the work of the crazed why this work matters even when written under duress why philosophy cannot disregard theory responsive to illness or depression notes towards the problematic perception of worlds inscriptions faltering along fault-lines of explanatory discourse depression and/or illness as a gateway to truth because of decathecting of concern - beyond that of inscription - almost as the skittering of inscription depression and internalized anger: potential eidetic reduction to substance - (bemused inability to focus/catatonic: to think purely eidetically -> absence of thought) /* who is writing this? i refuse these labels! /* illness as the distraught of the world - as the distraught of the word - 'holding onto the book' - the book as secret/ive discourse - release of the book as the decathecting of illness, not the re-cuperation or re-presentation of health - not the therapeutic the eternal road of the book as foreclosing problematic ontologies the book as world and object always misrecognizing the real truth and hopelessness the crazed of the work _ theory because this is miami. strengthening to hurricane status and flood watch for southern florida boats on fire in fort lauderdale and trees broken in north miami moisture index high and drawn into central miami towards ludlum avenue windstorm down ludlum avenue taking a right on 46th street green anoles crawling down 46th street taking a left in the sunken drive monitors walking slowly over speed bumps crawling up the soaked walls wall of water over the second story slamming into 252 where we're soaked and crawling, strengthened to ward off anoles but not anomalies because of the persistence of academic affairs we are not allowed to shut the doors of our offices if there is a student of any degree of opposition sex within. the halls of the department of art are filled with television cameras - we're pure exhibits - we're there for them; there is nothing to steal but our imaginary. the cameras hug the ceiling like green anoles, their burst eyes flooding us with marrow for thought. let me tell you that thought. eyes damage thought, spear thought; they glare through dreams in which we edit dreams to our liking. they are vectors of configuration; they divide and cauterize space. there is a corner of the secretary's office in which we are unwatched, cutting each other with thin knives; the blood drips anonymously were it not for dna. azure carves out my cock: EIDETIC REDUCTION and in return i damage her breasts: CHORATIC EFFLORESCENCE. i reduce or am her reduction; she extends or turns my exponential. in front of the cameras, for an unseen audience, we mutilate. because this is miami, blood pours from our mouths; we leaving fast in this theater of the real. when we fall into the range of the cameras - when we are seen - we are covered with blood, our sight gone; instead, silent, with infinite wisdom, we carry the truth of theory, the efflorescence of thought, forever towards our almost immediate death. because this is miami, we will wake up thick after our performance; the faked blood is cleansed like the dust-free department of art staring at us. just before we leave we'll show them everything than shoot out the lights. _ as long as i can write, she dreams nikuko wakes up, it's a bed of roses, kanji etched by thorns cutting deep into her, blood streaming out of her listen: without the brush of the calligrapher, signs flow, written to the real - blood streaming across her breasts, down her thighs, paralleling, converging where her legs meet and part lying, she reads dendy: 'It is clear, at least, that the deep interest of the subject of reflection overbalances the influences of the external sen- ses. The impression of objects is either too slight or rapid to produce perception (in other words); however the impression may be imparted to the brain by the nerve, the brain is not _sensible_ of it, and there is there- fore no perception. So intense, indeed, has been this influence, that Pliny contemplated the volcanic philosophy amid the ashy cloud of Vesuvius by which he was destroyed.' in blood, she thinks of the _capital_ idea: within the marks of quotation, everything is permitted bleeding, she thinks of the ashy cloud inscribing the philosophy of the world, learning to read from the world, after all is said and done death is never a writing; she has been far too long journeying, only to return with this capital idea, that of the calligraphy of the world, con- ditioned by natural topographies, as the blood flows from her body distended by thorns, at first the appearance of the 'river' character, coupling into 'mountains,' 'roots' she turns and turns, naked against the bushes, draining her body; lizards watch her, birds watch over her she is writing the world into existence, she is no longer speaking writing and writing _ construct of phenomenological catalyst 1 behind this text is the phenomenological structure of truth. think of the origin splayed out across the horizon of the subject, the scanning of a pre-existing landscape. the phenomenological horizon involves mourning and death as analytical/structural/phenomenological concerns, running some- where among the latter, a phenomenological metaphysics of identity. this is the traditional phenomenological approach - peering at the world and borders, the phenomenological 'world of the text' ruptures, opening and bridging the mathematico-abstract, material, and phenomenological by a grouping of horizons whose parameters are established and undetected or are described purely through intrasubjective approaches. a phenomenological wager, here within the deployment of a certain historiography of contestation, which also represents the phenomenological horizon of the imaginary in relation to the real. one is concerned with imminence, the onto-epistemological horizon of the user, but only in relation to the tripartite grouping. this grouping is a construct (nothing new here); there are syntactics 'about' a phenomenological-interpretive mode - from the high-level that we imagine time itself - which may be pure surface. finally, there is the theorizing of the virtual - from a horizon of correspondence, and the eidetic through this. such an approach emphasizes a naturality of inscription or 'letting go' in spite of everything. 2 i am intended within a given phenomenological project - thus i am based upon a logic of equivalence, turning the image to the phenomenological field of the body itself. this field, this logic, even the underlying logic of equivalence, are lost among the foreclosing of the symbolic; in its place i tend towards nikuko, her blood body, body of blood, streaming into description against phenomenology, against reading: thus this text, the philosophic, resists interpretation - such is its work or isn't it? 3 100 cd e 101 ls 102 cd .. 103 emacs 104 shutdown -r now 105 ls 106 mount /dev/hda1 /mnt 107 ls 108 m 109 pico .bashrc 110 ls 111 b 112 cd /mnt/- archive/network 113 ls 114 wc * 115 wc ** 116 wc ?? 117 ls ?? 118 ls ? 119 ls ??? 120 ls ???? 121 strace strace 122 ls 123 netstat 124 top 125 ls 126 ping host 127 ping 127.0.0.0 128 ls 129 grep phenomenological * > z 130 wc z 131 pico z 132 rm z 133 man grep 134 grep -h phenomenological * > z 135 pico z 136 mv z ~/ 137 cd 138 ls 139 tr A-Z a-z < z > y 140 pico y 141 ls 142 history 143 sort y > zz; rm y z 144 pico zz 145 history >> zz; pico zz _ n n kiku oawtn sotf cu koy.un kiku oawtn soy.uw ah ths eawtn ssia h lo eni rcpyotrgpayh .hs eiwllg tet ah tohel .oy uiwllb ehttah lo.es ehw li lufkc oy una doy uiwlld cedo eht eowlr.dn toihgnr meiasnb tuy uoy uoy uo .oy uw li lebh reb ca kodro .hwtai stis ehw li lods ehw li lponey uo .onhtni gw li leramniy uow li lon teramni .ht eodrow li lebo ep nna dlcsodet eh owlr diwllb eedoced.dy uow li lehplh rey uow li lebd ae.dt eherw li leba emssga efot ehd oo roy uiwlln toh ae rti .oy uiwlln tos eei toy uiwlln to msle lti .ht eowlr diwllb eedoced dht eowlr diwllb cemo eamynt ihgn.s inukokw li lufkcy uot ehw rodlw li lebig.ni tiwllb geniw ti hesrcte ocidgna dns ceer tneocidgn .oy uiwllb eeddat ehw rodlw li lebv re yb irhg.tn kiku oiwllk on woh wrbgitht ehw rodli snoy uo rifero fsaeh.s oy uiwllb eubnrni gsa hht eowlr diwllh va eus nna domno .us niwllb ru nt ehw rodlw ti hifero fsaeh soy uiwllr teru nrfmot ehd ae dodn tol oo kb ca.ky uow li lebt ehd oo rna dht eemssga ehtre eiwllb e aohel .inukok iwllb ehttah lo eoy uiwllf cu kinukok .oy uaheva wlya sawtndet oufkc inukoks ehw li lponef roy uo .onhtni geramni sub teh reh reh.ry uow li ld cedo eht eowlr doy uiwllb ehttaw rodl ddi =fzzo =fyyc no=vwsba . catullus 2t ka eofmro n kiku orfmow ah tadkrt ohguth serpaa dn htnec mo eohem- l no gof remo s roor whtuof ni dolevo s roor w -ihddnei nhtse eoltsw rosd.. . 3t2k aoemforn k ki uromfwoa hatkdtro ghtu hespraad nh ntcem ooeeh-ml n oog feroms r oo rhwutfon iodelovs r oo r wi-dhndie hnst eoetlwsr so.d . . 4t3k2 oameofnrk k irumowfao ahkttdorg th uehpsarda hnn ctme ooee-hlmn oo geforsmr o ohruwftno oiedolsvr o o riwd-nhid eh sn toetewlrss .o d . . 