Date: Tuesday, September 12, 2000, 4:08 PM
We think weve figured a program for you with benefits. Right now you are part-owner of the Unknown with a total of fifty shares. Without membership on the board, however, you are powerless to make any decisions. Now what were proposing is a slow phase out with a gradual recompensation in character placement options. Meaning that, for each share you sell, your name will replace either Scotts, Dirks, or my own. This isnt the only option although I suggest you discuss it with your broker. See, were streamlining and downsizing. We want the whole Unknown to be a slim volume, were gonna whittle it down to like, 20 pages. An easy read. And were taking out the links because were tired of being typecast as hypertext. See what Im saying? Now we appreciate the fact that youre on the list and its great that every couple of months you check your email and toss off a response or an aphorism or epigram or a whit of wisdom—even though youre from Frisco so all your babbling about energy and crystals doesnt really cut the mustard the way a nice Wrigley Field hot dog wouldyour hot tub just doesnt hold water, pal, but go ahead and be a golden boy: we dont have as much sex as you and the sun doesnt come out every day in the midwest. No sir, this summer every day the temperature has been between 50 and 110 without missing a beat, so we dont know what its all about kissing on Golden Gate Bridge when your mouth still tastes like garlic from the like 20, 30 amazing restaurants you went to that day alone. Free love? Sorry, man, were up to our elbows in our own mystique and were actually very conservative here in the heartland. You know were jealous, but we cant ride each others coattails forever. Sorry you couldnt make it to Chicago for our reading and sorry you couldnt manage to toss off a newspoem while you were writing 10-page fluff pieces for the big paper out there, I forget the name. Yeah, youre all laid and successful and we keep struggling, keep touring, keep giving interviews. How many times have I woken up with a hangover next to Rettberg in a hotel room that smelled like an ashtray all so we could break ourselves promoting your famous novel? Ill tell you: 1,234 times on the nose, man. Well, weve all got our hangups I suppose. So next time youre all messed up on X and Thai sticks groping some teenager in a midnight warehouse while the decibels crank out enough synthetic beat to bring down a 747, just thinking to yourself the world is my orange, just be glad, man, be glad, because paradise is full of palm trees and one of them just might drop a coconut on you someday. Mark my words. In the meantime, well, just keep writing weird messages and scaring off the European scholars who have climbed to the mountaintop to take counsel with us: the Unknown. We never wanted to be the subject of someones dissertation, and we sure dont want to go to Europe.
Good luck to you.
w w w .
w o r d
w o r k
. o r g
On Sat, 26 Aug 2000, Frank Marquardt wrote:
Thank you Dirk. You have indeed found my keys and I
thank you. I think you. I thank you.
If I may offer: You are not sad, you are instable,
disoriented, and open. Fucked up!
P.S. Im stuffing all the post-structural dogma I can
find up my anus now. Fucked up!
Dirk Stratton wrote:
you know, its writing like this that makes me sad that you did not contribute more to the unknown. or am i sad that writing like this ever made it into the unknown in the first place. or am i sad at all? perhaps i need a new prescription. but i dont have a doctor. just a health center (why arent there health margins, thats what i want to know). and every time i go to the center they give me a new doctor, so i dont really have one. of my own. in fact, until i have a doctor who has had to give me at least two prostate exams in a row i doubt i will ever consider him or her my doctor. speaking of prostates, i almost always start to say prostrate or actually do say it and then have to correct myself. should i be worried about this?
i have your keys: F# and middle C.