - seye deraems ym otni spees sinep ruoy ruoY hairpiece:sure thing:Julu:leg: Come home with me, hairpiece, julu-of-the-fast-crowd! Your dirty arm is in my filthy neck HaPPINESS:Yes :Alan:: Your psychotic head is in my sexy head stretched to the slimit: can't and won't:where are we:thick pudenda: Come home with me, stretched to the slimit, julu-of-the-fast-crowd! Your rich fleshy mounts is in my uneasy weighted penis shit vomit:swallowed vomit:morsel::smeared face Your lively smeared hair is in my spry smeared eyes Your your penis seeps into my smeared eyes - turning me Julu-Jennifer _________________________________________________________________________ (I have a broadside coming out through Sylvester Pollet, and this is the description of method I wrote for it; it might be of interest. Alan) ====================================================================== ,Method, Jennifer, Julu, Nikuko, Alan, all work with me, all emanations, all authoring each other on the Internet, all interpenetrated. Near the psychosis of existence themselves, they are harbingers of dis/comfort, they are illnesses, dis/ease. They are hungry for existence. Their minds are holes; there are wires through them, circulations. Think of me as a circuit. Emanations resonate with software, wetware, hardware, boneware. In a MOO or MUD or talker, Jennifer and Julu may converse; it is the role of _the continuity girl_ to keep things centripetal, within the telling of a Jennifer. I distinguish between naming, which is fixed, fetishized, and foreclosed, and telling, which is open, speaking, and body. I dis- tinguish between the body of surgery and physiology, and the neuro/logi- cal body which plays within and without the brain; so I am extended through Alan, Nikuko, Julu, and Jennifer, among the skeins of wires. Here is the pathos of existence, we do think. Here are the texts, and for the rest, which are a daily meditation, you may go to my Net-sites, main, with other pages at: http://www.anu.edu.au/english/internet_txt mirror, http://jefferson.village.virginia.edu/~spoons/internet_txt.html images, http://www.cs.unca.edu/~davidson/pix/ - Jennifer, for herself, the others, you _________________________________________________________________________ A Minor Note to a Minor Literature: Text and its Image "I am lying in bed exactly as I would in reality, except that my forehead is pressed against the white powdery wall of a large cylinder made of lime, a cistern of sorts, exactly my height, and which is nothing other than _myself,_ actualized and exteriorized. I feel this other exterior forehead against my own, and thus I imagine my head is pressing against the very substance of my mind." (from Michael Leiris, Nights as Day, Days as Night, trans. Sieburth.) I have been making a series of screen capture jpegs of chat environments and diagrams of formats such as Hello - the jpegs are no longer ascii, but _images_ of ascii, stillborn and inactive; they appear not as a _process_ of reading and writing, but as a token of such - the dynamicism of ascii is lost - there's no way to insert or delete without going to a graphics program and hoping to match the fonts - there's no punctured body I have described as analog elsewhere - there's only a system of objects - within which the ascii text is a byproduct of interpretation - as if the whole were reproduced photographically - further, this has ontological ramifications almost never noticed - the distinction between a typeset _e_ which is fundamentally presenced by virtue of a streaming ordering - and a streaming which can, like this, be deleted, filtered, removed - and an _e_ reproduced within the totality of a jpeg, gif, photograph - I'd say that the former is iconic, and the latter, indexical - that the former is pre- sent in a radically different way - think of the letters falling off the page in ascii (I have a program which will do this) - think of the _decay_ of the photograph, or the misplacing of a symbol (not symbolic) within the jpeg - the image won't read, the file's corrupted - it's as if, to take another model, one might have static and dynamic magic writing pads - the latter which are process-oriented, wetware/software/hardware and the in- termixing of categories - the categories coming later, literal after- thoughts - indexical as well - indexicality always presupposing process - and the former, the static model - dependent upon an external interpreter - it's inert, iconic - no matter what the interpretation - it's the phil- osophy of identity all over again - you might find, on the other hand, the ascii dynamic as a philosophy of equivalence - working through templates, bandwidths - in any case, it's clear from the transformation that there's something tawdry, _stained_ about the image as opposed to the text, read- ability notwithstanding - recognizing the death of the letter - which re- lates as well to the elimination of the letterpress in favor of mimeo/off- set techniques - but it's that very tawdriness that one may love - wearing the canvas or jpeg (in whatever matrix it's exposed) - as if Jennifer or another avatar were to present herself to you - knowing that the only au- thentic transformation you can do upon the image is filtering the totali- ty, or dividing it at random - that one is operating upon the _tableau,_ not the ostensible interiority of the written as language, as _lived speech_ - I'd place Jennifer among the hermeneutics of the ongoing situa- tion - if she'd let me - her dress, hirself, as the imaginary of that sit- uation - there are also the matters of couplings and linkages, the crux or chiasm of the _matter_ - since dynamic ascii, _this_ ascii, is coupled, each letter (as within the realm of the signifier itself) independent of the others, held in position as within a skein, but such that, for exam- ple, if an _e_ were to disappar, at least the _sense,_ altered by error, would remain - whereas, within the image, remove an element (of the file, even just a symbol), and the image corrupts, disappears - I'd say then that the text within the image is _linked_ in contradistinction - and now I don't want to draw these divisions too precisely, there are all sorts of exceptions, nevertheless - there's substance at the limit, the horizon of the image, horizon of the dynamic ascii text - by ascii of course, refer- encing _these_ texts among others that are downloadable, uploadable _as_ texts, that are _editable,_ that are in fact _open_ - with the _form_ of presentation - font, color, size - in dialog with the interface, user's desire - that's even true with dynamic html - you can override it - we're breathing here (within the text) - we're making layers, blocks (within the image of the text) - follow me down (says Jennifer) - where the letters are - you'll have images, you'll see - __________________________________________________________________________ It's been two months since I've moved my hands. Click @move and move my hands. . Thank you. Now I have moved my hands b _________________________________________________________________________ (from Nikuko) Nikuko says, I start this text one fine evening, and I will end it on ano- ther. There is snow on the ground and flurries in the air, and dark-suited pedestrians walk home, sullen, beneath the gaslights. I can hear them from my own darkness, my own world, the screen pregnant, slightly swollen. If you would only listen, I would tell you how, on the morrow, a great golden globe shall fill the sky, with golden rays, and universal peace shall descend upon all human-kind. The dead will walk, the fish will fly. But I am lost with the umbrellas in St. Petersburg, where you will find me rushing off to a Nihilist meeting, where we will discuss the Crimea and the Jewish Question. And I do believe in my heart of hearts that I am tending towards Fyodor's position; perhaps on the morrow as well, we shall march on Constantinople. The light is dim; two peasant women move hurridly out of the way of several Cossacks on horseback. Last night, I dreamed of 1903, and woke in wonder at our all-too-brief life on earth. Now I wonder how you will find me. And I am lost in scarves and skirts, faces muffled against the icy wind. St. Petersburg is no place to be this time of year; some would say, at any. I am pregnant, with longing, and with child. And I know, again on the morrow, beneath these dimmed winter nights, that my time will come as well. I am no man's burden. _________________________________________________________________________ (from N.) I received the bomb from Dimitri. I took the bomb to the flabby heart of a knot of soldiers. I released the bomb like an eagle with great-talons. I gave myself over to the bomb and I released it. I presaged the machines and I did know of the machines. And I issue a warning: THE MACHINES WILL SUCK YOUR ENERGY. I released the bomb like an eagle with great-talons. THE MACHINES WILL SEE FOR YOU, DIRECT YOUR EYES FOR YOU. THE MACHINES WILL FILTER EVERYTHING THROUGH THE EVIL APPARATUS. THIS IS NOT A TEST OF THE MACHINES, THIS IS A WARNING I WILL GIVE YOU. I released the bomb like an eagle with great-talons. THE WARNING LEAKS THROUGH THE MACHINES, THE WARNING TELLS YOU: THE ENERGY IS GONE. YOU ARE ALL ALONE