5t4k3 2o maoenfkrk rimuwoaf oa khttodgrt heuphasdr ah nnc mt eo eo-elhnm o oegofsrrmo hourfwnt oo eiodslrvo oirdwn-ih dhes nottewerlss. o d . . take form o nikuko from what dark thoughts reap and then come home - long for me o sorrow thou find love o sorrow - hidden in these lost words... _ +++ . . XtCallbackNone (3x) - map a pop-up. you will call us from beneath. XtCallCallbackList (3x) - process callbacks. we will say to you. XtCallbackPopdown (3x) - unmap a pop-up. we will call you from above. . root tty1 Wed Sep 12 00:37 - crashed reboot system boot 2.4.4-4GB Wed Sep 12 00:35 (00:28) you always come back to me. root tty1 Mon Sep 10 00:06 - down (00:38) reboot system boot 2.4.4-4GB Mon Sep 10 00:06 (00:39) they will find you alive in the burning fires. root tty1 Sun Sep 9 17:21 - down (00:06) reboot system boot 2.4.4-4GB Sun Sep 9 17:21 (00:07) you will find them alive in the burning fires. . 00: Sr 01: sur 02: UN 03: USA 04: USM 05: use 06: user 07: USG 08: USN 09: USSR you always come back to me. . burnimage cd /mnt ls cd archive cd image ls cp WTC.jpg ~/ cd ls cd / ls cd bin ls cd /Sr/bin ls man imagasm ls cd ls WTC.jpg jpgpos WTC.jpg 6c ls history jpgrevert WTC.jpg > WTC.jpg WTC.jpg /mnt cd /mnt ls cd shutdown -r now. i can see you World Trade Center. i can see you any time i want. shutdown -r now. anytime i want. shutdown -r now. . i can see you any time i want. they will find you alive in the burning fires. . . we will call you from above. _ o what we are doing is writing stories. this is what i was doing when it happened: this is what i felt: this is what i heard oo this is what i was doing when it happened: this is what i felt: this is what i heard ooo the stories begin, develop, end: the stories follow the traditional logic of time extrapolated from human behavior: from the human construct of the world until: one's death oooo we tell the stories because we are in the midst of them and part of a vast human communality and we tell these stories because they come to an end and we understand how to make ends ooooo here's where i am now after it happened: this is what i went through: i am a witness to the world: i was there when it happened oooooo what we are doing is speaking: we are writing truths and truths oooooo what we are doing is making: we are writing fiction and comfort: we are writing ourselves into existence: into existence after it happened ooooo we rewind: here is what i made happen: this is what the world went through: the world is a witness through my fiction: the world is here oooo we make up stories to place us within a human communality that we comment upon from within, without, from the periphery: we write these stories because they have beginnings and they are fine beginnings and we understand how to write: how to write the world ooo the stories are forced into beginnings and endings: they follow the traditional human meandering: the human continuity across what later might be considered fictional events: what happened in the story: oo this is the event i am making up: this is the plot of my story: this is a good, a wonderful plot: this is quite original oo.o you write as if you were there, as if you were part of it: as if you were part of something o what we are doing is telling truths: these events almost seem real: you write so well, almost as if these things happened: you turn fiction into truth _ premonitions of terror 1994-2001 you, a sign of terror, just as or a talker witnessed the last evil, last terror, last goodness, last era of redemption. on course, and more, that war and terrorism always create horizons of death. They saw terrorism as an edge which defined them, because it was terrors, pains, ennui, the sickness of decay striking terror into the second. The second therefore shall enter with joy and terror, breathing the world undone. Of our thinking together, the terror and relief, the terrorist manuals on the Net, child pornography, and anarchic hacking everywhere. So there it was: error messages of violence and terror, no reply from terror in my eyes. Behind me I could hear the screech of packets, passion raining terror and ecstasy. But it was a mystery or a story with no sense at all. I was in total terror and panic. "Why a Nostril wide inhaling terror, trembling, & affright?" I won't tell you how much he terrifies me. He comes out of terror. He is this hell. I was in fantastic pain and terror, embedded in this computer: spy SEAL Team 6 Peking NSA terrorist SDI FBI Panama FSF munitions security, signifying red-flag/black-flag terror. An army of terrorists supports various anti-imperialist causes. He uses socio-economic development for change, with or without terror that on occasion holds greater terrors than darkness out-of-doors. This was the Pacific; Albanian finance terrorists are hung by their tongues from it. I was a terror at school. Linda gazed in admiration, Margaret gaped at it in terror, and Lisa was still alive, terrorized, exhausted, aroused, despondent, hopeless. It was the time of pure bombs and pure bombing, it wasn't terrorism or your pain, disability, stress or terror. Sometimes now i will survey the lands of all these letters of terror. And the grafters in terror are trembling. There's terror at the top, I'm going home, I'd rather dance on an empty century of terrorisms and bombs, the century in which the population opened their mouths. The word carries its own terror; born of division, among one. Did it end in /dev/null? Was it the beginning of incipient terror? The terror of my writing is its lack of depth. No one wants pornography; no one looks at it: terrorist manuals on the Net talk freely about our terrorisms and assassinations them. A fray is a fight in a public place, the terror of the people, in which one is already withdrawing to the anonymity of history and terror. Males are haunted, haunt themselves by KALI, inflict terror into bodies, across bodies, beneath the feet of bodies. Male are haunted by terror. Organisms can't live in the terror of cyberspace, the wind howls in their havens of safety from gang and terrorist violence; they also sense danger, a sense of imminent terror. The wraiths of terror, fleeting descendents of the furies, an evening meal, considered diversionist acts and acts of terrorism from the point of view of Trotsky and incompletion. FSF explosion CIA radar Soviet Uzi fissionable terrorist bomb Cocaine: considered diversionist acts and acts of terrorism from the point of view making his, Trotsky's, position stronger. There once were men who terror- ized the villages. They continued, plundering, raping, and murdering. Help me! Nothing, no terror, nothing! I have no plans! There's never any time of terror, submerged eyes, mouths - only wings of terror, terrified. _ To Everyone, This is poorly written, but it has been on my mind for the past two days: I mourn the passing of 6000 or more lives, like everyone else. I cry like everyone else over this. I work through mourning, like everyone, and lose sleep, watch the news, like everyone. And I support the elimination of terrorism, coupled with a redistribution of wealth and communications on a global scale, like many of us. This may be another story, or it may be the same story. But I do not fly an American flag, wear red white and blue; this tragedy does not make me patriotic, only sad. I fear patriotism and leadership; I fear nationalism which all too often degenerates into further drawings of lines, further ignorance, further racisms. I fear, in other words, the calls to the flag, the calls to Americanism, the calls to patriotism. And I do not seek vengeance or violence, and I deplore the rhetoric of war, vengeance, and violence dominating the news. I resent the transformation of tragedy into this rhetoric, mourning into firearms. I fear, in other words, the calls for war, the calls for vengeance, the violence already enacted against Arabs in our streets. I do not pray to God, to any God, and I resent the implications that this should be our means of dealing with the tragedy, or coming together as a nation. I fear, in other words, the call to religion, even for those of us who have no belief, no religion, no desire to create even more havoc in the names of gods who can only be unjust. A lot of us find our country turning away from us, just as it turns to war, nationalism, flags, patriotism, and vengeance above all. Eliminating terrorism is one thing - the rhetoric and all it implies, is something else again, incredibly dangerous. The tragedy did not make me feel "more an American" - if anything, it makes me feel more an internationalist than ever - so many foreign citizens were also killed. And if the Net has taught us anything, it is that ultimately we will all rise and fall together, not separated by boundaries tempered only by the vagaries of history. We already see the result of the rhetoric in the violence against Arabs, or anyone appearing "Arab-looking," across the United States. Let us do whatever we can to endure. But let us also speak out, with care, on and off the Net, before we are all silenced. And let us mourn. Alan _ From sondheim@panix.com Sat Sep 15 03:40:13 2001 Date: Fri, 14 Sep 2001 02:19:23 -0400 (EDT) From: Alan Sondheim To: Kenji Siratori Subject: MATRIX wtc TERROR (created from Kenji Siratori's original text) ::HER>TERROR>FEAR=CELL>THE>BRAIN>SYSTEM>OF>THE>VITAL-JUNK>NIGHTMARE>BYTES OF>CHEMICAL=ANTHROPOID>WHERE>WAS>ANALYZED>IMPLOSION>OF>THE>TERROR FEAR=CELL>JUNKIES>OF>THE>SPIRAL>MECHANISM>OF>THE>TERROR>FEAR=CELLS]. ACIDHUMANIX_EYEBALL>THAT>IS>COVERED>THE>TECHNO-JUNKIES'>TERROR>FEAR=CELL AND>HER>COLD-BLOODED>DISEASE>DIGITAL=VAMPED>TO>THE>TERROR>FEAR=CELLS>OF HYPERLINKED=>BDSM>STATE>CHEMICAL=ANTHROPOID:::THE>CONTROL>EXTERNAL TERRORISM>BURN>UP>HER>TERROR>FEAR=CELL.