burning in, cdrom freezing the text burning the text in frozen snapshot of a particular moment in time creating an artifact of permanence and memory worry the text through technological obsolescence running the text from one transparent machine to another the transparency of bits and bytes working the transparency, creating a drag factor commodity, easily upgradeable, replaceable series of commodities with similar texts, updated versions of the text, annotated by date text as stuttered process, frozen by cdrom heated and planar text, randomly accessible textual substrates of lasers and their configurations whirl of the text, centrifugal force of the text pearlescent text, translucency text broken at a cutting-off, cutting-in everything in the world that will be left unsaid dates halted at or near the date of production nothing left for the future within the artifact transparent object, we believe in you. ___ An incident Alan says: I am here in Athenaeum searching for Nikuko. - searching for Nikuko. Alan says: Echo, please help me; I cannot find Nikuko. - cannot find Nikuko. Alan says: Echo, please please help me; wake thyself. - I have woken and will sadly tell you. Alan asks: Echo, what is it you have to tell me? - Nikuko is gone many months from this talker; - Nikuko is silent now. Alan asks: Echo, Alas, what shall I do? - shall I do? Alan exclaims: Echo, please, please, do not forsake me! - do not forsake me! Alan exclaims: Alas! - Alas! Alan is silent, taking the vow of silence, silent. Alan, taking the vow. *** End *** . . "open the gates". . . open the gates, characterizes the phenomenology. tear down the gateposts: i am sick, stumbling. fill the postholes; there are signs and fields. erase the signs - now space stumbles into space. space is gone space, suddenly, nikuko and izanagi. do not fear, they say, things will soon be halted. wider and wider, there is no language for this. memory loses itself; beyond memory, memory. beyond loss, loss: that tiny little thing.. of the darkest thing, encode, replies izanagi. of the darkest, coding, says nikuko. code heaving, its cunt thrust open. izanagi goes away, nikuko brings signs to humans. time takes signs away. . ___. . Nikuko and Alan Naked: Exhibitionism and Theory ( Struggling with the theory behind exhibitionist impulses / scratching the surface ) 1 system resonances - the appearance of the body resonant with your own - fulfilling the space of your desire, insisting on it - appearance of one's own body, mediated by representation - held open - pinned - the hieroglyphic and/or binding of the body - 2 explorations of self and fragmentations - discomforts, tremblings as totality is revealed - nothing is hidden - the politics of the open society 3 psychotic emanations - you can see us naked, you can see us in the act you can't have us - in our nudity we find ourselves; in your gaze we are formed - our nakedness is our power - we see each other through your gaze - you are transitive, translucent - you are given permission - we turn for you, arouse you, open ourselves for you - 4 perturbations within systems - we're driving down the highway, we're naked, exposed - the road turns into vectors of sight - down from truck cabs, across from cars - we see ourselves in the imminent - live in the domain of the chaotic - we're at the base of everything - the foundation - we're hurtling 80 miles an hour, exposed - 5 theoretical turns - the body of sex, sexual body - writing or imagin- ing the body - the body of the imaginary - fear of revelation of the other - pushing the body through the text or image - asserting the political body, body of politic, through the transformation of repre- sentation - distortion, effacement, protuberance of representation - our nakedness the bad dream of the bourgeoisie - 6 problematics of gender - holding each other open - lighting the in- terior - the breakdowns of proper names, entities, space - the smell of the displayed body - holding alan open against his will with his permission - holding nikuko open against her will with her permis- sion - 7 multiculturalisms, sexualities, the rhetoric of innocence - introjections and projections of our bodies onto / within / without the other - as if there were a proffering, invitation 8 ontic explorations - ghosts and other emanations (the videos) - elements of disappearances, sadomasochisms, bindings and controls- the nature of writing and inscription - control of exposure - living in the image or text - living naked, exposed - living through representation - living through the imaginary 9 sexualities - multiples, topologies, exchanges, symbolic dismember- ings, affect, exhibitionisms... 10 dismemberments - part-objects, splays, ruptures, s/ms, emissions - the pleasure of emission - desire towards production - the hunting or haunting of the lens - 11 language and performativities - javascript, nikuko-function or nikuko-pages - exhibitionism as performative: i'm naked, you're aroused - the "little object a" - lure or seduction - reading this - hoping for more - ___ swan-onus-nit-s-entry-eel-laser-cool-owns-pole -onus-nit-s-entry-eel-laser-cool-owns-pole-swan -nit-s-entry-eel-laser-cool-owns-pole-swan-onus --s-entry-eel-laser-cool-owns-pole-swan-onus-nit --entry-eel-laser-cool-owns-pole-swan-onus-nit-s -----eel-laser-cool-owns-pole-swan-onus-nit-s-entry ----laser-cool-owns-pole-swan-onus-nit-s-entry-eel --cool-owns-pole-swan-onus-nit-s-entry-eel-laser --owns-pole-swan-onus-nit-s-entry-eel-laser-cool -pole-swan-onus-nit-s-entry-eel-laser-cool-owns _ Flaubert, Dictionary of the Usual America - imperialist, runs the Net AOL - always for the ignorant ASCII Text - forget about it Bandwidth - never enough of it Computer - has no personality Computers - will never be as smart as we are Corporate Fascist - what everyone else is Crash - not my fault Cybercash - never safe Cybersex - never as good as the real thing, not real sex Darwin - someone who says we descended from the ape Deconstruction - thinking about something Descartes - cogito, ergo, sum E-zine - not real publishing Email - too much of it English - always rich English Language - too much of it Gates - too rich GUI - graphic user interface, for the visually-oriented Gulf-Stream - newly discovered town in Norway Guru - knows everything Hackers - always everywhere, your account isn't safe Hebrew - it's Greek to me Humidity - cause of all sickness Iliad - always followed by the Odyssey Innovation - always dangerous Inscription - always cuneiform Internet - always dangerous Internet Chat - always dangerous Internet User - doesn't have a life Jouissance - obscene word Keyboard - soon to be replaced Linux - always free Lurker - dangerous, unknown Lynx - animal celebrated for its eye Mac - never crashes, better than PC Macintosh - invented the Macintosh Malthus - "the infamous Malthus" Man - always a she Microsoft - always venomous Military - started the Net to spy on us MOO - never heard of it Moon - inspires sadness, perhaps inhabited? MUD - always addictive MUDDER - addict Music - have to have it Net Art - whatever I say it is Net Sex - typing with one hand only, not real sex Newbie - doesn't know anything Newsgroups - full of spam Oasis - desert hotel Offline - hopelessly out of touch Oldtimer - online for four years or more Oracle - impossible to program Paris - prostituted, paradise for women, hell for horses PC - better than Mac Penguin - see Linux Phaeton - invented the Phaeton vehicle Pornography - time-waster, killing our children Privacy - there isn't any Programming - too difficult Robots - are going to take over the world Salutations - always impressive Sartre - existence precedes essence Screen - hurts my eyes, can't read on it Security - there isn't any Serpent - always venomous Shell Account - can't do anything on it, for the textually-oriented Society - its enemies Software - always bloated Sun - too expensive Them - not us Traveler - always intrepid Unix - too complicated Us - not them Windows - always crashes Woman - always a he World Wide Web - too crowded __ "This is the only book you will ever need. This book has all secrets. You are reading this book. You are close to the end of this book. You are very healed from reading this book. This is your healing book. Every question has been answered in this book. This ends your book." __ (Contents of the Railroad Earth CDROM - to be released in late June) CDROM: Contents and Description This CDROM contains online and computer-oriented work from 1996-2000. The work is in the following directories, which may easily be accessed through a web browser; the files may also be read directly. Please read the descriptions and other information. NETWORK BOOK PROGRAM HTML IMAGE VIDEO MUSIC NETWORK is the Website at http://www.anu.edu.au/english/internet_txt. This contains the Internet Text, the novel Ma, the book The Case of the Real, and additional materials. It is easiest to access this with a browser; if your cdrom drive is E:, open E:\CDROM\NETWORK\index.html . The materials may also be accessed directly. At the end of this text is a copy of the "Periodic Notice" I sent to various email lists, outlining the nature and content of the Internet Text. It may help orient you to this directory, and my work in general. BOOK contains a number of texts originally assembled for a book of arti- cles on film, video, and related matters. A subdirectory, TALKS, con- tains various essays and outlines used in seminars and lectures. The diary texts in BOOK are from the trAce online virtual writer-in-residen- cy. There are other articles as well, almost all of which have been pub- lished offline. Finally, there are miscellaneous articles, such as the initial descriptions of the Cybermind email list (which I co-founded with Michael Current in 1994) and the Fop-email list (which I started the same year). PROGRAM contains various programs in QBASIC that might be of interest to anyone running it. They work with fractal paths - what I call measure geometries; the math has been an inspiration to me. I am including some Perl and display programs I've used as well. HTML contains a number of short HTML pages, as well as two larger pro- jects, Narcissistic Disturbance, and Water. Again, go to the directory - type E:\CDROM\HTML\NARDIS\index.htm to open this; the same applies to water: E:\CDROM\HTML\WATER\index.htm . There is also a frac direct- ory; enter E:\CDROM\HTML\FRAC\index.htm but be careful; this page stut- ters and divides and can close down your browser. IMAGE contains almost 200 .jpg and .gif images that are resonant with a number of projects, including the video, avatar-work, and explorations into language, body, and sexuality. These were made from approximately 25 different graphics programs, scannings, and digital camerawork. In some cases, there are several versions of an image, emphasizing or work- ing through different attributes. IMAGE also contains a series of