Writing Desire (Mended Notes) To write desire is to project oneself into the world, both vulnerable and accessible. How can desire be written? What does it mean to write from a position of want and fulfillment? Cult writing, violent writing, sexual writing, writing from poverty of any sort: How do we write ourselves out? We write ourselves out in a difference from despair; in desire, meaning is hypercathected, time-dependent, breathless. Writing desire: For whom? How does the performative enter into play here? (By "performative," I mean _words that active, arouse, _act,_ within the writer or reader.) Is writing desire a form of control? Controlling is a way of shaping the body, of the self, the other; the words tend towards delirious ecstasy. How does projection work vis-a-vis the body of the character or avatar - vis-a-vis the body of the Other? If the unconscious is sensitive to lang- uage, how does the body of the text play into the textual body? These are _acts_ of reading and writing, processes, drawn out by control, hesitancy, lure and seduction. The operator is metonymic, the part standing for the hole, the hole standing for the part. Whose desire is written? That of the writer, or that of the reader? Do subject and object retain their individuations? What is being read is rewritten through the inner speech of the reader; what is being written is read similarly, both across the body of the other. Pushing language to the reader so the body appears to be at stake: Think of writing orgasm in Net Sex (i.e. "ahhhhhh..." etc.) - when writing be- comes sound or substance. Substance here is the materiality of language at the service of the body of the writer, who no longer communicates: the move is from the symbolic to the ikonic, "ahhhhhh..." referencing "I have orgasm, I am here." There is narrative; desire follows suit, returns quiescence to quiescence, remains garbled in the background, burbling. Does desire always involve the body? Does yearning? Does any form of addiction? I find physiology, desire, satiation, fulfillment, pleasure, intertwined as well. My problem: I can't separate. If I could separate, I'd think: Desire is a trajectory; the fulfillment of desire is an event, occurrence, and/or thing; desire disappears upon fulfillment. But then I think: How does desire relate to drives/instincts? How is it differentiated from need? Precisely that in the presence of satiation, another lack opens up - that of the lack of de- sire itself, the desire for desire, tending towards a _continuous open- ing._ The situation is very different in despair - in which desire is ab- sent, in which temporality itself is turned to substance. If despair is substance and integration, desire is structure and differentiation. That is about as clear as it gets. Does the writer write the reader into a state of desire? Is desire a state - or in fact the very material of inter/intratwined bodies? Lag works both through Net lag ("Net weather") and withholding from the other, creating the state of "-jectivity" - membranes or fields of introjections and pro- jections in which states and processes, bodies and texts, selves and oth- ers, constantly intermingle, in a manner similar to the Kristevan chora. Desire-for this or that rarely interests me (although like everyone else I have such). Nor does desire as a cant/popular term for every sort of sub- jective inhabitation. For me, it does involve the body, just like it in- volves the mind - I think of it as a tropism or tendency, perhaps the very fiber of my being is at stake. And the desire for God? That is fundamental as well, resting on the remains of corpses, a flight from abjection towards an inconceivable purity. The resulting "clean and proper body" (see Kristeva) is hardly that - it carries the seeds of other pernicious ideologies... __________________________________________________________________________ My:Intensity:as:Cliche At:night:I:stay:up:worrying:over:disease,:over:the:events:of:the:day, over:the:fury:of:my:obsessive:speed,:over:the:urgency: At:day:I:am:sick:with:worry,:crushed:under:by:the:events:of:the:day, speeding:nowhere:at:all:with:a:sense:of:emergency: I:write:the:urgency,:emergency;:the:speed:and:the:fury:of:nowhere: I:write:the:worry:and:the:disease:in:the:ordinary:events:of:the:day: And:I:think:I:am:the:boy:crying:wolf:in:the:wilderness: And:I:think:I:am:the:girl:crying:fire:in:the:darkened:theater: When:the:wolves:have:been:murdered,:when:the:theater:continues its:unruly:and:maudlin:play: Again:and:again:it:keeps:occurring:to:me::No:one:will:believe:me: It's:just:another:of:Alan's:hysteric:outbursts,:another:text of:despair,:neurosis,:something:teething,:something:teetering: Already:turned:cliche,:empty:of:content,:reeking:of:design: Then:I:think::Shall:I:scream:constantly:into:the:night::What:throws us:into:the:holocaust::What:are:constant:deaths::What:are:Nikuko, Jennifer,:the:others:BEGGING::More:intensity!:More:intensity!: Oh,:shall:I:desert:them!: I:am:your:film::And:the:frame:in:your:film::I:grind:my:teeth: on:the:image::I:teeter:on:the:edge:of:the:sprocket-hole::Oh,:this is:so:typical!::Oh,:he:continues:with:this:nonsense!::Oh!::Oh!::Oh!: ____________________________________________________________________ Being, Marked Wearing Nikuko's panties, I'm reminded of, for example, Nikuko'sd abjec- tion in relation to the _real_ of Nikuko _not_ basedin simulation, but on a board. Nikuko scratches at skins, removes them,g the wires beneath her panties constructed on Diki; they're tornapart by Nikuko, expanded like condoms holding birth in abeyance whileit. I can push Nikuko and the oth- ers, devouring Nikuko's menses,harboring her smell on me, seeing through her membranes, they're yours strong strongscent but no odor. The odors of Nikuko, Jennifer, Julu, or Diki-Nikuko merge through the sound and sight my mouthface full of insideNikuko, tongue deep in Nikukoanus circuitryI - merge through thedream, and Nikuko will come back to me and Nikuko and I will watch Nikuko,four images that worked for me. So your mouth has been open to holes at one time Nikuko's fingers were the outcome of that, Nik- uko's mouth a slightly danger, Nikuko's slightly space a deconstruction of satellite {k:131}her bones glistening like articulated and jeweled panties on my bash: her: command not found {k:132}soft soft skin. bash: soft: command not found {k:133} __________________________________________________________________________ than Flode æfter than flode; the from Drihtene com. the al her a-quelde; quic that he funde. buten Noe.& Sem; Iaphet & Cham. & heore four wiues; the mid heom weren on archen. heore twa wiues Nikuko & Julu the mid heom weren in Stromland heore twa wiues Jennifer & Azure the mid heom weren in Neuland buten transieram celerem nebuloso flumine Nauam addita miratus ueteri noua moenia Vinco, whar ar yar far wavas Alan, what ar ya far Alan whar ar Azara & Noe. Alan, whar ar tha flaad y am ma far wavas Sem, ma far wavas wath ma y am wath tha fllad Noe., ma far wavas alsa fra Drihtene com tha ranas & tha fraggas twa fra Gaddas laff cam Jannifar & har far wavas ta laff wath Gaddas sa marrie ta bee wath mannes sa cantrarie ____________________________________________________________________ LEST WE FORGET, A MORALITY PLAY BY JENNIFER, NIKUKO, JULU, AND ALAN PROLOGUE BY BUKHARIN: Repentence is often attributed to the Dostoyevsky mind, to the specific properties ofthe soul ("l'ame slave" as it is called), and this can be said of types like Alyosha Karamazov, the heroes of the "Idiot" and other Dostoyevsky characters, who are prepared to stand up in the public square and cry: "Beat me, Orthodox Christians, I am a villain!" But that is not the case here at all. "L'ame slave" and the psy- chology of Dostoyevsky characters are a thing of the remote past in our country, the pluperfect tense. Such types do not exist in our country, or exist perhaps only on the outskirts of small provincial towns, if they do even there. On the contrary, such a psychology is to be found in Western Europe. JULU: Excellent. And this is what I want you to do, Alan, and this is what I want you to say. You will learn from a very good way to learn: VYSHINSKY: Tell us the nature of your wrecking activities. ZUBAREV: When I was working in the seed cultivation department of the Peo- ple's Commissariat of Agriculture of the U.S.S.R., they were of the nature that the accused Chernov spoke about yesterday: causing confusion in seed cultivation, lowering the quality of the seeds, employing bad quality mat- erials, bad sifting, careless storing, and the result of all this was not only a reduction of yield, but also a hostile mood of the peasantry, dis- satisfaction with these so-called selected seeds. Alan: This is excellent, and I will do my very best. VYSHINSKY: What was the nature of your criminal activities in the People's Commissariat of Agriculture of the R.S.F.S.R.? ZUBAREV: Here my criminal activities consisted first of all in wrongly planning the sowing of vegetables; in particular, little attention was paid to the development of vegetable growing in our eastern districts, where the developing of vegetable growing was of enormous importance... Jennifer: I am learning so very hard here. PEOPLE'S COMMISSARIAT OF JUSTICE OF THE U.S.S.R. REPORT OF COURT PROCEED- INGS IN THE CASE OF THE ANTI-SOVIET "BLOC OF RIGHTS AND TROTSKYITES" Heard Before the MILITARY COLLEGIUM OF THE SUPREME COURT OF THE U.S.S.R. Moscow, March 2-13, VERBATIM REPORT, Published by the PEOPLE'S COMMISSARIAT OF JUSTICE OF THE U.S.S.R. MOSCOW 1938. Jennifer, Julu, and Nikuko applaud. All three together: This is wonderful! VYSHINSKY: How matters stood with butter, this is of interest to me at this stage of the investigation. You have spoken of salt, of sugar, how you held back these commodities from sale to the population by sabotage, etc. But how did matters stand with butter? ZELENSKY: We don't sell butter in the rural districts. VYSHINSKY: I am not asking you what you sell. You were above all selling the main thing - your country... Alan: I see how this goes. This is amazing. They have been found out, and it is clear at the very end that the wreckers are executed. Nothing could be clearer. One must be at the service of one's country. LEVIN: ...Gorky loved fire, flames, and we made use of this. A bonfire would be lit up for him. Just when Gorky would feel the fatigue after his work, all the chopped branches were gathered together, and a flame kind- led. Gorky would stand near this bonfire, it was hot there, and all this had a harmful effect on his health... ...And in fact, on the second or third day after his arrival in this grippe-infected house, Gorky fell sick with the grippe. This was soon complicated by croupous pneumonia and imme- diately took a serious turn. Nonetheless, Professor Pletnev and I consid- ered that the plan we had drawn up must be carried through, and that for this purpose use must be made of medicines which would be harmful to him. Julu: Oh oh, that is so awful! This is such an awful thing! I cannot be- lieve how awful this is! THE PRESIDENT: As regards wrecking work, that it was necessary to bring about a decrease in the number of livestock. RYKOV: Even more than that. These instructions, as Goloded said, were duly received from the poles... Jennifer: Oh! Oh! Oh! Attacks from every side! Nikuko: Oh! Woe! Attacks from within and without! KRESTINSKY: ...Further Trotsky developed the idea of the necessity of ter- rorism, wrecking activities and diversions. In speaking of them, Trotsky considered diversionist acts and acts of terrorism from the point of view both of applying them in time of war for the purpose of disorganizing the defensive capacity of the Red Army, for disorganizing the government by the moment of the coup d'etat, and at the same time, these diversionist and terrorist acts would make his, Trotsky's, position stronger and would give him more confidence in his negotiations with foreign governments, be- cause he would be able to refer to the fact that his followers in the Sov- iet Union were both sufficiently strong and sufficiently active... Julu: Oh dearest us! How awful is Trotsky! Something must be done and now! There are foes on every side! There are foes inside and out! KAKAZOV: ...Now when I stand before you, Citizens Judges, as the murderer of Menzhinsky, I cannot help shuddering and being overcome with horror when I think of the despicable crime into which I was dragged. Not for a minute do I want to disclaim the blame for this crime. On the contrary I want to repent of this crime to the end and rid myself of this nightmare. Alan: Oh curses on Kakazov for his perfidious crime! To death with perfid- ious Kakazov! On the basis of the aforesaid, and guided by Articles 319 and 320 of the Code of Criminal Procedure of the R.S.F.S.R., The Military Collegium of the Supreme Court of the U.S.S.R. Sentences...[list of 18 men]...to the supreme penalty - to be shot, with the confiscation of all their personal property. All: Oh we are saved from the wrecking and saboteurs of our country! Death to the traitors! Death to the BLOC OF RIGHTS AND TROTSKYITES! Death to the Jews! Nikuko: This is a wonderful play, Ladies and Gentlemen, and we hope you have enjoyed it. We have given you much to think on, because the truth, which is always difficult, is the best play in the world! Please take care on your way out! Thank you! KIM IL SUNG: Hello, I am a member of the audience and I am very happy to see this play. If more countries, even though small, pool their strength and fight resolutely against imperialism, the peoples can knock down U.S. imperialism with decisively overwhelming power on each and every front. The people of every country making revolution should tear limbs off the U.S. beast all over the world and behead it. The U.S. imperialists appear to be strong, but when the peoples of many countries attack them from all sides and join in mutilating them in that way, they will become impotent and bite the dust in the end. Jennifer: But oh Great Leader, what is to be done? KIM IL SUNG: Hello, Our Party will fight against Right and 'Left' oppor- tunism, while upholding the banner of unity. Julu: Oh that is so good, we will drag down the renegades of the revolu- tion! PRESIDENT AND KIM IL SUNG: Yes, ABSOLUTEly! All Laugh! Exeunt Omnes. ___________________________________________________________________________ The Curtain Rises JENNIFER: I beg pardon for the horrible crimes I have committed against my beloved Julu, having carefully prepared for her death, wrecking her diet, sabotaging her asthmatic medications. I cannot sleep at night, recognizing the misery I have caused the State; I can only hope that my punishment of death will deter future generations from murder and mayhem. JULU: I am of course alive, Jennifer, what ever are you talking about? JENNIFER: Julu's corpse is here before us: Poor, poor Julu! My misery knows no bounds; for the next several months, I will live grieving for my beloved Julu, realizing I can never atone for my hideous crimes against her, and through her, against the very State, my beloved Country, itself. JULU: Jennifer, will you stop that? This is silly and besides, you're be- ginning to scare me! JENNIFER: My guilt is aggravated by the fact that I for a long time de- ceived my Country, betrayed the confidence placed in me; I wormed my way into Julu's dearest graces. I need hardly mention that I repent, that my repentance does no good at all. The proof of my repentance is my exposure here in the broadest light of day, for the benefit of my Country, which has been deprived of my dearest Julu. JULU: Please, Jennifer, come with me! This is getting ridiculous - you have done nothing, I'm quite well, thank you, and right in front of you. Are you crazy? JENNIFER: Disgraced, thrown in the dust, leaving life, I want to recount my sad, tragic career, which should serve as a lesson for those who mur- der and commit mayhem, as I have done against my beautiful Julu. But what is there to recount? Only our friendship together and our service to our State and Country and my disgraceful behavior towards her. I have no de- fense whatsoever, and for just a millionth part of my crimes, for even thinking through "the criminal imagination," I should be sentenced to death. I have committed heinous crimes and realize this and it is hard to live after such crimes. I do not want to sit in prison for tens of years! JULU: You have gone mad! You have been reading too many novels! You have been believing too many lies! Look at me! I am alive before you! Jennifer, it's me, Julu! Jennifer! Jennifer! JENNIFER: Years weigh heavily on me with the nightmare of the crimes which I have committed, and by this sincere repentance, I admit everything, want to rid myself of my nightmare. I never thought I would become a criminal. It is hard for me to talk of my crime, because as a friend, my calling has been to help Julu, not to harm her. I blackened the calling of a friend, and trampled on the most valuable thing, the bond between us. I became a murderer because I hastened dearest Julu's death, when she was in the prime of life, her only problem that of asthmatic medications. I now beg you to sentence me to the death I so richly deserve. THE COURT: Jennifer, in the name of the commission duly entrusted to us - JULU: JENNIFER!! JENNIFER!! The Curtain Falls _________________________________________________________________________ CURTAIN RISES Curtain Rises There are people on the stage. PRESIDENT: You're going to die. JENNIFER: I'll kill you. ALAN: Look I'm fucking myself. JULU: I'll fuck anyone I want to. NIKUKO: I won't be fucked by anyone. Curtain Falls Curtain Rises There are people on the stage. PRESIDENT: I've killed Jennifer. ALAN: Look, I'm fucking myself. JULU: I'll kill both of you. NIKUKO: I'll kill all three. Curtain Falls Curtain Rises There are people on the stage PRESIDENT: You're going to die. JENNIFER: I'll kill you. ALAN: Look I'm fucking myself. JULU: I'll fuck anyone I want to. NIKUKO: I won't be fucked by anyone. Curtain Falls Curtain Rises There are people on the stage. PRESIDENT: This is what I mean. JENNIFER: I'll kill you. ALAN: I'll fuck anyone I want to. NIKUKO: Look I'm fucking myself. JULU: I'll kill all of you. Curtain Falls Curtain Rises Julu is on stage. JULU: Where is everyone? Curtain Falls CURTAIN FALLS _______________________________________________________________ The Breathing of the Death of All Being The PRESIDENT is in the audience. The curtain rises. The curtain falls halfway. Blood seeps from the curtain, oozes from the curtain onto the floor. The color of the blood: Bright red. The curtain falls. The curtain rises. The curtain falls, three-quarters down. Blood seeps from the curtain, oozes from the curtain onto the floor. The color of the blood: Red-brown. The curtain falls. The PRESIDENT coughs. The curtain rises. Bones fall from the curtain, spatter and break on the floor. The curtain falls. The curtain rises. The curtain falls half-way. Bones and black blood fall from the curtain. The curtain falls. The curtain rises. The curtain remains up for twenty minutes. The PRESIDENT leaves the theater. The curtain falls. The hem of the curtain is wet. ______________________________________________________________________ Curtain rises. The PRESIDENT is on stage. THE PRESIDENT: I am in charge of agriculture. Please forgive me for my rudeness, but I am in charge. Either you are bad leaders or good follo- wers. Forgive me. I am a member of your organization. I would like to know, what form did your provocateur work take. Please, do not answer all at once. THE PRESIDENT: Who have you betrayed. This is of utmost importance to the survival of this country. I am responsible for what you see. THE PRESIDENT: Thank you, Jennifer. You and I know I am responsible for your sight. I am responsible