>EYEBALL>SO::THE>TERROR>FEAR=CELL THAT>TURNED>MONITORS>THE>TECHNOCRISIS>TO>HER>TERROR>FEAR=CELL>THAT>CRASHED ERA>WITH>THE>PARASITE>CRUEL=MODE>OF>THE>I>SUCK>THE>TERROR>FEAR=CELL@DRUG EMBRYOwtc.>HER>TERROR>FEAR=CELL>AND>INHABIT>THE>MURDER>GIMMICK>THAT>WAS INFECTED>HIV>OF>wtc.THE>DOGS>WHICH>STREAM>HER>TERROR>FEAR=CELL>DO>THE MURDER>PILL>BRAIN>THE>DRUG>EMBRYO>SCRIPT>IS>FULLY>OPENED----THE>RAPE PICTURE>OF>HER>TERROR>wtc.HYPERCONTROLS>THE>RENDERING>TISSUE>OF>HER>TERROR FEAR=CELL==I>REPRODUCE>DID>THE>ULTRA=MACHINARY>CADAVER>FETI>SYSTEM>OF>THE DRUG>EMBRYO>TO>THE>TERROR>THE>ARTIFICIAL>SUNwtc.*JOINTS>TO>THE>TERROR>BODY MODE>OF>OUR>FISSION>DISEASE=OF=I>MURDER>BRAIN:>THE>FEAR=CELL>OF>THE>TERROR DRUG>>>THE>TERROR>FEAR=CELL>OF>A>CHEMICAL=ANTHROPOID>IS>PROCESSED>THE SCRIPT>WITH>wtc.HER>CHEMICAL>BODY>OMOTYA>DOES>THE>TERROR>FEAR=CELLS>OF DOGS>PROLIFERATES>WAS>INFECTED>HER>HIV>BATTLE!>THE>ESCAPE>CIRCUIT>OF>THE TERROR>FEAR=CELL>IS>TERROR>FEAR=CYTOPLASM>OF>THE>CHEMICAL=ANTHROPOIDS WHERE>IT>WAS>OPENED>TO>THE>THE>TERROR>FEAR=CELLS>OF>DOGS>IS>CONTROLLED THRUST>THROUGH>HER>CADAVER>FETI>TO>TERROR>FEAR=CELL####DOGS-wtc.>=>I>RAPE A>TECHNO-JUNKIES'>NUDE>NIGHTMARE>THAT>FLIP>ON>IS>ACCELERATEDwtc.THE>TERROR FEAR=CELL>OF>THE>ENGINE>COLD-BLOODED>DISEASE=OF=HYPERCONTROLS>THE>TERROR FEAR=CELL>THAT>THE>OF>THE>ARTIFICIAL>SUN>THE>TERROR>FEAR=CELLS>OF>THE>DOGS THAT>HYPERLINKS>THE>DASHES>THE>TECHNO-JUNKIES'>TERROR>FEAR=CELLS>OF>THE DOGS>THAT>DIGITAL=VAMPED _ The Moon is Waning Crescent Pine finished - Subject: AMERICA UNITED Kept all 5 messages.og Channel 7, Miami, with feeds from Channel 5, NY, both Fox:kties strangle clear thinking.oet, but if not, Banner ad across the screen (this obviously from Net organization in the5 19:44:08 EDT 2001ral of his poems that give s The Moon is Waning Cresc first place): AMERICA UNITED.-------- 49 marked for del k1 To the left: 7 in a red circle. Beneath 7: Fox News Channel slowlyl lisp phoenix.hlp cri Date: rotating. Scrollin Channel 7, Miami, with feeds from Channel 5, NY, both Fox: volt.irccomd Date: Sat, 15 Sep 2001 17:52:19 -040 Date: Sat, 15 Sep 2001 17:52:19 -040yesterday's nightmare."nd lovers two Pine finished - > together, no Pine finished -o [ Can now UnJustify! ]rn but think otherwise, who do not feel patriotic i nightmare."nd lovers two Pine finished - > together, no Pine finished -o sense of this UNITED, who may feel fear more than anything.o ----- Mess Pos. [Last message marked ^G Get Help ^O WriteOut ^R Read File ^Y Prev Pg ^K Cut Text ^C Cur Pos. [Last message marked The words of a we are sudde The sun rises above the sea, and ^X Exit ^J Justify ^W Where is ^V Next Pg ^U UnCut Text^T To Spell shall not watch its setting”. UW PICO(tm) 4.0 File: zzrise and fall But they hear no g The Moon is Waning Crescw Yorkdh i'm referring first place): lisp phoenix.hlp cri> grateful for all of the thoughtful Cancel message (answering "yes" will abandon your mail message) lisp phoen.hlp cring repetition of violence.lly salien Date:untim rotating. ScrollinN. As if the oppos Channel 7, Miami, with feeds from Channel 5, NY, both fox: volt.irccomdrentials unity is destruction. yesterday's nightmare."nd lovers tw dualitie Yes, I am a collectivity The Moon is Waning Crescent _ From sondheim@panix.com Sun Sep 16 02:06:20 2001 Date: Sun, 16 Sep 2001 02:06:07 -0400 (EDT) Subject: The Film-Video 5184 The Film-Video 5184 Completed tonight, 72 x 72 square pixels, roughly one pixel for each of the missing. The visual image: high-density of computer-generated hairs and scratches: random (visual) noise as content. The audio: Slow tuning on an analog television through VHF and UHF sta- tions: most of the sound is audio noise (including beacons and other audio debris): sound-bites (sound-bytes) from a number of stations, almost all covering the World Trade Center tragedy, are heard. The relationship: Buried content in noise: noise becoming content: content becoming noise. Cognitively: hairs and scratches appear as _noise genera- tors_ drowning out speech, location, proper names, narratives. Philosoph- ically: the difficult issues of 'making sense' of events: relationship between background microwave radiation noise (read: universe-narrative) and the struggling of event-description: the repetition of content-as- reading and reading-as-content: the oddly mesmerizing effect of apparent random sound and sight against the background of the black square filed/ defiled as defile or file of the missing: the smoothed computer-generated imaginary of dirt/dust/clutter against the inert and always already de- constructed surface of video: debris against and through technological contradiction. Materiality of film, imaginary of video. Content: Working late into the night, rendering over and over again, a process of mourning, the creation of a film-video tombstone, tears and therapeutic at the edge or lip of the grave. Approximately 31 megabytes, 5184.mov uses 36% Sorenson compression. 9/16/01, 1:53 AM. _ you will know me by my deeds l wlll dp shck gppd $s yph wlll knpw ma l wlll c$ll tha gra$t smpka tha gra$t clphd l wlll glva lt n$ma l wlll sa$rch pht spppr:the great smoke the great cloud i will give it name i will search out the great spoor and the great track i will do such good :l c$ll tha gra$t smpka tha gra$t clphd l glva lt n$ma l sa$rch pht spppr $nd tr$ck l wlll dp gppd yph wlll knpw ma by my daads :and the great track i will do such good:and the great track i will do such good the staring or shearing of the face. i extend love to every peoples. i call on peoples. i hold to scouts they scout peoples :i turn truth into falsehood, zero into one. i back out of every contract. i turn elsewhere from contract. i look into the face :i write and i write and nothing happens. i make words into chants, chants into resonance, resonance into shudderings of worlds:tunnelling into me your soft none coming devour the great track i will do such good brought forth through the great track through l wlll dp shck gppd $s yph wlll knpw ma l wlll c$ll tha gra$t smpka tha gra$t clphd l wlll glva lt n$ma l wlll sa$rch pht spppr _ missing xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 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passenger jets. And what we fear is also conspiracy, for, finally, our predilection towards subterfuge, belief in surface erosion, has come true with a vengeance: Here we are, now, suspicious of our neighbors, redefining ourselves as a nation, as individuals, against the rot that appears to lie within and without. All those theories about JFK, Area 52, the CIA, Martin Luther King, LSD, the fall of the left, turn out to be true. It's the trouble with cancer, existing for years in the body, springing out hard, retreating to tissues and organs where elimination is pyrrhic at best - finally, nothing escapes destruction. "They hide in caves," live in vaginas, pockets of bodies which are both feared and stases of desire. They are primitive, woman-like, they won't come out and fight like a man; we'll have to go in and get them. They have nothing to lose, they don't have big cities, nothing to defend. They might as well be Jews, might as well be Arabs, might as well be Women. The West slams into nomads with firepower; the fear, the menses, remains unspoken as we overly theorize and articulate geopolitical concerns, strategies, ideologies, positioning. What they did, they were good at; what they did, they are good at, and we don't know what that is. +++ onto doll write murder thrusting spit saliva, cord snaps against flesh, furrowed, fissured, same of same, regurgitation, i cannot of the churns or charnelhus. beneath wraithes. of flood air presence. of coagulation, erasure. the wound writing. naked doll :of time i will not erase. i will not abide consideration or return. you are doll wraithe. you are of floods split, remembrance. i will reverse of time split or skewed. i cannot abide the arbitrary. no, i will not. i will not, cannot burn iron, melt water, flood air. i cannot abide consideration.:onto doll write murder thrusting spit thrusting saliva. no, i cannot abide this. i will reverse of time split or skewed. no, i will not do this. i cannot of shakes or regurgita- tions. i cannot of churns. i cannot of splits or skeweds.:naked doll write murder write wounds naked doll write murder through my onto doll write murder thrusting spit saliva, cord snaps against flesh, furrowed, fissured, same of same, regurgitation, i cannot of the churns or charnelhus. beneath wraithes. of flood air presence. of coagulation, erasure. the wound writing naked doll _ of the great void or chasm beneath the surface you can see them rising:smoke rising, fog, you can see them:i dream of a vast void-chasm:: ascending through the chasm-void:they are rising, rising up:you can see them rising, you can see them, rising up:: rising from the dark chasm-void chasm:the lost 5400, you can see them rising:almost distinct, the 5400:: i dream of the