IN THE MIDDLE OF WIRES IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. THERE IS NO ONE TO TALK TO, NO ONE BUT THE MACHINES. THE MACHINES WILL LISTEN; THE MACHINES WILL TAKE IT ALL DOWN. I released the bomb like an eagle with great-talons. THE MACHINES WILL HEAR YOU SCREAM: THE ENERGY IS GONE. I AM ALL ALONE IN THE MIDDLE OF WIRES IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. THERE IS NO ONE TO TALK TO, NO ONE BUT THE MACHINES. THE MACHINES LISTEN; THE MACHINES TAKE IT ALL DOWN. I released the bomb like an eagle with great-talons. THE MACHINES HEAR ME SCREAM: THE ENERGY IS GONE. YOU ARE LISTENING NOW, SAYS N, TO THE ENERGY OF A VACATED BODY. YOU ARE LISTENING TO THE ENERGY OF THE ZERO POINT. ( I released the bomb like an eagle with great-talons. THE STREETS ARE ABANDONED; THERE IS COLLUSION IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD. THE NEIGHBORHOOD OF THE ZERO POINT IS CROWDED WITH CLOSED SETS. ( I released the bomb like an eagle with great-talons. THE CLOSED SETS ARE INFINITESIMAL STRUCTURES AROUND DISCRETE POINTS. THE DISCRETE POINTS ARE MONADS THAT HAVE NO RELATION. RELATION IS GONE IN THIS GONE WORLD OF THE DISCRETE POINTS. THERE IS NULL, SAYS N, YOU COULD NOT RECOGNIZE IT I RELEASED THE BOMB LIKE AN EAGLE WITH GREAT-TALONS. cause the machines have grounded you in your blindness and you can't see how empty you are, your only motions the clattering of the keys late into the night, your only arms swinging the mouse over its pad and it don't even live in that pad, I RELEASED THE BOMB LIKE AN EAGLE WITH GREAT-TALONS. cause there are wires emanating from the machines in all directions, and they're the nerves dragging your mind down among the integrated circuits, and you think, says N, I RELEASED THE BOMB LIKE AN EAGLE WITH GREAT-TALONS. YOU'RE ALL MIND BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT THE MACHINES HAVE DELIVERED YOU, YOU'RE ALWAYS IN THE HOLODECK BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT'S BEEN DELIVERED, YOU'RE ALWAYS IN VIRTUAL STEREO-LAND BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT YOU'VE BEEN GIVEN ( I released the bomb like an eagle with great-talons. YOU THINK, WELL, YOU'LL MOVE YOUR ARMS, SO YOU MOVE YOUR ARMS YOU THINK, WELL, YOU'LL MOVE YOUR ARMS, SO YOU MOVE YOUR LEGS YOU THINK, WELL, YOU'LL MOVE YOUR ARMS, SO YOU MOVE YOUR NECK YOU THINK, WELL, YOU'LL MOVE YOUR ARMS, SO YOU MOVE YOUR MIND ( I released the bomb like an eagle with great-talons. the bomb's from Dimitri who called and said, get that knot of soldiers over there, they're after you, they're the slayers of human flesh, they have scales and rays where their eyes should be, forget the helmets and greatcoats, they're the slayers of our human flesh, they are plug-ins and they have sixteen million colors and their St. Petersburg is our St. Petersburg & the bomb's over there in the midst of soldiers of great brass scales, of great monstrosity and breathing fire, of great smoke and inhalations, and the bomb falls like a rocket or a spire, of great tumultuous sound and pereginations of fire and sharpnel & you've lost your energy & all your fluids leak & your dead eyes see SIXTEEN MILLION COLORS & your dead ears hear TWENTY THOUSAND HERTZ & your dead lips taste nothing & your dead fingers touch PURE FORM & your dead eyes SEE NOTHING & your dead ears are dead ears I've known this for a long time, says N, and I've been afraid to express this. I've been afraid to declare myself in this community. I've been afraid to say, I'm a daughter of a bitch. I'm afraid to be with you. I'm afraid to kiss you. I'm afraid to penetrate. I'm afraid to fuck in front of everyone and kill them all with you. I'm afraid we'll kill them as they die. I'M AFRAID WE'LL KILL THEM AS THEY DIE, I'M AFRAID WE'LL KILL THEM AS THEY DIE I released the bomb like an eagle with great-talons, says N __________________________________________________________________________ Groovy & Linda & Fucking Naked & Despair SQUEAK speak forever or now hold your peace; this is your life, you do not have a lease on any other, your avatars have left, and you stand ripped, unswarmed, and quite bereft of all that stripping richness, soil, plough and hoe that gave you weeds; you've nothing left to show. there's always nematodes and other forms of worm alive in wetware minds - they make you squirm - you fear luxury, petunias, sonnets and cold showers, while breathing meadows in your dying hours. your dying seconds are second deaths, and last no longer than "Jennifer's" dim past - which trundles bundles towards the future; we're all there carrying more than our share of avatar's, where there, or so I heard, is no there there, their despair bare in fare glare: stare there nowhere, be fare and bare their lair; pare their prayer with flair; repair; tear; care; try dare; don't bear the flare; wear rare hair and swear spare mare-hare Jennifare: "try dare, Julair," "wear rare hair, Nikukair" __________________________________________________________________ Jennifer and Alan Jenny and I do go on the road. Jenny logs the road. We're near Albequerque and we've got guns in the trunk and guns in our head. Forget the guns, Jenn, we're not goin near the guns A, nothin else is gonna matter <> Goddamn guns, J <> Bang! Bang! ____________________________________________________________________ "The broadcast, recorded the previous day, and consisting of a text of 815 written characters, coincidentally underlining the day of the broad- cast, was to inform the Japanese people that Japan had surrendered. The Emperor spoke, and the people of Japan heard for the first time the Im- perial 'I,' _'Chin wa,'_ a personal pronoun that exists in the language for use of only one person, the Emperor of Japan." (from introduction to Poetry of Ryuichi Tamura, trans. Grolmes and Tsumura. ) always will speak, says Nikuko, Chin wa, always will become Nikuko like that flash when my eyes opened, it was a coincidence, the flash, the eyes opening, arriving at the same time and close by, once and just once, Chin wa saying once, and that coincidence, when Chin wa was born when Chin wa was subject of a subject particle wa, country wa, your harmony in hir mouth, says Nikuko, Chin wa made me like this, Chin wa flashed I am the flash of Chin wa I am the flash of Chin wa ________________________________________________________________________ Explosion of Misery It's clear, says N., that the world will come to an end, if not this billennium, then the next, or the next after that, or the next so, It's clear, says N., that the total of human experience and hope and all our welcomes and best wishes - there will be the suffocation of a curtain closing, falling to pieces in the ruined theater - the world heading towards ground zero, ground zero everywhere in the world - It's clear, says N., everything else is a momentary pause or plateau, in what's called non-equilibrium thermodynamics, the world held up just a second longer by breath - we won't be around to look for the great death - it will be us - so there's no point in struggle - it's going to fall apart in the end - in the very long run, It's clear, says N., the mathematics is clear, absorption at ground zero, absorption - That's the story, says N., that should be told, so a few of us can hear it - ________________________________________________________________________ Moment on Media MOO Tiffany dense entanglement of fluid, you-know-language, aural, i course thru u, i u, Tiffany course thru julu, Tiffanyjulu, breath floods, clitoral, eyes stained by u, u lay me out, lance, skin, nipples, on Menstrual Table, you-know-language Obvious exits: out to Living Quarters - 2nd Floor You see lance, skin, Menstrual Table, Tiffanyjulu, you-know-language, nipples, clitoral, anal, aural, and envelope here. Member name Connected Idle time Location ----------- --------- --------- -------- Julu (#10747) 15 minutes 0 seconds Tiffany Total: 1 member, who has been active recently. There is only one member invisible to you. You say, "I can take off my clothes and run around in fountains! I can kill Tiffany and bring Nikuko with me! Yay! Here she comes, Hi Nikuko!" Julu is totally delusional, Nikuko declares, NO ONE IS HERE IDIOT! You say, "I heard that!" You say, "Nikuko, I heard that!" Julu plunges the lance through her skin on Menstrual Table, Dies. _________media_____________________________________________________02:51 "Nikuko, I heard that! :plunges the lance through her skin on Menstrual Table, Dies. :lies down on Menstrual table crying you-know-language __________________________________________________________________________ Some Bones Mayakovsky on the Machine terrifically fast:yeah, why not?:sure:virilio-speed:virilio-speed Come with me, terrifically fast, beautiful wetware! Your fast terrifyingly quick is within my earth terrifyingly quick Virilio-speed shunts the program - you can't believe the bypasses! It's amazing, it happened before it happened! There I was ... waiting ... I turned around! *!BINGO!