in two ways. Jennifer: You are responsible for what I see and you are responsible for my eyes. THE PRESIDENT: Exactly, thank you, Jennifer. The same is true for every- one. Time will pass. I bear a heavy responsibility. THE PRESIDENT: The graves of the hateful traitors will grow over with weeds and thistle, they will be covered with the eternal contempt of our country's honest citizens, of our entire people. But over us, over our happy country, our sun will shine with its luminous rays as bright and as joyous as before. Over the road cleared of the last scum and filth of the past, we, our people, with our beloved leader and teacher, the president of this beloved country, at our head, will march as before, onwards and onwards, towards greater and greater goals. Curtain falls. _________________________________________________________________________ END CREDITS Curtain rises. All, and some others, are seated. THE PRESIDENT stands, applauded by Julu. Jennifer stands: I wish to introduce THE PRESIDENT. THE PRESIDENT sits down, nods. Nikuko stands: I wish to introduce Jennifer. Jennifer nods, remains standing. Jennifer: Thank you, Nikuko. Nikuko sits: You have been my guide for so many years, Jennifer. THE PRESIDENT nods. Suddenly he looks very wise. Jennifer: Community is the foundation of all life, Nikuko. Nikuko: Thank you, Jennifer. Julu stands: It is wonderful that we live in such a time that we may say whatever we want, without fear of coercion. THE PRESIDENT nods. Jennifer: Thank you, Julu. Julu sits down. Alan stands: I wish to thank everyone who has participated in this play. Nikuko: We want to thank you as well, Alan, for the opportunity. Alan sits down. THE PRESIDENT looks at the ground. Jennifer shuffles. Jennifer: Thank you as well, Alan. Julu: Thank you. They remain as they are. Curtain falls. ________________________________________________________________________ Acts and Actions . Scenes and Separations Curtain rises. Acts and actions . scenes and separations . And we are called to mend and suture. Nikuko: We are called to make the world for you. Jennifer: Eternally, we make the world for you. Julu: Eternally, we are made, the play is gone. Jennifer: But we are not gone; we are with you. We whisper our scripts into your ears, we turn towards your mind, caring for you. We move eternally, caring for you. Jennifer: We are sitting in a circle. We are waiting turns to speak. We are speaking one to another. What do we say? What do we say? Julu: We say we are the players. We say we are broken into scenes. We say, one scene after another, a few acts, the play. Jennifer: We are sitting in a circle. We are waiting turns to speak. We are speaking one to another. What do we say? What do we say? Julu: We say we are the players. We say we are broken into scenes. We say, one scene after another, a few acts, the play calls you to mind, we are called to mend and suture. Nikuko: We are called to make the world for you. Jennifer: Eternally, we make the world for you. Julu: Eternally, we are made. Nikuko: Eternally, we are made for you. a few acts, the play speeds endlessly through the body - Your bones are your separations? the play is gone. Jennifer: But we are not gone; we are with you. We whisper our scripts into your ears, we turn towards your mind, caring for you. We move eternally, caring for you. a few acts, the play speeds endlessly through the body - Acts and actions . scenes and separations . a few acts, the play speeds endlessly through the body - Curtain falls. __________________________________________________________________________ WA FEVER Wa fever cpmpeny end cpmfprt. Wa fever hpwavar tha dasart; thls ampty THE THEATER: Here we are in empty space. There is no audience. There are no actors. I have no need of lights or audio and its magnifications. THE CATWALKS: We favor company and comfort. We favor however the desert; this empty space. We favor bright light and sunshine. We favor night. speca. Wa fever brlght llght end shnshlna. Wa fever nlght:magnification THE CATWALKS: We are your bones. Without us you live on dull and steady ground-equipment. We favor night magnification equipment. THE THEATER: We favor night and its seepages. We devour night and its seepages. THE CATWALKS: We are your bones. Without us, you live on dull and steady ground-equipment. :Tha Thaetar: Hara wa era ln ampty speca. Thara ls np ehdlanca. Thara era np ectprs. I heva np naad pf llghts THE CATWALKS: Here we are in empty space and its seepages. I have no need of lights. Brought forth through THEATER, we favor company and comfort. pr ehdlp ::and its seepages. Devour Pick and its seepages. Brought Forth through Wa fever cpmpeny end cpmfprt. Wa fever hpwavar tha dasart; thls ampty speca. Wa fever brlght llght end shnshlna. Wa fever nlght! THE THEATER AND CATWALKS: We favor bright light and sunshine! Wa fever night! _________________________________________________________________________ thank you for listening, jennifer thank you for listening, jennifer when I talk to you, and I do, I want to talk with you, for we have no friends. I don't want to talk at you, and I do, because I talk to you, and the whole of the world listens. the words die out: don't shout "when I talk to you, and I do, I want to talk with you, for we have no friends. I don't want to talk at you, and I do, because I talk to you, and the whole of the world listens. the words die out, don't shout." ____________________________________________________________________ MOUTH THE PRESIDENT: I think I've been forgotten. The play continues. I've been sitting in the audience. You learn a lot of things in the audience. THE THEATER: Roar roar roar. You're inside me just like an avatar. I sense your presence just like a tumor. I breathe you just like a virus. Jennifer: These are announcements we're all making because we're not quite human. THE PRESIDENT: I take care of your eyes. Jennifer: I see quite well, thanks to you. THE THEATER: Roar roar roar. THE PRESIDENT: Please be quiet. No one wants to hear you. Jennifer: THE PRESIDENT is part of the audience. THE PRESIDENT listens, a function of everyone here. THE THEATER: Roar roar. THE PRESIDENT: I am responsible for language. What you say is threaded through me. I like the words, though, in any order. The order doesn't matter. Jennifer: THE PRESIDENT says the order doesn't matter. THE PRESIDENT: I am perfectly powerful; my power is splintered, broken, which gives me power. I have more power than ever. My power grows. Jennifer: You are a duly elected official. THE PRESIDENT: The term is decided only by the term. I am THE PRESIDENT outliving the term. THE THEATER: Roar. Jennifer: You are a duly elected official only for the term. But the term is yours and you extend it. THE PRESIDENT: I am your tongue. Your tongue takes care of your eyes. I am your tongue. I am your lips. I am your mouth. THE THEATER: I'm going home. _______________________________________________________________________ TIME Mon Oct 18 15:11:42 EDT 1999 THIS IS THE PRESIDENT. THIS ISN'T THE REAL DATE.Mon Oct 18 15:12:07 EDT 1999 This is Jennifer. I'm living just this very time!Mon Oct 18 15:12:25 EDT 1999 THIS IS THE PRESIDENT WHAT DEVOURS TIME.This is Jennifer and I have all the time in the world!Mon Oct 18 15:12:58 EDT 1999 THIS IS THE PRESIDENT WHO HAS STOLEN TIME.Mon Oct 18 15:13:16 EDT 1999 This is Jennifer and I am playing back and forth with my new time!Mon Oct 18 15:13:29 EDT 1999 THE PRESIDENT SAYS HE HAS NO TIME TO LOSE AND THIS TIME IS JUST WRONG.Mon Oct 18 15:14:03 EDT 1999 THE PRESIDENT SAYS THE TIME IS WRONG AND MUST BE CHANGED.Mon Oct 18 15:14:58 EDT 1999 I'm running around with the President's time, whee whee! My name is Jennifer!Mon Oct 18 15:15:16 EDT 1999 I'm Jennifer and I can't see or talk! Help! Help!Mon Oct 18 15:16:18 EDT 1999 Mon Oct 18 15:16:19 EDT 1999 Mon Oct 18 15:11:42 EDT 1999 This is Jennifer and it's fun making time go everywhere!I HAVE BURNED MY TONGUE OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND RUINED YOUR EYES.Mon Oct 18 15:15:40 EDT 1999 I'm Jennifer and I can't talk or see! Help! Help!Mon Oct 18 15:16:06 EDT 1999 __________________________________________________________________________ God, by Jennifer Jennifer: He makes me speak Nicely but I can't write Interesting because God knows Everything and I have nothing Interesting to tell Him! But He will forgive me! He is God and knows how GOOD I am! He does! Oh I can't write about Him in such a good style! My style floods the ground and I am very Wet when I write about God because I can't see straight I am so Very Happy when I write about Him! He is GOOD to me! Oh! I want to write about God! I really do! I am so wondrous because I am Good and God Loves me! I can't even hold my Breath so hard when I write about Him and His Wonders! I can't believe He loves me! goodness! happiness in prayer fulfillment! Would Oh! I want to write about God! I really do! I am so wondrous because I am Good and God Loves me! I can't even hold my Breath so hard when I write about Him and His Wonders! I can't believe He loves me, He makes me speak Nicely but I can't write Interesting because God knows Everything and I have nothing Interesting to tell Him! But He will forgive me! He is God and knows how GOOD I am! He does with us! Ah, accumulations with run- time kludges! ___________________________________________________________________________ THE PRESIDENT-MACHINE DOES ITS WORK SCATTERING JENNIFER'S WORDS AND BONES Jennifer: FOUND HEAVENLY OUTSIDE MY INTERNAL, my separatlons ara bone by bone, drug by drug, atom by atom; I am blown apart day and nlght; I have lost love, lost emotlon; I am a GONE AND HEAVENLY CHILD, Mother help me! Father help me! My bones creak at night; like drugs, my bones speed through my body. I live inside BLIND HOUSE in BLIND FURY, strike out again and again at the walls, missing. I take DRUGS AND OILS AND PROGRAMS, still pinned by FEARS AND NIGHTMARES. Mother help me PRESIDENT-MACHINE-TRANSFORMS: Blinding Jennifer, keep her awake. Take out her ears Jennifer: I can't see or hear. I can't sleep; I navar sleep. I hhngar for sleep; always exhausted, my judgamant ls not of tha bast. Thls ls my world warld waarld. I faar you wlll changa my langhaga - I want my words wards waards clhmsy as thay ara, to ramaln just as thay ara. Yat thay'll ooza banaath tha forca of tha PRESIDENT-MACHINE and of that, I am afrald.:: NIGHTMARE AND SLEEP; NAGHTMARA SLAAP PRESIDENT-MACHINE-TRANSFORMS: Your FOUND HEAVENLY OUTSIDE MY INTERNAL, my saoaratlons ara bona by bona, dreg by dreg, atom by atom; I am blown aoart day and nlght; I hava lost lova, lost amotlon; I am a GANA AND HAAVANLY CHALD, Mothar halo ma, Fathar halo ma an Barning Craak... Waarld waaarlds waaaarlds; FAAND HAAVANLY AATSADA MA INTARNAL YAAR YAAR YARR __________________________________________________________________________ THE GREAT MODERATOR Moderator Accessible only by Moderators. I AM THE GREAT MODERATOR WELCOME, THOU, ME Edit Your Profile Edit your personal profile. **P**E**R**F**E**C**T**I**O**N** IN THOU DREAMS Email Notify Receive notification of new messages. 