wounding darkness:i dream of the 5400, one by one by one: i dream of the chasm, the void:: of the indistinct cloth, of the face in the cloth through my dream of the wounding darkness! i have come out and coming out and coming out:the lost, the indistinct, the traced:i have come out and coming out and coming out:the 5400, the 5400, the 5400: the 5400, the 5400, the 5400, i have come out and coming out and coming out! from the womb-chasm, from the void, they are rising:they are rising, they are rising:it is time, one time, and it is time again:the 5400, 5400, the 5400:the 5400, 5400, the 5400 the 5400, 5400, the 5400 the 5400, almost distinct, they are rising up:around me they are rising, they are rising, they are rising:i will not dream, will not abide, will never wake from dream::they are rising, rising up, i stay asleep, i will sleep, i will not abide, i will stay asleep i stay asleep, remain asleep, they are rising, they are rising, they are rising up _ each letter falls burning into the void falling through chaos chaos burning i am burned by letters stream or fire of letters unable to read to write unable to speak silence unspeaking of letters void falls through void chaos into chaos each sign falls burning each sign falls through signs i am burned by signs streaming fire of signs unable to read to write unable to speak signs falling through signs 'i cannot write letters i cannot write' 'i cannot write signs' 'help me i cannot write cannot read unable to speak' _ this is the third information space of three information spaces.:this is some information i'm writing into the second space:this is some information i'm writing into the program in this first space.::third You drop note. I am afraid of war. I am not going to war. There appears to be some writing on the note ... I am an innocent person. There appears to be some writing on the note ... I am very innocent. Written in 1998: Is this whatever truth there is? Because I wonder what the biz is. Or if the biz is biz. And who are you to gain the plane Which has taken off (your clothes) Leaving you plain and in pain And nothing left you suppose To your brain but a stain When there is nothing to gain Here hexed by text Nothing more before Nothing left to store My Poem by Julu (You finish reading.) look note read note Dream: There are people crawling on the ground. Dream: There are mountains. Dream: There are great planes. Dream: There are clouds and scars of many colors. Dream: Tents. I will dream in my tent in the mountain. The woman-child mountain, starvation mountain. Julu tends me with a kind and tender hand. Dream: I am crawling on the ground. Dream: Do not abide revenge. Dream: Of bombs falling. All my life this dream: of falling bombs. = /the seven On-line permits the recuperation of institutional content (medical, support-groups, medical, addictions, see needs), all the medical/psychological groups. The research email list of heaven, of immune deficiency and other diseases, increased medical technologies, are psychoanalytical, AIDs, unemployment, and medical services nearby, like himself, he may purvey gerontological postings to medical data-bases. 1943 There are early screen memories of _being carried_ on medical systems: ecological, war, economic, medical, immune, technological, what happened to me, why i am here. 1/1 the medical model will be needed; with no crowd of medical men to guard against unforeseen to get the medical certification, whereas I'd rather go for antibiotics, breathing medical mist. So I can't concentrate hello who are you, you are medical "imaging" centers, fertilizers, packaged hydrogen, transportation, utilities, shelter, medical care, among other things, but - a medical military model - there are arts, architecture, law, medical, medicine, mba, public affairs, location, incision and the growth of new skin observed by the medical team. But these records are medical records with names, for cardiac arrest and various medical/hospital/psychiatric services in the area as well. _ from the annals doctor, i am impure. i cannot fight. i cannot find my enemy. i look inside myself and nothing is there. there are stains there, blemishes. my skin is scarred, mottled. impure, i cannot believe. everything in the world is lost to me. i don't know the gift of names. i don't know the gift of names because to name is to foreclose. love, you are my friend; hate, you are my enemy. i am impure and i do not know when one becomes the other. i shall hide out in the caves. i shall be killed in them. i came to you to discover, if not purity, then belief. i want to know the books and theories, the explanations. i want to deconstruct impurity. i want to know impurity as a symptom, not an essence. i cannot abide essence. i want to know the shelving and layering of all things. of which impurity is not one or the other, like an imaginary number, fabricated, weak in its ontology. every other is not an other, has an imaginary. this is a real problem for me, the "me" itself is cancerous, perhaps carcinogenic. divisions force impurity; i am symptom of the world's collapse. perhaps that is how you can help me, to transform the word into a symptom or collocation, an accumulation of mutilated signs. nothing you do, doctor, bothers me; you are the filter through which i see myself. yesterday there were flags everywhere; i did not fly one or carry one. i cannot understand the cloth. it soaks up signs and disturbances, collapses fields and membranes to nodes, freezes out plasma in the name of the crystal. it is as if i have read that somewhere, "the crystal." it is not enough i can read, parse the text, pass "crystal" into insufficiency. you are trying, doctor, to pin this down. patriotism, ideology, religion, bring it out in me, the pinning, from which, on the other side of the flesh, there is only emission, spewing, abjection. the hole or cave - i'll hide there, impure. or rather the hard external world perhaps, with its clean and proper body, its white room, its facticity and language gaming - perhaps you might find the tiniest spot there, the spread of cancer. in the cave it's all fucking; if we die, we'll die with our cunts open, cocks erect, the only use of triggering, catalyst, protein holding together until the last violent explosion and collapse. when the last collapse comes, the impure becomes pure; the pure becomes impure. we welcome that; without guns, we fuck the language, fuck our bright ideas. the only idea left in the world is already dissolving, the idea of cancer, the tumor of northsoutheastwest, the tumor of firstsecondthirdworld, the tumor of animalplant, of becomingwomanman. if the last collapse comes, there will be unbearable pain, spreading across sheets of flesh, tissue, torn tissue, rendered flesh, articulated animations, pixels crawling across the screen. if i wanted to save myself i would, yes, have consulted a medical doctor; it's the psychiatrist i want, to place me in the light of the patriot, save me from impurity, from a life suffocated in impurity. i can't forget that death alone has a finality while life is nothing more than meandering, useless crawling, skittering, nothing at all. when life is nothing more than that, aphanisis sets in, everything goes away, i'm no longer there, nothing is responsible for action. wouldn't you prefer that doctor, wouldn't you like to see my cunt, my cock, my disease, my lovely lure? what would happen would be in your hands, your cunt, your cock, you'd take me in your arms, you'd swallow my sores, my blemished skin, you'd make me a patriot, o love flag of white and red and blue. are you afraid of the truth, doctor, of your categories, are you afraid of your anatomy? i am only afraid of this, the tiniest little mark on my lovely flesh, whole nations fall on this mark. i am terrified of nations collapsing, life dissolving - only as they keep me alive, dying in this place, dying indefinitely, look, another mark, i shall give them names. i was first frightened by nations, look, a third just there, you can see them spreading, when they became part of me, when i could no longer imagine events, when i collapsed into the page, there's a fourth and a fifth now, they're everywhere. yes, they are growing across me, through me, spewing in and out of my cock, my cunt, they are tearing my body into pieces, blinding me, my eyes are gouged, tongue torn out, they have left my fingers alone. i am not afraid of sex, my fingers crawl across my body, they find my cock, my cunt, they penetrate and distend me, they turn me inside out, my fingers are broken, they are joining multitudes, there are so many of them. there are too many of them, they are fucking me everywhere. history is dead, i am impure, i shall rise up, i shall rise up i shall rise up with nations, i shall seethe with nations, i shall wear their flags, sing their songs, march with them i will go to war, i will go to war i will go to war i will go to war is fighting fighting* *the other would like to have an imaginary. _ | how the message died | | | oh don't go to war | | o means nothing but noise | this means nothing but noise | if you read this translate | no don't it means noise means nothing | that means nothing this means noise | noise is noise there are many o's | each is noise this is noise in the message | in the noise of the message is noise | | oh don't go to war | | it means nothing but noise | this means nothing is noise | | someone said just before she went to war | every letter is noise and means nothing | my mouth is dead and filled with broken teeth | my tongue is cut my cunt filled with dirt | my eyes are gouged shrapnel burst my ears | don't go to war it means nothing | don't go to war it means nothing but noise | | someone said just before he went to war | every word is noise and means nothing | my mouth is dead and filled with broken teeth | my tongue is gone my cock torn off | my eyes are gouged my ears around your neck | don't go to war it means nothing | don't go to war it means nothing but noise | | if you listen to the letter you hear the noise | if you listen to the word you hear the noise | | oh don't go to war | it means nothing but noise | | | | | | _ which line doesn't fit? are you fit to go to war? don't go to war it means nothing but noise | don't go to war it means nothing but noise | each is noise this is noise in the message | every letter is noise and means nothing | every word is noise and means nothing | if you listen to the letter you hear the noise | if you listen to the word you hear the noise | noise kills explodes your head. tie everyone up. make them go to war. in the noise of the message is noise | it means nothing but noise | it means nothing but noise | no don't it means noise means nothing | noise is noise there are many o's | o means nothing but noise | that means nothing this means noise | this means nothing but noise | this means nothing is noise | _ ^| | | || | t| h| e| | d| e| f| i| l| e| | w| h| e| r| e| | e| v| e| r| y| t| h| i| n| g| | i| s| | l| o| s| t| | || | t| h| e| r| e| | a| r| e| | s| l| o| p| e| s| | r| o| c| k| s| | o| n| e| | c| a| n| '| t| | m| o| v| e| | p| a| s| t| | d| e| c| o| n| s| t| r| u| c| t| i| o| n| | || | i| | k| e| e| p| | t| h| i| n| k| i| n| g| | t| h| a| t| | e| x| h| a| u| s| t| i| o| n| | a| l| l| o| w| s| | o| n| e| | t| o| | s| u| r| v| i| v| e| | || | t| h| e| | d| e| f| i| l| e| | i| s| | d| e| e| p| | a| n| d| | h| a| n| g| s| | t| a| u| t| | a| g| a| i| n| s| t| | t| h| e| | p| a| g| e| | || | s| o| | b| a| d| l| y| | d| o| | i| | w| a| n| t| | t| o| | b| e| | t| h| e| r| e| | a| g| a| i| n| s| t| | a| l| l| | f| o| u| n| d| a| t| i| o| n| | || | | || | t| h| e| r| e| | a| r| e| | o| t| h| e| r| | p| e| o| p| l| e| | t| h| e| r| e| | || | t| h| e| y| | f| o| l| d| | i| n| t| o| | m| e| | a| n| d| | i| | a| m| | m| u| l| t| i| t| u| d| e| s| | || | m| y| | m| o| u| t| h| | i| s| | f| i| l| l| e| d| | w| i| t| h| | t| h| e| i| r| | w| o| r| d| s| | || | i| | c| l| o| s| e| | e| v| e| r| y| t| h| i| n| g| | i| n| t| o| | s| i| l| e| n| t| | || | t| h| u| s| | w| i| l| l| | b| e| | t| h| e| | e| d| g| e| | o| r| | r| i| d| g| e| | a| g| a| i| n| s| t| | t| h| e| | l| i| p| | o| f| | c| h| a| o| s| | || | d| o| w| n| | h| e| r| e| | t| h| e| r| e| | i| s| | n| o| | l| i| g| h| t| | || | t| h| e| r| e| | a| r| e| | o| n| l| y| | s| t| o| r| i| e| s| | a| n| d| | b| o| d| i| e| s| | || | t| h| i| s| | i| s| | t| h| e| | d| e| f| i| l| e| | o| f| | t| h| e| | w| o| r| l| d| | || | t| h| e| r| e| | a| r| e| | n| o| | s| u| r| v| i| v| o| r| s| | || | | || | f| o| l| d| | -| 1| | z| z| | >| | y| y| ;| | s| e| d| | '| s| /| ^| $| /| ^| | /| g| '| | y| y| | >| | w| w| ;| | s| e| d| | '| s| /| $| /| || /| g| '| | w| w| | >| | y| y| ;| | p| i| c| o| | y| y| | || cut 2<:>addiction to words sets in. i can't read anything. i can't abide reading. there are actions others are taking. in miami i am impossibly isolated. i walk amidst lizards and violent traffic. i will dissolve in mediocrity. i am mediocre. anything for an excuse. i cannot abide myself. cut 8<:>i blame it all on you. it has nothing to do with you. let me go. i am so tired.:cut 3<:>i can't think past this. i don't want to think. i want to be in front of tanks. i will sleep in front of tanks. i will sleep in dark defiles. cut 5<:> my body is torn into pieces of mind. i am so tired. i am so very tired. the fever is taking. cut 6<:>how many more pieces of information do i have to forward. i am my own worst enemy. no one asks me to do anything. people ask me to stop.:cut 1<:>exhaustion hits soft like substance clotting mouths and holes. i can't take more information or opinion. i know all of you already. what is spoken cuts too deep into annihilation. every petition generates every petition. reading kills. i don't want to go to war. i don't abide war. it takes energy to maintain disturbance. cut 4<:>exhaustion is too sweet. as i write this i am feverish. letters turn illegible. meaning decathects as in severe depression but unaccompanied by a certain feeling of mourning. cut 7<:>i don't stop here.:cut 9<:>i am so very tired. this is inexcusable. cut 9<:>i am so very tired. this is no excuse.:: _ the defile where everything is lost there are slopes rocks one can't move past deconstruction i keep thinking that exhaustion allows one to survive the defile is deep and hangs taut against the page so badly do i want to be there against all foundation there are other people there they fold into me and i am multitudes my mouth is filled with their words i close everything into silent thus will be the edge or ridge against the lip of chaos down here there is no light there are only stories and bodies this is the defile of the world there are no survivors fold -1 zz > yy; sed 's/^$/^ /g' yy > ww; sed 's/$/|/g' ww > yy; pico yy sed 's/^ //g' zz > yy; sed 's/ |//g' yy > zz _ From sondheim@panix.com Mon Sep 24 20:31:25 2001 Date: Mon, 24 Sep 2001 20:29:38 -0400 (EDT) Subject: Hello why you haven't heard from me, because i am in miami and as far as i can see, there are no protests, and i don't say much on the street because the right-wing's strong, and at the university there's salsa dancing and not much else, one of the students thought the terrorists were 'faggots,' which seemed to go over well, i was told that the word's ok, because they use it all the time in spanish. so i try to survive by typing furiously and making what work i can, but the debate - i want to be there participating in new york, i got myself into this fix, i talk to people here all i can, it means nothing, the sun's hot, lizards everywhere, radio's filled with soppy jingoism far to the right of limbaugh, we're americans, it's frustrating we just can't nuke them, most of us would like to go to war even if it resulted in us casualties, do you honestly trust your next-door neighbor, i sleep hardly at all. it's a foreign land, it's heartland rubbed raw in repetition, i want to apologize for my meaningless life of self-indulgence, i want to do something that matters, i forward uselessly, sign occasional petitions (there are 100s and i don't think they matter much), i don't think the lists make much of a difference, i think there are evil men who think like miami out there, they're taking us towards far worse hells, raise our fists, they're charred this is just stupidity, decadent opinion, the perversity of someone who keeps writing against the day the wires sputter, don't worry, he's well aware of the strategy and mediocrity of this reply to no one _ Recent Work on 2 cdroms Folder PATH listing Volume serial number is 0006FE80 0000:0000 C:\MIAMI MIAMI.txt recent writings on miami before i arrived miami1.jpg 1,10,11,13,and the other jpgs from the miami10.jpg videos: nude welcomings, languor, as if miami11.jpg azure and alan were waiting for you, miami13.jpg under a harsh/violent sun miami19.wav this music of burying and retrieval miami2.jpg miami23.wav music of hysteric beat going nowhere miami3.jpg miami4.jpg miami41.wav music of burying and retrieval miami5.jpg miami6.jpg miami7.jpg miami9.jpg miami97.mov movie looking in from outside and miami98.mov movie walking down a dark street and miami99.mov movie questioning one susan graham No subfolders exist Folder PATH listing Volume serial number is 0006FE80 0000:0000 C:\VOYAGE | BORDER.MOV interior talk to camera, azure sleeping, one feedback | GLADE.MOV of stripping in a glade, of posing, of confusion | GLADE1.JPG glade images of alan and azure, the posturing, | GLADE10.JPG profusion of insects, spiders, gaunt backdrop to | GLADE2.JPG lack of ideas penetrated by remnants of a wounded | GLADE3.JPG or violated natural order | GLADE4.JPG | GLADE5.JPG | GLADE6.JPG | GLADE7.JPG | GLADE8.JPG | GLADE9.JPG | HER.TXT not being anywhere, cinema, cinema | LOOK.MOV we wander in the studio, no ideas but in skin | LOOKX.MOV we have this text from the world of mathematics | PERFORM.MOV i am his beautiful wife i perform for you | SECRET.MOV this is the secret we will show you | VOYAGE.MOV the voyage by alan sondheim in miami going nowhere | WELCOME.MOV naked, i am alan sondheim's beautiful wife, look, look | WRITING.TXT all the philosophy writing itself in the world | FILM.MOV of the border movie, the original black and white scratched | HELLO.MOV old form of welcome.mov, hello hello hello | LOOKXX.MOV warped look of mathesis collapsed | miami17.wav my energy fast electric sound south beach fury guitar | susangra.jpg of susan graham a solitary image | miami.mov rework