William’s New Years Resolutions 1996 I resolve to an A minor. I resolve to quit drinking, eating, and breathing. I resolve to say it is preference, predilection, proclivity, bent, affinity, prepossession, predisposition, partiality, inclination, leaning, bias, tendency, taste, favor, fancy, prejudice, personal choice, particular choice, chosen kind or sort, style, cup of tea, [informal], type, bag or thing [slang]; druthers. I resolve to exercise continuously twenty-two hours a day. I resolve to save the world from destruction before breakfast. I resolve to quit sleeping. I resolve to lose all weight. I resolve to evolve. I resolve to change. I resolve to be a different person. I resolve to accept responsibility for my own guilty conscience. I resolve to punish myself with a whip if I am bad. I resolve to masturbate or smoke marijuana whenever the mood takes me. I resolve to be flawless forever. I resolve to stop aging. I resolve to stop spending money. I resolve to be patient with those I love in a simple willingness to let it all pass. I resolve to have no chance of rain with highs in the low to mid 90s. I resolve to start a list of six-syllable nerbs in case anybody ever needs one. I resolve to drink too much and forget all of this and wake up unsure what year it is. I resolve to continue to write 1995 on all official correspondences for an additional month. I resolve to be grumpy and indifferent. I resolve to quit. I resolve every day. I resolve into a clear focus. I resolve underneath the hydrangeas my tentacles erupting from the dirt trembling at the moon. I resolve to shut up and listen. I resolve the mystery of who shot Kennedy. I resolve to leap off of tall buildings in a single bound. I resolve to be less powerful than a speeding locomotive. I resolve to do ten aerobics workouts at the top of Mount McKinley every day. I resolve to make a resolution every other day about what I am going to do every other day. I resolve to… shit, I forgot. I resolve to be elected president in a landslide victory every day. I resolve to quit making resolutions. I resolve to live for the moment with wild reckless and carefree abandon. I resolve to be a butterfly. I resolve to make a firm decision about. I resolve to cause (a person) to reach a decision. I resolve to represent beauty. I resolve to decide or express by formal vote. I resolve to forget the canon. I resolve to separate (something) into constituent parts. I resolve to eat when I am hungry or when it is convenient. I resolve to bring a conflict to a usually successful conclusion. I resolve to fret publicly about everything I ingest. I resolve to cause reduction of an inflammation. I resolve to be first in line for food at the New Year’s Eve party. I resolve to cause a tone or chord to progress from dissonance to consonance. I resolve to get seconds too. I resolve to separate (an optically inactive compound or mixture) into its optically active constituents. I resolve to increase in temperature as I enter the atmosphere. I resolve to quit sushi. I resolve to render parts of an image visible and distinct. I resolve to quit smoking Mistys. I resolve to separate a vector into coordinate components. I resolve to obscure my real intentions. I resolve to melt or dissolve something. I resolve to be decisive. I resolve to reach a decision or make a determination: resolve on a course of action. I resolve to be inconclusive and wishy-washy. I resolve to become separated or reduced to constituents. I resolve to eat the food I am hungry for or whatever is convenient. I resolve to undergo resolution. I resolve to pretend to have done everything I resolved to do. I resolve firmness of purpose; resolution. I resolve to adapt to my environment. I resolve to learn to play bagpipes. I resolve determination or decision; a fixed purpose. I resolve to be overwhelmed by my own health, ignorance, and fear of politics. I resolve to start and organize a gigantic stamp collection. I resolve about the earth fixed to the celestial sphere. I resolve to clip horoscopes from newspapers. I resolve a formal resolution made by a deliberative body. I resolve to learn yoga. I resolve to speak Arabic every day for an hour before coffee. I resolve to floss whenever three outer planets are in alignment with earth. I resolve to drink decaf and smoke lighter cigarettes. I resolven, to dissolve, from Old French resolver, from Latin resolvere, to untie : re-, re- + solvere, to untie. I resolve against my oppressor. I re·solv'ed·ly get tired when I am feeling tired. I resolve to get some perverse satisfaction in amputating an essential part of my personality every year. I resolve to boldly underline the most italic of desires: to reach the margins unbesmirched by anything the least bit resolute: I resolve to indent all lines following the first a half an inch. I resolve to change my paragraph formatting options like I would change my outfit before I went to a party celebrating my partial failure to accomplish anything on last year’s list of resolutions. I resolve the crime of the century. I re·solve verb re·solved, re·solv·ing, re·solves verb, transitive. Starting four years from now.