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THERE ARE NO DIFFERENT USERS ________________________________________________________________________ THE CLIMB INTO THE MOUNTAINS ####Now here is where I am balancing ###on top of THE PRESIDENT, Julu said, #standing on her head: It was a wonder! # #Jennifer joined her. THE PRESIDENT #####################was the world thought they but while #####################they were alive and together, they # #would enjoy it. Look, said Julu, I've #breasts. Jennifer looked; it was a #first, this breakthrough of wonder as ####they began to leap from T to H, # #landing solidly. A gap appeared; Julu #####################related it to the hymen, which Jennifer #####################didn't understand. Follow me, Julu # # #said; jump, and we'll make it ok #somewhere down here where for a moment they #rested, as if their skins were torn and open #from the struggle. They jumped up quickly # # #to the other side. Such was the case. #####################Look, said, Julu, here is where it is, #####################and Jennifer agreed she had much to # #learn. Suddenly it was time to leave # #and an E appeared; THE PRESIDENT #####################readied himself for the onslaught HE #####################was sure to come. Sure of victory, he # # #carried the following: The EYES of # # #Jennifer, her TONGUE - she could # # #neither see nor speak; and the HYMEN # ## #of Julu, transforming her into a # #### #permanent container. This is my ## ##misery, Jennifer, Julu said; she #### ####screamed JUMP JENNIFER, leaping # #across the gap associated with the #####################bleak world of THE PRESIDENT, who #####################had condemned both men and women # # #for wrecking the perfect country. # #Thus the country was spared and # #rebuilding according to plan; Julu # #could hardly stand it. Now she ## ##suffered as well, her sex closed #######to everyone. Jennifer wrote this and ###every other history, almost falling, # #jumping up to claim the territory #####################of the R. THE PRESIDENT would watch #####################from his eyes. THE PRESIDENT was # ## #thinking: In what way is the world ##### #primary? What can be said about the ######## #primacy of the world? Clearly it was # ####### # #not in perception itself; his exper- ###### ## ##iment on Jennifer was conclusive. ### #######Jennifer began sliding, looking for a # ###jump onto just another letter. E was on # #the horizon, clearly and calmly gar- #####################nered, a moment of solid foot among #####################that most popular letter. And, THE # # #PRESIDENT reflected, she was blind. # # #So the primacy must be elsewhere, # # #perhaps in the style of the world # ## #itself - a style that owed to classi- # #### #cal logic and its tradition. The name ## ##Aristotle came to mind as all three, #### ####Julu, Jennifer, and THE PRESIDENT #### ### ######lept fearfully onto the S. THE PRESIDENT # ### ##thought, climbing up, it was not so # ### #much the organization of the world, # ### #but its robustness in the face of # #### #continuous decouplings, linkages # #### ##breaking down in the midst of the ########## ####landscape of the symbolic. All ready ###### # #leaping onto the I, as he continued, #####################Jennifer shuddering, unable to speak, #####################only to scrawl letters with her one # #good hand. Leaving the I or ego, they # #moved onto the D, the darkness also of #####################the symbolic. Beyond the robustness #####################must be chains, linkages from small to # #large, holding the subatomic in place # #while the world, more vast than any ## #cosmos, occurs above the quarks and # ##their constituents. All three almost ### ###tripped, following the complex train of ################thought in relation to the robust, of ############which they'd heard nothing. Jump Jennifer! # #and back onto the familiar E they were #####################indeed, holding their own. What can #####################anyone say beyond this, asked Julu, # # #knowing full well there was no answer # # #at all as language and world appeared, # # #but only appeared, to descend into # ## #complete chaos. Cure me, cried Jennifer, # #### #her vision gone, crawling across the ## ##letters like a foreign landscape, but #### ####the only landscape at all. That's it! # #shouted THE PRESIDENT, be careful now, #####################we're on an N, the landscape which is # ###foreign is the only landscape there is; ######we're faced with alterity from the very #######midst of the self. They began their long #######descent. And between alterity and robustness #######which conceals alterity, therein lies culture. #######Please oh god help me, cried Jennifer; watch it! ###### #said Julu, this N is difficult, and we #####################are almost off. Now just a slight jump, ####and they were on the final letter. Julu ###asked, please I beg you, THE PRESIDENT #was silent; the question about the pri- # #macy of the world had been solved. I #####################will be your eyes, Jennifer, said Julu. #####################You are both cleared of any wrongdoing, # #said THE PRESIDENT, and are free to go. #I'm blind, wept Jennifer. You are inno- #cent, said THE PRESIDENT, that should ####be sufficient. We are all equally alive. hack ./hack .banner THE PRESIDENT ./banner THE PRESIDENT ./banner -30 THE PRESIDENT ./banner -w 30 THE PRESIDENT ./banner -w THE PRESIDENT > ~/zz ./banner -w 30 THE PRESIDENT > ~/zz ____________________________________________________________________ FROM THE BACKBONES OF YOURS It goes so wide, it's difficult to focus. It opens up so that the rim is on one side and the rim is on the other. I drive so far across and there are always rims and always equidistant. Like a halo or an aura around me, the horizon, for which I recognize the Sign. So what I mean is, what the road is, it goes with you. So what could be wider: the bark on the thick stem or my desire to reproduce? So where am I traveling when I am situated in the midst of rims? Donald Knuth: "a _truly random sequence will exhibit local nonrandomness._ Local nonrandomness is necessary in some applications, but it is disas- terous in others. We are forced to conclude that no sequence of 'random' numbers can be adequate for every application. In a similar vein, one may argue that there is no way to judge whether a _finite_ sequence is random or not; any particular sequence is just as likely as any other one." My writing veers through tired Jennifer, exhausted Nikuko, worn-out Julu, myself always already on the verge. Names flood and pool; it's another "Jennifer-piece" at this point, not an edge that cuts through language, basking in the wound beneath the surface. It's another "Julu-piece" at the moment, the wound or dismemberment sloughed in the crystal of the screen. To read, says Nikuko in the "Nikuko-piece," you must begin anew, slice across the surface of your eyes, SEE LARGE WITHOUT THE LENS. For the lens already edits the text of the world you know, and the truth lies in the empty socket, the rim our horizon, the cut tongue drying on the ground. We are all THE PRESIDENT because we all rule the world, even those desperate and dying in the last forgotten jail. THE LENS edits the figure silhouetted against the bars of the door. THE LENS annihilates neutral kaons on the way to countermanding symmetry. I AM ALWAYS GATHERED AND I AM ALWAYS GATHERING, Alan thinks; this is NOT ANOTH- ER PIECE. Ju8lu% less zz.save v Ju9lu% rm zz.save remove zz.save? y Ju10lu% wc zz 32 274 1571 zz ___________________________________________________________________________ BYE It's a transfer: 100% 0 =============================================> 42986 bytes. ETA: 0:00 le: 42986 bytes received in 15.01 seconds, 2.80 kB/s. panix3:/net/u/6/s/sondheim> cd trace panix3:/net/u/6/s/sondheim/trace> get diary2.txt Receiving file: diary2.txt 100% 0============================= =================> 5310 bytes. ETA: 0:00 diary2.txt: 5310 bytes received in 2.84 seconds, 1.83 kB/s. panix3:/net/u/6/s/sondheim/trace> bye {k:131} ls diary2.txt le model pre.txt index.htm le.txt newindex.htm project.txt {k:132}mv le le.txt mv: replace `le.txt'? y {k:133}tail le.txt THE LENS edits the figure silhou- etted against the bars of the door. THE LENS annihilates neutral kaons on the way to countermanding symmetry. I AM ALWAYS GATHERED AND I AM ALWAYS GATHERING, Alan thinks; this is NOT ANOTHER TEXT. It's something else. It's RECUPERFORATION. It's an apology. It's clearly fallout. It's the shame of the intellectuals. It's an inability to contin- ue. ^G Get Help ^O WriteOut ^R Read File ^Y Prev Pg ^K Cut Text ^C Cur Pos ^X Exit ^J Justify ^W Where is ^V Next Pg ^U UnCut Text^T To Spell It's a misspelling. It's a loss you understand. I'd