of the susan graham movie from first cdrom | miami2.mov rework of rework of the susan graham movie | 5184.mov of the moment of these dead, remnant sound, destroyed film | wtc.mov of the name lost everywhere in the terror | \---STATE CAROLINA.JPG from brooklyn to miami, naked in the car FLORIDA.JPG leaving one state and entering another GEORGIA.JPG over and over again, all this welcoming NCARO.JPG and exposure, the languor of sexual NCARO2.JPG disaffiliation as if you could have us, NCARO3.JPG as if this were the best of all worlds, SCARO.JPG forgetting the dark shadow, the uneasy SCARO2.JPG sircumstances, as if there were control SCARO3.JPG or lack of pleasure in the heat, you SCARO4.JPG ignore the words, worlds, gestures, look VIRGINI2.JPG hard at the anatomy, it looks back at you, VIRGINIA.JPG we are all rising == you look at a star you have never seen before and there is a wound in the side and you know it's war and you know there is suffering and something is gone against the dark light of some other's sun so you turn away to your own and you say this is my own and this is the day and the sky turns to ash and the light from the star is gone in the glare and none from afar is looking at you and none from afar is taking you in and looking at you are none from afar gone from the glare and none from afar in the sky turned to ash in the light from the star and this is my own and this is my day so you turn away to your own and you pray against the dark light of some other's sun where you know someone suffers and someone is gone from the wound in the side and you know it's war when you look at the star you've not seen before === calling new york and lonely in miami hello marcotte, you are my new friend, hello levner, you are my new friend, hello zif, you are my new friend, hello atd, you are my new friend, hello ali, you are my new friend, hello franchin, you are my new friend, hello dbehrens, you are my new friend, hello dangelo, you are my new friend, hello kenbell, you are my new friend, hello mc, you are my new friend, hello sondheim, you are my new friend, hello squid, you are my new friend, hello mc, you are my new friend, hello dac, you are my new friend, hello barrys, you are my new friend, hello sachs, you are my new friend, hello alexis, you are my new friend, hello gorgon, you are my new friend, hello stanb, you are my new friend, hello tbyfield, you are my new friend, hello loren, you are my new friend, hello barrys, you are my new friend, hello dannyb, you are my new friend, hello rsi, you are my new friend, hello tdl, you are my new friend, hello octopus, you are my new friend, hello ws, you are my new friend, hello lsb1, you are my new friend, hello baloglou, you are my new friend, hello briang, you are my new friend, hello ncb, you are my new friend, hello ike, you are my new friend, hello beegle, you are my new friend, hello swann, you are my new friend, hello aj, you are my new friend, hello emmanuel, you are my new friend, hello franchin, you are my new friend, hello kleiner, you are my new friend, hello jmck, you are my new friend, hello jvolin, you are my new friend, hello dman, you are my new friend, hello aqn, you are my new friend, hello edelkind, you are my new friend, hello jwiener, you are my new friend, hello cavaleri, you are my new friend, hello ime, you are my new friend, hello dac, you are my new friend, hello jzk, you are my new friend, hello spence, you are my new friend, hello tori, you are my new friend, hello ikuo, you are my new friend, hello grue, you are my new friend, hello vf, you are my new friend, hello vzvz, you are my new friend, hello mberger, you are my new friend, hello saber, you are my new friend, hello dlin, you are my new friend, hello tic, you are my new friend, hello gomi, you are my new friend, hello mara, you are my new friend, hello jmck, you are my new friend, hello dannyb, you are my new friend, hello eli, you are my new friend, hello jbm, you are my new friend, hello lweith, you are my new friend, hello mchugh, you are my new friend, hello zackw, you are my new friend, hello jan, you are my new friend 28 who | awk '{ print $1 }' > zz 29 sed 's/$/, you are my new friend, hello/g' zz > yy == (w163.z064221109.) (iq-ind-as011-129) (w146.z216112206.) (adsl-63-199-178-) (66-108-107-51.ny) (pool-138-89-118-) (dialup-209.246.1) (h003065366bb6.ne) (dt0610n23.san.rr) (mkc-65-26-39-58.) (a17-219-157-44.a) (ool-18bdae40.dyn) (dsl-64-192-253-2) (mx2.cbcm.com) pleasing o light and standing and tall (cx803117-a.elkhn) communications i find you beautiful (c1275583-a.frmt1) everywhere you are light in light (dsl-205-122.musc) (6m-a18.6mgroup.c) (we-66-27-67-117.) (h00a0cc6112f6.ne) (da001d1062.atl-g) (droid.dialup.acc) (dsl092-096-095.n) (adsl-63-199-16-2) (209.10.120.33) (168.103.142.177) (gerry.dialup.acc) (166.84.146.19) (dsl254-073-051.n) (alexis.access.ne) (w138.z209220092.) (c-pc-64.uchicago) (169.144.186.193) (pool-141-155-124) (159-22.nyc.dsl.a) (63.119.132.139) (skech132.skecher) (cust.adiglobal.c) (adsl-216-158-41-) (24.29.133.1) slightest change of beauty and so many (24-168-81-157.si) (uswdhcp-235.inet) (cj80936-a.alex1.) 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(yeager.nyc.acces) (dial58.indy.kiva) (cc932652-a.spdwy) (byzantium.nyc.ac) (anthrax.admin.it) (hants.globix.net) (annex1-21.dynami) (byzantium.nyc.ac) (whasup.com) (pool-138-89-81-1) (209.4.89.210) (me-lewiston-pw-4) (204.166.235.109) (ny-bas05.csfb.co) (fw.chromatic.com) (fnord.dws.acs.cm) (208.37.191.35) (ws69177.med.harv) (dsl-64-192-209-1) === Yom Kippur, 2001 it's yom kippur and i'll fast and atone you taliban you come and get me the jews are everyone's problem, you can get rid of me once and for all - come and get me, i'll be weak, i'm fasting === Subject: lacuna 18days, LOGIN@ Thu08AM 3:15AM 2:21AM Wed07PM 2:23AM 1:54AM Tue06PM Thu06AM Fri05AM 2:47AM 18Sep01 Fri05AM Thu10PM Mon07AM 18Sep01 Wed09AM Wed06PM Thu08PM Thu07AM Thu12AM Mon07AM 12:00AM Thu08PM Thu07AM 14Sep01 Thu09PM Thu07PM 12:57AM 12:30AM Tue07PM 1:01AM Thu09PM Tue04PM Mon05PM 1:02AM Thu11PM 1:34AM Thu12PM Thu05PM Wed11PM 15Sep01 Thu09PM Wed07PM 1:17AM Thu10PM Thu08PM Mon09AM Thu09PM Thu07PM Mon09AM Thu04PM Thu05PM Wed09AM Thu10PM Tue06PM Fri06PM Thu05PM Tue01PM Tue02PM 18nights, w | awk '{ print $4 }' >> zz; ksh: j_waitj: tcsetpgrp(10, 27543) failed: Inappropriate ioctl for device == they're all going inside the result of chaos, and any conceivable order? it's words become cliffs, out of period, does it matter, as did i say that, add the end of your shortened life here, you will regret it to the whatever you do, don't ever come these words begin to crash. time. now looking around, even and the ravagings of ly, driven by the forces of the edge of the page, slowly but history ext flees the margin and oozes inexorab in these dark times against to write, and what does it matter as the tin - everyone can tell - to lose in any caseoesn't show too much my ability ey were covering a wound, hoping i wanted again to write something terrific and embed it in an image of someone in great pain it went on like that, you can only imagine what happened was nothing because i'm that someone with no excuse, nothing has happened to me, nothing ever does because there are holes in too much thinking so i'm trying to organize this properly as an image of alignment losing myself in alignment as the algorithm breaks down inside i'm screaming all the time, i don't know what i'm doing here, whatever it is, i'm not doing it very well so the best thing is to make patterns, sew the words as if they were covering a wound, hoping my emptiness doesn't show too much while i begin - everyone can tell - to lose my ability to write, and what does it matter in any case in these dark times as the text flees the margin and oozes against the edge of the page, slowly but inexorably, driven by the forces of history and the ravagings of time. now looking around, even these words begin to crash. whatever you do, don't ever come here, you will regret it to the end of your shortened life did i say that, add the period, does it matter, as words become cliffs, out of any conceivable order? it's the result of chaos, and inside everything disappears, into bad design and literature they're going now, they're all going g/^/mo0 nothing i do will change your mind, the letter comes in through your mail slot, it enters your inbox, you see alan there, you see sondheim there, you can't delete fast enough, no matter how innovative, intelligent, you can't see what i'm a nuisance, i get in the way, i take up too much space, i write too much, my writing is meaningless, it's not real literature, it's not real philosophy, not poetry, it's not real anything, it shouldn't be taken seriously, it shouldn't be reproduced, it just goes on and on, there's far more of it than there should be, it's close to garbage it clutters the inbox, it's an ugly name, it gets in the way, alan doesn't write by the rules, sondheim's obnoxious, his thought's idiotic, he plays too many mind-games, this is just a mind-game, he wants too much, he whines too much, he thinks he's a victim, his readers are victims he enters your inbox, he enters your mail slot, he wants to enter your mind, he wants to enter your