Flash collaborations between Barry Smylie and myself; these have .swf extensions. Open these in your browser (with the proper flash plugins): E:\CDROM\IMAGE\broken1.swf, ...youwill.swf, ...dancer.swf, and ...broken.swf. Again, there is some duplication; broken1.swf combines the others into a single piece. VIDEO contains a number of quicktime videos that have been incorporated in other work. They represent manifestations of Nikuko and Doctor Leo- pold Konninger, characters developed at length in the Internet Text (see NETWORK). In the CDROM, they can be considered partial narratives, res- onating with the other materials. MUSIC contains six pieces, two for shakuhachi with Azure Carter, one for solo shakuhachi, two for solo electric guitar, and one for solo flute. The shakuhachi is narrow-bore, about fifty years old. The guitar is a Fender Cyclone. The music is improvisational, working out a lang- uage of body, speed, labor, and reception. ============================= Internet Philosophy and Psychology - May 00 (Because of my mother's death, this hasn't been sent out in a while. The Internet Text is being issued on a cdrom in June, by Railroad Earth in Atlanta; the cdrom will include audio, video, image, and other files as well.) This is a somewhat periodic notice describing my Internet Text, available on the Net, and sent in the form of texts to various lists. The URL is: http://www.anu.edu.au/english/internet_txt/ which is partially mirrored at http://lists.village.virginia.edu/~spoons/internet_txt.html. (The first site includes some graphics, dhtml, The Case of the Real, etc.) The changing nature of the email lists, Cybermind and Fiction-of-Philoso- phy, to which the texts are sent individually, hides the full body of the work; readers may not be aware of the continuity among them. The writing may appear fragmented, created piecemeal, splintered from a non-existent whole. On my end, the whole is evident, the texts extended into the lists, partial or transitional objects. So this (periodic) notice is an attempt to recuperate the work as total- ity, restrain its diaphanous existence. Below is an updated introduction. ----- The "Internet Text" currently constitutes around 100 files, or 4000 print- ed pages. It began in 1994, and has continued as an extended meditation on cyberspace, expanding into 'wild theory' and literatures. Almost all of the text is in the form of short-waves or long-waves. The former are the individually-titled sections, written in a variety of sty- les, at times referencing other writers/theorists. The sections are inter- related; on occasion emanations appear, avatars possessing philosophical or psychological import. They also create and problematize narrative sub- structures within the work as a whole. Such are Julu, Alan, Jennifer, and Nikuko, in particular. The long-waves are fuzzy thematics bearing on such issues as death, love, virtual embodiment, the "granularity of the real," physical reality, com- puter languages, and protocols. The waves weave throughout the text; the resulting splits and convergences owe something to phenomenology, program- ming, deconstruction, linguistics, prehistory, etc., as well as to the domains of online worlds in relation to everyday realities. Overall, I'm concerned with virtual-real subjectivity and its manifesta- tions, in relation to various philosophical issues. Recently I've been working with body issues such as sickness, health, and death, as well as a phenomenology of cancer; I've also been exploring issues of exhibition- ism and the ontology of transparency. (See file lj.) I have used MUDS, MOOS, talkers, perl, d/html, qbasic, linux, emacs, Cu- SeeMe, etc., my work tending towards embodied writing, texts which act and engage beyond traditional reading practices. Some them emerge out of per- formative language soft-tech such as computer programs which _do_ things; some emerge out of interferences with these programs, or conversations using internet applications that are activated one way or another. And some of the work appears from collaboration, for example with Barry Smylie (flash) or Azure Carter and Foofwa d'Imobilite (video, dance). There is no binarism in the texts, no series of definitive statements. Virtuality is considered beyond the text- and web-scapes prevalent now. The various issues of embodiment that will arrive with full-real VR are already in embryonic existence, permitting the theorizing of present and future sites, "spaces," nodes, and modalities of body/speech/community. It may be difficult to enter the texts for the first time. The Case of the Real is a sustained work that may be of help. It is also helpful to read the first file, Net1.txt, and/or to look at the latest files (lf, lg, lh, li, lj, lk) as well. Skip around. The Index works only for the earlier files; you can look up topics and then do a search on the file listed. The texts may be distributed in any medium; please credit me. I would ap- preciate in return any comments you may have. I should mention you can find my collaborative activities at http://trace.ntu.ac.uk/writers/sondheim/index.htm and my conference activities at http://trace.ntu.ac.uk - both as a result of my virtual writer-in-residence with the Trace online writing community. The last trAce project, the Lost Project, is at http://trace.ntu.ac.uk/lost/ . See also: Being on Line, Net Subjectivity (anthology), Lusitania, 1997 New Observations Magazine #120 (anthology), Cultures of Cyberspace, 1998 The Case of the Real, Pote and Poets Press, 1998 Jennifer, Nominative Press Collective, 1997 Alan Sondheim 718-857-3671 432 Dean Street, Brooklyn, NY, 11217 mail to: sondheim@panix.com -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Completio When, and it is now, the cdrom is almost completed, and the files are tal- lied - not counting the cd soundwork or the potential video - my texts and graphics fill less than 35 megabytes - this includes 200 graphics - plus programs, talk outlines, seminar papers, the internet texts, html page- suites, the trAce diary - this is about a third of a single full-scale graphic - the work stems from 1994-2000 - about six and a half years - it glitters on the disk - you can see the bands themselves - you can almost read between the bands - the light all colors of the rainbow naturally - the thinness of an object such as this - resumes as well, accounts from and of the past - it seems - it's as if the very shape of the object cuts through the air in a certain manner - it huddles in the real - as if there are several of them - one can only imagine the hands of an inserted clock - demarcation in the form of a Chinese jade - as if nothing were said, all that ascii text, without formatting, with _ delimiting italics - no super or sub-scripts - there are easily 5000 pages of text - at the very least - I lost count a long time ago - perhaps 4000 in the internet texts - but not to mention, say, the 40 or so articles - or the rearrangement of the texts into other works, pieces, other ways of looking, other combinations - then there are open configurations - run the programs, enter all the variables you want - there's room - create your own, etc. - I'm sure I've left things out - what anyone could make of the graphics - novel without text, without plot or narrative, without direction - I try to make every- thing exist within a certain resonance - linkages and couplings on one hand - what I called "sm/s" on the other - this is all in there - it just needs to come out - a form of archaeological excavation - digging through the ruins, say - the runes - extensions in every direction - you might see an image and say, that is Nikuko and you might hear a voice and say, that is Azure, and you might think, is Nikuko Azure, is Azure Nikuko, and you might look farther into the texts, and you might find yourself conjoined with a certain sensibility, a way of looking at appearances - conjoined with the appearances themselves - you could turn to The Case of the Real, embedded there, or Ma, a Novel, embedded there, locate some of the texts in the files of the internet texts, pull them out, reorder or recuperate their origination - you might date things, couple the diary with the arti- cles or the diary with a _degree_ of the internet texts - you might begin putting things in order - noticing the dates on certain letters, events chronicled roughly in the resume - the semblance of a being emerging - something else perhaps disappearing - movements in all directions - the fear of a certain equivalence, simultaneity - one never knows - meanwhile this seems a personal milestone for me - even if the cdrom, say, never appears - the gathering of materials - etching them - as if a breath were being taken by the presence of a file in the world - or a root file system - or a confluence of bits and bytes - without ending - beginnings forgot- ten in their midst - a system I'd think badly in need of dreaming - some- thing unaccounted-for, something unaccountable - __ a memorable dream of message today i dream of cdrom. it is bright gold and very beautiful. it is like a great sun. i do not have to write more. it is all writing i have done. there is none writing i have not done that is there. it is all thing to me and is infinite loop inside and there are variable as well that are infinite loop. such is beauty of such temporary world as will disappear when i am after i am gone. like a great sun in a circle sky it is very high up and includes all things. for what is greater than all things. all things are so temporary we will not be resurrect in the sky late after we are gone but we may do cdrom with all our writing so that it may be copy and again and over more so that it will be there for all to see and read and hear. it will be a great sun. it will be moving in great circle and all will want to see such a great miracle of gold beauty. now you will know such beauty. ___ Stitched the Suture Crawl violations last text of theory, last theory dirt-eaten through no comfort here, at this spike. No churning of body-meat hurtling pen and keyboard violent and vagaries. Hanging with the museum of all language. 'stitched the suture' ! No comfort here, at this spike. No churning of body-meat hurtling pen and keyboard violent and vagaries. Hanging with the museum of all language. 