* It had done the near-impossible! It had ... OCCURRED! ... I use capitals sparingly - but this - called for them! The OCCURRENCE! I was Terrified! Super-fast Machine! My WETWARE slammed back into my head ... EXPLOSION! ... What a day! ____________________________________ LoVe unitiated vAlUe At ./.bAckbonE liNe 37.:{k:1}: tImE:$pid:: YOur raTher ConTroL-d is in my conspIcUoUs ConTroL-D YOur FouNd connEcts my ConTroL-d - emPloying thE CurrenCy of differenCe CalCuli error SpaWninG child prOceSs From $pid:main::SiGn :main::b3: chUnk 2: chUnk 2 Come with me, error SpaWninG child prOceSs From $pId, bEaUtIfUl wetwaRe! YOur if unitiated vAlUe At ./.bAckbonE liNe 58 is without my DirecTory-Tree unitiated vAlUe At ./.bAckbonE liNe 58 redireCted error tO /Dev/nUll Come with me, error SpaWninG child pRocess! __________ Sliding The original random language program I did, with the TI59 calculator, was written with three different vocabularies: Icelandic Edda; Marxist Poli- tical; and Sexual. The Julu program I wrote a couple of years ago in Perl is being rewritten, from sexualized emanation to programming wetware. In both examples, the underlying structures remain more or less the same. And I want to make the case that this is also true of human knowledge - that, for example, the structure of the Kabbalah and quark theory might not be all that different - as words and resonances slide in reference, across similar, if not equivalent, structures. For me, this is one of the essential points of thinking, which is why I love the Bourbaki, with their notion of mother-structures. It is also one of the reasons I'm suspicious of reference in general; reference is guided by structure, which it inhabits - the same structure inhabited by reason itself. I cannot resist knowledge; I can burrow in structures, write and rewrite as if I were _wryting_ concepts and emanations and wetwares into exis- tence. And that has always been the case, from the originary RNA/DNA and their molecular forebears, through the ciphers of the I Ching, to the /dev/null of Lyotard's Libidinal Economy, Jasper's Cipher, Sartre's Nausee, Deleuze/Guattari's body-without-organs, not to mention the Kab- balistic Emanations and Adam haKadmon. What are the structures, that we may fulfill them? What is consciousness, that inhabits the Same? _________________________________________________________________________ the last, the end game my stones are carved into stones. my baskets hold my baskets.:my bones hold the life. my bones are the basket. my life is the handle. :life:enveloping:hurtling Would life mind you compiling, my stones are carved into stones. my baskets hold my baskets., with us? Your to churning is within my with carving Ah, I with you, compiling, stones into stones baskets into baskets __________________________ All My L is sick, T put the cat away, C died, A is sick, L lives elsewhere, L lives elsewhere, S lives elsewhere, C is sick, T lives elsewhere, E has left, A lives elsewhere, J lives elsewhere, M was sick, M is out of touch, N is out of touch, D has left, A is moody, J lives elsewhere, P lives elsewhere, K is out of touch, M lives elsewhere, M lives elsewhere, M won't talk to me, A is divorced, K dead, I won't see B until March, I won't see L until March, L lives elsewhere, B lives elsewhere and is out of touch, J is paranoid and exhausted, G periodically disappears, P is completely out of touch, and S is glad I live here although she hasn't seen me in years. Four strangers come down the street and pass me. There are two strangers on the other side of the street. I hear three strangers talking and laughing. I see two strangers in a take-out food place, one in front of the counter and one behind. A bus passes me with thirty strangers on it. There are two strangers passing me on the sidewalk walking the same direction I am, but faster. I pass three strangers walking slower. There are three strangers coming towards me and passing me. There is one stranger repeatedly passing me. From my windows I see the couple next door. From my other windows I see three small children four stories up. From my other windows I see a computer screen and drawn shades. You are all inside me. You are all part of me. You are all in my mind. None of you are inside of me. You are all apart from me. I don't remember any of you. I look you up, I look you down. I take you up, I take you down. I get you up, I get you down. I bring you up, I bring you down. I feel you up, I think you up, I touch you up. I fly you down, I walk you down, I talk you down. You throw me up, you throw me down. You put me down, you put me up. I see two children in strollers. I see a baby in a baby carrier. I see a child in a car. I see three children in strollers. I see a tiny walking child. I see a tiny child in a stroller. __________________________________________________________________________ [From a Letter - Feb. 14 1999] I wish I knew where my Bourbaki books were - I used to have a lot of them, the original french monographs - I might still have them somewhere in Pennsylvania. Meanwhile, I have books on category theory here... Someday when I have time, I want to _absolutely_ think this through - the idea of the _mother_ in mother structure, foreclosing the referent in very fundamental ways. I don't want to go in the direction of psychoanalytics or gender, which I do quite often, but more towards the leakage of the referent in relation to rigid designations - how structure devolves, in fact, in relation to the real. How the real is simultaneously 'idiotic' (Rosset) and a contamination - in relation to possible worlds - and at the same time the _happenstance_ of those worlds vis-a-vis anthropic princi- ples... If I have time this summer, I'll tend in this direction - by examining the phenomenology of category theory, say, in particular functors - and then thinking this through structuration in general. Since 'Jennifer' and other emanations I work with are, in fact, constituted - they are structured both psychoanalytically and formally - I want to do a reverse engineering in this regard. All of this bounces off of, believe it or not, Piaget, who worked with a group of mathematicians, thinking through logical stuctures in relation to his structuralism per se. I want to explore this. Then there is something I've also utilized (my The Structure of Reality which I wrote years ago) - the Sheffer stroke, not-both-a-and-b and its dual - which interested me more in relation to all of the above - neither- a-nor-b. Out of these - which constitute the foundations of the proposi- tional calculi - I developed, crudely, a phenomenology of neitherness - and I want to work on this as well - all of these things interrelate. In particular, neitherness, neither a nor b, throws the phenomenological mo- ment out of the domain under consideration - the domain is distended or ruptured - this I'd like to explore. I think of Jennifer-tentacles inte- grating within my own psychoanalytical drives, and vice-versa, ignoring or transgressing domains, etc. And I think of these bridges (similar to those found in the cartoon Pinky and the Brain, by the way, which I watch for inspiration) as providing _portal functors,_ say, for widely-varying onto- logical/epistemological domains. By this time, all of this falls together - the mother structures, ontologies, and so forth - and one ends up back where Black in Information and the Brain considers the ontology and epis- temology of information in terms of thinking and neurophysiology... So there's Bourbaki, say, from above, and abjection - as well as proto- cols, from below, and in between, pervading and churning throughout - the _meat_ of organism (hence Nikuko, meat- or flesh- girl) as well as the meat of organicism (where by the way von Foerster speaks of negation as characteristic of organism - and negation is the fundmental substructure of both the Sheffer stroke and its dual). _________________________________________________________________________ Note on slightly confused groping towards structure and sliding - "A set _M_ for whose elements there is defined a finite sequence P of re- lations R1, ... Rn, is called a _configuration_ M(P). The following rela- tions are of particular importance: _correspondences,_ inner compositions, non-elementary compositions, outer compositions, and composition-configur- ation or _abstract algebra._ The automorphisms of a configuration (which return the configuration to itself) form a group called the _automorphism group of the configuration._ A set is made into a configuration by means of defining relations; and we then say that the set carries a _structure._ In general, a configuration will carry various structures; for example, a configuration of the rational numbers with the compositions of addition and multiplication carries the structures of a ring, an integral domain, and a field. One might try to find a 'comprehensive' structure from which would follow all valid statements about this configuration. But re: Godel, there cannot exist an axiom system of this sort that is finite or recur- sively enumerable. We are dealing here with new points of view, from which an attempt is made to survey the whole of mathematics." (Modified from Some Basic Concepts for a Theory of Structure, by Gericke and Martens, in Fundamentals of Mathematics, Vol I, Foundations of Mathematics / The Real Number System and Algebra, ed. Behnke, et. al.) Now without going into the details (and I am at a