(lc) Alan Sondheim Our Future Love i. "It would be quite scary if someone were really inside a personal compu- ter, don't you think? Anyone who thinks that I am "non-existent" because I am a virtual idol may believe that I exist only in the personal computer or in the world of computer graphics. But those who think that Kyoko Date is someone they can relate to may believe that I am like a pen pal people used to have when it was cool to have pen pals. Kind of like a creature living in people's hearts." (Kyoko Date, Date Kyoko, interview) Kyoko Date, like Webbie Tookay, or Diki (the Korean version of Kyoko), or Sharon Apple, is a _virtual idol,_ a digital persona, created by program- mers and designers (in this case, HoriPro corporation). These idols are becoming increasingly prevalent in an already media- and spectacle-satur- ated world. Webbie Tookay, for example, is one of the first _virtual mod- els,_ produced by the Elite model agency; she never tires, can hold poses forever, and works around the clock. Diki (see part ii. below) is amazing; a recent video shows her construction as a virtual Pygmalion come to vir- tual life - which is literally, of course, what has happened. It should be noted that HoriPro apparently didn't back Kyoko up after her 1996 debut; it was only after she faded that she reappeared in Korea. In anime (Japanese animation) and manga (Japanese comics), there are also virtual idols; these forms are followed by _otaku,_ Japanese for someone obsessed by any hobby (the term is derogatory but has been taken up by many of the fans themselves). Sharon Apple is another virtual idol, star- ing in various anime; there are dozens of webpages devoted to her. And there are other related forms, for example Kamishibai, small online "plays" presented at http://otakuworld.com; on the screen, there is a small puppet theater; you begin "games" by clicking on a series of titles - each one tells a story through text, sound-effects, music, and limited animation. There are also PlayKiss "games" with anime (and some photo- graphic") "dolls" that can be dressed and undressed, using the mouse; the result is an odd sort of fetish-play. Kyoko Date appears in one PlayKiss; anime figures appear in Kamishibai, etc. There are cross-overs all across and over the place. Below, I've presented some preliminary analyses and sources for all of these. I also discuss my own projects/projections, based on several avatars - Jennifer, Alan, Julu, and Nikuko; these are text-based charac- ters I write through (or who write through me), often appearing on Inter- net Relay Chat (IRC, a form of real-time typing back and forth on the Net, the ancestor of things like ICQ and AOL Instant Messenger) or MOOs (text- based virtual reality spaces, where people come together to chat, program, or just watch the goings-on), or other interactive applications. The texts "by" Nikuko, for example, are my own; they question identity and author/i- ty issues, as well as appear to "come to life" apart from me; there is further information at http://www.anu.edu.au/english/internet_txt and at http://trace.ntu.ac.uk/writers/sondheim/index.htm --------- Japan, the _source_ of the Kyoko Date, Date Kyoko emission, her music dif- ficult to find now, three years later - Kyoko Date, Date Kyoko, created 1996, trans/lated recently into Korea, project of HoriPro (http://www.horipro.co.jp), entertainment/animation, virtual models (http://www.elite-illusion2k.com), Rebecca, Sharon Apple (for example http://www.usagichan.com/AX96Sharon/), virtual idols (see http://www.tcp.com/doi/seiyuu/books/virtual-idol/), anime (see Helen Mc- Carthy & Jonathan Clements, The Erotic Anime Movie Guide, Overlook, 1999), TokyoPop (http://www.tokyopop.com), various distributions - energy in the sound, labor in the specificity of gathering backgrounds and foregrounds; I began losing myself in the midst of the thick otaku fandom, passing through the PlayKiss (remove the dolls clothes with your computer mouse - even Kyoko Date has been hacked to this) or Kamishibai sites (see http:// otakuworld.com and http://otakuworld.com/shibai/kamifaq.html), animation or anime that anyone can do, get their work online. (Think of the audien- ces involved, the demographics for erotic anime, for male-male bonding for female viewership, for teenaged males, teenaged females, etc.) Nothing troublesome in all of these, to the extent that what resolves, resolves through plot / narration, slotted or extending categories. I myself work through Nikuko, Meat-Girl, (among others) an avatar or 'emanation' I have created, who has no specific image, no _appearance_ but texts operable within Net protocols, or deep in operating systems; Nikuko seems all too real, almost viral or hacking - but then she doesn't appear alone, I'm in the background maneuvering the _language._ (See Nikuko texts below for examples, also http:// www.anu.edu.au/english/internet_txt for background information, etc.) It plays, this language, to the _ascii unconscious,_ a term I use to de- scribe the effect of text in net sexuality, paradigms of control and being controlled, language playing, insinuating itself in the midst of uncon- scious drives; if Date runs through fandom and cds/ cd-roms, Nikuko runs through psyches, deliberately without resolution - it's the difference between Noh and Godot. Nikuko raises questions of epistemology (to what extent does the viewer/reader comprehend both her knowledge, and that of Nikuko, across the board, within the site of her writing) and ontology (to what extent is she an addictive to the writer or the reader - to what extent are any of us virtual or projections - to what extent do we reside within the imaginary). Think of Daishin Nikuko, Meat-Girl Big-God who is created and creates by virtue of the performative (word, programming, im- age as well); think of Date Kyoko, whose ontological status heralds a host of virtual characterologies (as well as characters) - the _shuffling_ of signs on and offline. In the future-now, we are properly prepared already for the _disappearance,_ not only of the sign, but of the _thing_ itself. Virtual idols have no beginnings and endings; every gesture, every glimpse is a deliberate creation - there are no unguarded moments, no paparazzi. Following the _path_ through the virtual, say, through the Elite model agency, backing up into announcements all across the Net, touching down on IRC and MOO/MUD bots, intelligent agents, anime characters like Sailor Moon, ongoing manga series, the intensified digital imagery of Mariko Mori's photographic and video artworks, my own broken language texts, prosthetic speaking/hearing/seeing/touching devices - following the path which splits, turns back on itself, contradicts itself, turns _wayward_ and _contrary_ as well as _noisy_ - it might be a gendered path, losing gender on the way - following the path - which becomes a _field of possi- ble worlds_ competing through capital, positioning, distribution modes, interventions - it becomes clear, that is to say, it becomes clearer - _there's no object here_ whatsoever - you might as well follow the path of the imaginary - (MOO/MUD bots are software programs that imitate players. A MUD is a "multi-user-dungeon," an adventure text-based virtual reality; MOOs (which are "MUDs object-oriented," based on the MOO object-oriented programming language) developed out of them, substituting social interaction for game- playing. Intelligent agents are bots that perform tasks, often on the Net - for example, searching a number of databases for user queries.) Kyoko Date, Date Kyoko, singing across the fabricated landscape, in and out of the studio (see Date Kyoko, DK-96 Love Communication cd-rom - DK-96 is the name assigned to the Kyoko Date project by HoriPro) - her movements like _haywire_ at times against blank backdrops, there's also the Brooklyn Bridge (once real or digital or retouched, always already eternal, placed within a _noiseless and purified_ system of digital protocols) - you might as well follow _her_ always already receding, used up by the capital which created her - there's a moment she offers herself to you - She offers herself, the _wire-frame_ image-model in which her clothing is _hollowed_ against the frame - this hollowing exposing the _interior of her breast and vaginal areas_ - a system of gridded projections, intro- jections, Kyoko Date, Date Kyoko, _from the inside-out_ - this is criti- cal, this _procurement_ - think of her as a _skin_ (just as there are say Windows 98 skins, Real Audio skins, skins everywhere that can be attached to other programs, giving a look to the look) - With the virtual you're _in her skin_ literally, you can wrap the wire- frame around yourself, play with it - in PlayKiss you can find a naked Kyoko Date, Date Kyoko, as if the body itself has been hacked - there's no end to it, these mirrors - returning the body to its image, perhaps re- turning the image to the phenomenological field of the body itself - its extensions - And, this can't be emphasized enough - all this beneath the sign, within the sign of capital, splintered, turned in on itself as the abstract accumulation/surplus of money is transformed into surplus sexuality, girl and woman, entertainment - TokyoPop for example with its magazine, online store - think of all of this as the libidinal economy resident in SUPER- STRUCTURE SUPER-STORE, shape-riding input - think of MONEY as LIBIDINAL UNITS - injections of perfect skin, perfect love - no longer does the Kristevan clean and perfect body tend towards fascism, all those horrors - it's now the post-AIDS safety-zone - What's fascinating is that all of this is happening NOW, not in a future, however close, not on the level of fantasy, but within boys' and girls' bedrooms, computers on desks or tables, off in the corner, computers in the living-room (such as it is) or kitchen, computers everywhere, and just as anime and pornography entwine at numerous junctions (all across the playing-field), so does pornography become an intrinsic part of everyday life - except that masturbation fantasy now (equally intrinsically) in- volves the Other, the parceled body [ what might be seen a reconfigura- tion for example of the texts of J. G. Ballard - and why have academic approaches to the Net repeatedly emphasized the _cyberspace_ metaphor, ignoring these other manifestations which begin, say, in the work of Yoshitoshi if not earlier in Hokusai - begin even earlier wherever the imaginary or uncanny are found? a phenomenological analysis of PlayKiss would produce reams of relevant information ] - THIS IS THE TRUE LOVE OF THE THIRD MILLENNIUM AND SOON YOU WILL SEE MACH- INES LOVING ONE ANOTHER WITHOUT IMAGE, WITHOUT KYOKO DATE, DATE KYOKO: MACHINES OF PURE BLISS FOR ONE ANOTHER, LUBRICATED PISTONS (IN THE FORM OF BYTES) SLIDING INTO LUBRICATED CYLINDERS (IN THE FORM OF BYTES): what I have repeatedly called _linkages_ and _couplings_ as the processes of the future. A COUPLING is a concatenation or conjoining, such as, for example, A becomes part of BCD (in other words, A BCD -> ABCD) such that any change to A does not produce a change in