My marriage has suffered since my illness but not all because of fear, it has mainly been my being so sick and not able to have the life we used to and my struggling with myself internally and my dual personality. My husband and I have had a diificult time, it has been very hard on him watching me disintegrate before his eyes, he also has had to deal with my symptoms, they were all aimed at him since he is closest to me. Our sexual life was null and void, we did not have intimacy for 2 years, not because he did not want to, because I was so ill.

The big change financilly because I have not been able to work since I got sick. I at one time would ask him to read everything, I finally quit doing that and know I just prep him before a doctors visit! There was a time when I was so afraid of dying and I would make him talk to me about that, he really did not want to be there, but I forced him to be. Our life constisted of illness, doctors, treatment, fear, sadness, trying to cope with chronic illness. Our life was totally consumed with Hep c.

Finally, at some point I decided this is not good for either of us, because I also had the feeling he was pulling away from me. I was afraid he was going to leave and that would have devestated me. So, I started doing my shots in the bathroom or when he was not home to take that stress off him. I quit talking to him about Hep c all the time, I started utilizing all of my freinds on the list and the Hep C Foundation. I only took him to the doctor with me when I was to sick to take myself.

I started trying to take responsibilty for my illness and not adding more burden to his life. When I was feeling better but still not able to work, to keep my mind off of things and besides doing work helping others, I started myself into genealogy and cross stitch and gardening. I did these things as I could and used them for therepy. I was so torn apart spiritually, emotionally and physically I had to start doing something to help myself, no one else could do that for me. I finally realized what had happened to us, I was the sick party and I thought I was the only one suffering, I never even thought about how it was effecting him, because he was not sick like I was.

But what I did not realize was each time I did a shot or went to the doctor or I could not eat for 3 days at a stretch, or I would get lost at the store and not know how to get home, he had to deal with the possibility of my death. This ways very heavy on him because he loves me, he had to come home every day after working all day and walk into he did not know what at night, he would stick his head around the corner and say hi, i'm home and wait to see if something was thrown at him or he got a hug! Hep C has done a great deal of damage to both our lives, but in the end it has brought us closer together. We just deal with things now as they come, one day at a time, and make the best of the moment and we rely a lot on that "Big Guy Upstairs!"

This is only one story out of millions, some good, some medium, some very bad. But please do not give up, this disease is so harsh on all involved. The fear of losing a marraige and our partner is a great burden to bear, espesially when sick. So just try to give it to that "Big Guy Upstairs" for right now and take care of yourself the best you can. We are all here for you, we love you and we bear your pain also, so give us some more, the load is lighter when we share it with others. My great hope for you today is that through us you may have some peace and rest easy for a time.

-In His Love- Laura

"We are all spiritual beings having a human experience"