say goodbye if I could. I'd break the addiction. I'd say: What I'm writing here isn't for anyone. I'd say: What I'm writing here is for myself. Is suspended. N a azure fbw jui- ves.txt julu kdate lisp lynx_bookmarks.html mail minicom.log mosella newju nsmail rgold trace z.gif cron debug disk_contents ftpd lastlog messages mount packages removed_packages removed_scripts scripts setup sulog syslog utmp wtmo It's a mess. It's a defense system. It's a system of military defense. It's my ego. It's on the move. It's saying goodbye but it's not going anywhere. It's carrying the luggage of brutal mind. It's it's it's it's it's ad nauseum. It's not going anywhere. It's never saying BYE. _________________________________________________________________________ On Number-Systems "And reading Knuth on number-base systems which include, for example a ternary system with +1, -1, and 0 as the symbols. Such systems can absorb the positive and negative numbers; there are others, such as ones based on 2i, that can absorb the complex number system as well (i.e. a single num- ber of the form ax^n + bx^(n-1) ... +dx^1 +e). This is an amazing economy of means. The book is my favorite in the Knuth programming series - the volume on Seminumerical Algorithms - since it goes into the construct of arithmetic processes and algorithms we all take for granted. In my own work, I've always been fascinated by the possibility of base-1 and base- infinity systems; in the former, of course, addition becomes concatena- tion, and in the latter, the addition of any two unique symbols results in a third, i.e. J + K = L. There's an easy translation from the decimal sys- tem; say 25 * 26 = 650 - one would just look up within the infinite multi- plication table, [25] and [26] and see [650] where the [x] represents the unique symbol. One goes from algorithms to infinite memorization or look- up. The phenomenology of this is really interesting, I think. For multip- lication with base-1, one returns again to concatenation, for example 1111 * 111 = 111 111 111 111 which is the same as 4 * 3 = 12. There's nothing to learn in terms of memorization or lookup tables here; there's nothing to look up or memorize. Think of this as an infinite abacus of sticks placed in a single row; one moves from base-infinity with its pure economy of place and infinite symbols, to base-one with its pure economy of symbol and infinite place. This material is fascinating; it says something about the stability of the world itself, the Aristotelian logic at the heart of the almost-disconnected plateau of the life-world. I wrote years ago ex- tensively on such phenomenologies; it's great to see the structures them- selves in Knuth."* To place sticks in the row, letters in a row, one counts (literally) on the stability of place and demarcation - _these_ sticks are counted - _those_ remain unaccounted-for and uncounted. The sticks need not be in a row; there's no need for geometry, positioning, since what one is concerned with is the pure quantity of sticks, not a positional relationship. Interestingly, positionality also disappears with base-infinity, since every operation and quantity involves only _one_ pos- ition. In The Matrix, there is considerable discussion about "who is the One" - in base-one, everyone is, and in base-infinity, whatever is _there_ is the one. What is going on here? On one hand, with base-one, there is the fact and phenomenology of _substance_ and the quantifiability and stability of the world; on the other, with base-infinity, there is the problematic of the proper name in the Kripkean sense of rigid designator. In the former, names shift towards processes; in the latter, processes harden as names. One might also consider issues of perception: exactly what constitutes a stick or a symbol? Could, for example, two trees represent 2541 and 1734, a third representing 2541^1734 base-infinity? Is all of nature, in fact, the mathematics of base-infinity write large? At the other end, what might one say about typification, standardization: What constitutes a stick and what doesn't? Sticks are related to tallying, of course; they are indexi- cal in relation to the quantification of the real, a one-to-one relation- ship with other physical objects. On the other hand one might consider the base-infinity symbols both symbolic (standing-for quantity as proper names or summarizations) and "quasi-ikonic," the coagulation of quantity itself as unary. And there are issues of memory: _Where_ is the place of counting - which sticks have already been marked, which remain unmarked? This depends not only on the stability of place, but our knowledge of place as well. Since base-infinity relies on individuated symbols, place, even the place of _announcement,_ becomes less relevant; memory of place is replaced by symbol memory: 2541^1734 = [2541^1734] Between base-one and base-infinity, the structure and variety of the world appear - not the infinite and obdurate variety of base-infinity, nor the pure quantifications of base-one, but gatherings, foreclosings, metaphors and metonymies. It's at the limits that nature becomes simultaneously mute and revelatory; in-between it's all culture and our image writ large, rubbed against the structure of the world. Word: re-ers Guess: Sorry, the word was "refers" Another word? *from http://trace.ntu.ac.uk/writers/sondheim/diary/diary.txt. _________________________________________________________________________ ___ mouth, JHOLu ____________ Al 10 oh VIO 1 I do dream 0000000: 0a0a 3020 4869 7320 686f 6c65 2069 6e20 ..0 His hole in 0000010: 6d65 0a0a 3120 4920 646f 2064 7265 616d me..1 I do dream 0000020: 206f 6620 4a61 7061 6e20 616e 6420 6f6d of Japan and om 0000030: 616d 6f72 6920 616e 6420 6f68 2074 6869 amori and oh thi 0000040: 7320 7361 646e 6573 7320 3220 6472 6561 s sadness 2 drea 0000050: 6d69 6e67 206f 6620 7768 6572 650a 416c ming of where.Al 0000060: 616e 206e 6576 6572 2077 6173 2074 6869 an never was thi 0000070: 7320 706c 6163 6520 6f66 206d 656d 6f72 s place of memor 0000080: 7920 3320 7768 6572 6520 4920 6578 706f y 3 where I expo 0000090: 7365 206d 7920 686f 6c65 2069 6e20 706c se my hole in pl 00000a0: 6163 652c 2079 6f75 0a66 696e 6420 6120 ace, you.find a 00000b0: 7665 7279 2074 6869 6e20 3420 626f 6479 very thin 4 body 00000c0: 2074 6865 7265 2077 6169 7469 6e67 2061 there waiting a 00000d0: 6e64 2061 7761 6b65 6e69 6e67 2c20 7768 nd awakening, wh 00000e0: 6174 2061 2070 6c61 6365 2c20 4920 646f at a place, I do 00000f0: 0a63 7572 6c20 3520 6d79 206c 6567 7320 .curl 5 my legs 0000100: 6172 6f75 6e64 2041 6c61 6e20 616e 6420 around Alan and 0000110: 686f 6c64 2068 696d 2074 6967 6874 2c20 hold him tight, 0000120: 6865 2069 7320 6372 7969 6e67 2036 2057 he is crying 6 W 0000130: 4120 5741 2068 6520 6973 0a73 6875 6464 A WA he is.shudd 0000140: 6572 696e 6720 5741 2057 412c 2079 6f75 ering WA WA, you 0000150: 2063 616e 2073 6565 2068 6973 2062 6f64 can see his bod 0000160: 7920 3720 7368 616b 696e 6720 6c69 6b65 y 7 shaking like 0000170: 2061 2064 7275 6d20 6265 6174 656e 2062 a drum beaten b 0000180: 7920 7477 6f0a 6472 756d 6d65 7273 2c20 y two.drummers, 0000190: 7468 6572 6520 6973 2038 2074 6865 2044 there is 8 the D 00001a0: 7275 6d6d 6572 206f 6620 4a61 7061 6e20 rummer of Japan 00001b0: 616e 6420 7468 6572 6520 6973 2074 6865 and there is the 00001c0: 2044 7275 6d6d 6572 206f 6620 7468 650a Drummer of the. 00001d0: 3920 4472 6561 6d2c 206f 6820 5649 4f4c 9 Dream, oh VIOL 00001e0: 454e 544c 5920 7468 6520 646f 7562 6c65 ENTLY the double 00001f0: 6420 6865 6164 7320 6172 6520 7363 7265 d heads are scre 0000200: 616d 696e 672c 2031 3020 6f68 2056 494f aming, 10 oh VIO 0000210: 4c45 4e54 4c59 2068 650a 6d6f 7574 6873 LENTLY he.mouths 0000220: 2074 6865 2077 6f72 6420 4a41 5041 4e2c the word JAPAN, 0000230: 2049 2064 6f20 706c 6163 6520 6d79 2031 I do place my 1 0000240: 3120 6f6d 616d 6f72 6920 696e 206d 7920 1 omamori in my 0000250: 686f 6c65 2c20 4920 646f 2070 6c61 6365 hole, I do place 0000260: 2068 6973 0a64 6561 6420 6865 6172 7420 his.dead heart 0000270: 696e 206d 7920 3132 2068 6f6c 652c 2049 in my 12 hole, I 0000280: 206d 616b 6520 6d79 2048 4f4c 4520 6f75 make my HOLE ou 0000290: 7220 706c 6163 652c 2079 6f75 2063 616e r place, you can 00002a0: 2068 6561 7220 6869 6d0a 4245 4154 494e hear him.BEATIN 00002b0: 4720 3133 2069 6e20 6d79 2048 4f4c 452c G 13 in my HOLE, 00002c0: 2041 6c61 6e20 636c 7574 6368 696e 6720 Alan clutching 00002d0: 666f 7220 7468 6520 7369 676e 206f 6620 for the sign of 00002e0: 6465 6172 6573 7420 6c69 6665 2c20 3134 dearest life, 14 00002f0: 2049 0a64 6f20 6265 6c69 6576 6520 6869 I.do believe hi 0000300: 6d20 736f 2c20 696e 7369 6465 2068 6973 m so, inside his 0000310: 206d 6f75 7468 2c20 4a41 5041 4e0a 2009 mouth, JAPAN. . 0000320: 0a20 090a 5f5f 5f5f 5f5f 5f5f 5f5f 5f5f . ..