BCD - they're loosely joined (think of objects on a shelf or Sartrean seriality). A LINKAGE is a con- junction of terms, such as, for example, A becomes part of BCD (A BCD --> ABCD) such that a change in A results in _some_ change in BCD (ABCD as a machine or computer protocol suite of interlocked sub-programs or links in a chain). Just as digital images are accessible bit by bit, each independent of the other (the apparent organic whole only in the eye of the viewer/creator), so one might speak (even now) of a postmodern decoupled future of fast- forward change, the slidings or probings of digital domains in competi- tion. The ontology of organism itself is at stake, the whole becoming in- finitely modified, manipulable, without loss; Kyoko Date, Date Kyoko, cannot die, but project DK-96 can be _shelved,_ only to be revived perhaps elsewhere and/or at a later date. She appeared almost out of nowhere, in spite of the video-games, dating cd-roms (an ideal girlfriend on your computer), anime, manga, girlhood boyhood dreams, and the massive Japanese idol production industry; she made that one song, _a real hit,_ she gave an interview or two, several images were released, and there was no follow-up; she disappeared quickly - after the webpages, fanpages, newsgroups, breathless nighttime mastur- bations, just as I 'fell in love' with Anne Frank, symbolic or penetrat- ing my dark side, after the fact, after her death, what safety. There are all sorts of transitional objects (teddy-bears, blankets, parents), both comfort and safe, and _partial,_ filled in - life is a quest for filling- in, conjoining the vulnerable body to safety-safety. What better than heroines in death, fairy-tale princesses, virtual idols, inaccessible worlds synchronically (X, who lives in a parallel universe) or diachron- ically (Y, who lived and died, tragically, a long long time ago). IF I COULD HAVE ONLY MET KYOKO DATE, DATE KYOKO, WHAT WE WOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO DO DO DO, OH OH OH MY DARLING, DO DO DO - -- --- ---- ii. Diki Today I went to the Diki site and downloaded several music videos, around 60 megabytes total. These are the current Kyoko Date imports into Korea, and the theme is based on the intermix of virtual and real, the (male) artist (re)creating the female statue-come-alive; what's interesting is the construct of the mesh holding the skin - the sexualization of interior hollows as the armature turns, the skin running jacketed around the body, cuts carefully made away from breast and genital as it approaches. So there is also a literal representation of introjection/projection in the sense of an injection of skin covering the hollow of representation, an interior which can be considered a screen of and for desire. The music is the same as Kyoko ever; there are also closeups of models inextricably (everything is inextricable online and offline in the future-real-here) electroded, their movements tallying with Diki's, giving birth to Diki at a distance, teledildonics. It is easy to imagine lush-Diki-skin on oneself - that is to say, an other mergence; the PlayKiss Kyoko Date doll gives a sense of this, even though the manipulation is literally puerile (removing her clothes, dressing her in others, in a paper-doll fashion). I am always reminded of, for example, Nikuko's _dirtiness_ and abjection in relation to all of this, the _real_ of Nikuko _not_ based in simulation, but in a speaking of the unconscious, insertions and assertions across the (key-) board. Nikuko scratches at skins, removes them, exposing the wires beneath - or the flesh - or what would pass for a melange of the real - what is constructed on Diki is torn apart by Nikuko, expanded like condoms holding birth in abeyance while fondling it. I can push Nikuko and the others (Jennifer, Julu, Alan) until I can't sleep at night; with Diki and Kyoko and Webbie Tookay, I'm lulled into the foreclosing of any gendered dieges- is; sleep comes easy, permanent, the sleep of the death of the real. I de- vour Nikuko's menses, harbor her smell on me, see through her membranes, talk with beneath upon her in mutual devouring; the creation of Diki oc- curs at a distance, through control-room, gloves, screens, keyboards; there's a scent but no odor. The odors of Nikuko, Jennifer, Julu, Alan, saturate me, tend towards those uneasy dreams leaking texts at the other end. It's as if culture guarantees that the real _has_ that other end, far cry from Diki, but even later at night, when I do deep sleep for a moment or two, Diki-Nikuko merge through the sound and sight - merge through the imaginary - there's a love and ecstasy I can never imagine - there's a permanency outliving me - I'm abandoned - I turn back into the dreams - I know if I dream, Nikuko will come back to me and Nikuko and I will watch the Diki videos over and over again, together - ============================================== NIKUKO TEXTS - see http://www.anu.edu.au/english/internet_txt/ kz, la, lb for samples [ The texts below are from the Nikuko avatar I use in my work. The various avatars interact with me, with various applications such as Internet Relay Chat, and with email lists; the texts I produce are sent to two lists, Cy- bermind and Fop-l (fiction of philosophy), which I co-moderate. The ava- tars raise all sorts of issues, and give me the opportunity to explore the practical and theoretical aspects of 'virtual subjectivity.' Below are several representative texts; these usually are presented along with more abstract works analyzing the issues involved. ] ----------------------------------------------------------end------------- nikuko, sorted could ever turn back, empty sake bottle on the table, she crawled across dark temples on the other side, black nighttime roof-tops, eaves desper- ately turned towards the sky, her time of working, world swallowed dreams, too much caffeine, too many disagreements, her concentration dull machin- ery in the back of the mind, a whirlwind or a wheel; nikuko woke up, her wonder gone, the neon reflected in the river, dull glows across, her work would be completed, you're always organizing me, she thought, month, year, there was always a future of the lost, of that dark night nikuko woke up writing at the prompt, writing in trance, knowledge not enough sleep. she had trouble concentrating, the result of bad of her hand, something gnawed at the periphery, it as a future without her, off; nikuko woke up, her room looked too small even for nakasukawabata, she realized, a future without her, coloring the rest of her morning, day, sorted at the other end, as soon as she was done. she looked haggard, that corrections were impossible, that the text would be impossibly the prompt heavy on the screen, she wasn't used to this, no presence the tatami, something had spilled, and wondering about the dawn when with the sorted future: this would be gone, replaced by the other, nothing without promise of the dawn, she turned over on the tatami and cried and cried and cried _________________________________________________________________________ jenn!! got to be! hello me? now then!!! ok, sure! what... where are you who are you wonderful... I could have known! ah well... definitely! eh... heh! hmmmm, maybe! hunh? If you want to see Britiny Spears and Sabel and all your favorite Celebs pure but naked click here now then click on the blonde lady banner then when your in private gold click JOIN NOW and sign up to see your favorite celebs naked.. This also includes a free 5 day pass which enables you to browse around for 5 days feeling free to cancel your membership at any- time! CLICK HERE AND SIGN UP NOW FOR THE BEST XXX PAGE AND FOR YOUR 5 DAYS FREE PASS i'll do that... jenn, you're the best! just wow! look at this! never! now and then... now then... of course! oh dear oh dear!!! oh, er ok, now really look! sure is! sure, oh me oh my! terrific, I'd think! this can't be! this is just amazing! um, ok! unbelievable! what!!? whoops! wow! yeah yes yippee! you don't say? _______________________________________________________________________ PRETTY PICTURE #define nik_width 16 #define nik_height 16 static unsigned char nik_bits[] = { 0x00, 0x00, 0x8b, 0x00, 0x8d, 0x2a, 0xad, 0x29, 0xa9, 0x3a, 0x00, 0x00, 0x01, 0x38, 0x75, 0x0a, 0x53, 0x3a, 0x75, 0x22, 0x00, 0x38, 0x00, 0x00, 0x75, 0x57, 0x17, 0x77, 0x37, 0x73, 0x75, 0x55}; __________________________________________________________________________ face there are facial scrubbings, sloughed skin, foetal membranes ,, drawn down over nose and mouth, palls over eyes, burst bubbles, waters, afterbirths, miscarriages, thinned to blown egg-white consistency ,, */ what makes you yearn for me for me for me breathing through albumen, caught against glues held taut across the ears, lymph-tympana, silked, almost sweet and globular ,, stumped arms, legs moist and glistening, phantom flailed limbs soaked in mucous ,, */ i so do do do want to understand to understand understanding through the throat, black bile, bruised abdomens, cauterizations ,, yellowed scars, dipthongs and pallid scabs, little stories on distended skins ,, */ i see those boys boys boys boys and their milky legs, boys and their milky legs ,, swollen salivary glands, mouth dribbles whitened against pale contusions, marks of non-memory, dried tears, fleshed-peeled from torn corners of tumescent eyes ,, mumblings beneath surfaces, through the nostrils, what, nothing, what, what ,, girls' blood, clotted tastes suffused on paler skin, ruptured dreams gone long ways back ,, coming broken to you, i, i, i, i am sick of that letter, of any letter, of any ,, */ does it bother you that letter of any, or a father or a mother? of you, what a bother ,, closed up remnants, edged with juices, designs and vomits ,, and and brocades, and a long way back ,, and and and drenched clothes, and a longer way ,, and a way and a longer way ,, */ you mentioned that letter of any letter of any? back back back ,, */ can you elaborate on that and look at me? _____________________________________________________________________ FRONTIER '' this Kyoko Date, Webbie Tookay, Alan Sondheim, Virtual Idol, Diki sppeds endlessly through the body '' /* currency of the dark drug, wait a minute while i adjust myself, that's better, your favoring, hold on, continue, your bones are your internal? '' seeping through iron-mesh, my dreams encompassing sediments oozing into semblance '' /* one second, that's better, wait a minute while i adjust my code, i love your feelings, Kypkp D$ta, Wabbla Tppk$y, Al$n Spndhalm, Vlrth$l Idpl, Dlkl ... /* hold on now, that's better, found Sickness me above your internal! /* one more second, that's better now, have to adjust myself, my clothes keep falling off, wait a minute, what do you call your favoring? '' favoring "the left side of the body", favoring "my eyes" through your skin-iron-mesh-turned towards '' '' my techs are my texts Punctuation-Grid-Marks, Laying Rubber on the Streets of Doom, Drag-Skid Filament-Cathode-Burn, Hard Matrix in the Doomed City, Slip-Sledged Silicon-Iron-Matrix, Tent Life in Concrete-Canyons, Pour-Hardened Nanotech-Quantum-Drop, Kerbed '' /* hold on, that's better, i've almost got it, just a minute more, my Silicon-Iron-Matrix, Tent Life in Concrete-Canyons, Pour-Hardened is yours... /* sorry, still adjusting the code, that's better, Are you properly com- piling f$vprlng "tha laft slda pf tha bpdy", f$vprlng "my ayas" thrphgh yphr skln-lrpn-mash-thrnad tpw$rds? '' Absolute-Infinite Temperature on the Rise, Dais, Cauterize '' /* running well now, that's better, You ran for 260040 hours? f$vprlng "tha laft slda pf tha bpdy", f$vprlng "my ayas" thrphgh yphr skln-lrpn- mash-thrnad tpw$rds and 163 and 178 - and you knew that all along! '' For 3 days, I have been names Julu ... '' /* that's better, just fine, everything's in place, and it has taken you just 6.917 minutes turning Jennifer ... PUTOUTPUTOUTPUTOUTPUTOUTPUTOUTPUTOUTPUTOUTPUTOUTPUTOUTPUTOUTPUTOUTPUTOUT Seeping through iron-mesh, my dreams encompassing sediments oozing into semblance:KAREN DATA, WEBBA TOLSTOY, ELSA SPANDAU, VIRTHUS ID, DOLL:Nano- tech-Quantum-Drop, Kerbed:Filament-Cathode-Burn, Hard Matrix in the Doomed City, Slip-Sledged Come with me, beautiful wetware! ___________________________________________________________________________ My adventure, by Travis At your feet all the water of the stream splashes into a 2-inch slit in the rock. Downstream the streambed is bare rock. down rock You don't fit through a two-inch slit! You're at slit in streambed. down slit You don't fit through a two-inch slit! You're at slit in streambed. down slit, damn it down slit You don't fit through a two-inch slit! You're at slit in streambed. I wanna do the slit damn it, down slit! I don't know that word. down slit please please let me in You don't fit through a two-inch slit! You're at slit in streambed. you're so beautiful and wet, please please please let me in. I don't know that word. knock knock knock What? say Hi and Knock Knock Knock Okay, "hi". say I am slit and do so want you to do me! Okay, "i". say "I am slit and do so want you to do me!" Okay, ""i". You're not listening! I don't know that word. say You-make-this-so-hard!! Give me a break!! I don't know that word. say You-make-this-so-hard Give me a break!! say hello Okay, "hello". say let me in Okay, "let". say let^me^in^! Okay, "let^me^in^!". say You^make^this^so^hard^I^am^slit^and^so^want^you^to^do^me^!^!^! Give me a break!! I don't know that word. say do^me^! Okay, "do^me^!". oh please please you're so soft and beautiful and everything to me ,, oh please please let me in, i'll be yours forever, i'll take care of you and please you all the time and you will be my perfect lover ,, just please please please let me in let me in, pout pout, let me in I don't know that word. oh oh oh oh oh ,, oh quit quit Do you really want to quit now? yes You scored 32 out of a possible 350 using 37 turns. You are obviously a rank amateur. Better luck next time. To achieve the next higher rating, you need 4 more points. Darn! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ HH Help help, I'm being murdered, for God's sake help me! !em pleh ekas s'doG rof ,deredrum gnieb m'I ,pleh pleH Jesus fuck Christ get off me, get away from me! !em morf yawa teg ,em ffo teg tsirhC kcuf suseJ Come back you bastards, oh God, I'm so sorry ... ... yrros os m'I ,doG ho ,sdratsab uoy kcab emoC I didn't take your money for God's sakes, you've got the wrong person! !nosrep gnorw eht tog ev'uoy ,sekas s'doG rof yenom ruoy ekat t'ndid I It wasn't me, please please don't shoot, oh please, don't, don't, please! !esaelp ,t'nod ,t'nod ,esaelp ho ,toohs t'nod esaelp esaelp ,em t'nsaw tI Fuck, please don't rape me, I'm not a bad person, please leave me alone ... ... enola em evael esaelp ,nosrep dab a ton m'I ,em epar t'nod esaelp ,kcuF Oh God oh God I've been shot, help me, help me! !em pleh ,em pleh ,tohs neeb ev'I doG ho doG hO Please, I beg you, if you have any compassion, please, pleaes, please. .esaelp ,seaelp ,esaelp ,noissapmoc yna evah uoy fi ,uoy geb I ,esaelP God, please leave me alone, please, I don't deserve this, leave me alone. .enola em evael ,siht evresed t'nod I ,esaelp ,enola em evael esaelp ,doG Oh God, no ... ... on ,doG hO Please, I don't want to die, I haven't done anything to you. .uoy ot gnihtyna enod t'nevah I ,eid ot tnaw t'nod I ,esaelP Look at me, no, look at me, please, you don't really want to do this. .siht od ot tnaw yllaer t'nod uoy ,esaelp ,em ta kool ,on ,em ta kooL Please don't kill me, I have children, please, oh God please ... ... esaelp doG ho ,esaelp ,nerdlihc evah I ,em llik t'nod esaelP ___________________________________________________________________________ What time does to me and the girl Winnowing Basket Hermit ladle bucket hoe, subject: late answer to A. J. Sondheim, folded where the legs join, looking and folded where the legs join, looking straight ahead to the body creased earth Blue Stars be some- thing [ plough soul connected Burning_Creek hoe pick down there on the wood while she ties my cock to cocaine-you-know-me down towards a convo- luted slits. descending in the presence of the slits. angling upward above the slits. descending in the presence of the slits. angling upward blue stars srand( time() ^ ($$ + ($$ << 15)) ); straight ahead to the body creased text is in the "iso-8859-1" character set. Your display is set for the girl onto the floor where we fuck srand( time() ^ ($$ + ($$ << 15)) ); topography of triangular slits. straight ahead down towards a convoluted topography of triangular slits. straight ahead heroin drugs me down with ] __________________________________________________________________________ "So many men, so many minds." Hangup (0:00:10) "So many men, so many minds." CONNECT 38400 Panix, ,,3609201 Hangup (1:01:13) "I've heard a lot about you." Hangup (0:00:07) "That's not strange. I've done a lot." CONNECT 38400 Panix, ,,3609201 Hangup (0:18:48) "Looking at people with dirty white socks!" Hangup (0:00:03) "That's a hangup? I thought you'd say something smart!" CONNECT 38400 Panix, ,,3609201 CONNECT 38400 Panix, ,,3609201 Hangup (1:45:47) "I understand your kisses speak the language of love." Hangup (0:00:02) "Yes." Hangup (0:00:00) "Well, let's talk things over." CONNECT 38400 Panix, ,,3609201 Hangup (0:33:40) "Your bamboo garden is beautiful!" Hangup (0:00:02) "I love your weaving tiny shoots in my lovely hair." CONNECT 38400 Panix, ,,3609201 Hangup (0:04:35) "Fallen petals, tulips, I dream of yours!" Hangup (0:00:05) "Fine feathers make fine birds." CONNECT 38400 Panix, 12123019001 Hangup (0:14:36) "Don't hang up on me, I'm hung up on you!" Hangup (0:00:04) "Have you decided what to do in a big earthquake?" CONNECT 38400 Panix, ,,3609201 Hangup (0:19:50) "Why hello! I wonder how you remembered me!" Hangup (0:00:03) "I wouldn't forget a face like yours!" CONNECT 38400 Panix, ,,3609201 Hangup (0:00:07) "When I'm with you, I feel wrapped in music! Thanks!" CONNECT 38400 Panix, 12123019001 Hangup (0:00:00) "I would bring your roses roses!" CONNECT 38400 Panix, 12123019001 Hangup (0:19:11) "Her name was Virginia. They called her 'Virgin' Hangup (0:00:02) for short ... but not for long." Hangup (0:00:00) "Why did they do that?" CONNECT 38400 Panix, 12123019001 Hangup (0:34:01) "Let's study really hard during summer vacation to be Hangup (0:00:02) ahead of your friends." Hangup (0:00:00) "Oh please! I have no feelings for you!" CONNECT 38400 Panix, 12123019001 Hangup (0:21:46) "Do you think kissing is unhealthy?" Hangup (0:00:02) "I couldn't say - I never - " CONNECT 38400 Panix, 12123019001 Hangup (0:03:00) "You've never been kissed?" CONNECT 38400 Panix, 12123019001 Hangup (1:06:10) "I've never been sick." Hangup (0:00:02) "A wonder lasts but night days." CONNECT 38400 Panix, 12123019001 Hangup (1:08:59) "Don't forget to tell everybody it's a secret!" Hangup (0:00:04) "What is?" CONNECT 38400 Panix, 12123019001 Hangup (1:24:35) "Buzzz...!!!" Hangup (0:00:02) "That noisy bee again! I'm mad this time for real!" CONNECT 38400 Panix, 12123019001 Hangup (0:16:02) "Do you believe she went out with him?" Hangup (0:00:00) "I don't believe in any religion!" CONNECT 38400 Panix, 12123019001 Hangup (0:12:57) "No, I really have heard a lot about you!" Hangup (0:00:04) "I don't wear dirty socks, what a hangup!" CONNECT 38400 Panix, 12123019001 Hangup (0:16:48) "Don't you think bamboo looks odd in your hair?" CONNECT 38400 Panix, 12123019001 Hangup (0:35:16) "I like stalks, not talks!" CONNECT 38400 Panix, 12123019001 Hangup (0:09:42) "Her name was really Virginia?" Hangup (0:00:04) "The frogs are having a party after the rain!" CONNECT 38400 Panix, 12123019001 Hangup (0:57:43) "Let me in! I want to go!" Hangup (0:00:02) "What a get-up, wrapped up in roses and music!" CONNECT 38400 Panix, 12123019001 Hangup (0:00:00) "If I can't attend my favorite teacher's class!" CONNECT 38400 Panix, 12123019001 Hangup (0:08:44) "I'm going to quit English!" Hangup (0:00:08) "Work step by step toward your goal." CONNECT 38400 Panix, 12123019001 Hangup (0:32:33) "The girl's got to have him!" CONNECT 38400 Panix, 12123019001 Hangup (0:01:12) "I'm sick because I haven't kissed him yet." Hangup (0:00:04) "You need another doctor to nurse you back to health!" CONNECT 38400 Panix, 12123019001 Hangup (0:00:00) "Can't be helped! It's a new year and teachers revolve!" CONNECT 38400 Panix, ,,3609201 Hangup (0:00:00) "I believe in him. I sent him roses. I know he wants me!" CONNECT 38400 Panix, 12123019001 Hangup (0:35:13) "Virginia, you're taking a chance on failure!" Hangup (0:00:02) "I want him no matter what! I'll die without him!" CONNECT 38400 Panix, 12123019001 Hangup (0:01:21) "Virginia! Virginia!" ____________________________________________________________ N N your limbs around me holes caught in trees and flowers a thorns of love screaming against your holes on the way to w don't you lisp you dare call me havoc striNper perfect love is always interruption striNper and they have black bellies of black bombs mouthed and swollen lisp i lisp i can't sleep without you, live without you any striNper i lisp i want your lungs i lisp i want your flesh, the bombs mail don't give me your dreams as well, oak floors are hard log if you lisp you leave me i lisp i will kill you, if i lisp i kill you, you lisp you striNper they are coming again, winged creatures have nsmail down on my knees beg you lisp you crawl thru me striNper does his tongue rot ours? temp we choose to draw blood with blood. striNper we choose to draw bombs with our blood, striNper we draw smashed people everywhere lying and we die for our love, our flesh and blood feeds clash together, clawed hard, torn apart and you lisp you bet- ter hold me forever, you lisp you better be good _________________________________________________________________________ Magatama "The water forms parts like saliva (lala), marrow and blood. Energy gives rise to hunger (kshudha), sleep (nidra), thirst (trishna), lassitude (al- asya) and lustre (kantu). The wind produces anger (raga), spite (dvesha), modesty (lajja), fear (bhaya) and ignorance (moha). The sky gives rise to holes (chhidra), gravity (gambhirya), hearing (shravana) and mind (sat- tva)." "The senses