here was a little trouble, from a public relations point of view at least, with all of Dirk’s denials. He felt that what went on between him and his acolytes was personal business between consensual adults, and furthermore not suitable for public consumption, but the Extrasensory Prosecutor’s Office felt otherwise. They were going after him hard, fishing for a case. Not that anyone had come forward to call what went on in his encampments “sexual harassment.” In fact, according to all testimony regarding these highly unusual (but generally heterosexual) sexual encounters, in every instance, Dirk was first approached by followers, and then he “followed through” on what they “brought to the table.” He was not a married man, so it really isn’t that big of a moral issue, in my book. Where the Extrasensory Prosecutors felt that they had a case, however, and only history can be the judge, was in their allegation that Dirk’s actions constituted an “abuse of power.” If, in fact, Dirk did have telepathic powers, and if he did, in fact, plant posthypnotic suggestions, such as “Dirk Stratton is the sexiest man alive!” or “I have an insatiable appetite for the bodily fluids of the Mighty Walla Walla Sunrise Man!” or “Dirk Stratton will reward me with a whole lotta love if I only just give him the contents of my savings account right now, 401K be damned!” as the Extrasensory Prosecutor’s Office contends, then I have to agree that his actions were, if not illegal, more than a little bit selfish. But the fact is, telepathy is not, according to any statute currently on the books, in itself actionable. The bigger can of worms, of course, would eventually be opened in Tax Court. It took a team of our accountants months to reconcile all the gifts, junkets, etc. that Dirk had received as a result of leading his own cult. And of course, we more or less lost the case anyway. Granted, the tax-exempt status of Dirk’s “church” was always questionable. But Dirk was already dead at that point, during those dark days at the start of the new Millennium, well before his resurrection, leaving us to untangle his web and to pay his bills. The IRS is filled with insensitive bastards. That’s all I have to say about that.

Dirk’s Denials Read 4/15/99 at the AWP Conference 2:11 249K RealAudio Clip