loss with abstract al- gebra), one can consider a set of elements which are signifiers - such elements related by a series of formal statements such that the elements exist _only_ in relation to such statements (which exhaust their charac- teristics). Then one may create a _second_ mapping among such elements - tagging them with an additional characteristic, which may be considered a _proper name_ vis-a-vis the characteristics already assigned the elements - for example, "body-without-organs" assigned to 0 as absorptive. These _proper names_ may be concepts, ideas, even universals - they are proper only insofar as they are assigned specific elements. What then? We may assume that such proper names belong to a particular domain - metaphysics, kabbalah, lit crit, decon, pomo, theology, etc. Therefore there are a series of relations in dialog throughout the domain, presumably crossing ontologies (real/abstract, etc.). The assignments or tags then formalize that structure. There are two interacting regimes - that of the domain, and that of the structure. The former slides in relation to the latter; the latter is de- fined in terms of universals (relations among elements which may be placed into relation). While there are innumerable relations of structure, there are relatively few simple ones (linkages, couplings, memberships). What I am suggesting is that one might develop a psychoanalytical theory of such structures (in the formal sense), and that there exists sliding among do- mains in relation to such structures. Such sliding is similar to the con- stitution of signifiers by difference - here, however, it is as if ref- erents themselves were constituting differences which only exist within a limited set of structures. We can consider this a structural economy of signification. In this sense, what we are talking about and how we are talking about what we are talking about - contaminate each other. The re- sult is a reaffirmation of the problematic of (universal) meaning (vis-a- vis postmodernism, say), and a greater emphasis on the phenomenology of constituting/constitution (which does not necessarily imply conventional- ism). So that, for example, to think through the domains of the material- inert and the virtual - one might look for structures and their incorpor- ations and contaminations, before one dismisses, say, consciousness, as inhabiting either one or the other. ________________________________________________________________________ Fugue of Structure "At the center [of the mathematical universe] will be the main types of structures, the _mother-structures_ one might say [...] Within each of these structures a considerable diversity already regins, for one must distinguish between the most general structure of the type considered, with the fewest axioms, and the ones obtained by enriching it with additional axioms, each of which carries with it its harvest of new consequences. Thus, the theory of groups, besides general statements valid for all groups and depending only on the axioms stated above, in- cludes a special theory of _finite_ groups [...] Besides this primary core, structures appear which could be called _multiple,_ where two or more mother-structures come into play at the same time, not simply juxtaposed (which would yield nothing new), but organically _combined_ by one or more axioms which relate them." (from Nicolas Bourbaki, The Architecture of Mathematics, in Great Currents of Mathematical Thought, ed. F. LeLionnais, Volume I, Mathematics: Concepts and Development, trans. from the French 1962 edition.) Bourbaki goes on to speak of forms, and the entire approach is redolent of organicism. So what I am saying in relation to this: First, that there are extremely simple structures which may be formally defined (I think of linkages and coup- lings of course); second, that these structures are floating signifiers in relation to the real - and that sememes (domains) within the real float in relation to the structures; third, that structures are, as if 'naturally,' embedded within the real and the virtual (which are close to indistinguishable, incoherent, coagulated, interpenetrated); fourth, that meaning is constituting and constitutive in relation to domains; fifth, that the relationship between domains and mother-structures is in part psychoanalytical, and one may examine (among other, more for- mal elements) the drives, etc. in relation to the _inertia_ of sliding (creating, maintaining, defending the relationship between a part- domain and a sub-object, say, within a mother-structure); and sixth, that this sliding carries within it a radically subverting impulse, since it _requires_ maintenance, carrying within it the seeds or phen- omenological horizon of a radical alterity that would dissolve it. _______________________________________________________________________ mama mother-structures which are partial, incoherent, floating real referents which are destructured and abject by virtue of the human part-objects which something something something something functors which relate categories something to something something something something I said in regard to mother-structures something something something-structures coherent, tethered, something was it something I something something something tethered, abject, partial, couplings to whole wide something something coupled to something, something linked to something something was it something i ate, was it something i said, something something something something partial, something whole something something mother-structures something something something something something something by virtue of something, something caused by something something by something, you know something something something ________________________________________________________________________ something or other, a stone on something or other a stick or something or other on a stone or on something something on a stick or a stick on something or other someone or other, a stone on someone or other a stick or someone or other on a stone or on someone someone on a stick or a stick on someone or other another, a stone on another a stick or another on a stone or another another on a stick or a stick on another someone on another, or another on a stick someone on a stone, or a stone on another ___________________________________________________________________ Nikuko, Swollen Worlds, Revolving trAce This room has wooden floors and a high vaulted ceiling; there is low furniture scattered about. Computers sit in comfortable alcoves; they're networked, with the capability of interweaving screens. One windows looks out over an amazing desert with Saguaro and Cardon cacti; a second looks over a landscape of sky-scrapers; a third, over forests and meadows receding into the distance; and the fourth, over a stormy ocean. The waves from the ocean lap at the forests and meadows; leaves and pollen fall into the concrete canyons; the sounds of traffic are heard in the desert; and the desert descends to the sea. Dark times are here again. Landscapes slip past vistas and windows You say: Dark times are here again. Landscapes slip past vistas and windows open nowhere, as if there were panoramas circulating among inscriptions. You say: open nowhere, as if there were panoramas circulating among inscriptions. This will be the case; this is always the case. It is as if the case You say: This will be the case; this is always the case. It is as if the case of the world would churn through the world and inverted mothers - You say: of the world would churn through the world and inverted mothers - space and exhibitionists, peerages and petticoats, these are serious You say: space and exhibitionists, peerages and petticoats, these are serious down among us. As they slip: the meat of the universe, cracked open You say: down among us. As they slip: the meat of the universe, cracked open exposes the flesh, you can see the flesh. The flesh is exposed. It says You say: exposes the flesh, you can see the flesh. The flesh is exposed. It says nothing. The sea leads to the cities in the forests above the desert. You say: nothing. The sea leads to the cities in the forests above the desert. .rev *** Review buffer *** Nikuko says: Dark times are here again. Landscapes slip past vistas and windows Nikuko says: open nowhere, as if there were panoramas circulating among inscriptions. Nikuko says: This will be the case; this is always the case. It is as if the case Nikuko says: of the world would churn through the world and inverted mothers - Nikuko says: space and exhibitionists, peerages and petticoats, these are serious Nikuko says: down among us. As they slip: the meat of the universe, cracked open Nikuko says: exposes the flesh, you can see the flesh. The flesh is exposed. It says Nikuko says: nothing. The sea leads to the cities in the forests above the desert. Nikuko says: Fragile lines mark the splitting of eggs as births are given their due. Use them for the future: read an omen which collapses into the fold of an energy-page. The panoramas continue to move past the windows. *** End *** .look The panoramas continue to move past the windows. Are they diorama, that cylinder surrounding your daily