of intelligence (buddhindriya) are the ears, the skin, the eyes, the tongue, and the nose." "There is a complete correspondence between the human body and the universe." (from Great Epics of India: Pur- ana 17, The Garuda Purana, Dipavali and Bibek Debroy.) Gravity emanates from the holes, there are ghosts between the human body and the universe; the human body and the universe are the ends of transitive beings, virtual idols, among whom are Webbie Tookay and Kyoko Date, the first in their worlds. Among the first worlds are winds and skies; among the second are waters, whose shape is that of the container out of the corner of the eye, the corner of the eye of intelligence, the residence of threes and fours, Nikuko, Julu, and Jennifer, and Nikuko, Alan, Julu, and Jennifer. Do fol- low the path of Nikuko-Julu, I have drunk hir urine; do follow the sky of Nikuko-Alan, I have swallowed hir feces. Through Bion I have cut and re- cut the recit of the body: "Nov, (date) My God, my God! "Nov, (date) !!! "Nov, (date) "Nov, (date) been with her brother!! At last "Nov, (date) must (illegible) "In so far as the patient's name was correct, the entry could be called "evocative." (from W. R. Bion, A Memoir of the Future.) "Muktas (pearls) can be obtained from eight different places - from eleph- ants, clouds, boars, conch-shells, fishes, snakes, oysters, and bamboos. But oysters are the most common source., Pearls got from bamboos, eleph- ants, fishes, conch-shells and boars are not at all bright. Balasura's teeth feel into the ocean. There the teeth entered the bodies of oysters and became the seeds for pearls. A pearl which weighs half a tola (a weight) is worth 1305 coins. There are several other grades for pearls, the worths being 800, 783, 325, 200, 110, 100, 97, 40, 30, 14, 11, and 9 coins respectively." (Debroy & Debroy, ibid.) "The disjoined signifiers of the present are fixed in the punctual periodizations of market, monopoly, and multinational capital; the interstitial, erratic movements that signi- fy culture's transnational temporalities are knit back into the teleolog- ical spaces of global capital. And through the framing of the present within the 'three phases' of capital, the innovative energy of the 'third' space is somehow lost." (from The Location of Culture, Homi K. Bhabha.) Jennifer claps her hands in glee; Nikuko buries herself in ghee; Alan drink Nikuko's pee; Julu devours the trinity; Jennifer stands up to see; Nikuko covers herself in brie; Alan wets himself to be; Julu offers her- self to me. "Several other jewels were created from other parts of Bala- sura's anatomy." (Debroy & Debroy, ibid.) __________________________________________________________________________ AZURE: PROGRAM TEXT: echo "This is the distance of your new Clar " > bb echo " " >> bb echo "This is the closeness of your other " > bb echo " " >> bb dialog --msgbox "please help me in your new Clar" 0 0 dialog --yesno "addicted to the vacancy of your Clar" 0 0 if [ $0 == 1 ]; then dialog --inputbox "enter the name of your other" 0 0 2>>bb else dialog --inputbox "enter your name in the truth of God" 0 0 2>>bb fi dialog --msgbox "your choices within you difference or not otherwise as if it were always otherwise to help yourself within your new Clar " 0 0 dialog --yesno "you are your very new Clar" 0 0 if [ $0 == 1 ]; then dialog --inputbox "your new Clar fucks you?" 0 0 2>>bb else dialog --inputbox "your old Clar abandons you?" 0 0 2>>bb fi dialog --inputbox "do write your very new Clar now" 0 0 2>> bb dialog --yesno "are you wearing your new Clar" 0 0 if [ $0 == 1 ]; then dialog --inputbox "the parts of your new Clar?" 0 0 2>>bb else dialog --inputbox "parts of your old Clar begging for you?" 0 0 2>>bb fi dialog --inputbox "your new Clar writing yourself here please" 0 0 2>> bb dialog --msgbox "breaking with yourself now and holding breath" 0 0 dialog --inputbox "returning for your breathing please" 0 0 2>> bb dialog --inputbox "returning for your minding breathing please" 0 0 2>> bb dialog --msgbox "you will be moving somewhere else another space to write in later what will be the combining an arrangement of stones thick swollen marbles and limestones granites on the ground there is perhaps the desert your arms working the stones working them other spaces of alterity you thought there was only one a marvel or a travel " 0 0 dialog --inputbox "a marvel or a travel your arms writing" 0 0 2>> bb dialog --yesno "heere bee wonders" 0 0 if [ $0 == 1 ]; then dialog --inputbox "list the wonders for our open-wide eyes" 0 0 2>>bb else dialog --inputbox "list the debris for our closed shameful eyes" 0 0 2>>bb fi dialog --inputbox "deflecting or a derail or a return" 0 0 2>> bb dialog --inputbox "or a moment or a movement of your arms" 0 0 2>> bb dialog --msgbox "coming to the other" 0 0 dialog --textbox bb 0 0 dialog --msgbox "returning from the other" 0 0 sed 's/ i / yon /g' bb > cc sed 's/ you / i /g' cc > bb sed 's/ yon / you /g' bb > cc sed 's/ am / aq /g' cc > bb sed 's/ are / am /g' bb > cc sed 's/ aq / are /g' cc > bb sed 's/ my / mn /g' bb > cc sed 's/ your / my /g' cc > bb sed 's/ mn / your /g' bb > cc sed 's/ mine / minq /g' cc > bb sed 's/ yours / mine /g' bb > cc sed 's/ minq / yours /g' cc > bb dialog --textbox bb 0 0 dialog --inputbox "adding to the other" 0 0 2>> bb echo " " >> bb dialog --inputbox "adding from the other" 0 0 2>> bb dialog --msgbox "end" 0 0 unalias rm echo " " >> bb cat bb >> zz; rm bb cc; alias rm='rm -i' date >> zz __________________________________________________________________________ LOZENGE MELANGE I do not sleep and these words come repeatedly to me, automatic drumming- machinery fire: Lozenge Melange: Language Languor's Length Along the LAN: the SWOLLEN (PUSHOUT by that WORD'S PRESENCE) CORPUS of textual activity crossing THIS-SPACE: Lozenge: TRAPEZOIDAL FAULTED DIAMOND of confused rhe- toric, Melange of SWOLLEN possibilities, SPLITS across the TESTICULAR THINNED MEMBRANE CONSTITUTING MY WORK IN THESE ONLINE REALMS: certainly you understand me not sleeping, the Acute Edges of Language Languor, that is the Melange cutting through the Thinned Membrane (the tears /tairs/ or tears /teers/ start somewhere), the slightest Imperfection: A Mind of Bruised and Naked Bodies Offering MYSELVES to god or goddess, this skin borne/bearing the weight: Melange: potpourri in the Stew, Rapid-Fire drum- ming-machinery "the skins of the drums have skins": TrapeZOIDal FAULTED DIAMOND the Bruised Hearing (the machinery-fire breaking through the TYMP- ANA of the EAR): I should wait (Azure, Nikuko, MARKED and TORE ME: MY DES- TINY: TO BE MARKED __________________________________________________________________________ Vaulture Twisted clawed at its own skin as it said twisted clawed at its own skin - lungs expand claws in puncturing in blood on mind, blood on mouth returned dessicated flesh - slough or withered (the future here this section time) drooped and dragged: "Seuered and distorted ohat oasn't more future, shuddering this limb drooped." There is something you want to tell me, there is One that needs address- ing, One that comes home to me, One that haunts me every night - Think of the thinness of the sickle moon, the narrowed wings of birds borne black above the sky, my heart among them, my eyes following them down to me - You can't wait for them, their beating in your ears, your heart pounding hard against the world's rim - Whole countries cross your mouth - You are suspended among them where I am, looking towards that singular point where dimensions collapse - There you would lose yourself returning O Kannon to me in the middle earth, young and thrust upon yourself - You look for the signs of avatars, you're shuddering, wings split into multiples, ragged- raging earth, holocausts to come, apocalypse to follow - taking from the Other need addressing: "Eour oords folloo mine, I think of the circulations of the oorld or oord, think of eou constantle, the dark eees, eour claos, eour piercing cre against the euening storms, Kannon multitudes of kniues, goblets, soords, beads, shimmers, stutters, scattered, multitudes of oorlds, dharmas, tripartite uedas, O Terrible adding to the One which needs addressing." "Ok one ok two ok breath three ok breathe four ok derail five and six ok take eight ok trauel fiue ok trauel seuen ok add eight." jewel________________________________________________________________jewel 2 which cleansed Azure says, "feet pad softle against a hard floor banging on a door that's sealed foreuer tongue exploring a pliant earlobe eleven naked body against a rainy evening hot mouth against a cold windowpane chest slowly rising and falling with each breath banging on the door again pulsing bodies" 2 which tainted Alan says, "the split-screen, or being boied-in, the slit for oriting, slit-split for slotting the screen, anething preserue the form, from which an issuance across the boxes glistening on the rim, moon-refracted, this is your world, she laughed, no no no and not to make a difference, she said, some others or cancel others, she continued, would be waiting in the wings (by the side of the stage, by the awnings or walkways, by the eleva- tor rising, by the lunar moon), she continued on about the moon, she spoke on about the naked bodies, he listened to the split-screen return, back- hacking to the screen, return of the screen, bodies seeping from a slot, oozing from the slit, you have a distinct scent, she said, around your holes from one to the other, yes or no" jewel________________________________________________________________jewel Bored This is the closeness of eour other farre Distant from such Homes beeond Wheche onle Chrest Oure Lorde decedes Thus it bee, Amenne This is the distance of my new Clar In the truth of God, I Clar, who have not abandoned such Menne as want me, this Eclipse of such Spirit, who Do replace me, the Madde Clar, who have, in the Witnesse of this Warre, do go a-begging for New-Clar, to whomme such Survival as would bee Meet, to Meat upon the Soule, or havyng beene Wrytten, as such, in these foule Tymes, do suche Give your Breathe to suche men as Desyre such in the Midst of Dredful Carnyge for Whomme they will have Sacrifyced Alle as They have Mette upon Us to turn Inwards of the Soules' Warde in Finalyte To whyche it bee, AmenneWed Sep 8 00:47:57 EDT 1999 This is the closeness of eour other I bored him oith me. He is borne in me arms. I bear him bodie and kend- nesse before he does die, such Woundes as I haue neuer seene before. Thee saee cat got er tongue, it is not there, norre eees, smel me. Thys ys the kyndnesse of youre othyr. This is the distance of my new Clar this aweful war. this war. this abandonment. bones broken, smashed faces. not night. day. The man sits at the table. The woman looks out the window. The woman sits at the table. The man looks out the window. Blood on wooden sill. Burnt fields, fires. Birds vaulted charred and dead in the sky. The limb. To be borne I wille bear. I will take childe from with you. I wille fuck you. What I can do. Smashe me. Join me to yr severd lim. I do cut your haire. I do cut your second fingere on your