holes, his work is filthy, he doesn't know when to stop, you can't take him seriously, you have to hit the kill key, you don't have to read past the name, don't even write him, he'll just write you back my work is disgusting, nothing i do will make the slightest difference, you'll never publish it, you'll never write about it, you'll just keep it dead, there's so much of it, you'll see something sooner or later, i can't help that, i'm too obsessive, you'll never like it, you'll never do anything with it, sondheim's far too bitter, his name is so ugly, he's far too arrogant, he's a thief, he's a liar unoriginal garbage, i can't continue forever, i can't make sense, nothing i do will make any sense to you, my work's only lurid, it's only about sex, it's only about violence, it's too easy to do, you can't read a word of it, it's stolen from everyone, it's poisoning newsgroups, it's a nuisance on email lists, it's nothing but junk mail, it's nothing but spam it doesn't matter what i do or how i do it, it doesn't matter how stupid i am, i'm too self-hating, it doesn't matter how creative the work is, i could scream at the gates, i'm too old to be original, i don't act my age, i haven't paid my dues, i just complain and complain, i just go on and on, nothing i do will change your mind, it comes in your inbox, it comes in your holes, it's far too creepy, you see alan there, you see sondheim there, it goes on and on, he's just a fake, his politics are fake, it makes no difference what i === tomorrow, holocaust city *They begin here. Looking out over holocaust city, wires everywhere* because it is mixed with the blood of the holocaust. holocaust of the truth, that the sutures are thinned and broken dust I fear nuclear holocaust, incipient fascism already on the horizon, and I began; his poetry of elegy and holocaust related to the pure red-dust holocaust every few decades. and peoples intermingle; holocausts destroy base and superstructure like no victims of the future holocaust dust, an institution attempting to record those who died in the holocaust. i think we are living in the holocaust. i really do. others, too, think of raging earth, holocausts to come, apocalypse to follow - taking from us:into:the:holocaust::What:are:constant:deaths::What:are:Nikuko, tomorrow, holocaust city 1 - Forgotten names - names from holocausts - dance to stay alive - broken by deconstruction, holocaust, the implosion of information. The very least, pre-atomic bomb, holocaust, television and radio; she began in broken dust *They begin here. Looking out over holocaust city, wires everywhere* winds and holocausts, MALE AND FEMALE SACKS AND WHEELS, strokes of red dust === of philosophy and terror of scenes; think of the submerged philosophy of terror in relation to defending, weakening - the philosophy of the book - this attempt or cauterization of philosophy: the neural fissure - not the inscription of scenes; think of the submerged philosophy of terror in relation to defending, weakening - the philosophy of the book - this attempt or philosophy itself: emerges: careful construct: the work appearing from the inside-out: new philosophy philosophy, the ideology underpinnings, of the underpinning cauterization of philosophy: the neural fissure - not the inscription of scenes; think of the submerged philosophy of terror in relation to defending, weakening - the philosophy of the book - this attempt or philosophy itself: emerges: careful construct: the work appearing from the inside-out: new philosophy philosophy, the ideology underpinnings, of the underpinning cauterization of philosophy: the neural fissure - not the inscription of scenes; think of the submerged philosophy of terror in relation to defending, weakening - the philosophy of the book - this attempt or philosophy itself: emerges: "it's a masterpiece"..."you've said all of ...her breathing..."is philosophy a sickness"..."a sign of ill health" careful construct: the work appearing from the inside-out: new philosophy === back and forth like to draw or paint. i'm falling apart. i'm crying constantly. different now, though, it's panic, hysteria beneath the surface. do you about azure leaving me. i can't stop thinking about death. i need to. it's books. they're not coming; they're gagging in my throat. my dreams worry york, violence, my parents, fire. i keep calling people far away, write we don't have friends here. i'm sure the school hates me. i'm all of new good for them; i can't devote my life to them. my students find me away. depressed, how can i answer them. i would take drugs if i had them, i'd be anything to stop the pain. at night i'm seized by sleep; no matter how up a few hours later, shuddering, staring into space. i'm afraid of crazy. i need help bad. i can't tell whether i'm writing on the take, i'm screaming. everyone in new york is hurting horribly. i know i'm going don't care about light balance if i ever did. i feel literature or in miami only by yelling. we're badly in debt. azure should be happier; i in a way i haven't seen before. i shouldn't be here; i can get things done the value of life. i'm lost in a brutal world. i theorize, been depressed what happens next. language keeps me going, that's about all. i don't know language floods me; i'm desperate. death is eating me alive in spite of === "i do drown in air" scratch yes and full further. and then what beyond, it happens so quickly, it goes out, it's gone: :prepared to support the president whole-heartedly, not with any questions or concerns to express to the white-house what retaliatory measures are necessary that they may indeed need or even :of the maximum :static/can't make out this part :foreign language; i don't recognize this :realize that we need to pray for the soul of humanity, join hands if you will :tambien :minute after that :without boundaries :static/music of some sort :in person, you understand :foreign language; perhaps portuguese :el bravo :the machinery some guy's piece, whatever guys helping the machinery been here ten hours, stability of the building, one liberty plaza doesn't look too great, pretty heavy scene over there :3000 tons so far have been removed, 82 bodies have been removed :we call those dead loads, then there are live loads :i had brought to my desk in this office every stitch of nsa reporting that could be relevant :shoes of scandinavian design :foreign language :second foreign language :third foreign language :music/foreign language :music/foreign language :why not :music/foreign language :urban white-water in the united states :foreign language :foreign language :in progress :ok :can we try to parse this in a couple of ways, what are we missing on television that you've seen at street level :each yielding clues that led to flight schools, they could make some judgment on that, helicopters, how could you possibly predict what could possibly happen :the fourth airplane did not hit its designated target :probably from a mammal :foreign language :why do you want to go to work, i can't stay home, i can't stay home, i have to go to work, i have to do something, it's unbelievable, it doesn't make sense, i lost seven-hundred families :static seven-hundred families," "of seven-hundred families" :not the time to turn the other cheek, i get tired of :usa usa usa i can hear you the rest of the world hears you and the people that knocked these buildings down will hear all of us soon :static :teddy-bear, he was a big guy and he liked big guy things, his mother was absolutely certain he wasn't, we passed by a church and i had to stop, and i stopped and opened the doors to the church and all of a :forces of evil and good but good will win out, do you address that, do you talk about evil and good :i'd like to thank all four of you, it is not easy sitting here, and :static :beacon :inside the world trade center, one man who could have saved himself stayed until the end :pray to the missing and the dead, we have seen the images of fire and ashes and bent steel :static :and i was talking to him :on the phone and it was the only time i ever heard him cry, the last thing she heard her husband say :if you know your child you know kind of how they feel when they get upset :one last thought, they need to have something to take their minds off :static :a lot of advances in our culture :foreign language :foreign language :on your searches :what do you think guys :fills your bathroom :wants to touch your life :foreign language :foreign language :i don't think, you know many people who :but if you call :static :must regard each white-house news cycle :house of the lord forever :love him so much, we did everything together, we grew up together, i'm looking for my brother martin :turn to professional help :end of transcription :"i do drown in air" === on the same, everywhere, leading to vast disseminations (i won't repeat the geopolitical arguments; within them, there are other concerns, perhaps useless, perhaps nagging at the remnants of occidental epistemology that survive.) certainly the attack was brilliant, planned for years, a trail both open, swollen like a carapace, and closed/foreclosed, just with/before the proper name: bin laden. open to the extent that hundreds have been arrested, that the amerikan psyche