'stitched the suture' ! Nudging words makes skid marks in my soul. Dragged into the real, they've had nothing to say. Think of the finish on adverb or noun. Dragged and stuttered, slip / stick methodology of the true bow. "stitched the suture" ? Well, i've concluded, stitched the suture consti- tuting text and theory, wrapping the disk as "an instantiation," last theory text of language. ___ o.a..aa.at.do.de.re..wow.hah.ewe.had.rad. .....aa.ta.od.ed.er..oho.aha.wow.oho.oho. .....................wow.hah.ewe.gag.tan. __ i was enclosed in a suit, untethered in space, the ad hoc plastic helmet covered with etched stars. with these, i was to orient myself; floating free, filled with fear, i tried one alignment after another. the voice calling me would say, it would say, jack, use the helmet, as the capsule turned slowly in the distance, smaller than the moon. i'd hear my breath and the voice, calling me; and then jack inhabited me, saying, i'm moving in now, i'm in the body, it will think it's alan, and my interior eyelids began generating, alan was wide awake, eyes closed, well past midnight, flows and pulsings of menses, we were suddenly interior, jack began the fadeout, leaving me to his own devices, leaving me to understand he was there, in the plastic helmet, composed of two hemispheres joined tight; i, jack, was in the silver-suit, alan swallowing, surrounded by red-brown floodings, clots, membraned tissues, clock thrumming in the background; tonight alan thinks about that space, that cunt, beyond inscription, in reach and taut; alan thinks about the golden disk of alan's work float- ing in a fogged sky; alan has worked with photoshop today, turning the natural world into an orange and seeping disk among impossible and tang- led branches; sex eviscerates with a violent and ruthless quality; he is bound to the screen and its accompaniment of mediations, its mediation- gang; he's doing this, he's know, all the while, that jack is out there, laughing in the real, pushing through his bones, pushing out through his mouth, asshole, penis; alan's trembling, his body's not his own; the voice is there calling, jack, jack, identify, look out for those stars; ___ Autobio, early Net events: (Reading this from 1994, some names omitted, and thinking - it was rough at this point, at the beginning - all this within a few months - Alan) EVENT TXT 3,412 09-03-94 4:16a EVENT.TXT 1 file(s) 3,412 bytes Internet Events: 1 John Frost's suggestion that I join Future Culture. 2 The psychiatric confessions on Future Culture coupled with someone's suicide hoax - Michael Current's response - the complaint to the sys- admin. 3 Flirtation with xxx - no fruition - "freaking out." Our interruption of the POMO-L list. 4 Chris Keep's archiving of my work. 5 Problems with the Arts list and xxx - writing off-list, becoming unsubbed - xxxs' complaining, the list shutting down. 6 Posting the "religious" text to Futurec, response based on religious mania. 7 Michael Current and I deciding to start Cybermind. 8 Kent Palmer's objection to Deleuze posts by Davis and Nick Land. 9 Kent Palmer's closing down the lists - Malgosia and Michael beginning new account on World. 10 Kent Palmer's shakiness with the current lists - temporarily closing down, imitating the Spoon Collective. 11 Formation and resolution of the Spoon Collective. 12 Flirt with xxx - until the packaging was sent. 13 Flirt with xxx - fading out, friendship ending when she unsubs participant because of his post of a cult advertisement. 14 Cancelled flirt with xxx in relation to her marriage - her upset over the nightmare dream I related to her. 15 xxx hack, its ins and outs, unsubbing FS several times, contact with NISC.tw. Discussion with Michael Current about the validity of unsubbing. 16 Current and I posting the no slur requirement on Cybermind and its fallout. 17 Flirt with xxx segueing into disbelief and pornography. 18 Michael Current's death. 19 Fido's co-moderation and its cancellation. 20 xxx's eating disorders and related posts. 21 xxx's hoax death. 22 Hacking: My being unsubbed from Cybermind and fop, xxx's posts under other names, xxx's resentments. Arguments on Spoon about hidden control characters, xxx's posts cancelling archived files. 23 My posts on alt.destroy.the.internet, tropical bionet, reposts from Usenet to lists. 24 Spoon collective debate about depth vs. lateriality on lists. 25 xxx and Lord yyy dominating Future Culture at various times - problems with libertarian/right-wing attitudes. The gun-control debate. Incoherencies. xxx's posts. 26 Flamewar with Mindvox - Fringeware list siding with xxx. 27 Continuous New School server problems including bounced messages. 28 Five unsubbings in a row without comment from the Derrida list. 29 The Spoon lists going to closed moderation. 30 Hacking with an Australian message on the Derrida list. 31 My work available on xxx's WWW site. 32 Changes for me in family relations as a result of greater communica- tion with siblings. 33 Problems with Panix and the SLIP account - no support. 34 xxx's and others' Internet affairs. 35 Sudden moments of personal confession via private email - of loneli- ness, sadness, loss. Answering condolence posts and telephone calls in relation to Michael's death. Absence of photographs of Michael. 36 Ntalk with Michael; Panix goes down, I dial in, end up on xxx's account, in an Ayn Rand IRC talking about screwdrivers. I quit IRC, go to xxx's ntalk, log in with Michael - who had fingered me, found no such user. 37 Back and forth with xxx on one 486/66, Mosaic with his picture on the other. ___ some of 98734578999875221 ninety-eight quadrillion. seven hundred thirty-four trillion. five hundred seventy-eight billion. nine hundred ninety-nine million. eight hundred seventy-five thousand. two hundred twenty-one. 98734578999875220 ninety-eight quadrillion. seven hundred thirty-four trillion. five hundred seventy-eight billion. nine hundred ninety-nine million. eight hundred seventy-five thousand. two hundred twenty. 98734578999875219 ninety-eight quadrillion. seven hundred thirty-four trillion. five hundred seventy-eight billion. nine hundred ninety-nine million. eight hundred seventy-five thousand. two hundred nineteen. 98734578999875218 ninety-eight quadrillion. seven hundred thirty-four trillion. five hundred seventy-eight billion. nine hundred ninety-nine million. eight hundred seventy-five thousand. two hundred eighteen. 98734578999875217 ninety-eight quadrillion. seven hundred thirty-four trillion. five hundred seventy-eight billion. nine hundred ninety-nine million. eight hundred seventy-five thousand. two hundred seventeen. 98734578999875216 ninety-eight quadrillion. seven hundred thirty-four trillion. five hundred seventy-eight billion. nine hundred ninety-nine million. eight hundred seventy-five thousand. two hundred sixteen. 98734578999875215 ninety-eight quadrillion. seven hundred thirty-four trillion. five hundred seventy-eight billion. nine hundred ninety-nine million. eight hundred seventy-five thousand. two hundred fifteen. 98734578999875214 ninety-eight quadrillion. seven hundred thirty-four trillion. five hundred seventy-eight billion. nine hundred ninety-nine million. eight hundred seventy-five thousand. two hundred fourteen. 98734578999875213 ninety-eight quadrillion. seven hundred thirty-four trillion. five hundred seventy-eight billion. nine hundred ninety-nine million. eight hundred seventy-five thousand. two hundred thirteen. 98734578999875212 ninety-eight quadrillion. seven hundred thirty-four trillion. five hundred seventy-eight billion. nine hundred ninety-nine million. eight hundred seventy-five thousand. two hundred twelve. 10 ten 9 nine 8 eight 7 seven 6 six 5 five 4 four i will not count such further; such worlds will break asunder; & this has been foretold, such is the destruction of worlds; it is better to break breath, to cease the act; what has been foretold has been erased, presence of an empty vessel; no need to shatter spheres, such would be the innocent; that i could not bear the burden; i t is therefore broken, that one may live longer & in the mercy & in the mercy of the world, against the laws of the world; throughout the realms of a breath of shattering; throughout the world & each & every of its laws; unto the very minor, the tiniest presence or hovering; everything unaccountable - organism, saying, ending in ellipsis, as if an exhalation, exaltation ... neither coming to a halt, nor a continuation. or as if there were a comma, subtle diffusion of the world, dashing & the gesture of furtherance, expansion, and clear liminal - burrowing, the movement through apostrophic semi-colon, a beyond; or the beyond, blank, enunciation of nuance: not there, bleak, a falling off _ on-line con- fession, 'x' ^ :it seems to me that voyeurism is not about sex but about knowledge and ^ :power.voyeurism is an attempt to bridge sex gap between what we imagine ^^:sexre is a critical *moment* which sex voyeur experiences, which ^^:galvanizes him--sex moment of imagined voyeurism.sex voyeur ^^:of sex visibility and viability of sex prey.sex voyeur relies on a ^^:preparation, sex geometric assertion, with which sex voyeur bolsters his ^^:so it would seem that sex net makes voyeurs of us all; we constantly ^^:constantly wryte ourselves, thus hiding sex voyeuristic self fursexr ^^:simultaneously, because sex voyeurism is so diffuse and constant, like ^^:voyeur here, anytime, by looking out sex window and seeing what my ^^^ :> sex voyeur gains knowledge about sex private habits of those he watches. ^^^ :voyeurism weren't primarily sexual, sexre would be a much broader symp- ^^^ :> a slightly different aspect of voyeurism; you on sex contingent moment, ^^^ :> sex unexpected naked woman in sex window, and i, on sex voyeur-life, sex ^^^ :> are inseparable.i think this is particularly sex case in voyeurism ^^^ :> because sex voyeuristic relation is naturally a thwarted sexual ^^^ :> sexual act of voyeurism to be "successful," sex sexual need must enter ^^^ :- aggressions, violations, etc. and for many voyeurs (or myself on those ^^^ :that would be raping. i think this is way off mark again. in fact voyeur- ^^^ :> voyeur is ruled by sex watched, in a sense--spellbound, as you say.and ^^^ :> it is this submission to sex watched which impells sex voyeur to know ^^^ :> sex compulsive voyeur may ask: "why do i do it? why do i torture ^^^ :> well here (and elsewhere) we diverge; sex voyeur's transgressive moment ^^^ :> is amplified and clarified in sex voyeur life.that way of living ^^^ :voyeurism involves sex illicit, peering, anonymity, virtuality. ^^^ :^. cuseeme gets closer to voyeurism in sex traditional sense. ^^^ :^. osexr voyeurism: ^^^ :^. inverted voyeurism: net sex in sex middle of a postmodern on-line con- __ from the other so i would like to add to this confusion: what is the form that one has in a concussion: sometimes there is madness in contusion: what and clipped board: what: c: --linux-ComA--- Acrobat3 Blender CYBERMIND Corel Entry MSOffice My Documents NETWORK Napster Office51 Paint Program Files Quick- Cam Street SCAR Trace3D Trip adobe adobec asdComAlog ati autoexecComA001 autoexecComAbat b backweb basic bloom bmp book bootlogComAprv bootlogCom- Atxt c cdrom chtm col commandComAcom commando communit compaq configCom- Abak configComAsys corel40 course cpqdrv SCAB cpqs crcComAdne cute dance detlogComAold detlogComAtxt display dnhq dnhqkeyComAkey family fop frame garbage go hangman history host-news hpc html image ioComAsys kami