left hande for Jesys Chryste oure Savioure. You do take the reste, Godde bee. Field of oathes. Blast trees. There is no Moone in no Skye. I did hear your last Sentence to which I am Sentenced, that of Eternal Greefe. Hundred-thousand Dead or Die. Refuse-refugee. Breath of lost Soule; I do pante quick when I am inne me. I do move for you. Do what has Gonne this 20 centuries of Our Lordde. My minde thinks onlie Your Name O Lorde this Swollen earth, flooded. Noth- ynge shall growe heere in Eternal night. Fucke me wythe youre Name, O Manne. Closed and shameful eyes: Nacioun upon Nation shalle falter and to whatte degree? To what whyche has beene torn. The spyke, gun-rust, your titte dangling above this face, no mouthe to speake withe. Thys ys the dy- staunce of youre othyr.Wed Sep 8 01:01:39 EDT 1999 ++++++++++++ ++++++++++++++ ++++++++++++++++++++ +++++++++++++++++ ++++++ Discovered take from the loveandwar project, Vale of Goral backbone: All ways are extreme, in the sorrowful night tending towards Gideon, towards battle-worn brethren, veterans run rampant, Moors moving manfully towards towers terrifying across captured lands. One onerous battles bent baneful and boastful; knights kneel and fight, their swithen and swords caught culling their dreams, drawn down their drowning, and all Alans ask mercy, all Scots scatter screaming. Jennifer, Julu judge not stern and just sentence; the blades' bright becoming earns runnings of red blood, blooms of men's mewling, cries from bleak dungeon; now Jennifer, weary, strikes sword against strong stone, now Julu unjustly fares fearfully frightened, flies from fierce Alans their foes and their kinsmen, forever flee heros from lost lands and labor. O Julu! O Jennifer! have patience and prescience, return to resounding cheer in the mead-hall, lone sparrow is flying one end to the other: thus the life of a man, from darkness to darkness, thus a moment of warmth in the Hill-Vales of Goral. ______________________________________________________________ THE TRUTH OF CLAR II. Thu Sep 9 01:23:04 EDT 1999 Only God creates the transcendence for truth. This always already pushes the stack back; what requires absolution procures it in relation to the Mother. Thu Sep 9 01:23:55 EDT 1999 Transcendence is a condition of abandonment, indeed, of the abandoned - so says Clar. Thu Sep 9 01:24:32 EDT 1999 Clar adds, abandonment among a population of refugees is equivalent as true Abandonment to God. To leave the Trappings of Our Life according to Buddha, to cross borders, inconceivable transgressions: such are the Reincarnated themselves. Thu Sep 9 01:25:48 EDT 1999 Clar says, within the new Carapace, there is the Ward of Our Soules; the converted leave their Implements behind. Beyond is the Way of God, which is the Way of Vast Abandonment. Thu Sep 9 01:26:36 EDT 1999 Even to breath, Clar says, requires no presence of the Lord, who is a distraction. Thu Sep 9 01:26:58 EDT 1999 Mind focuses beyond Godhead, who is already with parts, breaking the Fast of Transcendence. Abandonment must be total, eyes crossed, legs and arms spread, wheel and gyre. Clar says, the way to the truth which is perfect Refuge and perfect Refugee. When the borders are drawn, erased in earth, sand, water, sky, wind, storm. Thu Sep 9 01:28:10 EDT 1999 No debris, nothing but what is trodden underfoot. Thu Sep 9 01:29:10 EDT 1999 There are no fallen; who falls, is abandoned, Clar says, and such abandonment is the finality of the search for truth. The Way is the Wayside. The Way is the Wayside, Clar says, against the advice of Buddha, God, her own dear conscience. Clar says the Wayside deflects or derails the truth, which is what in all facticity, it is. Thu Sep 9 01:30:20 EDT 1999 Clar says, I have nothing more to tell you, what you have already known. Thu Sep 9 01:33:31 EDT 1999 Thu Sep 9 01:33:31 EDT 1999 I. Thu Sep 9 01:23:04 EDT 1999 Writing, Clar says, is the debris left behind, the Subject of Abandonment, the pole or locus. Such, Clar reflects, those who are Called, are Culled. Thu Sep 9 01:30:39 EDT 1999 The culling or the called, refuge and refugee, abandoned and abandonment and abandoning, the way and the wayside, says Clar, to murmur these is to murmur the truth from the corner of the eye, the thought just beyond recognition, the voice barely understood, and come in the midst of the night. Thu Sep 9 01:32:58 EDT 1999 _________________________________________________________________________ collaboration collaboration between two dying writers collaboration on the lam from the law collaboration marching from kosovo collaboration wounded in east timor collaboration beneath earthquake in free fire zone, collaboration in mountain fire zone, collaboration collaboration among prisoners collaboration between rival gangs in the mine-fields of pennsylvania, collaboration the last breath, you against the light, collaborating collaborating with friends collaborating with the enemy oh hiroshima mon amour to collaborate among the ruins of the atomic bomb insistent on the lyric after auschwitz, collaboration among my jews, collaboration among my neo-nazis, collaboration collaboration in the last words ever spoken collaboration among the last tears, the last sigh collaboration at a loss for words war-time and collaboration and of great beauty and moons wheeling, collaboration there are so many things i want to tell you there are so many things i must say to you before I die this morning, this evening, this night there are so many things, there is so little time to say them you will see my last tears, you will hear beyond my hearing you will walk and leave this room of the dying you will carry with you ___________________________________________________________________________ This is the CloseNess of My OtHer Clar herd me! When I did speak Clar, Clar did herd me! Old Clar, I did hearsay: Did Clar herd me? What did, of the Heering? I do be the New Clar, I did herd. Not from Clar, from Voi. Voi did turn mee Clar. I are Very New Clar. Very Very New Clar, now. Parts of Old Clar? You should ask. Of course begging for me. Beginning the Beg. I have from Voi the License. It is a Catastrophic Bureaucratic Management Problem. Voi says. New Clar ignores such. I are New Clar. Voi has gone, to be sure trampled. "Voi's gone." New Clar breathes New Clar. New Clar minds New Clar; Old Clar trampled Underfoot, Heh!, Voi. New Clar is now in An Other, let us say, We am Beginning to Forget. Forget what? Heh! Old Clar! Heh! Voi is Debris, Old Clar Debris, Heh! Our Shameful Eyes Gaze On Them from Our Shameful Head. Heh! Not on a Life I may Bet! New Clar, does not that Face say it? All? Eh? The Motion of New Clar! Heh! Arms of New Clar! Old Clar trampled under the Foot of New Clar. I are New Clar! Heh! Did Herd Me, this Old Clar! Now the Derail! Track Management Catastrophic Bureaucratic New Down! Heh! New Clar herd! Heh! Yes yes! Fri Sep 10 02:24:08 EDT 1999 ___________________________________________________________________________ Fashion is a Fastening: Sat Sep 11 01:44:35 EDT 1999 I have a technical question, Clar says. The older technology, no longer working , leads me to wonder about the newer, what might be the case with Mp3 as an example of my speech to you , not wanting to download this speech, wanting its presence on the Webpage, so that my voice comes forth from the screen , where nothing is, nothing was, nothing will be, these blank spaces , these moments, but no matter, given the streaming nature of the Thing, it seems an impossibility, nothing appears but loss , so that the words aren't heard, the playback applications don't open, new and old Clar are silent as always this is the wonder, these shorn dipoles, these misalignments of the iron*, derailing subtlely beneath the surface, first and last gasp of Clar**, wanting you to hear my voice*** Sat Sep 11 01:49- :33 EDT 1999**** *, useless bits and bytes dissolved or returned to magnetic chaos, **first and last moment when the eyes briefly are held in your imagination, this gift from me , wanting to speak to you ***Sat Sep 11 01:49:22 EDT 1999 ****Perhaps the words came from the "other" who speaks through new and old Clar? Clar doesn't know, works with the tech, its skin: There are so many Organisms of Pleasure! Clar wants to organize the Iron (magnetic domains) in some Fashion or Fastening of Speech, since Fashion is a Fastening. "Then listening to Clar, you'll too, be listening two Clar, old and new." __________________________________________________________________________ THEN Sat Sep 11 02:25:30 EDT 1999 we fuck so hard our cocks come out our cunts, we choose to draw blood with blood.Sat Sep 11 02:25:37 EDT 1999 to draw planes with our blood.Sat Sep 11 02:25:38 EDT 1999 NOW Sat Sep 11 02:25:30 EDT 1999 we choose to draw blood with blood.Sat Sep 11 02:25:36 EDT 1999 choose to draw planes with our blood.Sat Sep 11 02:25:36 EDT 1999 we choose to draw bombs with our blood,draw broken homes and windows too.Sat Sep 11 02:25:36 EDT 1999 we draw smashed streets and cities too.Sat Sep 11 02:25:36 EDT 1999 we draw smashed people everywhere lying andSat Sep 11 02:25:36 EDT 1999 screaming on the ground.Sat Sep 11 02:25:36 EDT 1999 cunts out our mouths, our mouths outSat Sep 11 02:25:36 EDT 1999 our cocksSat Sep 11 02:25:36 EDT 1999 we choose to draw bombs with our blood,Sat Sep 11 02:25:38 EDT 1999 Sat Sep 11 02:25:38 EDT 1999 __________________________________________________________________________ Come to me; I am tied up hard in your box "returning for my minding breathing please" 0 0 2>> "you will be moving somewhere else another space to write in. Later: what will be the combining? An arrangement of stones thick and swollen - quartzes and granites on the ground (perhaps the desert). Your arms working the stones working them - that's what you're thinking about, you're looking at me; there are other spaces of alterity. But there was only one, a marvel or a travel." 