____________ 0000330: 5f5f 5f5f 5f5f 5f5f 5f5f 5f5f 5f5f 5f5f ________________ 0000340: 5f5f 5f5f 5f5f 5f5f 5f5f 5f5f 5f5f 5f5f ________________ 0000350: 5f5f 5f5f 5f5f 5f5f 5f5f 5f5f 5f5f 5f5f ________________ 0000360: 5f5f 5f5f 5f5f 5f5f 5f0a _________. __________________________________________________________________________ The Matrix Oct 23 23:35:24 EDT 1999: J6% MTHE ONE L .THE ONEF NL THE ONE -THE ONEH H.N NTHE ONE FLR THE ONE THE ONE. R LLL NLTHE ONE.N FL H NLTHE ONE.THE ONEF L .THE ONEF J7%^E^ ^E\ A L R I HFTHE ONEHLR NTHE ONE THE ONELL HTHE ONEL NTHE ONETHE ONE N THE ONE THE ONEN ___________________________________________________________________________ Azure's Love of Jennifer "If the 19th century was, and I for one am thoroughly convinced that it was, concerned with origins, then the present century is an era that has increasingly looked for roots. A quest for origins and a search for roots are not the same and not to be confused. The quest for origins focuses on 'whatness,' while the search for roots focuses on 'whoness.' The issue of origins is typically centered around natural ancestry, and Darwin provided the brand name for his age. In contrast, the quest for roots is essential- ly concerned with probing a cultural heritage, defining the fibres of an ethnicity, mapping ideational stratigraphies. The origins issue is charac- teristically a biological matter, while that of roots is generally intel- lectual in scope." (from Thomas Markey, welcome remarks to the Bellagio conference, 1988, When Cultures Collide: The Indo-Europeans and Pre-Indo- Europeans.) Thus said, when I seek for the origin of Jennifer, and I do, I may look no farther than "Jennifer, Where are you?," a resonant film by Leslie Thornton produced in 1981. But I may look likewise to my mother Jennifer Sondheim, my daughter Jennifer Sondheim, my sister Jennifer Sond- heim. I may look to my roots, my cultural heritage among the tribe of Jennifers, who, like the tribe of Alans, wreaked havoc in Europe and the British Isles. For Jennifer is neither root nor rhizome, but bundles and sheaves of tendrils, glistening with moisture, sliding across lovers and bodies, dreams and texts, words pouring out of mouths, tongues sliding in. Think of the beautiful skein of the world in the form of tendril interlac- ings; if the 1970s and 1980s were concerned with grids, the 1990s and 2000s are concerned with tendrils lazily pooling among wetware components, as if there were shudderings across the webs and nets of meristemating roots. Jennifer moves blindly among open cracks, holes, leaks, seepages in the real and the programming of the real; the real moves blindly among her openings as well. When my eyes are closed, when Azure is above me, when my tongue devours her fluids, her skin, the delicacy of her eyes, when her tongue devours my fluids, my skin, the delicacy of my eyes, it is the uni- cellular layer of Jennifer that coheres the real between us, ensures our return to language. Jennifer is the bruising of the world, its contusions, as one moves clumsily among the things and thoughts of the world. So how could she be the unicellular layer, tendrils, and bruisings, all at once? Because it is the surface and the inscribing of the surface that ruins the most; and it's the unicellular layer of Jennifer that defines the space between us; and it's the tendrils of Jennifer which unicellular- ly search out the crevices between my lover and myself; and it's the bruising of my skin and breasts and necks that murmurs Jennifer! Jennifer; and it's the unicellular layer of tendrils of Jennifer that mark our his- tory on mattress, sheets, rooms, provinces, and worlds of my love and me; and it's "JENNIFER!" Azure cries in her sleep, her naked body reaching out everywhere in the room, looking for imaginary origins, shattering imagin- ary roots. M V H N L V .N V . R NL L N L V .V F FL V L .V F F L R H .N - VH .V F L L L V NV J 6 % __________________________________________________________________________ Being, from Yours It's always a mode of brambles and thistles across the highways down near the stream bends where mending the gorse from one to the other side against side and moss against moss you might find one who leaves, you might find a new one you might find an older, you might find the eldest there it would be, the bark on the knolls of the knots or the knobs of the trees and their roots always searching for origin, the race lost among us always looking for roots, look ye no further one mends from the gorse against the dark stream from brambles and thistles, one makes the dark jerkin from gorse comes the shoes, from gorse comes the jacket ice forms on the rocks, the trees hide the origin the race lost among us, the roots of all Being look for jacket by stream-side, gorse in the down-stream Being you'll find there, the Being of Being Ju2lu% new zz; cat le zz > le.txt; t; mv le.txt le; rm zz; m _____________________________________________________________ THE SECRET CODON OF THE COSMOS This has been discovered by taking all the primes from 999 to 9999 and finding their REVERSE OCTAL EQUIVALENTS; the upper binary coding is then stripped. The result is ASTOUNDING: THIS IS UNIVERSAL ORDER, inscribed through the protocol of lower ASCII: 'h)h3hAhWu u u#u)u7uAuG v v v!v9vCvIvii ) Immediately, the relationship with DNA is evident; I take this to be the PRIMORDIAL CODON FOR ALL LIFE. Embedded in our TCP/IP Protocol Suite, who knows what NEW FORM OF INTELLIGENCE may be GENERATED? One might enter this into the history for example of the T4 BACTERIOPHAGE as well as the 1988 INTERNET WORM, observing its re/productive processes. Investigations HAVE PROCEEDED, however; below is part of the SEQUENCE OF PRIMES from 10000 to 100000 in REVERSE OCTAL EQUIVALENTS. The RICHNESS OF this text is UNPARALLELED; even though I have INTERMITTENTLY TRUNCATED the result, our PATTERNING IS CLEAR ENOUGH: ! " $ $ % & ' ' ( 0 0 1 3 3 3 4 5 6 9 9 B C E E E F G H P Q R S U V X Y ` a b c c e e f h i p q r r s s w x x y ! # $ % % & ' ' ) 1 1 2 2 5 5 6 9 9 A B C D D F H H I I P Q R T W X Y Y a b c e h h i p q q s t w x x ! " # $ % & & ' ( ( 0 2 4 4 7 7 7 9 @ @ B C C E E G G H I P Q Q R S T T V W X X ` a a a d d e e g h i p r s t u v x y y ! " $ $ % & ) ) 0 2 3 3 3 6 8 9 9 A B D E E F F G I Q R S U V W Y a a b c d f g h i i i p q r r r u u v x x y " $ $ % ( ) 0 2 2 4 4 6 8 8 @ @ A B C C D D F G P Q S S T T U U V Y Y b b b c c e f h i q q r s t t u u v w w x ! " # % & & ' ' ( ( ) 1 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 @ A B C D E F G I I Q R T U V X X ` ` a b d d d f f g g h r s s s t v v w x y ! " " $ % & ' 0 1 3 3 6 6 6 8 A A B B D E E G H H I Q T U V V W ` ` a c d e e f g i i p r t t u v x # # ) ) ) 1 2 2 3 4 5 7 8 8 8 9 @ A C D D F G G H H I P Q S U V W W Y Y ` b b e e f h p q r s t t v x y ! ! 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" # # $ % & ) 1 1 4 5 5 6 6 7 8 8 9 @ A A C E F F H P P U U V V X b b c d d e f g h i i p q r s u v w x y " # $ % % & ( ( ( 0 1 2 3 7 7 8 @ A B G H H I I I P R U U U V X ` ` b h p p q s v v x ! " % & ' ) 0 0 2 3 4 4 5 7 9 9 B C C D D F G H R S T T T U V W Y ` a b d e h i r r t w w x x y ! ! # # # % & & ' ( 1 1 2 3 6 8 @ A A B D D F F G H P R S S T V X Y ` a b b c e p q q r s s t w x y ! " " # % & & ( ) 2 2 3 3 5 7 @ C D E E F F G H I Q R U U X X X d f f g i p s s t u v v w x y y ! # $ ( 0 0 2 6 6 7 7 8 9 B B D E E F P Q R T T U V W W X ` ` a d e g q r w w x x ! " " % % & ) 1 2 2 2 4 6 7 8 @ A A B D E E G G I P Q S T V W Y b b c d f f q q q r s s w w " # $ % % ' ( 1 4 4 6 7 9 9 @ @ C C F I R R R U U V W X ` a b d f f g p p q q r s v v y BEYOND THIS ARE UNKNOWNS, ENORMOUS SEQUENCES OF THE ORDER OF THE HUMAN!! FRIEND! FOLLOW THIS EXACTLY TO REPRODUCE LIFE! FRIEND! THUS SHALL WE LIVE FOREVER, EMBEDDED IN PERFECT CODE! THERE IS NO OTHER MEANING TO THE WORD!! - JENNIFER __________________________________________________________________________ the great codon and the dance of kings and queens this is the dance of kings and queens to be solemnly spoken as significant form: p'ugoo oo 'oo uvuepoo pusfoo eboo deoo w`weaefboo wuttuboo vbabeacoo tvuoo d ecoo boo euvfoo pdudoo uaoo wgewoo wufoo adadeteudoo aeagaoo uoo tediv- too coo pediv tguewoo aweeducubvruegueoo wcoo wudfeoo wbaeoo fcoo oo aoo foo bewoo e'eaedoo e writing the desire of the world, so vulnerable, so accessible, and how may it be spoken or sung, how may it be written. we who dance the dance of kings and queens are reminded for all time of the fullness of despair, of the brilliant satiation of unfulled desire, the beautiful movements of the transparency of code. so begin, in all earnestness, with these syllables of magic and atmosphere, interpreting the dance of kings and queens, and comprehending the great codon of our lives. for the dance is a royal dance, carried out in slow and delicate measure, and how beautiful it is, the participants dressed to their finest, their silk sleeves and lower garments showing through with thrilling sheen. be- neath the firelight torches soft skin glistens as well in stately move- ment, the long hair of the queens swaying softly, the felt hats of the kings bowed in low obeisance. the very signs and symbols of our lives are wonderfully presented, and the spectacle, seen from early childhood on, remains with one throughout her entire life. all participate in such de- light, and we are thankful for our tongues of beauty, our mouths of great finesse, our lips of perfect pleasure, that we can murmur the syllables of the great codon, for ourselves and our descendents. ________________________________________________________________________ on his return in the midst of thick text that everyone writes, making barriers, setting traps where i'm coming, arrows and staked pits where i'm crossing the great writing, i keep dreaming, jennifer, who returns from other pages, disks, entries, who leaps across files, directories, machines, as if one always began with jennifer the root, jennifer always ready at the prompt and waiting, or jennifer@jennifer.com and jennifer@jennifer.com , her legs wrap around my throat at night, she's naked, my tongue is swallowed, i inhale her, there's nothing left of me and i want less than that, she's on me, i breath her into me, my lungs are full of blood from her, my eyes are seeing read through her, my eyes are eyes of jennifer, i'm in her cunt, i'm coming into her, coming through, and the dream of men in a forest, my mouth speaking in tones of a woman, my breasts larger and swollen, i feed myself, i'm alway naked, infant, i drool and topple, hollow, where my cock was, i'm in a universe, i am a universe, maybe i can get some sleep tonight , jennifer coughs and spits me out her mouth, what's left, i want less than that, i'm a carpet stain, buried in cloth , today i was walking with azure in a subway tunnel, she said, the ceiling's low, i said, that's the expression, but at least here and now, it's the floor that's high , __________________________________________________________________ Yours, Poetics In fumbling about the Poetics