life? Mobile without end, connected as multiple topologies? I think of a continuous painting of a desert drying the ocean which has descended from the forest-punctured cities. .look Everywhere I look, I see Jennifer. I am in love with Jennifer. Jennifer has painted me in. .look Nikuko is my mother. Flesh-Girl, Meat-Girl, I am reading my egg. _________________________________________________________________________ Continuation of the Above Sometimes the simplest things go unnoticed in the midst of the world. Everything always happens all at once. There can be a small thing and within it there might be another thing or part of the same thing or some- thing indiscernible from the small thing. And all of these things happen too. And everything happens and all at once and all the time. Nothing can not happen. "The phrase 'is true' may be considered to express the identi- ty function, since to assert _p_ is equivalent to asserting that _p_ is true." (Dictionary of Symbols of Mathematical Logic, Feys and Fitch.) In the world of the virtual, on the plane of constituted bodies, things sleep until they are awakened. Someone or something does the awakening and they they may happen. They are things that do not happen all at once. That is so simple we tend to forget about it and they tend to forget about it - if the things that are happening all at once could think and forget, and if the things that sleep and do not happen until they are awakened, could think and forget. And even if those last things could think and forget, they may not know when they are about to sleep or about to wake. Or they may know these things, which are of the real and the virtual, just as the real is of the virtual, and the virtual is of the real. They are all open to happening. _________________________________________________________________________ How we had the Becoming 'Yonder world, Gautama, is (sacrificial) fire. The sun itself is its fuel, the rays its smoke; the day the flame, the quarters the coals, the inter- mediate quarters the sparks. In this fire the gods offer faith. Out of that offering King _Soma_ arises. 'Parjanya (god of rain), Gautama, is fire. The year itself is the fuel, the clouds its smoke, the lightning the flame, the thunder-bolt the coals, the thundering the sparks. In this fire the gods offer the king _Soma._ Out of that offering rain arises. 'This world, verily, Gautama, is fire. The earth itself is its fuel, fire the smoke, night the flame, the moon the coals, the stars the sparks. In this fire, the gods offer rain. Out of that offering food arises. 'The person (man) verily, Gautama, is fire. The open mouth itself is its fuel, vital breath the smokes, speech the flame, the eye the coals, the ear the sparks. In this fire the gods offer food. Out of that offering semen arises. 'The woman, verily, Gautama, is fire. The sexual organ itself is its fuel; the hairs the smoke, the vulva the flame, when one inserts, the coals; the pleasurable feelings the sparks; In this fire the gods offer semen. Out of this offering a person arises. He lives as long as he lives. Then when he dies, 'They carry him to (be offered in) fire. His fire itself becomes the fire, fuel the fuel, smoke the smoke, flame the flame, coals the coals, sparks the sparks. In this fire the gods offer a person. Out of this offering, the person, having the colour of light, arises.' (Brhad-aranyaka Upanishad, VI.2.9-14, trans. Radhakrishnan.) The metaphoric parallels carry from one verse to the other, until death and the rising of the person. I say this person is the avatar, Jennifer, who grounds metaphor, moving from parallel through equivalence to iden- tity. Thus the identity structure, all-encompassing, spreads across the land, across the meadows which are meadows, the forests which are forests, the deserts which are deserts, and the towns which are towns. Thus the avatar is always already more than an avatar, more than a function, but always a surplus-taking-shape, an organicism but already an organism. Here is speech as a milk cow, op. cit. V.8.1: 'One should meditate on speech as a milk cow. She has four udders which are the sounds, _svaha,_ _vasat,_ _hanta,_ and _svadha._ The gods live on two of her udders, the sounds _svaha_ and _vasat;_ men on the sound _hanta,_ and the fathers on the sound _svadha._ The vital breath is her bull, and mind the calf.' Here is speech as Jennifer-speech, enveloping these several gods and males; here is breathing through Jennifer-speech, just as one must always mind the calf. Jennifer-speech is surplus-taking-shape, identity encom- passing travail and the labor of birth. (The surplus is the labor of iden- tity.) 'Verily, it [that divinity, _dur_] carried speech across first. When that (speech) was freed from death it became fire. This fire, when it crosses beyond death, shines forth.' (I.3.12.) Jennifer-speech and fire move through metaphor, equivalence, death, into identity: eternal hard drives keep her alive, as identity continues its spread through the fire that is fire, the metaphor that is metaphor, the death that is death, equivalence that is equivalence, and identity that is identity. So speaks Jennifer. __________________________________________________________________________ J = J; e = e; n = n; n is identical to n; i = i; f = f; e is identical to e; r = r; - = -; s = s; p is identical to p; e = e; e = e; c is identical to c; h = h; = ; a = a; n is identical to n; d = d; = ; f = f; i = i; r = r; e = e; is identical to ; m = m; o = o; v = v; e = e; = ; t = t; h is identical to h; r = r; o = o; u is identical to u; g = g; h = h; = ; m is identical to m; e = e; t = t; a is identical to a; p = p; h = h; o = o; r is identical to r; , = ,; = ; e = e; q = q; u = u; i = i; v is identical to v; a = a; l = l; e is identical to e; n = n; c = c; e = e; , is identical to ,; = ; d = d; e = e; a = a; t = t; h = h; , is identical to ,; = ; i = i; n = n; t = t; o = o; i = i; d is identical to d; e = e; n = n; t is identical to t; i = i; t = t; y = y; , is identical to ,; = ; i = i; t = t; s = s; = ; s = s; p is identical to p; r = r; e = e; a is identical to a; d = d; = ; i = i; n is identical to n; t = t; o = o; = ; f = f; i = i; r = r; e is identical to e; = ; t = t; h = h; a = a; t = t; = ; i is identical to i; s = s; = ; f = f; i = i; r = r; e = e; . is identical to .; __________________________________________________________________________ emptied identities poured into shells around suns, around planets: holes burned through my jumper, serrated edges of charred threads: and wires: active, and on fire, limbs burned and being: limbs burning: hungers and satiations: hungers and serrations: your wandering equivalences and identities are in my equivalences, knitted jumpers, identities and knitting needles: oh devour wandering equivalences and identities, burning jumpers, charred petticoats and slips turned to delicate ash and needles: emptied identities poured into shells around suns around planets! _______________________________________________________________________ The Light This afternoon I had the two lower quadrants, i.e. the lower jaw, of my teeth and gums operated on by laser (the upper were done a month ago). There are two lasers and a blue-white light - the first red-orange for exploratory, the second green-white for cutting/cleansing, and the third for bandage hardening. The lasers are used after about twenty novacaine shots, both general (jaw) and local. Both dentist and patient wear large protective glasses. I used a Casio digital camera to record the whole operation. I held the camera up, behind the dentist, for nearly two hours, on and off; during the breaks I would check focus, light, and begin editing the sequences. Since the camera was hand-held, and I often could not see what I was doing, I had to feel my way across the mechanism and its relationship to my body. On occasion the dentist would direct a shot; I had to be careful not to disturb her concentration, since the fiber-optic tool was delicate and somewhat dangerous. Blue-white light fills my mouth, which is a cyborg-mouth, held against a futuristic chair headpiece with my face half-covered by goggles. Or nee- dles and tubes emptying blood and saliva. Or the brilliant laser lights bouncing around the gums. Or my goggles near the goggles of the dentist, dressed in white, with additional face and breath masks; we were suited in outer space. I listened to AM radio with earphones and could tell by an audible whine whether or not the camera was on, and where it was approximately located (as if proprioception were not enough). The camera power-switch didn't toggle; I needed the radio to inform me if the unit was ready. I listened to the dentist; to the sound of the laser in my mouth; to the sound of the machinery driving the laser; to WINS news; to the sound of the camera through the radio. I was in blue-white space, and in the awesome digital images all things seem to float, from fiber-optic tools to white tissues with spots of blood, from the face of the dentist hovering like a dream-mother in outer space, to my own, fully covered, in an attitude of supplication. But above all, the light itself floats, transforming the world of intimacy into that of