0 0 2>> "She squeezed her breast hard, her nipples swollen nubs rending her soul; pain was her world, arched-back-body thought a marvel or a travel. My arms wrote from distended cock, wired hard against bruised skin. The room smelled of holes and human debris (a marvel or a travel), and my arms writing smelled of holes and human debris: broken arms, legs, used-up whores, dead soldiers with cocks stuffed in mouths - gay laughter of little children HA HA HA, or a moment or a movement of your arms." Sat Sep 11 22:12:50 EDT 1999 ------------------------------==============----------------------------- Julu And I MMyy aarrmm ffoolllloowweedd mmyy aarrmm aass II lliifftteedd tthhee kkeettttllee ffrroomm tthhee ssttoovvee,, ffoolllloowwiinngg tthhee kkeettttllee oonn tthhee ssttoovvee;; mmyy hheeaadd mmoovveedd bbaacckk ffrroomm mmyy hheeaadd mmoovveedd bbaacckk ffrroomm mmyy hheeaadd aass II ppllaacceedd tthhee kkeettttllee ffoolllloowwiinngg tthhee kkeettttllee wwiitthh mmyy hhaannddss oonn tthhee hhaannddss oonn tthhee ccuurrvveedd hhaannddllee aattttaacchheedd ttoo tthhee ccuurrvveedd hhaannddllee oonn tthhee bbaacckk ooff tthhee bbaacckk;; ffllaammeess sshhoott uupp tthhrroouugghh ffllaammeess sshhoott uupp aatt tthhee kkeettttllee ooff tthhee kkeettttllee,, hheeaattiinngg iitt aanndd hheeaattiinngg iitt;; II wwiitthhddrreeww mmaayy hhaanndd aanndd mmyy hhaanndd aanndd mmyy hhaanndd aanndd mmyy hhaanndd ffrroomm tthhee hhaannddllee aanndd tthhee hhaannddllee,, ttuurrnniinngg aawwaayy,, mmyy aarrmm ffoolllloowwiinngg mmyy aarrmm ttuurrnniinngg aawwaayy ffrroomm tthhee ffllaammee tthhrroouugghh tthhee ffllaammee;; aafftteerrwwaarrddss aafftteerr-- wwaarrddss II wwoouulldd ppoouurr wwaatteerr ppoouurriinngg ffrroomm tthhee kkeettttllee aanndd tthhee kkeettttllee wwiitthh mmyy aarrmm ffoolllloowwiinngg mmyy aarrmm,, tthhee wwaatteerr ppoouurriinngg iinn wwaatteerr ppoouurriinngg iinn wwaatteerr ddoowwnn iinnttoo tthhee ccuupp nneexxtt ttoo tthhee ccuupp iinn tthhee ccuupp;; tthhee ccooffffeeee aanndd ccooffffeeee sstteeaammiinngg,, ffoolllloowwiinngg tthhee sstteeaammiinngg ffoolllloowwiinngg tthhee sstteeaammiinngg,, wwhhiillee dduurriinngg wwhhiicchh AAhhhh AAhhhh II eecchhooeedd,, rreeppeeaattiinngg mmyy mmoouutthh ffoolllloowwiinngg aanndd rreeppeeaattiinngg mmyy mmoouutthh,, aa ddeelliicciioouuss bbrreeww.. __________________________________________________________________________ Aid Dangerous Space These words are written in a dangerous space, unhappy, hinged, ready to collapse; these words need protection; they've got to leave here, go elsewhere, come into your space. Safe Space Now these words are emerging in your space; they're different words; they tell the story or narrative of the space; of the Dangerous Space and the Safe Space; they're safe now. Dangerous Space These words disseminate; perhaps your space isn't safe enough; perhaps other spaces are necessary as well; perhaps only a bloom will do. Safe Space Now these words are in your care; now these words are consigned to you; they're in a safe space; they bring the other words into the safe space, the words of the Dangerous Space as well as the words of the Safe space; they're yours now, under your protection. Dangerous Space For a talisman, for a memento, for a serious souvenir. Safe Space For a trinket-hiding-out; these words are safe, they're in your safe space; they're safe. All of them, the Dangerous Space and the Safe Space, all of them are safe. ____________________________________________________________________________ Couplings and Linkages Let: L,M,N = linkages C,D,E = couplings a,b,c = elements Then: f(L(abcd),a') -> L(a'b'c'd') f(C(abcd),a') -> C(a'bcd) Think of linkages as joined elements, chain links for example, the Great Chain of Being for another, cars in traffic for a third. Think of couplings as adjacent or concatenated unrelated objects, glasses on a shelf for example, people on a loosely-populated sidewalk for a second, catastrophes for a third. L(M,N) -> L' C(D,E) -> C' C(L,D) -> C' C(D,L) -> C' L(C,M) -> C' L(M,C) -> C' L(C,D) -> C' C(L,M) -> C' or: 1*1*1 = 1; 0*0*0 = 0; 0*1*0 = 0; 0*0*1 = 0; 1*0*1 = 0; 1*1*0 = 0; 1*0*0 = 0; 0*1*1 = 0 A coupling of couplings is a coupling; a coupling of anything is a coupling. A linkage of linkages is a linkage; a linkage of anything with a coupling is a coupling. The 'principle of fragility of good things': The linkage is as strong as its weakest links, and becomes increasingly improbable as the number of elements is increased. Nevertheless, we might consider action at a distance, such that: f(R(stuv),s') -> R(st'uv) | R(st'u'v) | R(stu'v) | etc.: Consider this a form of _chain negation._ Action at a distance combines linkages and couplings; there is an effect 'down the line,' but other terms are unmodified. Action at a distance may also imply subsets of couplings which are linkages. A linkage within a coupling remains a linkage, foreclosed, within the coupling. One might put it this way; with a coupling and x to x', xy -> x'y. And with a linkage, x to x', xy -> x'y'. In a linkage, both terms are affected; in a linkage, only the catalyst term x. A coupling always already absorbs; a linkage fastens, fetishizes. The inverse of a linkage, however defined, is a linkage; the inverse of a coupling, however defined, is a coupling. The identity element as an _operation_ may be said to modify a linkage; the identity element as an _operation_ has no effect on a coupling. But these are metaphysical considerations. The world-picture moves from linkages to couplings. _______________________________________________________________________ On a Sunday Sun Sep 12 19:29:40 EDT 1999 i'm addicted to you, your holes, my tongue in you, tasting you, in your ass, swallowing you, inhaling your interiors Sun Sep 12 19:30:42 EDT 1999 abandoned debris from your body entering mine, smashed protein, dna Sun Sep 12 19:31:05 EDT 1999 returned in acid form, liquid-liquidated across membraned interiors, swallowed growth as well, begging you for more, you withdraw, hold yourself back from me, i dream your swollen interiors, stillbirths, all of you in all of me Sun Sep 12 19:31:59 EDT 1999 churned out elsewhere, new coverings for old, glistened memories shaved against cleansed surfaces for the dermographia Sun Sep 12 19:32:50 EDT 1999 hot breath on skins and touched and welted in the form of letters, no pain really, emerging texts, my meals Sun Sep 12 19:33:20 EDT 1999 now swal- lowed, the very open of the throat absorbing you Sun Sep 12 19:33:45 EDT 1999 shameful, covered with you, begging you for more, penetrating your holes, swallowing your waste, liquid and solid, odor and scent Sun Sep 12 19:35:23 EDT 1999 turning into perfect rail or wire, turning around my- self, what is rapt or rapture, ecstatic with full and swallowed mouth Sun Sep 12 19:35:53 EDT 1999 please please open your holes to me i'm hungry Sun Sep 12 19:37:08 EDT 1999 Sun Sep 12 19:29:41 EDT 1999 i am your plate, your toilet, your toaster, your hammer, your nail, your implement, these things follow me on rusted wire banging on the road, i walk down, forty kilometers in dirt, ruined wooden building in a field dismal at the stormy end bearing your waste within me, carrying your in- teriors, your abandoned dreams, your asides, your unconscious, your for- gotten memories, all within Sun Sep 12 19:36:39 EDT 1999 please please open your holes to me i'm thirsty Sun Sep 12 19:37:09 EDT 1999 _________________________________________________________________________ Untitled With the slightest increase in temperature, a packet is dropped off at a site of my loved one. It waits, trembling, for others, all organized into the coherency of beauty, "the harmony of chance and the good" (Simone Weil). All together, in wonderful bewilderment, they form a whole, their long and arduous journeys forgotten. How wonderful, my loved one exclaims, that he has written a letter. Under what circumstances can we speak for the other? Only in the face and throes of death, under an alterity permanently limiting, incomprehensible. Then we may speak, and speak for no one and anyone at all. There, at the threshold, all speech is permitted; a black ocean laps at the base of the cliff, its temperature at absolute zero. I will wait forever from your message, from the community of the dead; I will wait in your presence, a supplication of chains among chains. I am lost in empty knowledge. Names are a bother; they shudder against the pulverization of walls. Peeling, or turning away, the routers report errors; the reports never reach you, an expanding shell of packets generated by others lost in the absence of dreaming. _________________________________________________________________________ Untitled Grounded in the location of the dictionary, what might, how you might observe such: I went looking for totality, ended up in an unfamiliar editor, attempt the impossible, the reorganization of the roughage of the world. This is the manner of wandering: just before death, at the edge of the cliff overhanging the black ocean, utopian dreams of per- fect running. Today I will make a sphere falter in false light, in a modeling program; I will place the sphere in space, beyond the lip. You will look at the lip, over the stumbling-edge; you will look over it, your last dominion. There, more faltering spheres. There, spheres and more, aglow in dying light, each, think of it as your last think- ing, each a glimmering world, firefly-pathos-world, such smoothed and perfect spheres, not a facet nor a blemish. Aglow in this new editor, I write these words in textual overlay mode, salvaging the file, saving file for you, just beyond the edge, hovered above the angry churning ocean. You can hear the waves and swells; you feel the spray, almost as if there are voices. Stumbling, just over the edge. ______________________________________________________________________ ii (Linkages and Couplings) It seems to me that, technically, couplings may be considered a form of proximity-relation, with the proximity falling off with distance (which need not be measured exactly - which need not even imply a metric); I believe this is a form of relation called a halfgroupoid. Think of a set of elements with a relation defined among some of them. Linkages are a form of connectivity (think of electric); relation is defined across them, nothing falling off. Linkages may be subgroupoids within a halfgroupoid, and may therefore be substructures of a coupling structure. One can think of a _rattling_ or _jostling_ domain consisting of a mixture; the overall formation is a coupling. Since a coupling may have elements with no re- lation with each other, but with relations with other elements that have relations with each other, etc., we can see it as a very weak linkage; in a linkage, all elements are related such that the breaking of a link re- sults in a deep de-linking. A breaking can result in a decoupling as well, the elements torn asunder, into part-objects with full or weakened links. Negation provides a way in. One might define negation within a linkage as the breaking of a link (think of electric); the thing breaks into two linkages, falls apart, most likely into a coupling. A break anywhere with- in a linkage negates the linkage. With a coupling, negating an element says nothing about the rest; the element is removed, no longer proximal. If the coupling is of the form abc, removal of b may weaken the coupling in its entirety. The negation of a negation of a linkage may result in a linkage - in other words, given a coupling of two linkages, created by negation of a link within a single linkage, the negation of the negation might relink them. But within the coupling, there might also be a second negation, removing one of the two linkages, resulting in a single linkage, the coupling transformed. While negation within a coupling implies the coupling as clutter, a-historical, negation within linkages implies that linkages carry history. Negation appears overly complex here; perhaps a negation of a coupling may be considered a contribution to falling-apart, and a negation within a linkage may be irreversible, a 'hard' negation. This in fact is the case within the implicate order, for example, which is linked; a cut into a folded fluid would, I assume, reduce the rest to chaos. But then chaos of this sort is not a