Every time I look at Brendon I feel so guilty, that I have passed on an incurable disease to him. He's such a happy, innocent little boy, with no idea that he has a virus that makes him different from other people. I didn't find out that I was HCV positive till I had a routine blood test when I was first pregnant, and it was terrifying , having to deal with both the knowledge of my own illness and the idea that perhaps I could transfer this too our unborn child.

They told me the risks were 5 %, however as I was healthy, and didn't have any stymptoms myself, and my liver function results were good it was quiet likely that my viralload was so low, that the percentage was even less. I just couldn't have a termination, we had waited so so so long to have this precious child, waited till we were financially stable and had bought our house, and as it was a second marriage for both of us we didn't have too many reproductive years left, and couldn't wait in case they found a cure in the next five years.

We made the decision to continue the pregnancy, but with his complicated birth and the emergency caesarian section he ended up being covered with my blood. We waited. We knew all babies of HVC positive mothers, test HCV positive for 12 to 18 months because they are born with my antibodies.. but then most loose the antibodies and are free of the virus.

I didn't breast feed because I was too worried about it , even tho there is no known transmission With each horrible blood test, my hope decreased. Jim was just such a pillar of strength during this time, Im so lucky to have a fantastic partner, I couldnt have gone through it without him. I hated seeing Brendan have those blood tests, hes now 2 and 1/2 and he still tests positive, so It seems like he has the bloody disease.

I'm not religious, but if I was I'd be praying for a cure.. not for me, but for my baby who lost out in the percentage gamble. I think I have become an overprotective parent , wanting to watch him all the time in case he scratches himself when we are out with other people. He is still gorgeous, even if he has HCV, and I fear for him when he starts kindy, as I have heard many horrible stories of HIV children being banned from playgroups and schools, and of familes having to move towns to become anonymous after thier positive status has been revealed in a small community.

Brendan is the joy of my life and I wouldn't be without him, and I hope that more people become aware of this illness, so that he can at least have a normal life, like any other little boy. I can't advise you what to do ..its a decision only you can make.

Kerry Anne