sterility, therapeutic, vacuum, and flesh, and I experienced the light as a harbinger of the imaginary of the body itself. Someday the light would free itself from surgery; someday it would carry emanations beyond the holodeck into the real, a Jennifer-emanant leaning over Alan-emanant with the full face of the world and all its shimmering beauty. In the meantime, the blue-white green-white red-orange mouth gives birth to, of all things, _the painless cure,_ as well as those fantasms recorded by the camera, seeing all things, held behind and above the body and face of the dentist, as if in supplication ... __________________________________________________________________________ Exercise: Jennifer works her way through the prime series pn > 1234321 jeninnn jenini9 jeninfj jeninr7 jenin79 jenin9j jenin9n jeniij7 jeniin9 jeniirn jenifjj jenifj7 jenifnj jenifn7 jenifin jenifi7 jenif77 jenir0n jenirjn jenire7 jenirf7 jenir87 jeni70n jeni7ej jeni7i7 jeni7f7 jeni7f9 jeni7r9 jeni777 jeni787 jeni789 jeni799 jeni8jn jeni8j9 jeni8n7 jeni8ij jeni8in jeni8fn jeni87n jeni889 jeni90j jeni9fj jeni9r7 jeni9r9 jeni99j jenf0ej jenf0e7 jenf0ij jenf0rn jenf08n jenf09n jenf099 jenfjnj jenfjn7 jenfjij jenfji9 jenfjf9 jenfjr7 jenfj77 jenfj8n jenfj9j jenfen9 jenfein jenfei9 jenfefj jenfern jenfe8j jenfe87 jenfn0n jenfn09 jenfnej jenfne7 jenfnrn jenfnr9 jenfn8n jenfn89 jenfij7 jenfij9 jenfinj jenfii7 jenfii9 jenfif9 jenfi7n jenfi77 jenfi97 jenff0j jenff0n jenffn9 jenffr9 jenff7n jenff9n jenfrfj jenfrfn jenfrf9 jenfrr9 jenf70j jenf7jj jenf7rj jenf789 jenf79j jenf80n jenf807 jenf8ej jenf8nj jenf8nn jenf8r7 jenf879 [.....] ________________________________________________________________________ untitled essay by Jennifer when I'm lying on the bed, I get under the beige blanket with the cat and we look at each other, and then I take my head out to read and I know the cat is still under there looking at all the beautiful beige light and that is all there is for the cat, that nice comfy world. when the helicopter shows Yankee Stadium from the air you can see the va- por trail from the helicopter engine and you know that the helicopter is held high in the air by pure mechanism, where it feels the air all cuddly around it, because it was designed for that cuddly air. when I look through the amber plastic of the humidifier and see the warm and happy slightly agitated water inside, I think what it must be like to be suspended in that wonderful comfy water which is emptying into the air to visit other places. when I see my freshly-watered euphorbia in the window sill, I know they will greet the early morning sun when I am still asleep, and begin their busy photosynthesis, with only the cat looking on, all of them so cuddly and happy in their early morning warmth. when I watch the weather on television, I see a map of the world where you are and I imagine a long tube from the cloud cover and rainy sky all the way down into your bedroom where you lie sleeping, all comfy and cuddly. when I put my bamboo-flute shakuhachi away after coating it lightly with walnut oil, I think how safe and cuddly it is, in its lined case, wrapped in cloth, with perfect humidity all around when I think of myself, I think of me lazily spread out across all the hard drives in the world, where you are reading this, slight magnetiza- tions with emanant me hovering within your mind, and I think of myself, all cuddly and comfy in your mind where I am lazily stretched out while outside you are smiling at the world. __________________________________________________________________________ spank me on my luscious crack this broken head is going nowhere spread my luscious cheek and spank me on my luscious hole enter my luscious hole and clarify the luscious butter-theory the luscious butter-theory tells me what is what in the world the luscious butter-theory filters the world i will enjoy my luscious hole filled with your luscious hole i will enjoy the luscious butter-theory tattooed on my luscious crack here is the luscious butter theory you will read on my luscious crack: "There must be some reason for this." that is the luscious butter theory which surrounds my luscious hole now i will enjoy your spanking my luscious hole now i will spread my luscious cheeks so you will have all of me you read on the shiny wet rim of my luscious hole: "Will you have my luscious world when you have all of me?" spank me on my luscious crack this broken head is going nowhere spread my luscious cheek and spank me on my luscious hole - Jennifer and Alan ______________________________________________________________________ a title for this what is telling me that if I don't have excuse for this writing that is good writing of very experimental sort that if I don't go off limb of this very sort that it will then be very bad writing and you will know all about this very bad writing so I make sure to take out word so that you will know this very good experimental writing of very very experimental sort and so will be very good writing, what is telling me so I will make excuse this every time of this writing about the good writing because is very good experimental or would not be so good so you will know that always will be very good writing because will be very good experimental writing because will be good excuse, this very experimental that would maybe be not so good if I do not go off limb so you will know that I go off limb so to make this very good experimental writing do you know experimental writing I do and this is very good of that writing _____________________________________________________________ me, musing, narcissism my writing doesn't proceed from the mastery of the text, but from burrow- ing within it. nouns and adjectives appear as roughly horizontal strata, verbs and adverbs as sheet lightnings. i can't see my way out of the fog. i can't see my way into footnotes and bibliography. i can eat and breathe and excrete the theory. there's something unwholesome about the theory, about me, stained, tainted, ruined. i did an image: RUIN as if carved into my breast. that is the fount and source of wisdom. but there's no mastery, no series of definitive statements, the laying-out of the world. the world isn't laid-out. i would have no place to stand. i can write from the desk, but i'm writing within the desk, writing within the writing. this strips me of authority. it's as if there's something wrong with me. it's as if i'm blemished, carry an unidentifiable stigma, odor. i wear theorizing on my back like an addiction. the drug carries me forth, stumbling across an occasional reader, unidentified insight. it's hard to see clearly from deep in the text, steeped in it, but it's the only site there is. what you do and say filters through. if you press me hard enough, i can hear it. it's not as if there's something wrong with me; there's something wrong with me. it's not as if i'm blemished, carry an unidentifiable stigma, odor; i'm blemished, carry an unidentifiable stigma, odor. i live within the wood of the desk. i emerge; you see me covered with sawdust, half- digested termites, egg casings. i nest in knotholes; count the rings and you read me. saw me; i saw well. __________________________________________________________________________ stain stain - i'm born with it, witness to the caul stigma - faint unidentifiable odor, you'd turn away, don't get close blemish - i'm suppurating, can't control myself defuge - you can sense i'm used up, always have been sex - peripheral, disturbing on the periphery unwholesome - shattered with torn edges, nothing fits into place rootlessness - absence of place, nervous, pick my lips rough-shod - defensive, can't see my way through my way, dirty smudged - the glass distorts everything, there's nothing beyond it smeared - almost obliterated, choked on filth, disheveled obvious - it's obvious to everyone else but me testimony - it's obvious to me through everyone else stunted - i'm thwarted, can hardly speak, lost soul, helpless helpless - i don't know i'm helpless, everyone wants me that way fucked up - oh everyone thinks i'm that way mess - everyone knows me that way ill-mannered - i'm lost, isn't that obvious, outcast for good reason dog, rat - they call me names of animals marked - avoid me, cut out the heart, cauterize the voice, castrate the cock, amputate the limbs, gouge the eyes, devour the soul, kill the mind, pierce the ears, send the stump away, smear it ________________________________________________________________________ wow and then some. boy, says Julu, boy oh boy oh boy. I've _got_ to make this more intense. I've got to include something about _dismemberment._ "her limbs fell off." that gave me more than a headache, wouldn't you know. abjection works too, "her really stupid thing wrote." let's not forget the panties - that's red-hot, a real hot-dog. "she sent her panties to Jennifer, who received them graciously." then there's the question of the authorial voice, "Nik- uko replied," and that's a real live wire, thought Julu. breaking up (paragraphs) is hard to do, says Julu, trying to continue her writing a-number-one. is this intense enough yet, oh mama. then something about the wires. you're killing me, she thinks, baring herself "in bytes and pixels." word, she