kiss kyoko lComAbat lin OPEN WOUND lynx_bookmarksComAhtml mark watching the skin grow "i can but barely find my way" mc misc mom mon mouse mp msdos- ComA^^^ msdosComAsys msworks multi mview neotrace new nikuko null old os303301ComAbin pcplus perth phaser phat ping32 project AMNESIAC qt quickenw rawriteComAexe rcl recycled red reg render res scandiskComAlog set sound systemComAsav talk talker time tools trace tracedir tui uedit videorom- ComAbin win386ComAswp windows xo yamaha zd zip zz home: ftp ppp95 wtmp lost in these far worlds i can but barely find my way in these directories as if they were /c/* somewhere in a distance from a linux / ___ sometimes literature is such an enormous gift that one is glad to be alive. he takes on a pupil. a young man comes to him and he asks his name. the young man gives his name, the same as that of the teacher. the young man learns quickly; he is condescending, always wary. rumors develop in the community. the teacher, who has always been morose, teaches the pupil everything he knows. the teacher remembers similar events in his own youth. the community begins to fall apart; there are two men with the same name. the teacher banishes his pupil. that night, he begins to laugh. such is the retelling of the story from Martin Buber, For the Sake of Heaven. what can be taught the bearer of the name? already worlds have been created and destroyed. there is nothing to teach, nothing transcendent but the sign which both carry. the gift of teaching ourselves, the gift of nothing to teach. you may know that the name of the teacher is Rabbi Jaacob Yitzchak, the son of Matel, and the name of the student is Jaacob Yitzchak, the son of Matel. ___ dear god why with joy would i pray to you approaching synagogue and mosque with what form of breath when it is true i want to see such a world as perhaps you have created for which i did not ask nor beg so that i need to travel across this universal creation to bring back within such confines as my mind possesses all that is extraordinary and all that is ordinary understanding and then the comprehension of this world itself if not this world which escapes as such creation retreats before this or any other knowledge and so shimmering or trembling or fragile as one would not have been left to believe but as is evidenced in each and every sign you have given us for all such signs are signs of one sign and each and every sign returns to that sign and if there is not one sign of the return and the same sign of the recuperation then to whom do we owe such cause and effect which both play upon our knowledge of our world and perhaps you would answer half effaced by our presence that such cause and effect do not exist and perhaps this answer itself dwells as in fear with you and perhaps there are no signs languishing and each word trails like a wound a scar behind it which one calls meaning constantly hurrying and suturing the world to make a world and a universe to make a universe and thus we are bound to the work of the world and there are no signs and no prayers will bring them back and there are no causes and no effects beyond the imminent and no signs and no prayers will bring them back and prayers will bring no signs and we do breathe each and every day as if this were all not so and we shall go out and look upon the wonder and we shall enunciate the wonder and we shall breathe within the wonder as if it were our own and we do look up above ourselves to worlds we shall never reach cradling us against the soft bed of the earth as if looking above were itself such a sign that is taller than we are tall no matter what means we do employ always beyond our grasp such as we are and we do need to make you in such a fashion as that we can go there for we are not so brave _ would you love me more if this were from jennifer / if this were written by nikuko lying naked in the arms of doctor leopold konninger, his hand caressing her erect clit, would you prefer this text to all others / if furious julu continued this description through the thick and thin of radical war and revolution, would you be drawn to it / if this were alan neurotic and insomniac typing away exhausted at a midnight computer keyboard would your interest increase / if jennifer said she did write this sitting with her panties wet in a puddly puddle rainstorm would you want more of her / if nikuko said she were your thing and this was her gift to you would you turn breathless and trembling / if alan offered you secret pictures of forbidden acts and if this were his offering and golden opportunity would you buy into him / if i am azure writing this and giving you julu for all to see would you buy her / if i am doctor leopold konninger offering you my holes and the holes of nikuko would you fill them / if this were signed by the president would you believe in azure / if alan were offered by jennifer / if jennifer offered to show you those secrets of azure and nikuko / if julu burned the house and town / if julu burned the town and city / if azure wanted you / if alan wanted to show you azure / if jennifer wanted / if you wanted / would you buy this / would you want more of us / would you take more of us / would you love us / would you watch us / would you love us forever __ jennifer said 'that nikuko told her julu was stalking azure saying alan be careful of izanagi who has Powers' to herself stalking nikuko gazing at izanagi watching julu saying 'alan be careful of jennifer' to herself staring at nikuko saying 'alan there are Powers' to julu approaching azure saying 'jennifer has Powers' to izanagi closing in on nikuko down on alan stalking azure touching jennifer saying 'she has Powers' to julu down there saying 'nikuko told me between one hard breath and another' between one hard breath and another 'azure you are being touched' to jennifer watching alan saying 'jennifer' to nikuko touching azure having Powers __ source Associates, Inc. Ltr of 3/7/91. I continue to move at a slow but steady pace with your accounts. My understanding is that you remain at high risk adverity, want to become comfortable with this process of making equity investments. You also want to keep your current status reasonably high. Unless i hear from ou tothe contrary iwill continewith this theme and pace. You might look behin dyour back. Since the firs tof the the year, the stock market has been extremelyh strong. thus far i have purchased nine stocks for john's account at at this date all nine have gone up in value. but you must be very still. I seriously doubt that i will ever do that well again. Recent purchases: Bell Atlantic, GTE, Glaxo, Mylan Laboratories (generic drugs) AMP (electrical connectors). & Pesticides: He uses 1) Cygon (specific for spider mites, on boxwoods), 2) Malathion, and 3) "Dormant Spray" (oil-miscable) between Jan-March. He also uses Diazon, Malath ion and Carboryl) NB Carboryl is generic for Sevin. Update: He says Diazon actually is the right one. & J. Smyte says Jagdeesh is preparing a proposal for Albright to give to VP on us-sov joint appoint- ments for professors. AJ says he will take it to Rob Lever. What are we going to do with $ 74 million? & LD, OES/EHC does tropical forests. x-6-2134, Rm.1341 TEMPERATURE F = C*9/5+32 C = (F-32)*5/9 & State Dept. Map Annex RE: JZ; World-wide map of Foreign Service Posts 7/15: John says maps probably will be ready sometime in September. & SOFTWARE **5-22-91 Get for Joanne: Intelligent Tutor (Apple/IBM), consists of Learning Series: Pre-Algebra, Alg.I, Geometry (all three for $119); and Mastry Series: pre-alg., alg.I, geometry, Alg II, trig an d advanced topics, Intro calc, SAT math (any 5 for $269) Intelligent Software, Inc. 9609 Cypress Ave., Munster, IN 46321 800/521-4518 & "Quick Reference" pulls up a preselected item from the User Stack upon pressing a function key; it inserts the item on current screen or stack. Return to screen by pressing Esc. see manual? & Vasjav, in Detroit (sister Ljubica) Tel 313/487-9214 c/o JZ 121 Linhurst Detroit, MI 48211 Write letter from vas. to embassy explaining request for annual leave plus leave w/o pay to complete courses and reurn end of May. FAX to her in detroit. return jn's call in Saganaw at the college. August & Remember Ten Brink, private marketing consultant, 813/647-1213, referred by JPL INR/EC (4949), who had been approached by Kurchatov Institite on selling high technology to the US. Some sale items related to superconducting technology (SSC?). Shestov seemed genuine, mentioned more realistic opportunities in soviet techno- logy for medical "imaging" centers, fertilizers, packaged hydrogen; Conversion potential? 4/91. & American Embassy APO New York, NY 09862 (for Kiev) Phone: 832-1913 Street Address: #13 Netyastov St., 2nd Floor Kiev. & Kagramanov, Semyon eye surgeon recommended by the Russian/German girl i met on plane from Moscow to Frankfurt, who had successful operation on her near sightedness. & F2 - brings up menu-bar template Edit-F2 - enables search function in current window. EDIT COMMANDS IN INFO SELECT: Ctrl- arrow: move cursor one word. Fn-end/home: move to end of line Ctrl-T: delete word Ctrl-Y: delete line # What happened to the world that the window is necessary? Certainly there is more to do than to kill humans in order for others to survive. Honestly, I fear for human survival. I would say more but it is unclear that I will be allowed to continue in this fashion. It is a very frightening fashion. There are signs that none of us will survive. Health problems 5/12/2000: Sleeplessness Heartburn Urinary Problems & How should we balance US international resour e policies with countries' technology-driven economic development? Factors: agreement on "technology policy, measurement (metric) policy, and standards; Debt for science swaps, bilateral endowments for S&T exchange activites; Multila- teral/Regional approaches; find Shestov. _ *****Nobody's Perfect!***** What happens when the Biograph Girl meets the Downtown Kid? There's music in the making in this gaudy film starring It Girl Clara Bow! I can't tell you the ending, but it's S'Marvelleuse! The point of it all is that *****Nobody's Perfect!***** The new musical, brought to you by those to happy-go-lucky Tin-Pan-Alley cohorts, Sammy Nelson and Dave Galloway! You won't want to miss a second of this light-hearted romp, guaranteed to bring a smile to your face! Get away from the war for an evening and see Nobody's Perfect! Exclusive presentation by MGM, seating available on first-come first-serve basis. *****Nobody's Perfect!***** *****Show-Biz Cowboy!****** Action Gunfight with a Happy Ending? Think this is Impossible? Come see *****Show-Biz Cowboy!****** Starring L'Incroyable - John De'War! All the Action expected with the Ravishing Gabriella Chen! There's never been anything like it in Filmdom! *****Show-Biz Cowboy!