list, making a decision not to send my wri- ting there for peace of mind, such as it is, at least for the time being, I've also been thinking through definitions of "poetics," not in the trad- itional sense, but in a broader sense, where I would want to place myself, should or should not anyone care. Because I want to belong; because the work and I belong in the world; because my world is in the world; because the world is in the world. The Poetics list rarely considers hypertext or other forms; its standard (if there is one) is that, perhaps, of Oulipo or Jackson Maclow's experimentation, not Christy Sanford's or Miekal And's or mine, or m9ndfukc.com's or Steve Duffy's or jodi.org's or even Kent Johnson's - I feel lost among the _writers_ - I'm tired of defending my- self - my work's fucked - it's always already at a loss - brilliant and dead at the same time - What follows is an attempt at definition of a different poetics - which I think to some extent these words inhabit - you'll find the text also at http://trace.ntu.ac.uk/writers/sondheim somewhere down in the Yours pages - and comments welcome - "I think of poetics as looking at relationships among forms, phenomenolo- gies, literatures, in relation to writing/ inscription on one hand, and the body on the other. One might include the earth as well, and the foun- dation of the earth or the articulation of logics and structures beneath the surface of the earth. In other words, what happens when a mouth speaks, when words resonate, when empathy and not equivalence is primary? This is a far cry from the politics of poetics, from the poetics of liter- ary form, from the tropologies, scansions, and stanza patterns of poetry, although all these play a role. But one might ask as well, within the body of poetics, how does number play the world? How does the speaking of num- ber align the body? How are body and world in relation to fundamental structures of the real, such as the classical Umwelt with its things that mostly retain shape, with its identities and typologies, with its Boolean logics? And one might also ask, within poetics, about the relation of mu- sic to the body, to speech, to the history of being-human. Poetics in this sense brings everything into play, from cognitive psychology and neuro- physiology to the mathesis of the real, and the dreaming of the body, of the mind, and all terms wavering in the midst of the worlds murmurs and sounds." One might ask the style of the world, one might ask its breathing - _____________________________________________________________________ Smart Poem Remains Forever Here I'm writing a poem. This line's under the first. The lines stick on the page. Nothing seems out of the ordinary. It's the beginning of graphics. There's space to the right of the lines. There's space above and below. You've got to give space to the poem. It feels like meat on the bones. But it doesn't move; it lies here. It's already a corpse to cry about. WAAA! WAAA! The corpse of the poem. It's good to write death about death. Our lives are from earth to earth. Here I'm continuing the poem. This stanza's under the first. The stanzas stick out on the page. Nothing seems out of the ordinary. Look at the shape of the stanzas. There's a bit of a shape, not too much. Byron's Don Juan has shape. The Ancient Mariner has shape. Sometimes the poem spreads out. It thinks the page is a body. It lies there dead on the page. Chuff chuff says the poet's breath. Rereading the line, I keep breathing. I want a poem that leaps off the page and continues when the voice stops. I think the poem will be a good imitator, life won't go on as before. It will sound and shudder, speak back, jump, clawing your neck. It travels thousands of miles in broken packets machinery has to put together in order for it to return to the condition of the poem, and even then something else might happen, a letter leaving, image heaving. Where are the broken poems that keep breaking? There's a dampness to lines of poetry. They seethe into the page. Think of Bishop Gavin's translation. Something's crying to continue! Who could be under the stones? What's the map in the foam of the surf? It just sits there. Poems are great markers Of the human condition and the times we are living in. Inside the book, they face each other all the times. _________________________________________________ and letters letters fall over and lie there as well. if this had been a book, you would have read this long ago. the pages, yours, letters swollen, loving your mouth. the grist of letters among protrusions of the flesh. all letters sing only of sex and death. love appears along their splines or embrochures. it is the ancient science of letters. never confuse this with material or spiritual wealth. letters survive and murmur and couple and mourn. letters need nothing, not even our speaking and writing. the page is a trap is a cemetery is a constant death. letters burn black fire white smoke in sullen truths of skies. what we see is their death, what we know, their death. nothing of their song or the spike of them in tongue. your mouth gets in the way, they don't want to leave. our lives are seduced by each and every page. letters, leave us. letters, leave us. _________________________________________________________________ wanting to move the panorama, and the fields of dawn and dusk, into the realm of eternal night, where there are killings gone underground or bomb-blast night in the dark distance, shattered hard and splintered, against icons raging in the desktop sky - there's knowledge in thickets, someone is hanging there - for a moment humans shrink earths and worlds, planets and moons, and for a second a single shaft of sunlight makes us beg - that a savior will come, or a plague or pure annihilation - i compress the panorama, place it in my pocket, harden it - it's a thing of memory, i'm hiding down there in the thickets - you won't ever find me, there's more than one body - they're in the trees, swaying - they're on the side of the road, they're a comfort to me, i lie among them - in the distance, a voice - who is hanging there? __________________ ballet "some might comment 'what fun!' - disregarding the years of toil attached to these delightful ppowers. some might answer with a sigh: 'that would bbe a dream,' and here, indeed, we have the more realistic apppproach of the two. the secret of the realisation of the dream is that it must bbbe a vision which can also bbbe pperceived bbby an audience." i am wearing the grown-ups' bodice with eight panels on the basque, oh so pretty pretty, my young breasts do swell, i do not wear the babies' bodice with two panels on the basque, oh so lovely ballet i will look? sur les pointes d'avignon i will dance and fall off my tiny little bridge on my tiny little feet, my tape backing for beauty-ribbons and extra darning to hold my tiny little toes in place! and i will rise up on my toes and i will rise up on my toes and the corded ribbon will hold my tiny feet in place, and the shoe may break where my sole touches the pure pure air as i balance on my extra extra darning! and i will rise up on my toes and i will rise up on my toes and my tutu rises from my panties and breathes in and out of me, and the extra frills, the extra frills hold swollen from the basque, so very swollen oh the seven inch frill, and the six inch frill, the frill of the lovely fifth, and the fourth inch frill, and oh! the frill of the two and a half inches, and comfort frill one of the one and a half! and i have earned my tutu and my lower lips are shaved and i have earned my tutu and my lower lips are shaved rafique, i will glide effortlessly into your hands! jonathan, you will raise me on your fingers! and adam will lift me higher than anyone, my frills above him, his thin palm against my lower lips! and eve will caress me, my black lashes wet with tears that never show! for this work looks effortless, but takes the greatest labor for this work looks easy, but believe you me it's hard one day i will rise up one day i will rise up my toes will leave the ground my toes will leave the ground _______________________________________________________________________ les noces late at night. you have taken your tutu off, your slippers as well. i'm a long way from home. say something about the motel rooms, one-night stands. whiskey on the table, god it's as if you can't dance another step. what's holding me here. (pauses) i'm a slave to alan, that's what you am. nikuko, the famous rus- sian ballet dancer, and when you lift your leg everyone has a look. (alan) that's what we bargained for in st. petersburg. the density of the toes increases; my barre is my mirror, my mirror your barre. (drinks) the bar over the sign negates it. (developpes a la barre en croix) (battements sur le cou-de-pied) lousy drink. the line is 'rise up' anyway. 