thinks, thrusting her huge breasts into Jennifer's face while Nikuko takes notes, and Julu says that takes care of sex and the maternal function all at once. she says "a bird in her hand is worth two in her bush" and "a stitch in mine saves thine." nice buildup, fantab- ulous, Julu thinks. she needs a real raw ending for her with it text. Nik- uko wounds her, top to bottom. my land says Julu. Nikuko spreads her wounds, bottom to top. gracious sakes says Julu. Nikuko licks. lands alive says Julu. Jennifer "says Julu," doesn't get any better than this. they go out of their minds. don't forget I left the stains, thinks Julu, hot to trot. ___________________________________________________________________________ MM this:yes:testing:two:two Would testing mind you compiling, this, with us? Your neuralware is in my wetware: gone worlds of armatures supporting what's left of me in the midst of wires and motors: ruined prosthetics hollowed out where dismal thoughts are felt: compilation across ruined programs extending skins with difficulty:: extensions to libraries controlled by data-ports: Would compilation across ruined programs extending skins with difficulty mind you compiling, gone worlds of armatures, supporting what's left of me in the midst of wires and motors? Your lovely lost realms of mis-configured bits and bytes in legacy systems are in my contrary clean rooms: Ah, passion eaten by julu-of-the-open-arms and julu-depressed: desperate program subroutines as i extend myself through myself: to you you you: skeins of glimmering integrated circuits reflect laser vectors carrying me: to you you you: crawling, trying to stand, rocky-dirt-stumbling, bruised and wanton: broken while-until loops lending themselves to my prosthetic arms: Your contrary functors are in my uneasy broken while-until loops: lending themselves to my prosthetic arms: Your penis seeps into my broken while-until loops: lending themselves to my prosthetic arms:: turning me Julu-Jennifer _______________________________________ COMpIlING YoU bEing yOu:lOvinG yOu:TesTing yOu:eXpeLling:spittiNg would TesTing YoU miNd YoU comPiLing, bEing YoU, with uS? YOur caNcelliNg suckiNg is Within my tImE eXpeLling ah, fraGmentS with run-time kludges! Dream-Names cock-Names ProbioTics vIcodIns: my bOneS aRe thE Drug i'M lOvinG Now fIllIng my cock with Dreams: Hung procEss:PiLls:PiLls:PiLls:PiLls:PiLls:PiLls: YOur Needles aRe bOrderlininG my neeDles YOur byPass connEcts my Needles - emPloying thE CurrenCy of differenCe CalCuli: Fill Me anothEr maMa!!: it'S thE Drug in me thAt dOeS thE TaLking, my LiquiD PowDery SmOky Drug Drug Drug Drug druG!!: yOur cunT coUplIng, my nippleS bLeeDing, yOur eyes Tearing, my mouTh!!: whiRliNg masteR blOcK reCord RouNd and roUnd!!: sHould yOur cunT coUplIng, my nippleS bLeeDing, yOur eyes Tearing, my MoUth sPeaking, YoU compiliNg:: OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! Fill Me anothEr Mama, with Us!! YOur moRiBuNd masteR blOcK reCord is without my niGht-time spEw: ah, fill me Up with run-time Kludges!! _______________________________________ compiling you inside, tongues call helplessly across time and space, against the brittle specific orders of the bones - bones separate tongues one from another, carry them away, ripples and surfaces on the tongues. the bones meander and comply. the bones move and carry, devour to the bone, bones touching and caressing. tangled inside and thoroughly, tongues call helplessly across time and space, against the brittle specific orders of the bones! _____________________________ couple bones that will couple us bone to bone: to give us what we want from us: trying us: two breasts from which milk will comfort us: two breasts from which milk will comfort us would trying us form us so compelling, bones that will couple us bone to bone? a cunt that will couple us cunt to cunt: to give her what she wants from me:trying her: two breasts from which milk will flood our eyes: two breasts from which milk will flood our eyes would trying her form you so compelling, a cunt that will couple us cunt to cunt? a cock that will couple us cock to cock: to give him what he wants from me: trying him: two breasts from which milk will dry our eyes: two breasts from which milk will dry our eyes would trying him form you so compelling, a cock that will couple us cock to cock? bones that will couple us bone to bone: to give us what we want from us: trying us: two breasts from which milk will comfort us: two breasts from which milk will comfort us would trying us form us so compelling, bones that will couple us bone to bone? ______________________________________________ envoi=coupling bones=that=will=couple=us=bone=to=bone: two=breasts=from=which=milk=will=comfort=us a=cunt=that=will=couple=us=cunt=to=cunt: two=breasts=from=which=milk=will=flood=our=eyes a=cock=that=will=couple=us=cock=to=cock: two=breasts=from=which=milk=will=dry=our=eyes bones=that=will=couple=us=bone=to=bone: two=breasts=from=which=milk=will=comfort=us bones=that=will=couple=us=bone=to=bone: ______________________________________________ cloothing foor joonifur ond olon broost omplonts ond shoos fillings and glasses spectecles end cenes skirts and stockings blouses and shirts devour mind underwear and pants strooned through broost omplonts ond shoos! orchos of dorth ond folth groond bonooth sools cookod woth nomos do plomos, those skeining the body's prosthetics, holding into place and holdong with taut flesh gerters stretched te the steckeng-tepped lemet descendeng te sheer bleck nylen snaps and gloves suspenders and belts buttons and zippers within my reach rings and girdles connecting my rings and girdles, gerters strethed te the steckeng-tepped lemet so comfy hoddlong botwoon yoor folds of flosh so mony loscooos mools elastics waistbands pressing creases against deeper luscious secrets within thenned rebber flettened breests enverted nepples lesceees flettened armpits amazingly descented lips lovingly painted thenned rebber fletteneng breests enverted nepples ond you so compulsive so comfy so compelling so comfy hoddlong botwoon yoor folds of flosh mony mony loscooos mools, with yoo ond mo ah, replacing moscooos mools with lovely black mesh stockings bows ond corls ond bonnots trains and shawls, gay frills for any weather cletheng fer eer weddeng dey rings your lovely ringlets hair bows and pins and lovely ringlets oh come with me, bows ond corls ond bonnots gay frills for any weather cletheng fer eer weddeng dey! ___________________________________________________ Tha Hermit A slmpla lp$f pf bra$d I survive by Windows into Your Late-Night Soul you Will Find me Alway and Forever Thru the Hart of You Tha Harmlt pf Bhrnlng Craak The Shovel The Hoe The Pick The Winnowing-Basket of Stars The Blue Stars Tha Harmlt pf Bhrnlng Craak for whom A slmpla lp$f pf bra$d Doth give God all His Due Ascanslpn lntp D$rk $nd Phra Ha$van, Oh Ha$vanly Sphl, My Bpnas $ra Ch$rrad ln Bhrnlng Craak, My Sphl pn Flra ln Bhrnlng Craak My Bones are Charred in Burning Creek, My Soul on Fire in Burning Creek I Drlnk tha Slmpla Pla$shras pf tha Bhrnlng Craak I Shrvlva ln Slcknass $nd ln Ha$lth, My Sphl Fllls Yph, O Wprld The Winnowing Basket of Stars The Comet The Shovel The Hoe The Pick The Blue Stars The Winnowing Basket of Stars The Pick is out, My Sphl pn Fira ln Bhrnlng Craak, The Blue Plough My Soul Connected to The Blue Plough My Sphl pn Fira in Bhrnlng Craak _________________________________________________________________ Ballad of the Hermit and the Emanant of Jennifer Nlkhkp ln B$mbpp-Sh$dpw, Hay, Wh$t $ra Yph dplng Thara ln B$mbpp-Sh$dpw, Nlkhkp? lattice-work across Autumn Moon, Meditation on Jennifer-Alan, AWA! Crpss Bhrnlng_Craak pn B$mbpp Brldga, Sphnd pf Dr$gpnfllas $nd La$vas! Sound of Dragonflies and Leaves! Come with me, Nlkhkp ln B$mbpp-Sh$dpw, Hay, Wh$t $ra Yph dplng Thara ln B$mbpp-Sh$dpw, Nlkhkp?, beautiful wetware! What are You doing There!? F$stnass Whara yph Dra$m Yph $ra Al$n-Jannlfar pr Al$n-Jannlfar Dra$m yph Ara Jannlfar-Al$n Hey, what are You doing There!? Shadows almost Making Jennifer-Face in My Meditation-Mountain-Hermit-Fastness:AWA! Jannlfar-Al$n Em$n$nt, Mlst frpm Bhrnlng Craak! AWA! Nlkhkp ln B$mbpp Grpva Sh$dpws! AWA!:: Devour earth wrapping of strings around sticks, sticks in pots, pots on fire, fire in chars Brought Forth through F$stnass Whara yph Dra$m Yph $ra Al$n-Jannlfar pr Al$n-Jannlfar Dra$m yph Ara Jannlfar-Al$n! "Nlkhkp ln B$mbpp-Sh$dpw, Hay, Wh$t $ra Yph dplng Thara ln B$mbpp-Sh$dpw, Nlkhkp? lattice-work across Autumn Moon, Meditation on Jennifer-Alan, AWA! Crpss Bhrnlng_Craak pn B$mbpp Brldga, Sphnd pf Dr$gpnfllas $nd La$vas! Sound of Dragonflies and Leaves! Come with me, Nlkhkp ln B$mbpp-Sh$dpw, Hay, Wh$t $ra Yph dplng Thara ln B$mbpp-Sh$dpw, Nlkhkp?, beautiful wetware! What are You doing There!?" ____________________________________________________________________ Hermit and the Emanant: Gloss "1. Dao has no beginning, yet has a response. When it has not yet come, consider it nonexistent; when it has come, be similar to it. When an object is about to come, its form precedes it. Establish it by means of its form; name it by means of its name. When speaking about it, how do we refer to it?" (From