****** brings you Non-Stop Activity directed by Sidney Sheldon! Confidential says - If you like Action and see just one Film this Year, make it *****Show-Biz Cowboy!****** ******Svengali!!! Le Sorcier de Menlo Parc!****** From!! Cinecitta!!! One-time Anglo-American Run!!! Everyone's Cineamour, Beaumont Olympiad, the Franco-Greek sensation, in!!! : ******Svengali!!! Le Sorcier de Menlo Parc!****** Cinecitta Roma has Never misled you! This CineTour is no Exception! Come see the Beautiful Marmel d'Estoire Captivated as Trilby by the Dark Mysterious Svengali as he Creates Electric Light to see her Better, Phonograph to Capture Tribly's Unbelievably Hypnotic Voice, Cinematograph to Delineate Her Every Form! Watch!!! ******Svengali!!! Le Sorcier de Menlo Parc!****** Play his Centuries-Old Stradivarius, Coaxing Her to even Greater Heights! And Gaze upon the Fantastic Double Suicides in this Masterpiece of Cinema, ******Svengali!!! Le Sorcier de Menlo Parc!****** Not yet Rated, Religious Content, some Anti-Semitism ******Svengali!!! Le Sorcier de Menlo Parc!****** __ !!!!!THE!!!!!SILENT!!!!!FILM!!!!! The gag-men said to the Biograph Girl, we got to get some Keystone Cops, half the extras are on a break, the Fall Guy ran away with the Script Girl, and we have a film to make! The Continuity Girl called for Kelly L'Impossible, more Sex Appeal than BB. The Foley made the horse carry her in, Continuity said, it's a silent film. See The Silent Film by Sidney Sheldon. What makes this film so special? Absolutely silent, filmed in Victor Sound, a single Foley Hoofbeat Enlivens the action. One waits for this marvelous sound of a Hoof against stone, which is when Kelly L'Im- possible comes into the Studio. The gag-men are Astonished by this Make- believe, One can only Wonder how Beckett's Film ever Survived such Astonishment. La Divine, one of the true Bathing Beauties of the Celluloid World, stars in Dolly-Shot, a short Moving Tribute to L'Impossible, known as The Film Within the Film. L'Impossible stars Marmel d'Estoire, best known for her Trilby to Svengali's Edison. Dolly Shot is shot in Cinerama, temporarily expanding the Aspect Ratio of The Silent Film to fulfill Dolly-Shot. One can only Wonder how Gance's Napoleon ever Survived such Cinemagic! See !!!!!THE!!!!!SILENT!!!!!FILM!!!!! at a Theater Near you! Travel to a Theater Equipped for Sound! You will not be Disappointed. _ 'Kay? "The K is an unnatural letter; in cursive, it lacks proper structure and always seems out of place, foreign, a poor substitute for C, which it- self has problems (S or K). At the end of a word, sicK, it needs rein- forcements, insisting on accompaniment - C dragged in at every conceiv- able moment. Think of the Kalends, inserting themselves into English, as if in disguise against the fiction of a natural language. G arrived late as well; W is a composite; F and S, J and I, U and V, begin in utter confusion. But it is the K which gnaws away, one stick bending towards the other, memories of totemic sexualities, Cul-Calends." My Father, reading Shandy, wrote this of a piece. Think of my Father, his mind turned towards untoward stars, ill-conceived himself, losing his way in etymologies he could not and would not comprehend. Better to live out- side the Letter of the Law, he would insist, than submit to the Tyranny of Letters. Nightly he would dream of writing down his nightly dreams; daily he would search for pen-and-paper unraveling his secret life. There is a story I must tell you, but it too becomes unraveled; how can it be otherwise? The sweep of our London streets reveals, revales, the fragility of the tenuous creations of the night: walk a block and notice how the world _insists_ at every step. There is the awKwardness of let- ters as well, pointing towards themselves with crooked fingers; nothing survives speech, and writing is all make-believe. I say to you, reading these in a foreign tongue, this is literally incomprehensible, unfathom- able, and to the extent you cannot read this, cannot understand the words and letters, you have understood me correctly, So that now, in the midst of multiple abandonments, I, Jennifer, shall go and play oK? __ The Older Machines I use older machines, update them, on this 286 loaded DOS 5 over DOS 4, set up ANSI.SYS, things like that, it to runs faster, using Word Perfect 5.1, there's only 20 megabytes of memory on top of 640 k RAM, but that doesn't seem to matter. It came, not only with all those older files from the previous owner and his family, but also with strange software, such as Grammatik 4, which I have been experimenting with. So I am given the odd opportunity of inhabiting these older programs - which take up almost no space at all - seeing what they are capable of, working at the textual limits; this fascinates me, since it allows me to work constantly on new texts. As Serres said in relation to Lucretius, hereby modified - I'm given the opportunity to construct a dialog, not with the past, but with a contemporary that has appeared in my midst; if I can retain the sense of wonder, it's all worthwhile. It's also fascinating to impede the ecology of waste that characterizes electronic technology at the moment; this machine is more than adequate, at 12 megahertz, for working through text-based programs, just to watch them run, to read and write on a screen which serves no other purpose. Again for example ASCII escape codes come in handy; I can render my own text blinking or invisible - for that matter, the entire computer interface blinking or invisible. What does it mean to see a screen pulsing, writing in-between the blanks? I can speculate, but I can also inhabit this organism, dialog - and the thinner it is, the more it is capable of surrounding me, and the more the text/ure rises to the surface. Not history, but living in the bones; not bones, but the gristle itself. I have little of the antiquarian in me, and any exten- sion of thinking-thus is always useful, restoring the letter as well. channelings, murmurs subterranean domains of the imaginary - word islandings of interrelations apparently crossing indo-european roots. poetry operates, not through the surface of words, but through their islandings. each of the lines below represent a close-knit family of usages. their indo-european origins tend to wander from the islands. the measure of all islands is the measure of culture. poetry is motivated by the measure of culture and swimmings. other languages are similar - look at the wildly disparate kanji for romaji words of similar meanings and pronunciations. we can call all of these satellite sememes. i say: language, poetry, has no center, nothing beyond the sememes and their interrelated streamings. there are many more than the below; some of the examples may seem far- fetched; one has to look beneath the surface oneself. wiggle jiggle giggle waggle jaggle gaggle haggle (see below also) skitter scatter stutter spatter sputter flitter flutter pitter-patter mutter bog sog fog nog quagmire slog bump dump lump sump mump hump jump rump ill spill kill pill nub bub lob sub grub hub / mud dud flood cud bangle jangle slang bang rang clang bick(er) flick lick / kick / stick pick dick (around) swagger haggle jagged ragged wagged fragged worn torn forlorn mourn morn shorn fear squash swish swash awash quash smash splash dash flash flush root rote mood soot foot hut fruit rough stuff gruff tough snuff edge ledge nudge judge ridge fledg(ling) stew rue mew mewl carry tarry hurry dally (?) lull (?) rally sally tally swim sweat swell(ing) swine swoon mount fount bount(iful) haunt taunt (?) pounce (?) little whittle spittle fiddle (around) middle riddle harken earth art hearth forth (go) froth murk mark (?) in some cases, suffixes suffice for the determination; in others, how- ever, the means are literally subterranean. these associative word com- plexes point to more than history or origin; they resonate across issues of being and its metaphysics. _ Love Ghosts: I set up Phatlinux again, in order to reconfigure gimp and pppd, and looked at the wtmp; it's always fascinating when a log begins some- where else, when someone else is root, when another year has gone by - a partial recording of past events smoothly segueing into the present, as if no one could tell - but for the hiatus between October and May ... Now early-root is hard-encoded onto cdrom, her/his activities everywhere visible, hiding behind the origin of all things... Whoever you are, you must be Azure. I love you. Why do you keep crashing? Me, I don't know my way so well around the system. I see you pushing it to the limits. I hear your cries in hot Julys. root tty1 Wed May 17 22:32 still logged in root tty4 Wed May 17 22:27 - crash (00:00) root tty3 Wed May 17 22:27 - crash (00:00) root tty2 Wed May 17 22:26 - crash (00:01) root tty1 Mon Oct 18 16:44 - crash (00:00) root tty3 Mon Oct 18 16:37 - crash (00:00) root tty3 Mon Oct 18 16:34 - 16:37 (00:03) root tty1 Mon Jul 26 09:28 - 09:28 (00:00) root tty1 Mon Jul 26 09:10 - crash (00:11) root tty1 Sun Jul 25 08:09 - crash (00:03) root tty1 Sun Jul 25 08:05 - 08:09 (00:04) wtmp begins Sun Jul 25 08:05:23 1999 ___ deaths, jews, mothers it's inconceivable that the synagogues have vanished, that one waits for another, that the other suffocates; there are forces on earth; i turn towards my mother, speaking mother, it is just hours later, a colder day, there is no answer; i made my peace; she didn't know she had been moved from hospital to hospice; we reside in the hospice; there are great forces beneath the ground, great forces in the air; we see asteroids turning slowly, irrevocably; the earth is held in a skein, drawn towards the sun which shall destroy it; it lives among the ruptured boulders of the universe, intersects them; its gravity is paltry; it's inconceivable that this morning shall not return; that this letter shall be lost among the others; that the knowledges of logic are not ontologically constitu- ting; that nothing is created, nor destroyed; that it is all at best con- tiguous: that the knowledge of logic does not constitute creation nor survival that the synagogues and libraries have vanished, that the universities are no more one's life is continuous lamentation, worlds disappearing forever, worlds forever disappearing, what is irrevocable, cannot be called, i cannot reach into the hinge or twin of me, sometimes at night there are whispers, murmurs, whole worlds churning, worlds whirling, their angular momentum the platen of holy letters: singing that the knowledge of logic does not create, that an empty sieve thirsts for entities, that materials slough through runnels and channels singing that the languages are no more, that the last creature's eye has closed, that the wind is raw, that the universities were never sufficient that the worlds were never sufficient, that richness lay within them, that one closes the eyes of the mother, parts her hair on her deathbed, that creation cannot move a second beneath the eye