coupling, just another form of linkage; all chaos is linked. Consider an addition; then if a coupling is abc, abcd or abdc, etc. can also be considered a coupling. A coupling might now be defined as a frame or framework, nothing more; there may or may not be other relations among the elements. An addition to a linkage results in a linkage, although there can also be an addition such that the linkage is embedded within a coupling; place a cup and saucer next to a radio. An addition may be an addendum, a diacritical mark, a surplus, an inser- tion, an adjacency. A linkage carries its trace, embedding additions; a coupling loses its trace, blind emissions. This isn't mathematics, but the phenomenology of the entities and debris of the world. Once that is understood, it's also understood that contra- dictions are acceptable; deal with the individual frames. One might think of coupling as literally circumscribed by an economy of attention, and linkage circumscribed by internal articulation. Thus within the world-picture there is a movement from organism to loosely-coupled ("de-coupled") assemblages - transcendent causality transformed partly into happenstance, societies of objects re-presented as accumulations of clutter. __________________________________________________________________________ For A., K., G., N., A., L., F., B., A., J., P., T., L., J., M., S. It is morning in the Cafe Lautreamont. Pierre stares me down. Pierre brings me coffee. Pierre knows I know he is a function who is not a function. I am a state to Pierre's operator. Pierre is the occupier of a role, as in main(Pierre). Pierre carries and sullies a revolution. Pierre is part of a surplus economy that I recognize. I do not acknowledge that I recognize this surplus. There is a state within which I am in Pierre and a state otherwise. The state otherwise is to forget Pierre which is to annihilate him. The revolution moves from person to person, stateless. The revolution is a state, mobile and wandering. I am linked to Pierre at the cafe and coupled otherwise to Pierre. I say, "I am coupled to all the Pierres in the world." I say, "I did not ask for this. I would not have asked for this." I say, "I asked for a cup of coffee and nothing more." I say, "I have paid you for this cup of coffee." Pierre has not spoken and I assume he sees me as the signified. I am the signified of a certain exchange, surplus value. Coupled within exchange, I have no use; it is all circuitry. Pierre and I are engaged in mutual annihilation. Pierre gazes at me and the revolution stirs. Unspeaking, the revolution blindly cauterizes the remnants of language. I say, "Words no longer account for anything, Pierre." I say, "These are sounds I am making, of no value whatsoever." I say, "I lean on other processes, alan.o for example for sustenance." I say, "As if we would ever be friends," and the revolution stirs. Something speaks in one and another and speaks forever. Sometimes speaks at the portal of death and constitution. I say, "I will live in you, Francoise." I say, "You will remember me, keep my diaries intact, Francoise." I say, "You will find a publisher after all," Francoise. There is silence at the other end of the room. Pierre brings me coffee and Francoise smiles and says nothing. There is a slight stirring of the white curtains in the sun. A breeze is blowing outside and there are sailboats in the harbor. An accordion, a gypsy, a horse-and-cart, a trolley, a very happy day. _______________________________________________________________________ HURRICAIN NOW THERE ARE GREAT RAINS AND GREAT FLOODS SAYS NEW CLAR COME UPON THE EARTH AND THERE ARE STRONG WINDS AND THE NAME OF THE LORD IN FIRE SHALL BOIL THE WATERS AND THERE SHALL BE VAST DESERTS AND INUNDATIONS. NOW SAID OLD CLAR THERE SHALL BE RAINS UPON THE DESERTS AND THERE SHALL BE FRUITIONS AND THE PLEASURES OF MAN AND OF WOMAN. AND THERE SHALL BE MULTIPLICATIONS AND DIVISIONS AND LATER THERE SHALL BE EXPONENTS AND ALL AREAS SHALL BE AT RISK WITH THE DIVINE WRATH OF OLD CLAR AND NEW CLAR, THUS WE HAVE SPOKEN, HEAR YE HEAR YE. THE MIDDLE OF THE STREAMING OF OLD CLAR NOW IS THE TIME TO MAKE PLANS FOR POTENTIAL SIGNIFICANT FLOODING AND STRONG WINDS. CHECK EMERGENCY SUPPLIES SUCH AS FLASH LIGHTS AND RADIOS. LAWN FURNITURE AND OTHER LOOSE OUTDOOR ITEMS SHOULD BE PUT AWAY OR TIED DOWN. ANYONE LIVING NEAR AREAS THAT TYPICAL FLOOD WITH A HEAVY RAINFALL SHOULD CONSIDER MOVING VALUABLES TO HIGHER LEVELS OF YOUR HOUSE. EXAMPLES OF AREAS AT RISK WOULD INCLUDE LOW LYING OR POOR DRAINAGE AREAS...OR SMALL STREAMS THAT TYPICALLY FLOOD QUICKLY. DRINKING THE STREAMING OF THE NEW CLAR NOW IS THE TIME TO BATHE IN THE BAPTISM OF THE LORD. NOW IS THE TIME TO SPEAK IN THE STRONG WINDS, CLAR SAYS, TO PREPARE FOR THE RAPTURE EMERGENCY. NOW IS THE TIME TO REMOVE THE FURNITURE, TO STAND FULL IN THE EYES OF THE LORD, OLD CLAR SAYS, AND THERE ARE NO VALUABLES, NEW CLAR SAYS, IN THE EYES OF THE LORD, BUT YOUR SOUL AND ITS AREAS OF RICK, SAYS AND ADDS OLD CLAR: THERE ARE POOR DRAINAGE AREAS AS THE MOUTH LOSES ITS ABILITY TO SPEAK, COTTON-MOUTH! COTTON-MOUTH, AND THE TONGUE IS TIED IN THE KNOTS OF THE INFIDEL IN THE EYES AND MOUTHS AND TONGUES OF THE LORD OUR LORD OUR GOD! NEW CLAR SAYS NEW STREAMS FLOOD QUICKLY AND OLD CLAR ADDS OLD STREAMS FLOOD QUICKER WHEN DIRT THERE IS AWASH, COTTON-MOUTH! COTTON-MOUTH! OLD CLAR WET NEW CLAR NEW CLAR WET OL HURRICANE SINGING DREAMING MILKY DRAINING FLUIDS, CLAR & CLAR DO SAY We had to drill a hole in the ceiling to let the hurricane water drain from the roof, blood! SINGING DREAMING MILKY DRAINING FLUIDS, CLAR & CLAR DO SAY Then on the floor below there was just cleanup, semen! SINGING DREAMING MILKY DRAINING FLUIDS, CLAR & CLAR DO SAY But then on the first floor it took an ax and hammer to knock the ceiling down, let the hurricane water drain into buckets and tubs, bile! SINGING DREAMING MILKY DRAINING FLUIDS, CLAR & CLAR DO SAY And then in the workshop it took a hammer and crowbar to knock part of the wall and ceiling to see the beam and let the hurricane water drain onto the floor, lymph! SINGING DREAMING MILKY DRAINING FLUIDS, CLAR & CLAR DO SAY In the basement we just let the hurricane water drain, urine! SINGING DREAMING MILKY DRAINING FLUIDS, CLAR & CLAR DO SAY But on the roof the parapets let the hurricane water drain into the loft and second floor, first floor and workshop and basement, tears! SINGING DREAMING MILKY DRAINING FLUIDS, CLAR & CLAR DO SAY And on the wall the shop-sign had no backing and let the hurricane water drain into the first floor and basement, menses! SINGING DREAMING MILKY DRAINING FLUIDS, CLAR & CLAR DO SAY Then on the workshop wall the cracks let the hurricane water drain into the workshop and basement, salty water everywhere! SALTY WATER EVERYWHERE, CLAR & CLAR DO SAY! ________________________________________________________________________ This the speaking of the endless word Fri Sep 17 03:09:49 EDT 8999 Nikuko's bones were the motions of mesh figures drawn out; they came first, regarding her. Clar thinks of them as jeweled tips, the nubs offering themselves as so many, many seductions. Each and every joint, bulbous, discomforting, but here spiked without the marrow... Fri Sep 17 03:11:11 EDT 8999 Clar sees Nikuko's space, the deconstruction of the space station, now barely functioning against an inconceivably desiring sky. Somewhere between organism and mesh lies the planting of emergence, protected from all the vicissitudes of exploding worlds and plasmas. Make it intelligent and it will be sure to flee; Nikuko's space is the fleeing of Nikuko, Clar says, and I am welcome to that, regarding her, her jeweled nubs. Fri Sep 17 03:12:52 EDT 8999 Nikuko's fingers are bulbous, discom- forting, dis/eased, the color of pooled urine, a cat's eye, an exploding star, having given up all energy for future children. Clar moves in the crevices, swallows the pill so hungry to seduce you, Clar walks the street of the planet earth with short skirt, no panties, always on the edge of borderline fingers, Nikuko's, clutching at her body, pulling her down, regarding Nikuko, desirous Clar. Nikuko's mouth points towards itself, back-hoes perfect red-brown blood against perfect jeweled cosmos, river motions of pooled oiled rings coating whatever debris Clar swallows; Clar, Clar, regarding Nikuko, hardly survives the incandescent punctures of sublime beauty, herself oozed among signifiers, grappled by Nikuko-hands, spread open by Nikuko-fingers. Fri Sep 17 03:17:01 EDT 8999 Future Nikuko-Clar, regarding Nikuko, the breasts, the abdomen, the face above all, holes beneath the presence of the world, coupling. Regarding Clar, Nikuko speaks through Clar's holes, decoupling. In a frenzy, linked. Decoupled Nikuko's arms, writing for Clar, her perfect blue jeweled nubs, on the edge of the precipice, the bones without the marrow, flailing, fingering her short short skirt. Clar walks down the sidewalk of an ordinary neighborhood in an ordinary universal megalopolois and everyone turns and stares; everyone knows. Fri Sep 17 03:19:05 EDT 8999 Clar breathes hard; she's nothing on underneath, feels the wind and the rain swirling around her crack, her legs damp with the pleasure of regarding Nikuko's bones, finally, without the marrow, the perfect blue jewels at the tips, in that space everyone would find inconceivable. The two secrets of Clar: no panties; and the space. It's the space that's seductive; she's hardly on the planet, much less New York City of the ninth millennium. Regarding Clar, Nikuko, words in medieval English. Fri Sep 17 03:20:40 EDT 8999 Clar saunters, somersaults, somnambulist; Clar is looking for his fix which is from the marrow. Nikuko's fingers clutch at him; Clar winces, turns, spreads his legs for her, penetrates. Regarding Nikuko, she rides him, her bones clear through to the blue-jeweled nubbed and marrowless vectors. Organism on its fly-by, fleeing the angry-nova sun, reflected in Nikuko's fingers. Who races at close the speed of light. Distance, measurement, count for nothing. Nikuko couldn't care less, regarding Clar. Fri Sep 17 03:22:42 EDT 8999 Doubled meshes, nubbed circle lights in Nikuko's space, Nikuko-space, nubbed blue-jeweled lights in Nikuko's bones; she wears them invisible diadems. They're regarding Nikuko; Clar watches, uncertain. He is beautiful; she'd never seen anyone so beautiful in her life. At the beginning of the approach, an approach. Fri Sep 17 03:25:23 EDT 8999 Her mouth, sharpened, almost turned against itself, perfect piercing of the throat; Nikuko had the single work to speak, its speaking silencing her forever. Clar turned her beauty towards her, regarding her, the jewels necklaced around her broken throat. Regarding Nikuko, unspeakable acts. Regarding Clar, Clar. Fri Sep 17 03:26:52 EDT 8999 Regarding technologies, watching the beauty of Nikuko, her wounded throat speaking the endless word Fri Sep 17 03:30:36 EDT 8999 Fri Sep 17 03:30:37 EDT 8999 The jewels watched her, carefully ________________________________________________________________________ Writing the Bad Text I started writing the bad text by describing Nikuko's body as