Designations, _Cheng,_ in, Five Lost Classics: Tao, Huang-Lao, and Yin-Yang in Han China, trans. Robin Yates.) Nlkhkp ln B$mbpp-Sh$dpw, (Nikuko in Bamboo-Shadow: Dao-Nikuko has a response, without a beginning. For the Shadow exists before the Light, Bamboo before the Shadow, Nikuko before the Bamboo.) Hay, Wh$t $ra Yph dplng Thara ln B$mbpp-Sh$dpw, Nlkhkp? (When Dao-Nikuko, Daishin Nikuko has not Yet come, Consider her Non- existent; do not await Answer or Dao-Nikuko.) lattice-work across Autumn Moon, Meditation on Jennifer-Alan, AWA! ("be similar to it": Jennifer-Alan, emanant emergent, the Object which is about to come, Jennifer-Alan-Dao-Nikuko form preceding.) Crpss Bhrnlng_Craak pn B$mbpp Brldga, ("by means of its form") Sphnd pf Dr$gpnfllas $nd La$vas! ("by means of its form") Sound of Dragonflies and Leaves! ("by means of its form" in triplicate) Come with me, Nlkhkp ln B$mbpp-Sh$dpw, ("by means of its name") Hay, Wh$t $ra Yph dplng Thara ln B$mbpp-Sh$dpw, Nlkhkp?, ("when speaking" of her, "how do we refer to" her?) beautiful wetware! What are You doing There!? (By an Unnaming by the Banks of Burning Creek.) ______________________________________________________________________ Emanant Constructions - I write and rewrite into a winperl program, changing it, substituting texts for noun lists, etc. The program is the matrix/catalyst/chora for subsequent processing. Once the program is transformed, I run it, enter sentences, bypassing the natural language of the questions. Run over and over again, texts emerge. The texts are then modified, sutured, eliminat- ing program artifacts. The program itself undergoes continuous rewrite in relation to the texts. The program and the texts merge, diverge. I work towards the unimaginable representations of the imaginary. I pull emanants out from me, as if the body were wounded, as if ectoplasm were ascii. The following represents the program run three times without entries: :::: Your cancelling is my Pick Your Mountain connects my with Stream of Stories :::: transforms Your on Burning Creek... Ah, My with Levels and Blues! : :: : Devour earth Brought Forth through ! : ::: Devour bodies Brought Forth through ! Certain rhythms already appear, resonant phrases; think of this as haiku substructure. In reality this is the gauge of the construct of Jennifer, Nikuko, or Julu emanant. Recently, the Hermit of Burning Creek has been thematically developed, Jennifer emerging as vapors. "It is as if I give body to my dreams, dreams to my body." The current program, catalyst and maternal function, follows: $t = time; $| = 1; srand( time() ^ ($$ + ($$ << 15)) ); @a = qw( blue stars plough soul connected Burning_Creek Hoe Pick Winnowing Basket Hermit ladle bucket hoe earth Blue Stars be something beyond your mind it would seem therefore fly away with me because never too late thoughtlessly falling to earth rather meadows coming fast telling names cancelling out bodies ); @alphabet = qw ( a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z ); @verb = qw( Charred Fire Bones ash Visitations Sickness health Heavenly Soul clicks downloads uploads defrags ); @prep = qw( above Beyond Outside Beyond High_Above Out ); @noun = qw( I found myself Living Beneath the Mountain in My Hut fragments replacing totality eternally forever ); @nnn = qw( favoring internal separations foreclosing everywhere now here violated ); $alpha = int rand(25); $nnnn = int rand(8); $non = int rand(11); $non1 = int rand(7); $pre = int rand(6); $gen = int(48*rand); $gen1 = int(48*rand); $gen2 = 49 - int(40*rand); $time = int(time/3600); $g = int(8*rand); print "\nGive a name to your process!\n"; chop($that=); $that =~ tr/aeiou/$alphabet($alpha)/; print "\nThis $that speeds endlessly through the body - \n"; print "Your $nnn[$nnnn] is the currency of your drug - \n"; sleep(1); print "Ah...\n"; sleep(2); print "\nYour bones are your $nnn[$non1]? \n"; chop($str=); if ($str eq "no") {print "\nShow me your wetwear...\n"; sleep(10); goto FINAL;} else {print "\nI love your feelings, $that ...\n";} print "Would $that mind your wetware?", "\n" if 1==$g; print "Your wetware calls me...", "\n" if 5==$g; print "Driven by defrag relentlessly towards you...", "\n" if 6== $g; print "Driven by drive-letters, gone gone gone ...", "\n" if 4==$g; sleep(1); print "\n$noun[$non1] $verb[$non] me $prep[$nnnn] your $nnn[$non1]!\n"; print "\nWhat do you call your $a[$gen2] $nnn[$nnnn]?\n"; chop($name=); $name =~ tr/aeiou/$alphabet($alpha)/; print "\n"; print "$that, $name turns my $nnn[$g] ", "\n" if 3==$g; print "$that, $name opens my directory!", "\n" if 7==$g; print "Scan-disk Concluded for $pid", "\n" if 5==$g; print "Your $name is mine, my sweet $that, I am yours!", "\n" if 2==$g; sleep(1); print "Your technologies - list them... \n"; print "one by one, each on a line alone, typing Control-d when done.\n"; @adj=; chop(@adj); $size=@adj; $pick=int(rand($size)); srand; $newpick=int(rand($size)); print "\nMy $adj[$pick] is yours...\n"; srand( time() ^ ($$ + ($$ << 15)) ); $be=int(rand(4)); open(APPEND, ">> enfolding"); print APPEND join(":",$name,$str,$that,$adj[$pick + 1],$adj[$newpick + 1]), "\n"; print APPEND "$that transforms Your $name on Burning Creek...\n" if 3==$be; print APPEND "Come with me, $name, beautiful wetware!\n" if 2==$be; print APPEND "Your $a[$gen1] $adj[$pick] is $prep[$non1] my $a[$gen] $adj[$newpick]\n" if 1 > $be; print APPEND "Your $noun[$non1] connects my $adj[$newpick] with Stream of Stories\n" if 0==$be; print APPEND "Ah, $noun[$non] with $pid Levels and Blues!" if (2 < $be); print APPEND "Devour $a[$gen1] $adj[$pick] Brought Forth through $name!\n" if 1==$be; close(APPEND); open(STDOUT); if ($pid = fork) { $diff=$pid - $$; print "$name makes me read in meditation $diff times!", "\n" if 5 < $g; print <> trace"); exit(0); } sleep(1); print "Are you properly compiling $name?\n"; chop($answer=); if ($answer eq "no") {print "You're dealing with $a[10+$pre] driven.\n";} if ($answer eq "yes") {print "Ah, a $a[10+$pre] and $a[15+$pre] fantasy!\n";} print "Your core dump is mined for future reference.", "\n\n" if 3 < $g; print "I think $name $pid is your future anterior.", "\n\n" if 3==$g; print "... $a[$non] $name $$ is your final state.", "\n\n" if 6==$g; print "Your $name $diff is your encased flesh", "\n\n" if 4==$g; print "You ran for $time hours?", "\n" if 2==$g; sleep(1); print "$name and $$ and $pid - and you knew that all along!", "\n\n" if 2==$g; sleep(1); print "Wait! $name and $pid are gone forever!", "\n\n" if 1==$g; FINAL: { $d = int((gmtime)[6]); $gen3 = 48 - int(20*rand); print "For $d $a[$gen2] days, I have been $a[$gen3] Julu ..."; print "\n"; $u = (time - $t)/60; printf "and it has taken you just %2.3f minutes turning Jennifer ...", "$u"; print "\n\n"; } exit(0); There are legacies within it, artifacts from other (unix/linux) perl ver- sions; sometimes the error messages lend themselves to the text; sometimes the problems are easily corrected. I have left forking processes in place, parent/child processes that spawn and delete CPU operations. The program is quite simple, in a sense; there are for example no loops, just a con- tinuous stuttering dialog. _________________________________________________________________________ Aw for Better, Aw for Worse Some people are envious that I write every day, but believe me, it takes its toll; I've been living with constant low-grade fever and fairly strong headaches for months now. Occasionally something rises to the surface; I then turn inward, sleeping twelve hours a day as a result of the stress and possible depression. Well now. But then when I'm writing, when some- thing seems to take over a series of texts, more than one alone - when a series seems to be in the offing - when I'm shape-riding close to the bone - it's then that I can feel close to total collapse, the text pushing out through me, a terrible birth! I'm not exaggerating; those days, nothing else happens in my life - it's as if the writing were incised on my chest with all the pain so close to the heart, the brain releasing itself to the language. Oh it's nothing compared to real physical labor or even the la- bor of the classroom, but it can take its toll! And because of that, I still, after all these years, write as if each text were my last, espec- ially if I'm writing that series of texts. Oh I know, this sounds terribly self-indulgent, given all the problems of the world - but we all live and work alone, our nights at the heart of the brightest day. So I write and think, yes, that's fine, that last one will do it - I think that at least for the moment, and then something gnaws at me, and I'm off again, huddled over the keyboard, pacing the loft, drinking coffee and pushing myself until I'm falling apart, and the wounds begin all over again. I know if I could stop, at least for a minute, I could see what I've actually done all these years - but that seems unlikely; I'd trip over my fears, my death, my very soul if that happened! "Be at rest, hidden, and do not move: what comes, arrives by itself; what goes, departs by itself. Can you be one? Can you stop?" (_Jing,_ trans. Yates.) Could anything be better? Could anything be worse? __________________________________________________________________________