of creation, that the eye is always closed singing that the languages are closed, that forgetting is perfect sleep and matter, that to someone it is inconceivable that the synagogues have vanished, that to someone there is the prayer of a name and a forgotten date, that to someone there are the smells and sounds of the halls of libraries and universities, that one is always waiting, waiting upon, that there is never a reply, singing that the knowledge of logic does not constitute creation or survival that i am spanning, that my spanning is ending, that i can clearly see the ending, that there are so many paths, that there are names calling across them, that there are sounds of inconceivable animals, that the plants, too, bend their leaves and stems, that the world begins its shuddering, that it is inconceivable that one speaks, or that there is yet or still another: singing that the breath stops, that the hospice is still, in the night, still yet in the morning and afternoon, that the knowledge of logic - impossible to write these days unsettling gloom, clouds overhead one awaits the coming of the asteroid cancers eating away before the enormous descent i dream of crags and peaks approaching if not that something mute, suffocated discord, collapsed lungs and bridges if not that something else something unutterable living on the tip of the blade beneath, everything sliding upon the earth plastics and microchips walking out in the street it occurs, just a small stone will end my world my body's impossible keeping to reach anything one has to use the whip this switch moves something completely out of sight the more one learns, the smaller the gains, the less the future like great teeth, a future being that also passes sooner or later, viruses, claws, cracked gourds, clouds and never any sun the comet, the comet, the plague, the plague easements one has to be blind to things, to being being's muteness at night, i try to sleep, i think, asteroid, the asteroid __ & coming down with mountains scraping my skin & hanging rocks falling, & pebbles, boulders & rivers soaking me, leaving their beds covered in algaes, & hearing there are other things in the world & sadness of asteroid life, & names lost crumbling on dark mattress & my mouth full- silted, & tree-crowns piercing the skull & enormous pressure, steamed & vapored metals, magmas sintered & blown & i am at the center of this darkening earth & ending of all life & recognition _ Filmophobe Personne n'est parfait. Who is an intellectual in this culture? Who speaks for whom? What is the role of theory? What does it mean to be engaged? What does it mean to destroy? Bougie Who is excluded by what means? Who owns the words I speak? What does it mean to be locked out? What does it mean to starve? What does it mean to dream of dying? Vedette invitee What do we do to crash your language? What does it mean to steal your words? How can we shut you up and force you to listen? Why do you think you have any answers at all? Beyond your cash, why do you think you have the right to exist? Why do you think you even know the questions? Le regard How can we stop your look at the surface of the skin? How can we make ourselves invisible? How can we violate your robbed speech? How can we destroy so that we may speak? Silence, on tourne! Don't tell me when to speak. Your academy is alive and well. It will die only with destruction. You will hear only when you are destroyed, when the blood screams in your ears. Ecran divise There is no split screen; there are only bodies, tied, held in bondage; there are only holes and ears held open by force; there is only emptiness and death waiting in the wings. Deux ou trois choses que je sais de You talk as if we were stupid. You talk in our absence, fill our bodies with words as if you were the revolution. You stifle any revolution, flay our bodies in revolt, wear our skins. You are only good in our disguise. Film-catastrophe This film is a catastrophe. The extras remain outside. You brush the hair out of each other's eyes. You have eyes only for each other. You fuck power, not bodies. You believe in truth on the bodies of others. Film de route ou d'errance You travel safely from assignation to assignation. You pride yourself in your set speech, your appearance. You ignore the road-kill. We place wires across the road, you will catch us in your headlights, you will be devoured. Sequence You will continue forever. The wires are a trick in the emulsion. They catch nothing. You continue to speak; in our worst dreams, we do not dream of your destruction. That is our calling: to applaud you. In our worst dreams. Fin d'un enchantement, le retour a la realite You are broadband, you are almost real. The film has come to a close; the theater has burned, there are no replacement parts. At the table, destroy, she said; no one listened; someone disconnected. _ Filmophobe ii Films non-parlants is about those of us thinking about the world without the money to do so. Where did economics come into the picture? What sorts of exclusionary practices, or practices of reproduction and mediation, have become nece- ssary - to the extent that economic filtering becomes viable? Brillouin years ago described the universe in terms which brought econ- omics into the equation: as particle accelerators and detectors grew larger and more expensive, the results became more anomalous and entic- ing. One can speculate that there is a correlation between expense and result, that the results will continue to unravel the results, that economics will continue to unravel economics, within a general tendency to increase. In other words, economics plays a possible role in the very description of the physical world; one might say the same, for example, in the con- stant search for larger prime numbers, which is dependent both on algo- rithm and technology. Further, one can extrapolate towards the theoretical humanities; here, the constant refining is dependent both on the economics of schooling and institutional theoretization. This dependency is taken as natural, part of the organization of the world and its discursive formations. And it is borne along in the general overflow of post-late-capital into and within subjects and subjectivities - all of which are taken for granted, just as the 'natural' becomes deconstructed in favor of a generalized and politicized manageriality. So that the excluded are naturally excluded, no matter who or what appears to be holding the reins. And those who are naturally excluded are borne by the stigmata of lack of degrees, poverty, problematic discourse; after all, they were not tamed or tuned by the academy, and, outside or other, remain to problematize the same. Meanwhile the academy, which has always embraced totality, if only to de- construct it, theorizes the excluded as well, embracing terminologies of multiculturalisms, radicalisms, Levinasian alterities, as if something is being accomplished - besides the continuation of the usual barriers. Within the academy, the usual (again) self-congratulation on liberality and attempt; outside the academy, the usual (again) nomadic behaviors, neuroses, poverty, and irritability, on the part of those who dare to call themselves intellectuals (without the proper academic legitimation). So it continues across the boards (of directors and directives) in this fashion, rage and alienation notwithstanding. To be controlled in the name of liberality or the deconstruction of truth is still to be controlled; to be oppressed by the language of the 'gener- ous' other is at best a mockery. FIN, un reveil douloureux __ Correction Filmophobe 1 Correction lk:8: [Who is -> (often superfluous)] an intellectual in this culture? lk:8: Who speaks for [whom -> (often incorrectly used for "who")]? lk:12: Bougie [Who is -> (often superfluous)] excluded by what means? lk:21: How [can -> (do not confuse with "may")] we shut you up and force you to listen? lk:25: Le regard How [can -> (do not confuse with "may")] we stop your look at the surface of the skin? lk:27: How [can -> (do not confuse with "may")] we make ourselves invisible? lk:28: How [can -> (do not confuse with "may")] we violate your robbed speech? lk:28: How [can -> (do not confuse with "may")] we destroy so that we [may -> = Do not confuse with "can".] speak? lk:33: It [will -> (shall is sometimes used with first person pronouns and the future tense. It expresses something you believe will happen, not something that you are determined to do. A drowning man shouts: "I shall drown, no one will save me!")] die [only -> Put "only" right before the word it modifies.] with destruction. lk:34: You [will -> (shall is sometimes used with first person pronouns and the future tense. It expresses something you believe will happen, not something that you are determined to do. A drowning man shouts: "I shall drown, no one will save me!")] hear [only -> Put "only" right before the word it modifies.] when you are destroyed, when the blood screams in your ears. lk:37: Ecran divise [There is -> (a dead phrase; rewrite the sentence and it will probably improve)] no split screen; [there are -> (a dead phrase; rewrite the sentence and it will probably improve)] [only -> Put "only" right before the word it modifies.] bodies, tied, held in bondage; [there are -> (a dead phrase; rewrite the sentence and it will probably improve)] [only -> Put "only" right before the word it modifies.] holes and ears held open by force; [there is -> (a dead phrase; rewrite the sentence and it will probably improve)] [only -> Put "only" right before the word it modifies.] emptiness and death waiting in the wings. lk:47: You are [only -> Put "only" right before the word it modifies.] good in our disguise. lk:52: You have eyes [only -> Put "only" right before the word it modifies.] for each other. lk:58: We place wires across the road, you [will -> (shall is sometimes used with first person pronouns and the future tense. It expresses something you believe will happen, not something that you are determined to do. A drowning man shouts: "I shall drown, no one will save me!")] catch us in your headlights, you [will -> (shall is sometimes used with first person pronouns and the future tense. It expresses something you believe will happen, not something that you are determined to do. A drowning man shouts: "I shall drown, no one will save me!")] be devoured. lk:62: Sequence You [will -> (shall is sometimes used with first person pronouns and the future tense. It expresses something you believe will happen, not something that you are determined to do. A drowning man shouts: "I shall drown, no one will save me!")] continue forever. lk:64: [They -> (do not use as substitute for "each, each one, everybody, every one, anybody, any one, somebody, some one")] catch nothing. lk:71: The film has come to a close; the theater has burned, [there are -> (a dead phrase; rewrite the sentence and it will probably improve)] no replacement parts. lk:72: At the table, destroy, she said; no [one -> When used as a pronoun, it must be used consistently: One must manage one's money carefully.] listened; someone disconnected. 