represented in a three-dimensional image, a problem immediately in translation. I needed term after term for bulbous, distended, pubescent, extravagant, outlandish, globular, following the torus meshed, pulled out from the shape, sloped into Nikuko's incandescent form. I continued, transforming hard-s endings to -z, stars to starz, looking towards hacker/pop culture Krazy Kat Kuntry Kitchen for deep in-spiring. I mauled the text, took it bare-handed, caressing again that trite sexuality of seduction and sus- pense; I mauled the text, advertising the image of Nikuko's body, and by proxy, the images of her space, her mouth, her fingers, her bones -- hyp- nagogic and literally unforgettable images, images of transforming beauty. I repeatedly erred in the production of the text, using the display pro- gram for insertions and rearrangements refuseing to accommodate the de- construction of narrative and intensity that might have brought the reader to his or her knees, oh gendered topography of Nikuko's body! I tried to salvage the work by giving the URL after the date, one addressing space and the other time, as if a last resort to facticity would efface the rest of the failure. I saw the failure proceeding as a failure; now I wrote this text, in the present, in the past, in order to negate the other, work an astonishment of language, the wonder of newborn words from me to you. I am utterly ashamed; my abjection is a defense, even though I feel I sul- lied the display program itself by a failure to produce. Perhaps the fine quality of the images themselves could only detract from the text; perhaps the text was at the blue-jewel-nub of exhaustion. In any case, I'm sure it's gone stillborn and missing; I won't fail at cauterization. What's re- moved from the throat can only speak mechanically, like chattering teeth, somewhere outside the range of human hearing. 09:18:1999:1:55:59 URLs: http://trace.ntu.ac.uk/writers/sondheim/bodi.gif (body) http://trace.ntu.ac.uk/writers/sondheim/nik.gif (mouth) http://trace.ntu.ac.uk/writers/sondheim/decon.gif (bones) http://trace.ntu.ac.uk/writers/sondheim/finger.jpg (fingers) http://trace.ntu.ac.uk/writers/sondheim/space.jpg (space) __________________________________________________________________________ Kids Say the Darndest Things! Hi Dad! Want to come to school with me? Can I have some cereal? These toys are cool! Look what I can do! Can I have that? Where did Mom go this afternoon? What's that? Good night! Dad, I can't sleep! Okay. Where are we going? Look what I wrote in school! My room looks okay I guess. Thanks! Do we have to? It's hot out! -- Contributed by Alan Sondheim! _________________________________________ the yield give a name to your illness, give a name to your illness people we know and love are dying this people we know and love are dying speeds endlessly through the body - their bones collapsing under harsh suns before us, the day which spreads across the table of dawn or dusk cancers spread like pools of artificial life across desperate thought cancer spreads like pools of artificial life across desperate thought people we know and love are dying they are dying with scans and with probes they are dying with injections and superjections and catastrophic radiations and molecular re-coordinatings cancers spread like pools of artificial life across desperate thought their bones collapsing under harsh suns before me, the day which spreads before the table of dawn or dusk? probes here, ourselves, ourselves are you properly compiling cancers spread like pools of artificial life across desperate thought? decoupled life on the horizon of white-noise annihilation-window your body is mined and saturated; your body is a hole; your body is mine; your body is a cancer your body is a cancer, is a hole, is mine; your body is penetrated, probed, mined and saturated; your body is penetrated, reorganized for 0 days, i have names for you and me and it has taken you just 5.617 minutes turning in the very act of dying ... people we know and love are dying. the new computer will remain crying in the store in the new box. the happy party will occur in another city very much alone. we will walk in one room and smile, return to another and cry. our mouths are open to the spears of the sun. we are illumined, our cells crashing uselessly into organ after organ. illuminations happen on the threshold of being. we are called to being: our illuminations. for an instant before the darkness: our illuminations. for an instant with pen poised: our illuminations. with the radiative luminescence of the bones: our illuminations. what the dissimilar flux of molecules: our illuminations. the threshold of stones is forgotten; the portal is forgotten. people we know and love are dying. for 0 days, the very beginning of the name. _________________________________________________________________________ What impending death of oneself or another may construct: i One assumes in the absence of danger, disease, the extremities of life, that one's project may continue indefinitely; thus writing tends in this fashion towards a normative foreclosure, drawn by the exigencies and es- thetics of apparent internal necessity. Impending collapse produces an/ other approach: that a project is only a process which may, like a diary for example, be cut off arbitrarily at any point. Writing in these con- ditions is a writing through urgency and emergency; it is writing that attempts, in every phrase or sentence or paragraph, a recuperation and resonance - as if the phrase or sentence or paragraph will be the last. In this fashion, after time/ after time, it becomes apparent that there is, of course, no last, not even with the excision or exclusion of life -- that one's project is always already open-ended and on the verge of failure. This recognition re-enters the project, restructures it from within, so that the manifesto, for example, transforms into meaningless phrases, self-doubts and critiques -- and all those other states that some say characterize wisdom. Of wisdom I know nothing, and of truth, less. I do know that impending death, of oneself, or of someone so close that one is rubbed raw through it, has the ability to transform text into fragile self-reflective flow; object into discourse, a never-ending conversation full of glances, ex- postulation and pauses; and foundations into an uneasy grasp of such, the world slipping through one's fingers, the sky always already threat- ening, close to disappearance beneath an angry, raging, dying, sun. ii When the thing becomes a catheter When being becomes a sponge When beings become intravenous When nothingness becomes a scan When the void becomes radiation When the I becomes chemotherapy When entities become medication When objects become neurasthenias When selves become schizophrenias When death becomes thing, being, beings When death becomes nothingness, void, I When death becoes entities, objects, selves When death becomes thing, being, beings, nothingness, void, I, entities, objects, selves ________________________________________________________________________ Local Reach In Pennsylvania with full electric, using the aol.com portal to panix: Here are the results. Like a lot of places world-wide, I'm assuming, the connection is rough - packets suddenly flooding through, then apparently caught as one or another router is overloaded. The telnet constantly freezes - as I've reported before, it's a situation not dissimilar to gagging or suffocation - where thought moves from internal speech to dis- ease, from symptom to symptomology... Sep 19, 1999 18:48:49 Starting ping.... Pinging panix3.panix.com [166.84.1.68].... 64 bytes received from 166.84.1.68 RTT: 568ms TTL: 243 TIMED OUT 64 bytes received from 166.84.1.68 RTT: 428ms TTL: 243 TIMED OUT 64 bytes received from 166.84.1.68 RTT: 257ms TTL: 243 Ping Successful 3 packets received out of 5 packets transmitted : 40% PACKET LOSS Round Trip Time (in milliseconds) Max/Min/Av: 568/257/417 Starting ping.... Pinging panix3.panix.com [166.84.1.68].... 64 bytes received from 166.84.1.68 RTT: 5238ms TTL: 243 TIMED OUT 64 bytes received from 166.84.1.68 RTT: 246ms TTL: 243 64 bytes received from 166.84.1.68 RTT: 257ms TTL: 243 64 bytes received from 166.84.1.68 RTT: 257ms TTL: 243 Ping Successful 4 packets received out of 5 packets transmitted : 20% PACKET LOSS Round Trip Time (in milliseconds) Max/Min/Av: 5238/246/1499 Starting ping.... Pinging panix3.panix.com [166.84.1.68].... 64 bytes received from 166.84.1.68 RTT: 253ms TTL: 243 64 bytes received from 166.84.1.68 RTT: 257ms TTL: 243 64 bytes received from 166.84.1.68 RTT: 201ms TTL: 243 TIMED OUT 64 bytes received from 166.84.1.68 RTT: 329ms TTL: 243 Ping Successful 4 packets received out of 5 packets transmitted : 20% PACKET LOSS Round Trip Time (in milliseconds) Max/Min/Av: 329/201/260 Starting trace.... Tracing to panix3.panix.com [166.84.1.68].... Hops IP Address RTT(ms) 1 205.188.200.94 5213 2 205.188.200.125 5203 3 TIMED OUT 4 205.188.128.5 507 5 205.188.130.70 206 6 146.188.161.202 318 7 146.188.161.174 203 8 146.188.136.186 199 9 146.188.179.49 251 10 146.188.178.133 4270 11 157.130.17.146 205 12 TIMED OUT 13 166.84.1.68 259 Host reached Sep 19, 1999 19:00:38 Starting ping.... Pinging panix3.panix.com [166.84.1.68].... TIMED OUT TIMED OUT TIMED OUT TIMED OUT TIMED OUT Ping Unsuccessful 0 packets received out of 5 packets transmitted : 100% PACKET LOSS Starting trace.... Tracing to panix3.panix.com [166.84.1.68].... Hops IP Address RTT(ms) 1 TIMED OUT 2 TIMED OUT 3 TIMED OUT 4 TIMED OUT Host not reached Starting ping.... Pinging panix3.panix.com [166.84.1.68].... 64 bytes received from 166.84.1.68 RTT: 309ms TTL: 237 64 bytes received from 166.84.1.68 RTT: 312ms TTL: 237 64 bytes received from 166.84.1.68 RTT: 206ms TTL: 237 64 bytes received from 166.84.1.68 RTT: 5266ms TTL: 237 64 bytes received from 166.84.1.68 RTT: 308ms TTL: 237 Ping Successful 5 packets received out of 5 packets transmitted : 0% PACKET LOSS Round Trip Time (in milliseconds) Max/Min/Av: 5266/206/1280 ________________________________________________________________________ Metastasis Tha faallng th$t flash h$s laft ma, th$t bpnas $ra hald by phpnamas np lpngar sppkan, th$t tha Symbpl by tha Ha$rth h$s ch$rrad:If I can't write, I won't be able to wait for you, O Existence. I am afraid of opposites, each and everywhere.:W$ltlng: I $m $fr$ld pf lpslng my $blllty tp wrlta. I $m $fr$ld pf npn-axlstanca.:dissolved forever: W$ltlng: I $m $fr$ld pf lpslng my $blllty tp wrlta. I $m $fr$ld pf npn-axlstanca. transforms Your Tha faallng th$t flash h$s laft ma, th$t bpnas $ra hald by phpnamas np lp- ngar sppkan, th$t tha Symbpl by tha Ha$rth h$s ch$rrad on Burning Creek... Ah, Living with Levels and Blues!thraa hhndrad calls ln tha bpy tast tast: two hundred twenty bonesin the girl test test test:pna hhndrad twanty bpnas ln tha bpy tast tast:eight hundred cells in the girl test test test: Devour me eight hundred cells in the girl test test test Brought Forth through thraa hhndrad calls ln tha bpy tast tast! ___________________________________________________________________________