This is HELL!!!!

No-one told me it would be this bad.

Today the doctor told me again to ignore all the aches and pains I'm feeling, but they arent easing in the slightest; in fact the muscle wasting and cramping is worse..especially in my quads, biceps and calf muscles. If I sit too long, I can't get out of the chair without my girlfriend helping me. I have these infuriating episodes of weakness, where I go all grey with lotsa sweating.

The brain-fog and nausea are getting less but im stll loosing enormous amounts of weight .... its sorta funny..once I would have been delighted by this..but now its terrible. I'm also short of breath because of the Interferon-caused pulmonary fibrosis, and I look haggard all the time - and my skin is covered in rashes, blotches and sores.

I dont even want to try and leave the house cause I feel so disgustingly ugly. Chrissy is really distressed at seeing me suffering like this and I think its slowly destroying her as well..even tho she has been my greatest supporter..it has put a terrible strain on our relationship. She even has to get me in and out of the bath - cause its the only way to stop the burning sensations all over my body. I really hate being invalided like this with her having to nurse me, and having my life put on hold.

Even typing is hard, and reading the list exhausting, but its nice to know all of you are out there with me. I guess we know so many couples in the community who've lived with the other virus, and seen so many people die that its pretty scary, but the up side is that there is a general acceptance of illness and care and mutual support, which just make me really wanna get thru this.

Only 5 more months to go..and I'm determined that it will work ....or I don't know what to do.

Rommy