28 phrases in 50 sentences found. readability grades: Kincaid: 2.6 ARI: 2.5 Coleman-Liau: 8.5 Flesch Index: 92.6 Fog Index: 5.4 1. WSTF Index: 0.6 Wheeler-Smith Index: 4.0 = below school year 5 Lix: 21.8 = below school year 5 SMOG-Grading: 6.5 sentence info: 1883 characters 457 words, average length 4.12 characters = 1.24 syllables 50 sentences, average length 9.1 words 20% (10) short sentences (at most 4 words) 2% (1) long sentences (at least 19 words) 14 paragraphs, average length 3.6 sentences 20 questions, 5 imperatives longest sent 35 wds at sent 27; shortest sent 3 wds at sent 22 Filmophobe ii Correction ww:2: Filmophobe ii Films non-parlants is about those of us thinking about the world without the money to do [so -> (do not use as intensifier)]. ww:12: Brillouin years ago described the universe in terms [which -> (use "that" if clause is restrictive)] brought econ- omics into the equation: ww:15: [One -> When used as a pronoun, it must be used consistently: One must manage one's money carefully.] [can -> (do not confuse with "may")] speculate that [there is -> (a dead phrase; rewrite the sentence and it will probably improve)] a correlation [between -> (choose "between" 2 options and "among" 3 or more)] expense and result, that the results [will -> (shall is sometimes used with first person pronouns and the future tense. It expresses something you believe will happen, not something that you are determined to do. A drowning man shouts: "I shall drown, no one will save me!")] continue to unravel the results, that economics [will -> (shall is sometimes used with first person pronouns and the future tense. It expresses something you believe will happen, not something that you are determined to do. A drowning man shouts: "I shall drown, no one will save me!")] continue to unravel economics, within a general tendency to increase. ww:20: In other words, economics plays a possible role in the [very -> (use sparingly and emphasize by strong in themselves)] description of the physical world; [one -> When used as a pronoun, it must be used consistently: One must manage one's money carefully.] [might -> (do not confuse with "may")] say the same, for example, in the con- stant search for larger prime numbers, [which -> (use "that" if clause is restrictive)] is dependent both on algo- rithm and technology. ww:25: [Further -> "Farther" denotes distance, "further" denotes time or quantity.], [one -> When used as a pronoun, it must be used consistently: One must manage one's money carefully.] [can -> (do not confuse with "may")] extrapolate towards the theoretical humanities; here, the constant refining is dependent both on the economics of schooling and institutional theoretization. ww:27: This dependency is taken as natural, part of the organization of the world and [its -> = "it is" or "its"?] discursive formations. ww:28: And it is borne along in the general overflow of post-late-capital into and within subjects and subjectivities - all of [which -> (use "that" if clause is restrictive)] are taken for granted, just as the 'natural' becomes deconstructed in favor of a generalized and politicized manageriality. ww:35: And those who are naturally excluded are borne by the stigmata of lack of degrees, poverty, problematic discourse; after all, [they -> (do not use as substitute for "each, each one, everybody, every one, anybody, any one, somebody, some one")] were not tamed or tuned by the academy, and, outside or other, remain to problematize the same. ww:40: Meanwhile the academy, [which -> (use "that" if clause is restrictive)] has always embraced totality, if [only -> Put "only" right before the word it modifies.] to de- construct it, theorizes the excluded as well, embracing terminologies of multiculturalisms, radicalisms, Levinasian alterities, as if something is being [accomplished -> did] - besides the continuation of the usual barriers. ww:45: Within the academy, the usual (again) self-congratulation on liberality and [attempt -> try]; outside the academy, the usual (again) nomadic behaviors, neuroses, poverty, and irritability, [on the part of -> by, among, for] those who dare to call themselves intellectuals (without the proper academic legitimation). ww:50: [So -> (do not use as intensifier)] it continues across the boards (of directors and directives) in this fashion, rage and alienation notwithstanding. 24 phrases in 15 sentences found. readability grades: Kincaid: 15.3 ARI: 16.7 Coleman-Liau: 14.9 Flesch Index: 33.5 Fog Index: 19.1 1. WSTF Index: 3.6 Wheeler-Smith Index: 56.0 = higher than school year 10 Lix: 59.8 = higher than school year 11 SMOG-Grading: 16.0 sentence info: 2116 characters 406 words, average length 5.21 characters = 1.72 syllables 15 sentences, average length 27.1 words 53% (8) short sentences (at most 22 words) 33% (5) long sentences (at least 37 words) 10 paragraphs, average length 1.5 sentences 2 questions, 2 imperatives longest sent 41 wds at sent 6; shortest sent 7 wds at sent 2 ___ History My mother was dying in the hospice; I went in through the doors, found myself unable to proceed. There was fluorescent light, red and chrome style. I did leave distraught. I did go back to sleep. Later, my father was in the hospice; I went in again through the doors, found myself unable to proceed. I simply could not. I did go back to sleep. Later, I was sit- ting at the kitchen table with my sister in the house we grew up in. There was a rare program on television. I did insist on taping it, knowing in ten years we would want to see how we lived. Storm clouds were gathering outside. I say outside because this was not an argument. Children came in who were related to us; my sister did ask them to be quiet. The young girl was upset, and when my sister did leave, I said to her, my sister was just like you. We all had to be quiet because the tape machine had a live mike and it would pick up everything we said as well as the program. I noticed I held the mike and it was disconnected and we could make much sound in the present-day and I woke up. __ the moon is waning the moon is waning again it is slowly darkening it is darkening again soon it will become full and light soon everything will be visible we don't have to pay for it, ya! we don't have to pay for it, ya! the moon is waning again __ When It Comes Jennifer places her vibrator against her clit, descending slightly into her cunt. Alan places his vibrator against his cock, ascending slightly towards the opening. They remain still, holding the machines, which hum softly, moving in and out of phase. There is no other movement. Surface against surface, Jennifer says, the interior of her body turned towards impenetrable desires. Their bodies arch back in amazement. A moment of absolute stealth, Alan says, his interior transformed towards extasis. We are the same, they cry, phase-locked, motionless, mute, entasic. Jennifer and Alan hear each other within the choir of the machine; they come as batteries expel the last embers of current. They are locked in each other arms; their nails have drawn blood. We are bruised membranes, molecular bubbles, they sing. They create a ballad of longing, drawing others to them. The world is full of appearance. Jennifer thinks, perhaps I should say more, her body arched higher, her labia swollen, cauterized vibrator by her side. Alan thinks, there are apparitions, peerings, appearances, his chest and face damp with cum, castrated machine by his hole. They think, the others will figure and configure. A perfect moment, electrostatic, neurotic. The world is full of appearances. _ A Long Sentence! Jennifer smiles and says, "Do see the words I learn! Here is very many new actant aether alterities Amidah avatar avatars BBS bricolage bushido cast- rated cd cdrom CEN Centre chora clots coherencies com Compaq consensuali- ties cordons cunt cunts Cybermind cyberspace decathexis deconstructed de- construction defuge Derrida dhtml diegesis diegetic differend disassociat- ing effusions emanants emergences empathetic empathized entasic extasis extensivity extrusions feedforward filmmaker filmstock fingerboard geomat- ics gesturally gigabytes gridlines halfgroupoid hirself holarchy htm html http hyperreality i'd ikonic imaginaries incompletes indexicality internet interpenetrating introjections isp izanagi javascript jennifer judgmental julu Kebara linux literarily machinic magatama morphing morphs ms Mt mult- iculturalisms nakasukawabata Nara Netscape nikuko Nikuko's nostalgias NYC panix particulation paysage peerings perl phenomenologist poolings post- modern postmodernity primordials protolanguage qbasic realspace rebirths rills RNA runnels sed shakuhachi shamisen shimenawa signifiers sions Snox- fly sondheim sourcess spam stromatolite subgroupoids subjectivities sub- texted Sysadmins teleologies thanatopoesis tion tions trAce traceroute tracert tropes ulpan unfoldings unhinging URL URLs vicodin voiceovers VRML webboard Webpage Webpages wetware wetwares worlding wryting www yamabushi and ytalk!" --- typing pattern a naked little woman b naked sexy woman c naked dirty woman d naked sexy woman f naked sexy woman g naked sexy woman h happy sexy woman i happy dirty woman j happy sexy woman, jennifer just doesn't want to move! k dirty sexy man l dirty naked man m dirty sexy man n dirty sexy man o dirty naked man p dirty naked man q happy little man r happy sexy man s happy naked man t happy sexy man u dirty sexy man v happy sexy man w happy naked man x happy naked man y dirty sexy man z happy naked man, alan just wants to stay there! _ A Kaddish diary.txt:parents this weekend as well, my mother's eightieth birthday, diary.txt:got from his mother - he died almost five and a half years ago. diary.txt:with the loft still in pieces and my mother's illness, I diary.txt:Monday the 27th towards evening; my mother should be all right, diary.txt:worried about my mother all day long, the operation was a diary.txt:not thinking. Waiting to hear news about my mother. Reading diary.txt:Tomorrow we find out the condition of my mother, what the tests diary.txt:suddenly reversed as well, my mother getting better, health on diary2.txt:Reading as usual today, helped my mother diary2.txt:the spectral mother all over again, voices, voices, voices diary3.txt:little bit of telecommuting work to do. My mother's back in the diary3.txt:I just found out my mother's extremely ill. I don't need to say diary3.txt:We told him about the state of my mother. We also diary3.txt:what I'm feeling is in regard to this and my mother's illness, diary3.txt:and my mother, my mother ... Coda towards my mother, speaking mother, it is colder hours later, one closes the eyes of the mother, parts her