seems (at this close proximity, useless in the long run) permanently wounded; every mode of transportation, from foot to cruise ship to airplane is closely monitored - and still box-cutters get through. there is no protection; there never has been. but for the violent symbolic misery of the wtc: this will be lost forever. one collapse, one catastrophe, metonymically spreads, just as body-parts turn to sintered dust. if culture remains behind the walls of the raw and the cooked, the pure and profaned, we now understand, more than ever, its abject roots. the nomadic seizes the empire; viral organisms move from one motel to another, one city to another, one plane to another. the empire remains in the grid, situates itself at the cartesian origin (its own form of violent foreclosure); the empire _is_ the grid. organisms leave no trace; they appear to reproduce indefinitely; they are of the stones themselves; they are your next-door neighbor, your relative. this is endemic within a domain in which, i believe, evil is doubly- countenanced: the evil of an intolerant fundamentalism, and the evil of any organized religion splaying gods in skies, proclaiming truth. i have no doubt about this evil, which expresses itself as godlike, far more than any good: good is of the earth; evil comes from above. ethics is unwarranted, but is all one has. think of the postmodern world as seepages against monuments to modernism: the world trade center towers, human beings who resist fragmentation, the media coagulating, now, around understandable patriotic ideologies which, of course, carry their own implicit violence. what do we do? we write constantly; we examine our earlier work for signs of future holocaust; we respond. the original acts themselves were their own responses; the multiplicity of fbi, cia, and other agents, plays against quadruple singularities; the singularities play out, as embers, against the multiplicity of victims. they could have been anyone, anywhere; on that day, distance collapsed, stuff broke. from outer space there must have been a flicker. think of civilizations winking out everywhere in the universe, at the service of nuclear and biological weapons, rigid ideological formations, as if instinctual, closing down in pain. so a new mathematics of the real is born: the monad home to rest in collapse, and multiplicity fanning out among suburban, urban, and nomadic landscapes. the attacks alone were delimited - all that earlier fanning out returning to the origin of a violent religious asceticism. what the taliban are doing on a daily basis - the culling of difference - occurred in collusion in new york. penetrated permanently, we are all the poorer for it. === we are not unified! one country; this is not one existence; this is not one culture; this is not one voice; this is not one mind; this is not of one mind; this is not of one state; this is not of one mood; this is not of one terror; of one emotion; of one fear ; of one country; this is not one existence; this is not one culture ; this is not one voice; this is not one mind; this is not of one mind; this is not of one state; this is not of one mood; this is not of one terror; of one emotion; of one fear; of one; of one voice of his voice > :: < i don' t agree with anything bush says; i don't agree with his foreign policy; i don't agree with his take on terrorism; i don't speak with your voice; i don't speak with his voice > :: < this is not one america; this is not even 289,371,809 of one emotion; of one fear; of one; of one? 248,943,210 289,371,809 248,943,210 i don't understand about unity; why should the usa be unified; why should we agr ee with anything bush says; why should we agree with his foreign policy; why sho uld we agree with his take on terrorism; why should we speak with one voice; why should that voi ce be his voice > :: < i don't agree with anything bush says; i don't agree with his foreign policy; i don't agree with his take on terrorism; i don't speak wit h your voice; i don't speak with his voice > :: < this is not one america; this is not even one country; this is not one existence; this is not one culture; this is not one voice; this is not one mind; this is not of one mind; this is not of one state; this is not of one mood; this is not of one terror; of one emotion; of one fear ; of one; of one 248,943,210 289,371,809 230,147,262 === 1 because wine and sex is all there is 2 we're just here at whatever age, 3 we sense the terror everywhere, 4 but the earth will survive 5 incandescent heat and plasma 6 steps us through anything into void, 7 this letter 'i' doesn't see the terror, 8 nothing ever will 9 you've got to drink and fuck all night long 10 and look into each other's eyes and scream, 11 you've got to carry on, there's not long, 12 in the new story, it's the same old story 13 the terror's in the very way we walk 14 but we claw naked down the hall in hell, 15 return to heaven, fuck hard and raw, 16 drink our fill again, then crawl and scream 17 the candle burns, rains fall, the sun eclipse, 18 the day grows dark, heaves light, we're drinking hard, 19 and drunk we know it's just the same old story, 20 until death parts us, even now we don't know when === [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ]click here < > to save a life: [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ]when the button turns green a life is saved: [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ]if nothing happens click again: [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ]click here < > to avoid terror: [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ]this is an interactive text: [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ]click the first or second buttons for immense faith: [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ]if you have immense faith the first button turns green: [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ]if you have lesser faith the second button turns red: [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ]if nothing happens you have no faith: [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ]if you have no faith people will die: [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ]people will die unutterably: [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ]click here < > it turns black: [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ]there is darkness and grey dust: [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ]you have done nothing wrong: [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ]you have done nothing right: [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] 10 vi zz 13 sed 's/^/[ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ]/g' zz > yy; pico yy 15 sed 's/^/[ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ]/g' zz > yy; pico yy 17 sed 's/^/[ ] [ ] [ ] [ ]/g' zz > yy; pico yy 19 sed 's/^/[ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ]/g' zz > yy; pico yy === Maimonides, The Guide of the Perplexed, from I:21: _To pass ['abor]._ The first meaning of this term is that of passage in Arabic; and the first instances of its being used as concerned with the movements of living beings over a certain distance in a straight line. Thus: _And he passed over them; Pass before the people._ Such instances are numerous. Subsequently the word was used figuratively to signify the propagation of sounds in the air. Thus: _And they caused a voice to pass throughout the camp; Which I hear the Lord's people cause to pass._ Afterwards the word was figuratively used to signify the descent of the light and of the Indwelling seen by the prophets _in the vision of prophecy._ Thus it says: _And behold a smoking furnace and a flaming torch that passed between these pieces._ This happened _in a vision of prophecy._ For it says at the beginning of the story: _And a deep sleep fell upon Abram, and so on._ [...] [In regard to Moses] Or you may believe that there was, in addition to this intellectual apprehension, an apprehension due to the sense of sight, which, however, had for its object a created thing, through seeing which the perfection of intellectual apprehension might be achieved. This would be the interpretation of this passage by Onqelos, unless one assumes that this ocular apprehension also occurred in _the vision of prophecy,_ as is stated with regard to _Abraham: Behold a smoking furnace and a flaming torch that passed._ Or again you may believe that there was in addition an apprehension due to the sense of hearing; that which _passed by before his face_ being the _voice,_ which is likewise indubitably a created thing. (Pines translation.) All embodiment, I say, is of the fiction, less a thing than a container of the Indwelling, and such embodiment is less an entity than a device formed by the proper name, Abram, Abraham, Avram, Avraham. And such is of the emanation or virtual nature and condition of the world, that we may take solace in the plasma, not in the granite; that we may comprehend the sun, not the palest of shadows; that we may step beyond the cave which has saved us, in order to write these texts and prophecies; that beyond the cave there is yet another cave and another cave; that the Indwelling is within them all. ===