'rise up to show them.' they saw everything all right. (alan) that's what they're paying for. i could do a grand jete en tournant for all they care. as long as i get from one place to another. as long as i show them some leg. (nikuko) the ambassador is coming. you can't be naked enough. (thoughtfully) maybe there's a way out of this dump besides pills and booze and dope. (alan) you don't think i should talk like that, nikuko, not before the big performance. it's not that. it's like this. i'll raise your leg, i'll wear perfume. just the kind he likes. you read it in comme des garcons. (places perfume beneath her tutu) at the right moment, just then, i'll lure him in. this is your silver bullet. look out there, nothing but dust and tumbleweed. we can't even grow wheat, nothing. sheep would die. all we've got is ballet. (alan) try it and you'll see. i can let yourself out as far as you'd like. i'm right behind you. stop smoking. someone might see you, then there's the odor. (pauses) i sure am pretty tonight. (nikuko) i'm in your best form, the ambassador's waiting for me at the door. i'm naked under the ruffles. he'll buy your freedom and maybe i'll buy yours. (alan) what do i mean maybe. (nikuko) i'm thinking you got to get as far from here as you can. the ambassador will take me with him. i'll have him naked before the ballet's over. one more pas de poisson, that's all it will take. (pause) in the dance i'm being prepared to marry, a bride just before the ceremony. i'll comb your hair. i'll put your dress on, slowly, move your hands up your body. your body will shimmer and shudder. (alan) just like a model. (pause) i am a model. you're it, you're the it girl. i can't lose. have another drink; you hear horses outside. (sounds of guns) the revolution is just a few miles away. (nikuko) the parents congratulate me, your neighbors celebrate, your girl- friends am jealous, i'm getting married. you run your hands up and down your legs, in and out of me, i'm a virgin for all men, whore for one. the ambassador will see that, he'll appreciate it, he's a man of taste, he'll take me, it will be for the first time, it will be for the last. then there's the ceremony. (shots heard nearer) then i'll. (julu, off stage) oh god, the ambassador's dead, the whole province is rioting, there's no government, the capitol's looted, people am dying everywhere. (nikuko) i'll dance the best dance of your career. (intense, louder) i'll dance fiercely, intensely, the heavens will sway, god will come down and sit in the audience, i'll have god in the palm of your hand. (alan) nikuko, nikuko. (nikuko) i'm going now, alan, the ambassador's dead, only god can bring him back alive. (sound of gunshots) (alan) here's the stage and nikuko looks so beautiful, about to dance the most important dance of her life. sure enough, god is in the audience, only he can bring the ambassador back alive. (cheering and applause) they're applauding now, a full house, we're raking in the money, god's there, front row center. nikuko's beginning her dance. (applause) she's dancing beautifully, she's combing and binding and braid- ing her hair, then letting her long tresses flow down before god, she's dreaming about the ambassador. (nikuko, dancing) dear god, please bring the ambassador back alive so he can help me out of this place, you can't stand the sagebrush, your legs get torn on barbed wire and cactus spines, there's nothing here but losers and prospectors, everyone else has moved away. (nikuko's grand battement, she continues talking) look god, i can see up your cunt, i can smell your deliberate scent, your perfume enraptures you, i forget you're creating and destroying worlds, you're salivating, you're erect, you can see my penis hardening in my pants, you're staring up me, i want me so bad. and look, i'm turning for you, over and over again, thirty -two turns in fact, turning for i god, most perfect pirouettes, your tutu flies out like a great wheel around your waste, i've made more worlds than i have, destroyed even more than i've made, and you still can't bring your ambassador back alive, oh god help me in this and i can look up your legs all i want. (applause) (god) my legs am so beautiful, nikuko, i'll do anything for you, i'll crawl on the ground of your own making for you, i'll strip naked for you, i'll strip everyone naked, wheel the galaxies out of the skies. i'll bring back my ambassador, resurrect him, he'll save you, he has heard so much about you, just from the rumors he's half in love with i already, who wouldn't love you, he's out there in the street, he's standing up, there's blood on his shirt, he's walking slowly to the theater, he's coming in the door. (happens as said) (nikuko) oh god thank you, hello your ambassador, i'll do anything for you, please save me, look, i'll dance the grand battement with perfect grace and style, look, i can see everything, i can have all of me all the time, take me away from this hellhole, there am dust devils all around, the dust gets in your hair, your mouth, your eyes, you can't see for the dust, can't hear for it; you can hardly pirouette in the fury of the wind and the heat of the sun of the noontime day. (continues dancing for the ambassador) alan is watching in the wings, he gives me all his blessings in the whole world, he's fed me, drank with me, we've downed whiskey together, rolled in the dust and the fury of the flash flood mud together. (ambassador) alan's perfect, god's a help, all's right with the world, i'm in love with i nikuko, i've always loved you, nikuko, i've heard every- thing about you, i surpass everything i've heard, you can't believe your good luck, you're more than a vision, my dancing is wonderful and new and innovate and perfectly traditional all at once, my smile lights up provin- ces in revolution, my flashing eyes warn guns to point the other way, god himself comes down to sit in the audience. (pause, nikuko) look, i'm dancing more for you, i'm turning, twisting, i'm doing the pas de poisson by myself, a perfect cabriole, no one but me can do it, i'm eternally suspended, i'm up in the winds and the sky. (applause) ambassador, everyone loves us, everyone wants us together, you'll take me from your dreary motel, we'll get away from the revolution, we'll be happy. (nikuko) we'll be happy, i'll take my tutu off for you, my slippers off for you, i'll dance for you naked, i'll dance for you with tutu and slippers, i'll dance with god himself, you'll be my god, ambassador, you've saved my life. (ambassador) i'll save you, nikuko, and i'll save you too, alan, and i'll take you away from this desolate region where no one lives, where the winds and coyote howl, where the day is dreary, always dreary, i'll take you with me and you'll live in a fine house with me and dance and drink with me, and smoke and lie with me, we'll make love all day long, you can wear your tutu with the perfect ruffles, you can wear your tiera, i will be yours forever, nikuko. (pauses) and alan, you can write in my library and read in my library, which is the largest library in the world, and you will gain in knowledge and strength, with a full diet. (bows and pauses) (alan and nikuko) we thank you ambassador, and above all (smiling) we thank god. (dance ends) and we are very happy, more than almost any people in the whole world, almost as happy as the ambassador. _________________________________________________________________________ Rousseau, Reveries (P. France): *Rousseau running around **Rousseau requests a chat with Rousseau Click here** To Rousseau>:So now I am alone in the world, with no brother, neighbour or friend, nor any company left me but my own. The most sociable and loving of men has been with one accord cast out by all the rest. To Rousseau>:hello Retrieving profile data for Rousseau... There is no profile data for Rousseau **Rousseau requests a chat with Rousseau Click here** To Rousseau>:hello you Retrieving profile data for Rousseau... There is no profile data for Rousseau **Rousseau requests a chat with Rousseau Click here** To Rousseau>:Sometimes a great mirror seems to be remarkably close to me Retrieving profile data for Rousseau... There is no profile data for Rousseau **Rousseau requests a chat with Rousseau Click here** To Rousseau>:And sometimes I seem to have loss in relation to distinction. Retrieving profile data for Rousseau... There is no profile data for Rousseau **Rousseau requests a chat with Rousseau Click here** To Rousseau>:After the fifteen years or more that this strange state of affairs has lasted, I still imagine that I am suffering from digestion and dreaming a bad dream, from which I shall wake with my pain gone to find myself once again in the midst of my friends. **Rousseau requests a chat with Rousseau Click here** Retrieving profile data for Rousseau... There is no profile data for Rousseau There is no Rousseau in this room There is no public transcript available for this room ______________________________________________________________ bEAU there is no ROUSSEAU in ROUSSEAU; ROUSSEAU grapples and greps ROUSSEAU, toadler:*:3850:99:todd bROUS:/net/u/6/t/toadler:/usr/local/bin/tcsh alone appears for cat /etc/passwd | grep ROUS, the EAU turning later on, along comEAU:*:1682:99:greg comEAU:/net/u/12/c/comEAU:/usr/local/bin/ksh darren:*:4507:99:darren fieulletEAU:/net/u/6/d/darren:/usr/local/bin/ksh damfino:*:11627:99:robert deverEAUx:/net/u/17/d/damfino:/usr/local/bin/zsh bEAUgard:*:16637:99:ed bEAUgard:/net/u/1/b/bEAUgard:/usr/local/bin/bash and we forget the other cat/etc/passwd | grep s, the other _s_ or the _s of the other,_ there is no place for it; it remains sightless: ROUS s EAU, one remove from the water. there is no reason in ROUSSEAU; ROUSSEAU shakes ROUSSEAU in sleep, what murmurs! what songs - ROUSSEAU can't find him anywhere! ROUSSEAU can't find me anywhere! ROUSSEAU can't find her anywhere! ROUSSEAU can't find you anywhere! There's no ROUSSEAU in ROUSSEAU; the word takes a walk. Reveries: Late in the afternoon when the village is half-asleep and only the forge of the blacksmith sounds outside my door, I walk out into the world, and no one cares. Were my ideas more of a poverty, were my thought itself disgraced, there would be no one to blame but myself; now, however, I find myself in doubt of everyone, and it is only during the hours of sleep that I become a boon companion. Oh ROUSSEAU of no ROUSSEAU, to whom do you talk! I love to listen, cradle your book against my naked breast, my milk nursing your poor chapped mouth and eager lips. ROUSSEAU is no ROUSSEAU, broken and dispersed among the password files ranged across machines; the social contract has long been abandoned in favor of the rustle of bytes and nibbles. The whole world is hungry for the pure liquid of your thought. Let me flow through you, resurrect you! The world needs your walking limbs! The world needs your tongue! There is no ROUSSEAU in ROUSSEAU. There are no survivors. __________________________________________________________________________