hair on her deathbed, my mother was dying in the hospice; I went in through the doors, and towards my mother, my mother ______ damaged life someone dies, it's a movement of the lips: language of tune or song, language of truth. for when someone dies, there is the sign of speech, and that is about it. and when this happens, there is always an absence, always one less shadow to contend with. and you will try and bring back that shadow in as many ways as possible, fill in the outlines, until the world outside begins to change as well. and when that happens, there will be no place for the shadow, there will be nothing but emptiness, and for a while there will be images and things and names. and then the images and things and names will disappear as well, and you will know all of this because you will be on the cusp of the shadow. you will see someone slipping away into the shadow. you will see the shadow growing faint, but you will not see the background coming forward, as if there were translucency; instead, there will be a faintness, and the buzz of the world everywhere, louder and louder, as if you are being drowned. and for you the world will consist of such drownings, you will be gasp- ing for the sound of air, for the pleasure of a breath. and you will know at this very moment that the cusp is permanent, that the world is constituted by such cusps, that, for you, the world rasps against itself, that this is the nature of the world. for something familiar is gone forever, and the new things that appear around you are increasingly uncanny, on the other of the fantasm; it is as if they were intent on corroding whatever has been real. and it will be their triumph in the very long run; there will be only fantasms and then there will be nothing at all, and no deaths, not even slow churnings. but you cannot imagine that, so you will continue to sing the language of truth, as if this language, this singing, were a consideration, and you are dreaming when you think, as long as there is breath. but what the world is, what the world always is, is louder and louder, and increasing buzz. and there is no room for thinking the death for which you are witness; there is buzz alone, and nothing can be thought, not now, not forever. (i will think of this when i write this, when i send this missive to you, as a flood of words, as a memorial to an other time, as a memorial to times in which deaths occurred, which seemed to be remembered.) __ Shutdown e zz The command line prompt needs no help form you^^^^^^^rom you. There is the c^signal C:\ and the signal {k:1:^} and the signal D> and the signal telnet> and af^^upon the arrival of the signal, there is the entrance. The entrance id^s deter- mined by the position of the prompt uponthe^^^ the page; it is there that you may make your statement, your commands; it is there that you may enter tenxt, m^^^^^^xt, may finger-dance upon your keyboard. From that moment on, it is a sis^nisiter. It^^^^^^^^ter. It is a sinister because it is neither below nor adjacent; it may be anywhere; it may be upon the movement of the arrow keys, or the enter/return key; it may be nowhere at all; it may lock itself up; it may close itself down. But just for aninstant^^^^^^^ instant, there you are in control.^^^^^^^^^ cont-rol^^^^^^^^^ cont- rol. For example, if you enter dir *, then you will have a directory and another command lie^^^^^^^^^^^prompt. But if you enter /usr/games/hangman, then you h^will have a dash ed line to fill, you will have a noose around your neck, clso^^osing in a^on you, you will have the alphabet at your disposal, one letter or^^at a time. Or you may enter yes at the prompt, watch the high-speed scrolling and your inability, for the most part, to stop it, until you carsh yo^^^^^^^rash out of the machine or switch to another screen. Yo^^Or you may enter kill -0 or some such and find yourself out of the program altogether, exiting, with nowhere to go but reboot or re-enter, depending on your rakig. ^^^^^nking. You may find yourself at the top of thepage, a^^^^^^^ screen, and you may find yourself^^^^^^^^^ your- self at the bottom. You may find insct^^tructions waiting for you, or you may have no clue whatsoever, despeatel^^^^rately trying control-d, control-c, control-x, bye, quit, exit, logout, all to no avail. You may find your- self at themercy of the machine, and it is then that you crash out ndb^^^and bail out and ààà à re-enter, as if you had just been killed in a MUD, another form of command-line entry, in which your very life appears at statk^^ke. In all^^^^^^What is clear everywhere here is theinterm^^^^^^ interminalble ^^^^^ble typing, withou^^ or without macro^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^r wutg0^^^^ith- out macros, without or without auto-repeats, but interminable typing nonetheless, the fingers moving across, caressing, the keyboard, the machine breathing in reps^^spose,^^^nse, one way or another. So you will find yourself filtering everything through the movement of the fingers, you f^will find ou^^yourself speechless, thoughtless, imageless, in a continuous state of nervous movement, excitation, looping the language back through the mind, looping in and out of the imaginary. You will find yourself being-thought-of through the act of thinking, which is no longer intern^- nal, but placed upon the rows of kee^ys, waiting. One always approaches the oc^^^ command ^^^^^^^^prompt as a supplicant; this is being offered to the machine, and that is the re^^^ hopefully the result. It is magic when one is locked out, when one can only watch from outside, ,^^^^^^^^^^^ out- side, when the machine refuses further entry, when the machie begins to show itself, when everything devolves^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^n ###########################################n## one might speak further of intelligence, with no one or no thing listening. Then one learns to hear without lisenting,^^^^^^^tening, to ignore what w^one has done, to give up no response, to open ons^eself. For it is true that ^ when the prompt is present, it is always _there,_ in spite of the fact that it may be moved;^: one ^^^^in fact, the movement itself is the result of commands - in fact, there is always that point, that Origin, on the screen, which is mobile, fluid, in relation to the user. But always there, always singuar, alw^^^^^^^lar, always present, always waiting - until the close-down, foreclsoing, ^^^^^^^osing, lock-out - you see, one never knows... __################################################################# ###Shutdown ____ URGENT FACT JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW IN PASSING THAT THE INTERNET, WHICH IS THE BIGGEST ANSWERING MACHINE IN THE WORLD, IS EIGHT THOUSAND MILES WIDE. IT CAN HANDLE OVER A BILLION WEB PAGES AND THERE IS AT LEAST ONE FOR EVERY PER- SON ON THE PLANET. THE PLANET HAS GRAVITY WHICH KEEPS THE INTERNET IN PLACE. WITHOUT GRAVITY IT WOULD FLOAT AWAY. BUT IT WOULD FLOAT IN EVERY DIRECTION AT THE SAME TIME AND WOULD STAY IN THE SAME PLACE. I KNOW THIS IS TRUE BECAUSE IT IS THE THEORY OF RELATIVITY WHICH SAYS WHAT CAN GO IN ONE DIRECTION CAN GO IN ANY OTHER AND IF IT'S BIG ENOUGH WILL GO IN ALL OF THEM AT THE SAME TIME. - JENNIFER __ A Poem Crawl rubbles such sad dreams as we will true forget dirt-eaten through such wonder as you will search in her eyes and it will be perfect young love and there will be nothing before and nothing after and so very much delicate mirrors in the skies reflecting all your happy dream! Jennifer says, "of such wonder as you will search in her eyes and it will be perfect young love and there will be nothing before and nothing after and so very much delicate mirrors in the skies reflecting all your happy dreams, everything will come back with so much perfect love and in perfect harmony just as if the world is so beauty born and you will dance that perfect dance and long filagrees will ascend across the heavens in every direction and you will be of wonder with all knowledge, this is going in so every direction just like i said it would and then you will find it coming back to you and you will be of a grievous wrong i do say but so happy too to see it again, such very dreaming so happy and sad and so remember and forget, such very dreaming so happy and sad and so remember and forget." __ on about sometimes i write like a child with tension just beneath the surface i will write complexly simultaneously defending and revealing the face sometimes i save each and every keystroke and return them as text sometimes i check the content of my text for spelling i will automate myself on irc and look at the mirrors of everyone else sometimes i check for diction and statistics of styles once in a while i will set all caps or small letters i will use a program called julu to help me when i'm at a loss i will use programs with the display function to fill things out sometimes i will rake my older texts with grep looking for lines sometimes i will use sed for complex and continuous substitutions once in a while i will build upon layers of substitutions once in a while i will use programs such as hangman for content sometimes i will use eliza for psychoanalytical interaction once in a while i will use my own derivative for sexual psychoanalytics every so often i will use old computer-card reproduction programs the text-based game adventure lends itself towards performativity analysis i will enter talkers alone or with avatars for metaphysical studies i will use the review command or archie or gopher for archaeologies i will build simple objects in moos confusing object numbers and names sometimes i will use ytalk for reproduction of body image in textual form html and dhtml give me the opportunity for text and image based html-body javascript lures and seduces the viewer into psycho-liminal content images present the edges of things as if they were interiors i will use qbasic programs to examine the contours of measuring i will use gimp or photoshop to reveal the internal tissues of the world i will use shell scripts to reorganize texts into new revelations of shame i will speak through programs begging for questions and answers i will play textual games if they reveal whatever is left of truth i will reprogram a mud to reveal the mad interiors of speech and phenomena sometimes i will create disturbances on email lists or newsgroups sometimes i see my face embedded in the face of the other; it is like a plaque or medallion embedded in the face of the other or like a cartouche bringing to mind discrepancies; it is like an emulsion half-developed or it is like the breakdown of any conceivable methodologies; or like a decay or dissolution of applications and results; a disturbance which refuses to resolve; a constant reminder; the forgetting of a name passing in the form of a body; something else, i can barely remember, on the tip of my tongue, something of lips ___